Back again this time for good!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 32
Back again this time for good!
I made it through 4 days of oxy w/d and relapsed...then a month later I went 2 weeks and once again began using again. Since then I have seen a therapist and they have determined that my workplace is toxic because my coworker uses around me, and my supervisors are harsh. While I know there are no perfect bosses, I think a workplace without coworkers using would be a better environment to quit. I have decided to take a medical leave of absense which I may get fired for, but in the long run that is ok with me. I used to be scared of losing my job, but now I realize that I am better off without work for a week so that I can recover without stress and triggers that bring on relapse. If I am not fired I will resign after my recovery with proper notice so that I am not around coworkers that use.
At first I was angry, self loathing, and had many other negative feelings for not staying off the drugs. I use 30-90mg oxy a day with an average of 60 lately. I realized that there is no reason to feel sorry for myself, and that I simply need to get through a week or so, and then stay mentally strong. The physical w/d was not fun but I am about 220lbs so it is not enough to be debilitating. The mental aspect is much worse, trying to find reasons to use, becoming bored and thinking about it. This time I will have some activities planned out after the first week so that I can keep my mind off the evil drug. Excercise has been a great help to my life and I plan to continue with excercise.
I can identify with FailedTaper in that every time I have tried to taper it lasts a short period and I just end up using more. This time I plan to follow Thomas' recipe.
Thank you for listening, I will stay active and attend meetings and get through this for good.
At first I was angry, self loathing, and had many other negative feelings for not staying off the drugs. I use 30-90mg oxy a day with an average of 60 lately. I realized that there is no reason to feel sorry for myself, and that I simply need to get through a week or so, and then stay mentally strong. The physical w/d was not fun but I am about 220lbs so it is not enough to be debilitating. The mental aspect is much worse, trying to find reasons to use, becoming bored and thinking about it. This time I will have some activities planned out after the first week so that I can keep my mind off the evil drug. Excercise has been a great help to my life and I plan to continue with excercise.
I can identify with FailedTaper in that every time I have tried to taper it lasts a short period and I just end up using more. This time I plan to follow Thomas' recipe.
Thank you for listening, I will stay active and attend meetings and get through this for good.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 8
Therapy is good and all but addiction is a spiritually malady. I would recommend to also try some meeting AA/NA. When the physically part is gone when it comes to opiates, the mental obsession is still there and the only way to fix is get into the spiritual program through the 12 steps. When we don't have our drugs like same with alcoholics don't have their alcohol we become restless, irritable, and discounted it says in the big book of AA. Best of hope for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: land of sunshine and pill mills
Posts: 272
Congratulations for being here!
Welcome!
I would like to offer that while AA/NA works for some people it isn't the "only" way. Please find what works for you and stick with it. Find some support, not just on line but in real life.
Exercise, meditation, good self care, therapy, etc. can all lead to new behaviors, thought patterns and actions that are productive and helpful to leading a CLEAN life!
It can be done!
Blessings and peace to you this day!
Thank the Universe!
Welcome!
I would like to offer that while AA/NA works for some people it isn't the "only" way. Please find what works for you and stick with it. Find some support, not just on line but in real life.
Exercise, meditation, good self care, therapy, etc. can all lead to new behaviors, thought patterns and actions that are productive and helpful to leading a CLEAN life!
It can be done!
Blessings and peace to you this day!
Thank the Universe!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi D28!
Yes, your tapering schedule sounds a lot like mine did, but I never did get all the way off oxys during ANY of my tapering attempts. I would get down to 30 mg/day and couldn't tolerate it for more than one day, maybe two if I wanted real torture, and within another few days I was back over the top of my previous doses. It got so that I couldn't get my pills from even two doctors, I had to find dentists and do the occasional "urgent" visit to get more pills. Nobody suspects an old bag is drug seeking! Ha!
Well, in any event, here you are. Good! If you can't taper, which I couldn't do either obviously, then pick your dosage where you can jump off the cliff, and stop there. I ended up doing a very rapid four day "taper" and stopped CT from there. It's been eight months since I did that, and I feel like I escaped from prison last December. OXY prison!
Here and there, the OX tries to lure me back into the cave, but I'm no longer listening.
