I kind of had a FORCED relapse
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I kind of had a FORCED relapse
I've been in the ICU the past week. I asked for non-narcotic everything until I was crying and I gave in and let them give me pain killers in my drip.
I feel guilty, but I couldn't take the pain. Now I'm out and have some non-narcs and a few scheduled ones (but for those of you that have been on legit op prescriptions for years will know that a 5mg (something, I won't use names) isn't going to get anyone high like an "opiate virgin".
I am conflicted.
I had/have (it's healing) a staph infection on the bottom of my foot which left me with a literal GAPING HOLE in my foot. (the size of a quarter). For those that have never had a MRSA, I can promise you-- you don't want one.
No Lying-- the stuff they put in my IV drip, did get me a little loopy, the oral weak ones, don't do anything but relive the pain. (I started taking the orals, one day before I checked out after I requested they take me off the drip because the pain was getting manageable.)
I wanna scream....... I had been clean since right before memorial day. (how ironic, I go and screw that up at Labor Day.) AHHHHHHHHHHHH
I feel guilty, but I couldn't take the pain. Now I'm out and have some non-narcs and a few scheduled ones (but for those of you that have been on legit op prescriptions for years will know that a 5mg (something, I won't use names) isn't going to get anyone high like an "opiate virgin".
I am conflicted.
I had/have (it's healing) a staph infection on the bottom of my foot which left me with a literal GAPING HOLE in my foot. (the size of a quarter). For those that have never had a MRSA, I can promise you-- you don't want one.
No Lying-- the stuff they put in my IV drip, did get me a little loopy, the oral weak ones, don't do anything but relive the pain. (I started taking the orals, one day before I checked out after I requested they take me off the drip because the pain was getting manageable.)
I wanna scream....... I had been clean since right before memorial day. (how ironic, I go and screw that up at Labor Day.) AHHHHHHHHHHHH
RIP Sweet Suki
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You didn't relapse. You were given medication is a hospital setting, which means it was taken as directed. That is not a relapse. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing fine.
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I understand your feeling - but I agree with Suki I think if you've been honest with your Drs and they suggested this treatment, or you were in no condition to discuss it at the time, you have nothing to feel guilty about.
If you are concerned or worried now tho, I'd check with your primary care giver - perhaps there are other treatments available that would leave you more at ease?
D
If you are concerned or worried now tho, I'd check with your primary care giver - perhaps there are other treatments available that would leave you more at ease?
D
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[QUOTE=Dee74;3096225]I understand your feeling - but I agree with Suki I think if you've been honest with your Drs and they suggested this treatment, or you were in no condition to discuss it at the time, you have nothing to feel guilty about.
If you are concerned or worried now tho, I'd check with your primary care giver - perhaps there are other treatments available that would leave you more at ease?
D[/QUOTE
The point of origin Doctor knew. (The one that checked me in). I had been there twice. The first time for 18 hours in the ER, given a few antibiotic drips and they sliced it open, drained it, packed it and I came back a day later and it was super huge/inflammed and full of pus. That is when they checked me in for the week. I don't need anything anymore (other than my oral antibiotics and non narc pain killers)... I have a few scheduled tabs, but I have been pushing through it and not taking them as of yet), it's healing slowly. They told me that itching and skin shedding is a good sign, so as uncomfortable as it is, it's healing! (Doesn't require IV strength pain killers as long as I'm not walking around on it, which I'm not, I'm resting and elevating it like I'm supposed to).
If you are concerned or worried now tho, I'd check with your primary care giver - perhaps there are other treatments available that would leave you more at ease?
D[/QUOTE
The point of origin Doctor knew. (The one that checked me in). I had been there twice. The first time for 18 hours in the ER, given a few antibiotic drips and they sliced it open, drained it, packed it and I came back a day later and it was super huge/inflammed and full of pus. That is when they checked me in for the week. I don't need anything anymore (other than my oral antibiotics and non narc pain killers)... I have a few scheduled tabs, but I have been pushing through it and not taking them as of yet), it's healing slowly. They told me that itching and skin shedding is a good sign, so as uncomfortable as it is, it's healing! (Doesn't require IV strength pain killers as long as I'm not walking around on it, which I'm not, I'm resting and elevating it like I'm supposed to).
Grateful to be free
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Right after I got clean I had major surgery, and of course was on morphine drip, pain killers at home etc. After I got home I used only what I needed to to get by. When things got manageable I got rid of the left overs. I went right on with my recovery.
I look at it this way, substance abuse was all about denial, dishonesty, hiding from reality. Using pain meds for a very real purpose, under the control of a doctor, and not taking any more than neccessary, is not denial, dishonest or hiding from reality. It IS facing live on life's terms.
