AndreTT

I have a posted in SR before and felt like posting again

I dont have alcoholic parents but I relate to many characteristics of ACOA.

Well my father was 40 yrs old when I was born. I dont know much about his past and I dont remember much of my childhood. And most of all, I have never had true communication with him. I dont think I ever had a conversation of over one minute with him. I have heard some people say that my father would "become a beast" when drunk. Personally, I only seen him drunk a few times in my life, and it was like 10, 15 years ago, so I dont remember much (I am 21 years old). Im not sure if he isnt an alcoholic.
My mother have many characteristics of codependency, like putting up with abuse, working very hard, have no time for herself, etc. Im very resentful of her that she had to marry a guy like my father.
Actually, Im resentful at them both because they got married and they conceived me. (doesnt make any sense, but that`s how I feel). I wish they had not married each other so I wouldnt be born.

I have heard that ACOAs tend to help their parents too much, or try to change their parents. Well, I dont wanna change my parents, let alone help them, I want to shoot my parents. Im so angry at them I cant barely think now. I feel like this every time I fight with them.
There is police and there is prison, so I better not do anything like that, but if wasnt for it, I think they would be dead a long time ago.
I hope I dont freak people out with what I am saying but I had to let this out to someone.

MMkM

It is my understanding that ACOA now includes any child that had been in a dysfunctional family - does not need to involve an active alcoholic.

You need to find out what resources are there for you.

Is there an ACOA meeting there.

Is there a counselor/therapist you can talk with.

You have anger and you need a healthy outlet to release this. Counseling would be worth it. An experienced counselor would give you the skills you would need to deal with your anger.

Maybe also even some anger counseling.

A lot of adults have depression, anxiety, anger when they realize what all they were put through - but getting help is very important to deal with this.

Read the stickies posted about ACOA and dysfunctional families.

dollydo

My and your issues are caused by living, as a child, in a toxic dysfunctional enviorment.

You were born for a reason, you have a choice, wallow in the past, resent your parents, and not live your life to its fullest....or....fight back...become the person you want to be, and let go of the past.

As a minor you had no choice, but, to endure, as an adult you do...make your past a guidepost not a hitching post. You have chosen as an adult to live live in a prison with invisable bars, doesn't sound like that is healthy for you...what do you think?

Willybluedog

I know what you are going through, my mom is an alcoholic and my father was a very strict disciplinarian (former platoon sargeant). Severe whippings were common, he used to kick me in the ass so hard growing up that I now have permanant back and tailbone damage.

But, they both did what they did and do what they do, nothing I can do to change either the past or them.

Please get some counseling, talk to someone, you are probably battling depression.

Prozac really helped me with my angry feelings, and talking to a counselor made me realize it was not my fault and that I cannot channge anything except myself and how I react to things around me.

Please keep talking to us, and find an outlet for your anger, you have the chance to be happy if you allow yourself the opportunity.

LifeRecovery

I did not grow up with active alcoholism in my home. I am pretty sure both my parents did though, and they did not find recovery. Hurt people, hurt people.

I was a little older then you when I started to get help for myself. It is the BEST money I have ever spent. I am worth it, so are you!

It allowed me to work through a lot of hard feelings about myself, my family etc in a supportive and helpful environment. For me what has helped is a lot of reading on dysfunctional families, Al-anon, individual and group counseling.

Freedom1990

Same situation here...no active alcoholism in the home, but they both grew up with it, and no recovery.

A good therapist has been invaluable in helping me work through my ACOA issues!

AndreTT

Thank you all for your support. I think Im battling depression and mood swings since I was a kid.

Both my parents had addicted/alcoholic parents, I think. My grandmother (mother of my father) takes a lot of pills everyday (lorazepam).
I heard my mother`s father was a heavy drinker. He is dead since I was a small kid and so I dont remember, and Im not about to ask people in my family about that.

Liebe

I feel for you. I have often thought that my parents were crazy getting married and why in the world did they have me?! I too have even been angry for being born.
But, like said in a prior post, you are here for a reason.
I know its hard to let go of all the hurt. Im in my 40's and I still have many of those moments where the past gets to me. Ive spent too much time in the past and not enough making now and my future better. For me, and just in the past year or so, I began to put my trust in God more. I dont know if you are a person of faith but thats what has helped me the most. And as the saying goes, Im a work in progress.
You have said the things you've said in your post out of hurt and Im sorry for your pain. Please try and find the help to feel better. It doesnt mean you wont still have those moments but talking about them and facing them will get you in a more positive frame of mind. Take care and know you are not alone.