Hey, counseling can help big time. Not everybody wants to do NA or AA. I've been to meetings, and I liked them. But I can't do meetings any more, and if meetings were a requirement for me to stop using oxycodone, then I would still be using. That's my reality.
Having said that, you do need support one on one. My way is my family, my husband and sons, and my doc knows about my past usage and will no longer prescribe. Oh yes, I have other docs I know would give me drugs, because they don't CARE if I die from opiate toxicity as long as they get their cash money every two weeks for my appointments. Knowing I COULD get oxys doesn't tempt me so much any more. The "addict brain" voice sounds like a pathetic creature to me now, but when I feel like crap, I am lowered to the level of that pathetic creature and he sounds more reasonable to me then. But not reasonable enough. Not any more.
I would get away from the toxic people who WANT to see you keep using, often because they are users, too. People who are in active substance abuse often don't want to see you get clean. #1, they lose their drug buddy. #2, they think they need to get clean too, and that isn't acceptable to them. Not yet. Maybe never.
So, good to see you here! This CAN be done. It sounds like it is your time now.
FT
Yes, your tapering schedule sounds a lot like mine did, but I never did get all the way off oxys during ANY of my tapering attempts. I would get down to 30 mg/day and couldn't tolerate it for more than one day, maybe two if I wanted real torture, and within another few days I was back over the top of my previous doses. It got so that I couldn't get my pills from even two doctors, I had to find dentists and do the occasional "urgent" visit to get more pills. Nobody suspects an old bag is drug seeking! Ha!
Well, in any event, here you are. Good! If you can't taper, which I couldn't do either obviously, then pick your dosage where you can jump off the cliff, and stop there. I ended up doing a very rapid four day "taper" and stopped CT from there. It's been eight months since I did that, and I feel like I escaped from prison last December. OXY prison!
Here and there, the OX tries to lure me back into the cave, but I'm no longer listening.
Hey, counseling can help big time. Not everybody wants to do NA or AA. I've been to meetings, and I liked them. But I can't do meetings any more, and if meetings were a requirement for me to stop using oxycodone, then I would still be using. That's my reality.
Having said that, you do need support one on one. My way is my family, my husband and sons, and my doc knows about my past usage and will no longer prescribe. Oh yes, I have other docs I know would give me drugs, because they don't CARE if I die from opiate toxicity as long as they get their cash money every two weeks for my appointments. Knowing I COULD get oxys doesn't tempt me so much any more. The "addict brain" voice sounds like a pathetic creature to me now, but when I feel like crap, I am lowered to the level of that pathetic creature and he sounds more reasonable to me then. But not reasonable enough. Not any more.
I would get away from the toxic people who WANT to see you keep using, often because they are users, too. People who are in active substance abuse often don't want to see you get clean. #1, they lose their drug buddy. #2, they think they need to get clean too, and that isn't acceptable to them. Not yet. Maybe never.
So, good to see you here! This CAN be done. It sounds like it is your time now.
FT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 32
Just about through the first 48 hours. Stomach not thrilled but I'll be fine. I might have to find a new job as a result but it is with it. All I want to do is lay around and rest...keep yawning but can't get consistent sleep. Pretty normal from what I have read online. I am going to lay around and push fluids and food... Rest and try for some excercise asap. Not sure if that will be a day or 3. Back to laying down...might go to my moms house tomorrow to engage my mind. Worried about work but stressing too much is just going to lead the wrong way. Things will be fine... Time for more rest.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 32
My mind tells me if I just get a pill my mind will get the precious sleep it desires. I know it is playing tricks on me and eventually I will get rest if only for a few hours. I am so lethargic, but with effort I make myself eat and hydrate even though I don't feel a desire to drink. I just want to keep trying to sleep a little. Eventually this will be a week, things will settle down and turn into months.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi D28,
Keep pushing through the next couple of days and don't let that 4-day mark be your brick wall. There is something about what place we failed at last time that sometimes makes us give up. Maybe it's just the hardest day, and I think that for me day 4 was probably that.
Look, you knew this first week would be bad, and it is. There is no way for most of us to get through detox without discomfort, and sleep it at the top of that list. You have to want to be clean more than anything. My first week was possible for me only because I cut off my own access and knew I had no choice. Well, I had choices, but I was no longer a secret addict and I had backup people who would try to stop me if I went for the pills.
