A reason I'm so disappointed in myself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 108
A reason I'm so disappointed in myself
I have a drug addiction. I can't believe it. The sad part is that I know this board well. I used it when I had an ex boyfriend who was an alcoholic. It was such a good resource for me and I found great support. I chose to cut off contact with this man because his alcoholic behavior became too much. I didn't want to put my son through it. I was NOT using vicodin at the time.
Yet here I am, addicted just like him. I feel like such an idiot. How could I have been through this as a family member, and then do it to my family myself? I knew what I went through was awful. I knew all the signs and read all the material. What have I done?
I suppose in the end, it made me realize my own problem. So maybe I should be thanking him for showing me that I shouldn't let my own problem spiral out of control like his did. I'm getting help sooner rather than later. Maybe if I hadn't been through what I did, I would have been addicted many more years.
Does this make me a bad person? Has anyone else ever experienced this situation before?
Light and Love,
Sarah
Yet here I am, addicted just like him. I feel like such an idiot. How could I have been through this as a family member, and then do it to my family myself? I knew what I went through was awful. I knew all the signs and read all the material. What have I done?
I suppose in the end, it made me realize my own problem. So maybe I should be thanking him for showing me that I shouldn't let my own problem spiral out of control like his did. I'm getting help sooner rather than later. Maybe if I hadn't been through what I did, I would have been addicted many more years.
Does this make me a bad person? Has anyone else ever experienced this situation before?
Light and Love,
Sarah
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi LDG:
Welcome back to SR. It will be as good a recovery site for you as it was a co-dependent site before.
I once looked at "addicts" as flawed human beings. Defective sorts who had no self control.
I suppose I should either be shot, or shunned.
I now think that until addiction has been experienced by someone, they can't really speak to that issue except as an "outsider". I've had addictive behaviors for years, but I never imagined a drug could hook me in as fast as oxycodone did when I had double knee replacement surgeries in 2009. The months that led up to it were an easy slide into Percocets for torn knee ligaments, and after major orthopedic surgery for which I really needed them, I was in over my head.
It took months of denial that I could possibly be addicted, followed by a desperate attempt to get off the drug by tapering off, thinking that I could avoid the pain and discomfort of withdrawal. It was a pipe dream, so to speak.
So, at 8 months off opiates now (my stop date was 12/15/10), I look at opiate and other addiction through new eyes. Wiser eyes. With a sense of guilt at my jaded viewpoint before all this began.
Good luck to you. I am glad you are here. This place was my support and continues to be that.
FT
Welcome back to SR. It will be as good a recovery site for you as it was a co-dependent site before.
I once looked at "addicts" as flawed human beings. Defective sorts who had no self control.
I suppose I should either be shot, or shunned.
I now think that until addiction has been experienced by someone, they can't really speak to that issue except as an "outsider". I've had addictive behaviors for years, but I never imagined a drug could hook me in as fast as oxycodone did when I had double knee replacement surgeries in 2009. The months that led up to it were an easy slide into Percocets for torn knee ligaments, and after major orthopedic surgery for which I really needed them, I was in over my head.
It took months of denial that I could possibly be addicted, followed by a desperate attempt to get off the drug by tapering off, thinking that I could avoid the pain and discomfort of withdrawal. It was a pipe dream, so to speak.
So, at 8 months off opiates now (my stop date was 12/15/10), I look at opiate and other addiction through new eyes. Wiser eyes. With a sense of guilt at my jaded viewpoint before all this began.
Good luck to you. I am glad you are here. This place was my support and continues to be that.
FT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 108
Thank you both for your replies.
FT,
It's funny because I was the exact same way. I'm a 911 dispatcher and I get so annoyed with the "drug seekers" who only call because they want to go to the hospital for their next fix. I looked down my nose at them. 2 weeks ago I realized I was no different after badgering a coworker who's uncle is a doctor for a whole bottle of illegally obtained pills. Who's the drug seeker now?
SB,
Yes, that's exactly why I'm doing it now. The longer I wait, the worse it will get. I know this. I'm glad I realized on my own
FT,
It's funny because I was the exact same way. I'm a 911 dispatcher and I get so annoyed with the "drug seekers" who only call because they want to go to the hospital for their next fix. I looked down my nose at them. 2 weeks ago I realized I was no different after badgering a coworker who's uncle is a doctor for a whole bottle of illegally obtained pills. Who's the drug seeker now?
SB,
Yes, that's exactly why I'm doing it now. The longer I wait, the worse it will get. I know this. I'm glad I realized on my own
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