falling apart
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 17
falling apart
Where does one go to escape oneself?
I'm glad I found this place. I wish everyone success, myself included, in living a sober, healthy life.
I am on day 2 of no Tramadol (f*ck this drug, for real), can barely function but struggling to make it through the day, earliest doc's appointment I can get is tomorrow.
Been using for approx 4 months, I told myself hey, this is no big deal, it's not a problem - that's when it did turn into a problem.
Anyone considering taking this drug, for god's sake DON'T.
I'm glad I found this place. I wish everyone success, myself included, in living a sober, healthy life.
I am on day 2 of no Tramadol (f*ck this drug, for real), can barely function but struggling to make it through the day, earliest doc's appointment I can get is tomorrow.
Been using for approx 4 months, I told myself hey, this is no big deal, it's not a problem - that's when it did turn into a problem.
Anyone considering taking this drug, for god's sake DON'T.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by Dee74 
welcome to SR SB686
I'm sorry for your situation but glad you've joined us.
Have you consulted a Doctor?
D
I'm sorry for your situation but glad you've joined us.
Have you consulted a Doctor?
D
Earliest doc's appointment I could get is 24 hours away.
I see a lot of positivity here, hopefully some of that will rub off on me when I am in a better frame of mind.
No appetite and it was hell getting to sleep yesterday, very irritable and jumpy today. Brain feels deep fried.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
You'll find a lot of support, advice and encouragement here SB
Even amongst the fear and pain I felt when I got here, I still remember the joy of knowing I wasn't alone anymore - I'd found people who understood
It's good to have you with us
D
Even amongst the fear and pain I felt when I got here, I still remember the joy of knowing I wasn't alone anymore - I'd found people who understood
It's good to have you with us
D
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
SB686.....
....Welcome
Please begentle with yourself...coming off drugs is difficult for most of us.
Try drinking a lot of water...cut out or way back on caffeine..walking is good
Have small bits of food...think Oatmeal/Scrambled Eggs/Toast...Soups..Crackers... etc .
....Welcome Please begentle with yourself...coming off drugs is difficult for most of us.
Try drinking a lot of water...cut out or way back on caffeine..walking is good
Have small bits of food...think Oatmeal/Scrambled Eggs/Toast...Soups..Crackers... etc .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by CarolD
SB686.........Welcome
Please begentle with yourself...coming off drugs is difficult for most of us.
Try drinking a lot of water...cut out or way back on caffeine..walking is good
Have small bits of food...think Oatmeal/Scrambled Eggs/Toast...Soups..Crackers... etc .
....Welcome Please begentle with yourself...coming off drugs is difficult for most of us.
Try drinking a lot of water...cut out or way back on caffeine..walking is good
Have small bits of food...think Oatmeal/Scrambled Eggs/Toast...Soups..Crackers... etc .
Made some eggs this morning, tasted like vomit, forced down 2 spoonfuls and had to toss the rest.
Food tastes awful.
Puked it up later, did the same around an hour ago with a milkshake I had earlier.
Will cutting back on caffeine really help? I've been drinking coffee & smoking ciggies all day.
The way this is going I am not looking forward to tomorrow - day 3.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1
SB686:
What was your dosage prior to stopping cold turkey?
I am currently on Day 3 after a 10 month 100mg-200mg/day Tramadol habit. I did a 2-day taper then jumped off.
I have beat this drug and many others times before but relapsed again with Tramadol last year.
The funny thing about Tramadol is that people do not currently associate it with an addictive opiate, like oxy, vicodin, etc. --
There is definitely more awareness of the reality of the drug among those who share their experiences on the net....but I have found that doctors have no clue because they have yet to receive critical feedback from patients and the community. In fact, I've had many doctors tell me that Tramadol is not as addicting as "mainstream" opiates....that the addiction was more psychological...complete ********..and i've kicked everything, including two years on suboxone.....Tramadol has always been my drug of choice.