It may not seem like you will make it through this week, but you will. Keep posting and don't be alone.
Ft
Keep pushing through the next couple of days and don't let that 4-day mark be your brick wall. There is something about what place we failed at last time that sometimes makes us give up. Maybe it's just the hardest day, and I think that for me day 4 was probably that.
Look, you knew this first week would be bad, and it is. There is no way for most of us to get through detox without discomfort, and sleep it at the top of that list. You have to want to be clean more than anything. My first week was possible for me only because I cut off my own access and knew I had no choice. Well, I had choices, but I was no longer a secret addict and I had backup people who would try to stop me if I went for the pills.
It may not seem like you will make it through this week, but you will. Keep posting and don't be alone.
Ft
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: johnson city
Posts: 8
you can get about 4 soboxine take half or qtr a day after 7 days you should be able to quit them and be through the physical withdrawls then it will be mental there is where na classes is very important this is coming from someone who used for 10 years just got clean
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 32
I am not willing to try the subs because I am afraid I will just continue them. I am dedicated to doing this but I thank you for your advice. My girlfriend is very upset with me. She doesn't want to see me not going to work and not really functioning normally. All I know is that I will be better to those I love off drugs.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 32
Haven't really slept for 50+ hours. Going to force a walk and get the achey joints moving. It can't make me feel worse and it might make me feel better, mentally it is a chore to get up and move but it's not like I have been able to sleep anyways.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 32
Just walked to the park then the grocery store. (normally I run to park and around but right now a slow achey walk will do!). Got some healthy foods for a couple days. Had urge to get 1 just to sleep but it would be a big waste and this would start all over. I told my mom and gf I needed to be strong for them, and they told me it's not about them I need to be strong for myself. Hopefully I can get back In the saddle next week and find a new job.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 32
I am having some trouble but some upside. For the first time I was smiling today just thinking about the fact that I am sober. The world might not be perfect, and I sure am not perfect but things are getting better. Sleep is tough and I well up thinking about the fact that I am not able to be there and provide for my gf and take care of myself by making money right now and it makes me feel useless. I tell myself it's just the crap fading away. Staying strong I hope by next week I feel motivated to work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 32
Is Kratom effective for a few days if used to help w/d? I have heard yes, no, and that people got addicted to it instead. Not sure if is a good idea just wondering if something like that could help me for a week.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Another controversial topic that usually gets nixed because of the medical advice rule.
A safe rule of thumb, especially on a recovery forum, is that self medicating with other addictive substances is a pretty bad plan.
If you REALLY need medications to help with withdrawal symptoms, a real MD needs to know why they are THAT bad. Withdrawal is really uncomfortable to be sure, but any symptoms requiring actual treatment need to be medically addressed.
FT
A safe rule of thumb, especially on a recovery forum, is that self medicating with other addictive substances is a pretty bad plan.
If you REALLY need medications to help with withdrawal symptoms, a real MD needs to know why they are THAT bad. Withdrawal is really uncomfortable to be sure, but any symptoms requiring actual treatment need to be medically addressed.
FT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 32
Your right. I can get down to 30mg s day just like we were talking about. Sleep is the only reason I need help I am getting through days okay, just having trouble sleeping. I have given myself til sept 5th to go start looking for another job. I have to remind myself that I have no problems or pressures (my mind loves to create them) and life is good right now. GF not mad at me, mom very supportive. Even got some excercise today. I think my mind is just seeking some sort of crutch and I don't need it. Haven't tried a meeting yet and maybe I should but have trouble believing I cannot overcome this with the right decisions and will power. I have my melatonin and valerian root...natural is good and I have to remind myself this is just a proccess. Just hard to accept not being my normal high functioning self but I got myself here and I sure know I can get back where I was a year ago.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Have you asked your doc for something to help you sleep? There are a number of non narcotic things that are used.
If you use melatonin, remember it won't work if you are not in a dark environment. I know that sounds weird, but it works using the darkness receptors in the visual system. I didn't make this up. I took a "sleep hygiene" class a couple of quarters ago, and I didn't know that before either.
Ft
If you use melatonin, remember it won't work if you are not in a dark environment. I know that sounds weird, but it works using the darkness receptors in the visual system. I didn't make this up. I took a "sleep hygiene" class a couple of quarters ago, and I didn't know that before either.
Ft
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