NVRAGAIN3PCT

out of no where I get 18 texts from him (yes I blocked him but he can email texts to my phone Obviously I'll change my number today)

Threatened my safety, My custody of my kids, bad things from our past, called me the most filthy disgusting names you could call someone

He's also been following me and has threatened to 'tell the real truth' to anyone I try to see Following me (unbeknownst to me) that he will do violence beat up etc anyone I try to see

I'm so exhausted and weary and emotional and guess what

this is payback from NOT RESPONDING TO HIS TEXT EARLIER THIS WEEK,

And guess what? I'm not going to respond or change my Face book or anything at all except to show the texts to the police and get a restraining order

That's if my family doesn't get to him first WE may be southern gentle folk but can be the redneck mafia when need be

I am so done I've cried more in 24 hours than in a lifetime I think

But I'm here with good family who knows all and is supportive

I HAVE NO URGE USE AND NO CRAVING TO USE

THANK THE UNIVERSE

Any advice would be appreciated

I'm so tired.

but I am NOT GOING BACK TO THAT LYING FOKING OX OR TO MY LYING FOKING EX BOYFRIEND!

you can forget that crap. I'm moving forward.

Need advice Please

FT where are you?

G2G where are you?

Rinky?

Oxious?

Mr Bliss
Jess?

where?

help help help.....

KEEP FOKING THE FOKING OX!!!!!!!!!!!!

weary in my bones.

I'm afraid he will either come after me or kill himself Better him than me

Please send me some advice or help or something

Feel so drained right now

Peace & Blessings.

FT

Hi NVR,

Get that restraining order!

If you do, he will have a no contact order against him which includes this kind of abuse. You don't need this.

I would strongly suggest that you take his threats seriously, by the way. Domestic violence is high up on the list of unnatural deaths in this country.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Get yourself somewhere safe, dear.

I'll be on my email all day. I am home from my clinical rotation, and I'll be on m computer working at home most of the day.

FT

MalcolmBliss

Sounds like you have a real reason to obtain a restraining order to me. I'd be on it.
Moreover I'd be worried about my little ones, which I'm sure you already are.

I just don't understand people sometimes. The one thing I value the most in my life is what little bit of privacy I have left. So when you call things quits with other people, why can't they just leave you the hell alone? It must be aggravating for you enough just being afraid for your own well being.

I have a concealed carry license for this type of crap. I never brandish it, but I feel better knowing I have one with me when my family and I go out.

Getting back to your subject, I'd be staying with another family member perhaps or a best friend, take your kids with you if you haven't already done so. I'm sure you've already thought about this.

People can be so damn stupid sometimes. I wish I had better advice to give you. I agree with FT, get that order, protect yourself.
Saying a prayer for you and your family,
Malcolm

FT

Hey NVR:

How ya doin?

FT

iliveforyou

NVR - Oh sweetie, I am so so sorry you are going thru this sh*t. You don't deserve an ounce. Get that restraining order as soon as you possibly can.

How are you hun? I wish I was here earlier Please stay somewhere safe. I wish I had advice. I have nothing but support, hugs and love.

-Jess

oxyious

I'm here NVR... I'm sorry I left you. I SO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I'm not sure if you remember, but I met a kid at an NA meeting and he acted like he was being abused at home, yadda, yadda so I took him in (STRICTLY PLATONIC), fed him, gave him cigs and he ended up stealing my car (returning it damaged all to hell) stealing 600.00 and my phone. Because he used my credit card to steal the money, the bank is prosecuting and he's left some vile messages on my phone and even worse--- I'm in trouble because I was a patsy and accepted a box with weed in it.... he knew this (I shared because he was an NA brother) and he's using it against me now.. leaving notes with threats only I would understand........He broke the window on my car so it's stuck down a few inches and he's dumped stolen phones in there (and I called the police, and trust me, he looked at me like I was a moron because it doesn't make sense to someone not directly involved in this mess)...... someone pissed in my car.... I so know how you feel... The most recent "threat" was a photo of a guy making a gesture like they were choking someone to death. (This kids friend from NA) and he's claiming he was showing off his tattoo. I feel like the world is against me. Showing off his tattoo? His hand tatts are old and he's left me messages outright threatening me... I've saved them incase something worse happens to me. (He's doing all this to scare me away from prosecuting him).

NVRAGAIN3PCT

I'm here. I'm safe.

I'm exhausted.

He's really upped the ante. Calling my family from pay phones, threatening to kill himself (ALL MY FAULT).

I just can't even tell you how awful.

I WILL NOT RESPOND.

He called my Dad....big mistake. My dad told him where to get off and if not he'd take care of it himself. I'm a Daddy's girl with 2 big brothers ready to kick his every lovin' cotton pickin' *ss if you'll pardon my french.