Anyway, hang in there -- It definitely sucks, you get major opiate withdrawal mixed with SSRI/SNRI brain shocks and wooziness....double whammy...your brain just feels completely fried.
YOU WILL GET BETTER --- just make sure you don't spend time alone inside yourself....don't watch the clock....as others have suggested, take walks, drink water, i drink coffee but haven't been smoking as much...talk to friends on the phone, watch movies...read the forums..
One thing that helps me is reading this comment that a former Tramadol addict left on a message board.....At first the statement seems sort of generic in that you could replace Tramadol with any other drug..but i'm pretty certain this guy was an actual Tramadol addict:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tramadol is the greatest of deceivers. It introduces itself to you by relieving the pain, only to then delight you more in its ability to induce states of ecstasy previously unknown.
It convinces you that it has made you more confident, your life better, happier, and more meaningful until one evening, you begin realizing that you are completely and suddenly separated from all of those very feelings you associate with the drug.
The guilt of addiction gradually sets in, hollowing you out month after month. You try ignoring the fact that you're falling asleep at night fearing the onset of schizophrenia from perpetually fighting the secret war in the back of your mind questioning every decision you made to chew up a "tab" earlier that day and whether or not the choice was made with the expectation of functioning better, or to simply take from you of the emotional attachment associated with functioning in general, making it easier for you to have gotten through "anxiety" of the day.
For the sake of being in a "good" mood, you choose the pill. And you resent yourself for it, quietly. You look back and think how strong you once were, glamorizing in your head the person you saw yourself as until the forging of your fateful relationship with the drug.
You can't talk to anyone because there's no relating, no serotonin left in your brain to compel the desire to socialize with others. If only that rush, that sweet release of confidence could flow once more. How you could actually move forward. But you are stuck, nowhere. Not moving forward. Not moving backwards.
The people around you continue spinning, experiencing their lives and the ups, downs, and happiness associated with engaging in the human experience. And how you wish that they could know the emptiness your life has become so you could half-heartedly cry out for help to them from your dull, repetitive void. How could one be so content and productive without that "lift?"
You grow impatient in the checkout line, lose emotional attachment to your hurtful words, lose interest in her and most notably, her feelings.
Sex brings no joy -- just the relief of finally being able to fall asleep and drop out of this state of perpetual blankness. The "hop" in your step is gone and it has been for some time. Slogging forward, trudging through the offices, then traffic, then the next month of your life.
Refill day is soon near. How exciting it will be to binge -- loathsomeness -- the only feeling available aside from bitterness and anguish. Daydreaming of a return to innocence, of peace. Of bliss!
The hardest part: Finally recognizing/accepting that all your positive associations with the drug are fabricated lies. The drug is destroying your life. It never has nor will make your life better/happier. It has hurt you more than anything ever should have been able to.
You are stronger than you currently realize, being in the wounded state you are in. It has stolen your happiness, confidence, vitality, and peace. It is the death of you. It is the end and not merely just the "means."
You will heal and come to love life more than you ever thought you could!
Being off Tramadol is bliss! It is being freed from prison, no longer a slave to emptiness and destruction! Happiness begins flowing back into your life and it is all the more sweeter than you could ever recall.
Every emotion is seemingly euphoric in that you get to experience it, to feel it! The nihilism dissipates, leaving the profound love behind the universe to once more connect with and sustain you.
What was your dosage prior to stopping cold turkey?
I am currently on Day 3 after a 10 month 100mg-200mg/day Tramadol habit. I did a 2-day taper then jumped off.
I have beat this drug and many others times before but relapsed again with Tramadol last year.
The funny thing about Tramadol is that people do not currently associate it with an addictive opiate, like oxy, vicodin, etc. --
There is definitely more awareness of the reality of the drug among those who share their experiences on the net....but I have found that doctors have no clue because they have yet to receive critical feedback from patients and the community. In fact, I've had many doctors tell me that Tramadol is not as addicting as "mainstream" opiates....that the addiction was more psychological...complete ********..and i've kicked everything, including two years on suboxone.....Tramadol has always been my drug of choice.
