Struggling to understand.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: SLC, UT
Posts: 2
Struggling to understand.....
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I have a father who is addicted to Meth and has been for a long time, (more than 10 years) He's been sober in jail but as soon as he's out he's back on it. He never wants to see me or my sibings and when I try to carry a converstaion he always says that I make up our prior converstations. I just need some help understanding where his mind is and how I can help. Getting mad, crying and even telling him I'm here hasn't changed anything...any insight would be apprieciated.
I have a father who is addicted to Meth and has been for a long time, (more than 10 years) He's been sober in jail but as soon as he's out he's back on it. He never wants to see me or my sibings and when I try to carry a converstaion he always says that I make up our prior converstations. I just need some help understanding where his mind is and how I can help. Getting mad, crying and even telling him I'm here hasn't changed anything...any insight would be apprieciated.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
You may want to check out this section of the forum Relationships & Parenting In Sobriety - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information it deals more specifically with that issue.
One thing I know, as a recovering addict was that no one could help me recover until I wanted to recover. In hindsight the best thing anyone did for me was to NOT support my addiction. No cash, no making excuses for me, not allowing me to mess up them or their lives.
If you want to better understand your father's mindset, I suggest you do so for YOUR sake, not with the idea of fixing him. Having a parent in active addiction takes it's toll on a person and there are support groups and forums for children of addicts that are life savers.
reading here, and listening to addicts stories might give you some insight into the addict brain. But truly, I think the best thing you can do is get yourself involved in a group for children/families of addicts. you will have the support and wisdom of others in your situation.
One thing I know, as a recovering addict was that no one could help me recover until I wanted to recover. In hindsight the best thing anyone did for me was to NOT support my addiction. No cash, no making excuses for me, not allowing me to mess up them or their lives.
If you want to better understand your father's mindset, I suggest you do so for YOUR sake, not with the idea of fixing him. Having a parent in active addiction takes it's toll on a person and there are support groups and forums for children of addicts that are life savers.
reading here, and listening to addicts stories might give you some insight into the addict brain. But truly, I think the best thing you can do is get yourself involved in a group for children/families of addicts. you will have the support and wisdom of others in your situation.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: land of sunshine and pill mills
Posts: 272
I agree - the best thing others did for me was nothing - just let me hit bottom. By the end I was basically alone, except for my brother and a friend who is far away and couldn't really see the destruction.
Blessings and peace to you this day
Blessings and peace to you this day
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lostness))) - I shut out my family when I was using. It wasn't because I didn't love them, it's just that the dope was all I could think about (I was on crack). My XABF#3 had been on crack for more than 20 years, and had no contact with his youngest sons. His oldest was out in the 'hood, with us, selling crack. He got into trouble, went back home to his mama's and last I heard was doing well.
When he talked about his kids, he was proud of them, but never, ever reached out to them. I don't know if it had been too much time, if he felt shame, or what, but he died not having seen his youngest two since they were babies.
I have an uncle who was a heroin addict for over 30 years. His son has severe mental disease, his daughter is in recovery for going the same route I did...crack. My uncle finally got help during one of his prison terms, and is a much-loved blessing to our family. He talks to and sees his kids as often as possible.
I recommend you read/post on the link listed above or Friends & Family/substance abuse. You can't love him into recovery, you can't make him want it, but you can learn how to have a fulfilling life, no matter what he does. It's not easy, but it is possible.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
When he talked about his kids, he was proud of them, but never, ever reached out to them. I don't know if it had been too much time, if he felt shame, or what, but he died not having seen his youngest two since they were babies.
I have an uncle who was a heroin addict for over 30 years. His son has severe mental disease, his daughter is in recovery for going the same route I did...crack. My uncle finally got help during one of his prison terms, and is a much-loved blessing to our family. He talks to and sees his kids as often as possible.
I recommend you read/post on the link listed above or Friends & Family/substance abuse. You can't love him into recovery, you can't make him want it, but you can learn how to have a fulfilling life, no matter what he does. It's not easy, but it is possible.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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