My docs don't prescribe me narcs if there is any reasonable alternative or for any daily or regular use, but when major medical issues arise....we do what it takes to address them.
I look at it this way, substance abuse was all about denial, dishonesty, hiding from reality. Using pain meds for a very real purpose, under the control of a doctor, and not taking any more than neccessary, is not denial, dishonest or hiding from reality. It IS facing live on life's terms.
My docs don't prescribe me narcs if there is any reasonable alternative or for any daily or regular use, but when major medical issues arise....we do what it takes to address them.
~sb
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Be gentle on yourself. As stated, you used according to doctor's orders. Of course you noticed the buzz. It's over. What are you doing to make sure you stay stopped?
Prayers to you on a continued journey of recovery. I wouldn't trade my worst day sober for my best day high!!!!!
Prayers to you on a continued journey of recovery. I wouldn't trade my worst day sober for my best day high!!!!!
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oh oh that's not a relapse! not in my mind, at least. there will come a day for many of us who had a pill problem when we might need them for a medical reason. in that case, as long as they are taken as directed and not abused and another person can monitor you or hold the meds.. that's ok. life happens and if you had surgery or a broken bone or whatever else.. you may need pain pills.
i know that i personally feel uncomfortable at the thought, but i've already thought it through to the point that i know i would specifically request not to have percoset if i needed pain meds. thats the only one i really liked getting high on.
i know that i personally feel uncomfortable at the thought, but i've already thought it through to the point that i know i would specifically request not to have percoset if i needed pain meds. thats the only one i really liked getting high on.
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eslya ... I LOVE YOUR AVATAR, I'm a grown woman and I have a "Hello Kitty" Bathroom. I have the kitty rinse cup, 2 kitty spray bottles (with leave in hair conditioner), a kitty bath-mat, pink towels to boot and a Hello Kitty Pink travel bag that I keep a lot of my makeup type stuff in. (Embarassingly enough, I own a Hello Kitty Travel "Siverware kit' lol (Stainless Steel Fork/Spoon/Knife/Chop Sticks in a cute little pink plastic container/box.
MY POINT IN POSTING... THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for your support because I feel like I'm unraveling sometimes lately (since I left the hospital).
MY POINT IN POSTING... THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for your support because I feel like I'm unraveling sometimes lately (since I left the hospital).
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
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I've had MRSA in my foot at first. I think I spread it from there to my hands and eventually my eyes. By the time I sought treatment I was taking dangerous high doses of ibuprofen. I thought I could 'tuff it out' because I refused to be on any narcotics and I just knew if I went to the hospital they would give them to me anyway.
Well I waited too long before treatment. I was rushed into the emergency room as soon as the hospital intake nurse saw me. Given IV's wile I was out of it because of pain, I came too...loaded out of my mind. I was in such sorry shape I didn't care. I pushed the limits of pain threshold and suffer the consequences. Permanent scarring, nerve damage and a new respect for hospitalization no matter what happens.
A clean life is the best yet, almost cumming to death because of hardheadedness to stay clean...not so good.
Well I waited too long before treatment. I was rushed into the emergency room as soon as the hospital intake nurse saw me. Given IV's wile I was out of it because of pain, I came too...loaded out of my mind. I was in such sorry shape I didn't care. I pushed the limits of pain threshold and suffer the consequences. Permanent scarring, nerve damage and a new respect for hospitalization no matter what happens.
A clean life is the best yet, almost cumming to death because of hardheadedness to stay clean...not so good.
Not again
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Now this is an interesting thread/concept.
Dancing with the devil is what I would call it. Now I don't mean that in a way to assign giult or blame. But how scary is that, I could not imagine having to smoke crack because it was prescribed, not even once. But what I am hearing people say is that if a person is firm in their recovery, the use of their drug of choice should be of no consequence.
(sorry I shouldn't do this just before class starts...gotta go)
Larry
Dancing with the devil is what I would call it. Now I don't mean that in a way to assign giult or blame. But how scary is that, I could not imagine having to smoke crack because it was prescribed, not even once. But what I am hearing people say is that if a person is firm in their recovery, the use of their drug of choice should be of no consequence.
(sorry I shouldn't do this just before class starts...gotta go)
Larry
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Posts: 3,677
Fine line
Originally Posted by larrylive 
Now this is an interesting thread/concept.
Dancing with the devil is what I would call it. Now I don't mean that in a way to assign giult or blame. But how scary is that, I could not imagine having to smoke crack because it was prescribed, not even once. But what I am hearing people say is that if a person is firm in their recovery, the use of their drug of choice should be of no consequence.
