Raptor

My note has been written, just wish i had the courage to follow thru. My addiction has got the better of me and this time my wife has had enough. My 2 girls are going to never forgive me but its too much, enough pain, my time is up.

I have promised someone i would wait 24hrs (my daughters play tonight)

Thank you for reading.

larrylive

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

Larry

Freedom1990

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

rinky

you know your time is only up if you want it to be. don't be that selfish

CarolD

I do hope Raptor will soon return with good news..:

Raptor...if you are reading....please go back to some of your earlier posts
Get back on track....you too can win

we all know how difficult early sober times are...and I too had many false starts before my recovery became solid.

Prayers for clairty and healing coming your way...

recoverywfaith

Please do not give up...you are worth living in recovery.

Smile123

Raptor,
Praying for you and your daughter. You both deserve a beautiful life. It is within your reach, don't give up on yourself or her.

Raptor

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I have decided that giving up would kill not only me but also my daughters hopes, dreams and support from a loving father. I will not be selfish and a coward, i will beat this addiction, on day at a time. I will be true to my self.

I see somewone tomorrow to talk things over.

Nightsd

I'm so glad you've decided to stay with us Raptor. That is wonderful man.

A few weeks ago I was exactly where you were at. In fact, I DID attempt suicide. The only reason I lived was that in my hotel room I had the music too loud, and I'm so incredibly glad I lived.

Ya know man, it does get a lot better and you'll soon see this if you don't already. We addicts like to take the easy way out, and suicide is an easy out. A lot of addicts do become suicidal. I was suicidal before I ever touched a drug and the drugs made it a lot worse.

I hope you're in a better place man. Why did you consider suicide? Do you think it's gonna be too hard to quit using drugs? Ya know man, right now you're at the perfect place to quit drugs. You've obviously hit your bottom point in life. Just as they say in NA, you've reached the point where you feel like you can't live with drugs and can't live without them. I was at that point a few weeks ago.

You have daughters man. You can't do that to them. You just can't. You need to be in their lives, CLEAN. You can quit drugs and you will.

What was your drug of choice? Would you tell me about you so I can get to know you better, your age gender and the like?

Thanks and I'm happy for you man, it's good to see you here!!! You're gonna quit drugs man and when you do you'll be so much happier you won't believe it. It won't be easy...but you will do it and after a while once you're done with the withdrawals you will feel like a new person! Keep coming back and keep us updated. It's awesome that you decided to stay with us, keep making the good choices man and you will soon be out of this dark place.

iliveforyou

Welcome first of all. I've been in the darkest of places, including when I kicked drugs throughout the last 10 years. I'm recently clean and it;s not easy but you CAN do this. I, too, have a daughter. She is my light at the end of this f*cked up tunnel. You can do this for YOU and your family. Your daughter is precious to you, I can tell. One day at a time, even one hour at a time. I struggle from mental illness on top of addiction (which many are) and a chronic pain patient that complicates and makes sh*t unbearable at times. You have reached your bottom from the sounds of it. You need to reach deep within yourself and find the strength you know you have. I've spent many years stuck in a suicidal whirlwind and attempted many times. You don't have to go there.

Do you plan on having any face to face support? A lot of us really need it. I don't do NA/AA for personal reasons (being atheist and others) but there are other options as well.

You and your family are in my thoughts and I truly hope you come back and let us know how you are doing. You are important to your family and things maybe messed up right now but give it time, get some clean time and start over repairing relationships.

We care what happens to you

-Jess

Nightsd

You're an atheist huh? I am an atheist as well, but that doesn't stop me from going to NA. There IS a lot of "spirituality" things that I'm very uncomfortable with but over all it isn't a dealbreaker for me. Why is it a dealbreaker for you hun? And what mental illness do you have? Mental illness is very very common with addiction, in fact I've seen studies where comorbid mental illness is present in well over 90% of all substance abuse patients. Addiction is almost always self medication for internal problems.

Oh and don't be shy or ashamed that you have a mental illness. We addicts are all ******* crazy! I personally have "generalized anxiety disorder", which is a blanket term for someone who is anxious as hell most the time and has panic attacks. Fortunately I'm learning how to cope with it WITHOUT using drugs. Had I not become better at controlling my anxiety (I also take a non-addictive medication for it when it gets unbearable) I don't think I could stay clean. I never knew it when I was using but I was using heroin simply to get rid of anxiety.

larrylive

FYI....God loves atheist too.

That said do you mean agnostic or do you try to prove God does not excist? Which in my understanding is rather difficult to do and would probably prove to be qiute a distraction from the pursuit of recovery.

I only throw this out there because I was an atheist and wasted a lot of time (or so it seems) because now I am quite aware that God does excist, not that i could prove it. That of course is up to each individual to do for themselves.

I am not "religous" as I have yet to find one that agrees with what I believe, which is heavily influenced by eastern philosophy, just as Jesus taught us. All I can suggest is you atleast look, and starting within ones self, although difficult, is the best place.

Not to mention I have found that God (aka;good orderly direction) responds with giudance, not material wishes ( those we must work for). But it's like any relationship the more you participate the better it gets. "just sayin..."

Larry

SB686

Raptor, keep on keepin' on man, all the best to you

stugotz

Checkin out is the most selfish thing you can ever do. Healing hurts, but only for a short time. Death is permanent. Good luck...