Anyway, hang in there -- It definitely sucks, you get major opiate withdrawal mixed with SSRI/SNRI brain shocks and wooziness....double whammy...your brain just feels completely fried.
YOU WILL GET BETTER --- just make sure you don't spend time alone inside yourself....don't watch the clock....as others have suggested, take walks, drink water, i drink coffee but haven't been smoking as much...talk to friends on the phone, watch movies...read the forums..
One thing that helps me is reading this comment that a former Tramadol addict left on a message board.....At first the statement seems sort of generic in that you could replace Tramadol with any other drug..but i'm pretty certain this guy was an actual Tramadol addict:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tramadol is the greatest of deceivers. It introduces itself to you by relieving the pain, only to then delight you more in its ability to induce states of ecstasy previously unknown.
It convinces you that it has made you more confident, your life better, happier, and more meaningful until one evening, you begin realizing that you are completely and suddenly separated from all of those very feelings you associate with the drug.
The guilt of addiction gradually sets in, hollowing you out month after month. You try ignoring the fact that you're falling asleep at night fearing the onset of schizophrenia from perpetually fighting the secret war in the back of your mind questioning every decision you made to chew up a "tab" earlier that day and whether or not the choice was made with the expectation of functioning better, or to simply take from you of the emotional attachment associated with functioning in general, making it easier for you to have gotten through "anxiety" of the day.
For the sake of being in a "good" mood, you choose the pill. And you resent yourself for it, quietly. You look back and think how strong you once were, glamorizing in your head the person you saw yourself as until the forging of your fateful relationship with the drug.
You can't talk to anyone because there's no relating, no serotonin left in your brain to compel the desire to socialize with others. If only that rush, that sweet release of confidence could flow once more. How you could actually move forward. But you are stuck, nowhere. Not moving forward. Not moving backwards.
The people around you continue spinning, experiencing their lives and the ups, downs, and happiness associated with engaging in the human experience. And how you wish that they could know the emptiness your life has become so you could half-heartedly cry out for help to them from your dull, repetitive void. How could one be so content and productive without that "lift?"
You grow impatient in the checkout line, lose emotional attachment to your hurtful words, lose interest in her and most notably, her feelings.
Sex brings no joy -- just the relief of finally being able to fall asleep and drop out of this state of perpetual blankness. The "hop" in your step is gone and it has been for some time. Slogging forward, trudging through the offices, then traffic, then the next month of your life.
Refill day is soon near. How exciting it will be to binge -- loathsomeness -- the only feeling available aside from bitterness and anguish. Daydreaming of a return to innocence, of peace. Of bliss!
The hardest part: Finally recognizing/accepting that all your positive associations with the drug are fabricated lies. The drug is destroying your life. It never has nor will make your life better/happier. It has hurt you more than anything ever should have been able to.
You are stronger than you currently realize, being in the wounded state you are in. It has stolen your happiness, confidence, vitality, and peace. It is the death of you. It is the end and not merely just the "means."
You will heal and come to love life more than you ever thought you could!
Being off Tramadol is bliss! It is being freed from prison, no longer a slave to emptiness and destruction! Happiness begins flowing back into your life and it is all the more sweeter than you could ever recall.
Every emotion is seemingly euphoric in that you get to experience it, to feel it! The nihilism dissipates, leaving the profound love behind the universe to once more connect with and sustain you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 17
Hi GTE293, thank you for the long & detailed post.
You are 100% correct, Tramadol is dangerous and should NOT be on the market IMHO, it is way too addictive, also like you said it lulls you into a false sense of well being.
Since starting in late March/early May of '11 my daily dosage was 225mg, I actually started out by breaking the tab in half - that's when I discovered that that red coating was responsible for the sustained release part (duh!).