(sorry I shouldn't do this just before class starts...gotta go)
Larry
Dancing with the devil is what I would call it. Now I don't mean that in a way to assign giult or blame. But how scary is that, I could not imagine having to smoke crack because it was prescribed, not even once. But what I am hearing people say is that if a person is firm in their recovery, the use of their drug of choice should be of no consequence.
(sorry I shouldn't do this just before class starts...gotta go)
Larry
Yes indeed, dancing with the devil.
I agree that it is VERY scary. I had both knees replaced in 2009, and I know that at in some point in the future, I will need some kind of surgical "maintenance" on them. Also, I recently had a rotator cuff scare where I thought I might need surgery. Instead, I'm getting PT for the shoulder, hoping surgery won't need to happen.
So, I am forced to face "the dance".
Is it reasonable to expect myself to have surgery with nothing for pain afterwards that is stronger than non-steroidal anti-inflammatories? I'm scared to death of narcotics now that I've touched my little toes in the fires of addiction! I NEVER want that again, and I'm scared to death of the drugs I may need after another surgery.
So, what to do, what to do. If I lived in China, I'd try to get an acupuncturist, where evidently some surgeries are even done using only acupuncture techniques for anesthesia. But I don't live there, and I know of nowhere anything else is used BUT narcotics.
My take on this thread is: How do we view our recovery status if we have had to "dance with the devil", especially if we are STILL dancing with him? How do we insure that this is a temporary status?
For me, the answer lies in what happens over time. After MY last surgeries, I kept taking opiates after I didn't need them.
Good questions. Few answers.
FT
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Um, yeah...... I'll be honest here. Larry- that kind of burned, hurt my feelings bad. I was wincing and crying before I gave in to having a scheduled med added to my IV. When I say I have a hole my foot, I'm not exaggerating, it's an actual hole (healing up now though) and I haven't touched my DOC since I left the hospital. I do have them, some 5mg Something-adone... but gladly and sadly, those are so weak and so pathetic (to me) that I'm not even tempted or bothering with them. Not when I could take 50x the dose.... doesn't matter how long your clean, I think that tolerance is always going to be there. I'd kill myself with liver damage if I even attempted to get "dosed" off my something-adone's. (Because of the tylenol in it)
You also have to ask yourself, at what point, how much pain are you going to endure? Wait utnil you go in to shock? There has to be boundaries. It's definately not like I had elective surgery. I didn't want this infection and I stupidly let go too long BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID OF BEING PUT ON Opiates. I could have lost my foot out of that stupid logic. (Amputation was a word I heard thrown around a few times while I was there) There has to be a happy medium.
ANd I don't think comparing smoking crack to physician administered meds is the same thing. (I'm sorry if this offends you).
You also have to ask yourself, at what point, how much pain are you going to endure? Wait utnil you go in to shock? There has to be boundaries. It's definately not like I had elective surgery. I didn't want this infection and I stupidly let go too long BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID OF BEING PUT ON Opiates. I could have lost my foot out of that stupid logic. (Amputation was a word I heard thrown around a few times while I was there) There has to be a happy medium.
ANd I don't think comparing smoking crack to physician administered meds is the same thing. (I'm sorry if this offends you).
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As a recovering crack addict who abused the heck out of opiates (prior to discovering crack) AND having been hospitalized twice for MRSA, I can only share my experience.
I have taken pain medications when necessary. I was administered something during a procedure, not long ago, that was eerily similar to a crack high...enough to make me think "Holy SH**!!" and a minute later I was telling myself all the reasons I didn't want to go back to that stuff.
I have friends who are in recovery from opiates. Some can take the minimum needed for severe pain and flush the rest. Some can't take one because they know they won't stop. People are different.
Recovering opiate addicts have a dillema that we crackheads and alcoholics don't. There is no medicinal reason for alcohol or crack.
If you are taking them as prescribed, wanting to wean to a non-narcotic ASAP, and it bothers you to be taking them (what it seems to me, by posting about it) I think you are still working your recovery. You're aware of the slippery slope, but I could be considered having "danced with the devil", too, but it just made my resolve for continuing recovery even stronger.
Hope you get to feeling better soon. That MRSA is some nasty stuff!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I have taken pain medications when necessary. I was administered something during a procedure, not long ago, that was eerily similar to a crack high...enough to make me think "Holy SH**!!" and a minute later I was telling myself all the reasons I didn't want to go back to that stuff.