It was way too uncomfortable for me taking half a tab coz it zooms into your system right away. With one tab I began to feel it take off like a rocket after around 40 - 50 minutes, then gradually come down over a period of 8 - 10 hours.
Then I started taking 2 a day in mid August, I only did that a few times as it felt "too good" and I was walking around twice as indifferent to everything as I was on just one tab. Also my movements were very slow, like I was swimming thru molasses.
Dig this: I spent all of last Wednesday trying to score, literally driving around, making calls frantically, waiting endlessly. When it got past midnight I faced the truth and just left.
I made it home virtually in tears, rolled a coupla joints and drank in order to fall asleep. Same on Thursday and Friday.
Today I called a friend and told him I was in deep and needed help. I saw the end clearly in my mind if this addiction continued.
This morning was hell, but I feel better now, keeping it together a bit better.
I've always prided myself on being a strong willed individual and now I feel like the biggest p*ssy in the world.
I used to be happy without any substances whatsoever - I am determined to get my old, happy, sober self back. This is my mantra for now.
Thank you again for your post, it made me feel a bit better, and I'm glad I'm not the only one to fully realize just how dangerously addictive Tramadol is.
You are 100% correct, Tramadol is dangerous and should NOT be on the market IMHO, it is way too addictive, also like you said it lulls you into a false sense of well being.
Since starting in late March/early May of '11 my daily dosage was 225mg, I actually started out by breaking the tab in half - that's when I discovered that that red coating was responsible for the sustained release part (duh!).
It was way too uncomfortable for me taking half a tab coz it zooms into your system right away. With one tab I began to feel it take off like a rocket after around 40 - 50 minutes, then gradually come down over a period of 8 - 10 hours.
Then I started taking 2 a day in mid August, I only did that a few times as it felt "too good" and I was walking around twice as indifferent to everything as I was on just one tab. Also my movements were very slow, like I was swimming thru molasses.
Dig this: I spent all of last Wednesday trying to score, literally driving around, making calls frantically, waiting endlessly. When it got past midnight I faced the truth and just left.
I made it home virtually in tears, rolled a coupla joints and drank in order to fall asleep. Same on Thursday and Friday.
Today I called a friend and told him I was in deep and needed help. I saw the end clearly in my mind if this addiction continued.
This morning was hell, but I feel better now, keeping it together a bit better.
I've always prided myself on being a strong willed individual and now I feel like the biggest p*ssy in the world.
I used to be happy without any substances whatsoever - I am determined to get my old, happy, sober self back. This is my mantra for now.
Thank you again for your post, it made me feel a bit better, and I'm glad I'm not the only one to fully realize just how dangerously addictive Tramadol is.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by failedtaper
You will be so happy when you start waking up in the morning realizing you are free from pill chasing.
FT
FT
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: washington, dc
Posts: 98
GTE293--
I didn't want to quote your entire monologue, however, that was splendidly written and very true. You nailed alot of my feelings while in active addiction. Feelings & thoughts I could never put a label on or put into words. Thank you thankyou, thank you.
/=GS
I didn't want to quote your entire monologue, however, that was splendidly written and very true. You nailed alot of my feelings while in active addiction. Feelings & thoughts I could never put a label on or put into words. Thank you thankyou, thank you.
/=GS
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by djensen
SB686, how are you today? Hows the recovery?? Hope this post finds you well, keep up informed.
Several events of late have been pushing me towards scoring again but so far the logical part of my brain keeps warning me of the crappy downward spiral.
I'm grateful that that part of my brain is even fucntional at this point.
I won't BS you guys, the temptation to do it again is powerful, I want some f-ing peace, and while Tramadol did provide that it was a totally fake peace that turns into Dante's Hell when you stop taking it.
Thanks again for asking; wishing you all a painless as possible release from your demons.
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