I have friends who are in recovery from opiates. Some can take the minimum needed for severe pain and flush the rest. Some can't take one because they know they won't stop. People are different.
Recovering opiate addicts have a dillema that we crackheads and alcoholics don't. There is no medicinal reason for alcohol or crack.
If you are taking them as prescribed, wanting to wean to a non-narcotic ASAP, and it bothers you to be taking them (what it seems to me, by posting about it) I think you are still working your recovery. You're aware of the slippery slope, but I could be considered having "danced with the devil", too, but it just made my resolve for continuing recovery even stronger.
Hope you get to feeling better soon. That MRSA is some nasty stuff!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect
As a recovering crack addict who abused the heck out of opiates (prior to discovering crack) AND having been hospitalized twice for MRSA, I can only share my experience.
I have taken pain medications when necessary. I was administered something during a procedure, not long ago, that was eerily similar to a crack high...enough to make me think "Holy SH**!!" and a minute later I was telling myself all the reasons I didn't want to go back to that stuff.
I have friends who are in recovery from opiates. Some can take the minimum needed for severe pain and flush the rest. Some can't take one because they know they won't stop. People are different.
Recovering opiate addicts have a dillema that we crackheads and alcoholics don't. There is no medicinal reason for alcohol or crack.
If you are taking them as prescribed, wanting to wean to a non-narcotic ASAP, and it bothers you to be taking them (what it seems to me, by posting about it) I think you are still working your recovery. You're aware of the slippery slope, but I could be considered having "danced with the devil", too, but it just made my resolve for continuing recovery even stronger.
Hope you get to feeling better soon. That MRSA is some nasty stuff!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I have taken pain medications when necessary. I was administered something during a procedure, not long ago, that was eerily similar to a crack high...enough to make me think "Holy SH**!!" and a minute later I was telling myself all the reasons I didn't want to go back to that stuff.
I have friends who are in recovery from opiates. Some can take the minimum needed for severe pain and flush the rest. Some can't take one because they know they won't stop. People are different.
Recovering opiate addicts have a dillema that we crackheads and alcoholics don't. There is no medicinal reason for alcohol or crack.
If you are taking them as prescribed, wanting to wean to a non-narcotic ASAP, and it bothers you to be taking them (what it seems to me, by posting about it) I think you are still working your recovery. You're aware of the slippery slope, but I could be considered having "danced with the devil", too, but it just made my resolve for continuing recovery even stronger.
Hope you get to feeling better soon. That MRSA is some nasty stuff!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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I appreciate everyone has to reach their own truth on this issue 
I'd like to hope we can refrain from imposing our judgement on others tho.
My personal experience is I'm an alcoholic but I've done enough other stuff to know there's very few ways of getting high I didn't like.
As a result, I have a healthy respect for pain killers but I've often had to take them for chronic pain issues.
My Doctor knows my history, in detail, and wherever possible I choose the non narc route.
For the times when that's not possible, I have taken prescribed medication for defined periods of time. Even then I rarely approach the recommended dose.
I take meds to be able to do normal things, live my normal life - I'm not taking it to get high and just the thought of that actually makes me ill....I'm thinking thats a good sign
I can't dance with anyone with my legs
but I have a happy and good quality of life...& I think every one of us deserves that.
D
I'd like to hope we can refrain from imposing our judgement on others tho.
My personal experience is I'm an alcoholic but I've done enough other stuff to know there's very few ways of getting high I didn't like.
As a result, I have a healthy respect for pain killers but I've often had to take them for chronic pain issues.
My Doctor knows my history, in detail, and wherever possible I choose the non narc route.
For the times when that's not possible, I have taken prescribed medication for defined periods of time. Even then I rarely approach the recommended dose.
I take meds to be able to do normal things, live my normal life - I'm not taking it to get high and just the thought of that actually makes me ill....I'm thinking thats a good sign
I can't dance with anyone with my legs
but I have a happy and good quality of life...& I think every one of us deserves that.
D
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on the vanc deal.. lol hubby decided my vanc drip was running too slow so he cranked up the rate on the roller clamp. It was pre surgery and they did not have this med on an IV pump, it was just hanging. Within 10 minutes I was itching like crazy and turned bright red. It did not bother my veins but it sure causes what is medically known as Redman Syndrome. You only turn bright red from the neck up. And it was a mrsa infection for me too. I finally got rid of it but not before I got mono. That was the year I was sick sick and about once a month I had surgery. And this is how I got addicted.
No judgments from me, you can however even in recovery take what is recommended and still be in recovery. It might wake up the "devil" but just don't ask for or find more after the script runs out.
No judgments from me, you can however even in recovery take what is recommended and still be in recovery. It might wake up the "devil" but just don't ask for or find more after the script runs out.
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect
As a recovering crack addict who abused the heck out of opiates (prior to discovering crack) AND having been hospitalized twice for MRSA, I can only share my experience.
I have taken pain medications when necessary. I was administered something during a procedure, not long ago, that was eerily similar to a crack high...enough to make me think "Holy SH**!!" and a minute later I was telling myself all the reasons I didn't want to go back to that stuff.
I have friends who are in recovery from opiates. Some can take the minimum needed for severe pain and flush the rest. Some can't take one because they know they won't stop. People are different.
Recovering opiate addicts have a dillema that we crackheads and alcoholics don't. There is no medicinal reason for alcohol or crack.
If you are taking them as prescribed, wanting to wean to a non-narcotic ASAP, and it bothers you to be taking them (what it seems to me, by posting about it) I think you are still working your recovery. You're aware of the slippery slope, but I could be considered having "danced with the devil", too, but it just made my resolve for continuing recovery even stronger.
Hope you get to feeling better soon. That MRSA is some nasty stuff!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I have taken pain medications when necessary. I was administered something during a procedure, not long ago, that was eerily similar to a crack high...enough to make me think "Holy SH**!!" and a minute later I was telling myself all the reasons I didn't want to go back to that stuff.
I have friends who are in recovery from opiates. Some can take the minimum needed for severe pain and flush the rest. Some can't take one because they know they won't stop. People are different.
Recovering opiate addicts have a dillema that we crackheads and alcoholics don't. There is no medicinal reason for alcohol or crack.
If you are taking them as prescribed, wanting to wean to a non-narcotic ASAP, and it bothers you to be taking them (what it seems to me, by posting about it) I think you are still working your recovery. You're aware of the slippery slope, but I could be considered having "danced with the devil", too, but it just made my resolve for continuing recovery even stronger.
Hope you get to feeling better soon. That MRSA is some nasty stuff!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I remember that cocaine has some kind of medical application too, I just can't remember what for, or if someone was goofing me.
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect
As a recovering crack addict who abused the heck out of opiates (prior to discovering crack) AND having been hospitalized twice for MRSA, I can only share my experience.
I have taken pain medications when necessary. I was administered something during a procedure, not long ago, that was eerily similar to a crack high...enough to make me think "Holy SH**!!" and a minute later I was telling myself all the reasons I didn't want to go back to that stuff.
I have friends who are in recovery from opiates. Some can take the minimum needed for severe pain and flush the rest. Some can't take one because they know they won't stop. People are different.
Recovering opiate addicts have a dillema that we crackheads and alcoholics don't. There is no medicinal reason for alcohol or crack.
If you are taking them as prescribed, wanting to wean to a non-narcotic ASAP, and it bothers you to be taking them (what it seems to me, by posting about it) I think you are still working your recovery. You're aware of the slippery slope, but I could be considered having "danced with the devil", too, but it just made my resolve for continuing recovery even stronger.
Hope you get to feeling better soon. That MRSA is some nasty stuff!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I have taken pain medications when necessary. I was administered something during a procedure, not long ago, that was eerily similar to a crack high...enough to make me think "Holy SH**!!" and a minute later I was telling myself all the reasons I didn't want to go back to that stuff.
I have friends who are in recovery from opiates. Some can take the minimum needed for severe pain and flush the rest. Some can't take one because they know they won't stop. People are different.
Recovering opiate addicts have a dillema that we crackheads and alcoholics don't. There is no medicinal reason for alcohol or crack.
If you are taking them as prescribed, wanting to wean to a non-narcotic ASAP, and it bothers you to be taking them (what it seems to me, by posting about it) I think you are still working your recovery. You're aware of the slippery slope, but I could be considered having "danced with the devil", too, but it just made my resolve for continuing recovery even stronger.
Hope you get to feeling better soon. That MRSA is some nasty stuff!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I remember that cocaine has some kind of medical application too, I just can't remember what for, or if someone was goofing me.
I'm NOT trying to make light of anything, but I've just not been the same since I got out of the Hospital. Not abusing, but don't feel good about anything. I feel like I can't say "I've been clean for over 3 months!", now it's "I've been clean for 6 days". I'm not a die hard AA--NA, I use various resources and different meetings.... I could care less about a chip/keychain or medallion--- I care about what I can say about myself... which I know doesn't make sense to people that follow AA--NA to the rule. (I don't knock them, I just can't honestly say I agree with every single aspect of their process). I am SUPER happy it helps other people though.
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