I love my ex bf. BUT I LOVE ME MORE.

I NEED AND HAVE TO BE CLEAN.

Thank Carl I was in TX over the weekend.

I'm so tired.

I'm so so so so tired.

But I"m ok.

I never once had the urge until today. I'm so hurting and tired and exhausted.

Told my family everything about the oxy's and all that garbage. They love me and support me 100% percent.

I am very loved.

I'm so tired.

I'm blessed but exhausted.

I need STRENGTH.

Please send. this is when I would cave in....BUT I CAN'T

FT

Hi NVR,

I'm so glad you're safe. Your ex BF needs help badly, help that you can't give him. I hope he finds it, but your safety is first and foremost.

I'd get that restraining order to get these calls and texts to stop, but I'm sure you're aware that restraining orders get violated all the time, often in a violent manner.

Keep protecting your self, let your family help you. I'm so glad you aren't alone in all this.

Keep us posted, please.

FT

Wantingit

Nvr,

Glad your safe and glad you told your family. Having accountability is very important in early recovery, may I again suggest meetings? LOL I know I keep saying that but they can really help. Especially getting a sponsor!! Keep up the good work and stay safe!!

NVRAGAIN3PCT

Thank you so much.

Running and FT and all the great folks here are my meetings and sponsors. Meetings are just not for me, in more ways than one. I won't even go into the reasons why.

Good Lord - my ex sent over 44 texts today. SERIOUSLY? His mother told him to check into the hospital psych unit for help. I doubt he did. I hope he did. If not, I know he'll kill himself and while it will devastate me beyond belief IT WILL NOT BE MY FAULT!

I'm tired. I'm trying.

I'm not exactly craving because I've forgotten what it feels like. So here we are.

I'm trying to force myself to go for my run. I guess I gotta go, right?

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

Thank the Universe.

Thank my family - SR and here at home <3

FT

Just be sure to slip off the stilettos and put on some REAL running shoes first!

Much love,
FT

MalcolmBliss

Do you really feel responsible for his life? If he's suicidal, that is not your fault. Only doctors and treatment can help a condition such as this. Good Lord, I don't feel it's your place to feel the guilt of his own actions. Much less his psychological condition.
Put that in the back of your mind. I have been in love many times, or so I thought. My wife is my true partner. We share common interests, we are all about family. No one can break the bond of 2 people who really and truly love one another. I feel this maybe is more of a guilt trip that he's trying to pull on you by playing on your emotions in a somewhat difficult time.
Forgive me if I overstepped my boundaries here, but only he has the power, at this point, to make this right by walking away and collecting his thoughts.

I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way, but I've heard this stuff from many of my friends and their relationships before.

If he truly loves you, he will get the help he needs and come back to you in a new way and be a new person.

We're still praying for you here, hoping for the best.
-Malcolm

NVRAGAIN3PCT

I don't feel responsible one iota. Not one.

However, he said he already kicked his oxy habit but I am SURE that is a lie and that even if he did he's already using anything else he can get his hands on.

He has always been suicidal and convinced me we were meant for each other. That no one else could be this crazy together.

Guess what?

HE'S WRONG!

That's a bunch of bull.

Even if he gets help, which I sincerely hope so because I love him so much, I will never go back to him. Too unhealthy. Too much bad between us. So sad.

I did get sad today....almost caving in....but stayed strong. I left the lying foking ox and I can leave this lying foking ex bf too.

FT - Yep - I'll slip off my new white leather, silver studded stiletto's and put on my pink and black nike's before running

Much love to my oxy family.

taking my meds and putting this day to bed. The running will have to wait till morning.

Thank the Universe.

And sending meditations that the ex is finally getting the help he needs.

NVRAGAIN3PCT

Well Poop. I wrote a huge post and now it's gone!

It's rough. I want to reach out to him. I have no desire to use. No cravings. Nothing. I don't even remember that feeling.

Thought things were calming down then BOOM! TRIGGER!

Ex gf who lives in Oregon (known each other 20 years. Was the first I lived with. Very special to me) She called and asked me to get in touch with her mother here. Her mother is a very prominant fertility specialist but now a pain management dr. Go figure. 2 miles from my house. I cannot do this! If I go I'll get pills. If I get pills, I'll use. If I use, I'll die. End of story.

cannot do that.

Ex BF says he's clean - but I know he's not. Says he's getting help, I know he's not.

It doesn't even matter anymore. good lordy I want this monkey off my back for good. Just like I feel like those oxy's are gone too.

Rough morning. All way around. My kids came home sick. Up all night with them. Now off to the dr.

Decided to spend my drug money on new running shoes and clothes and join the gym again. I was with the gym for 15 years~! I gotta get back to life again. Real Life.

I'm still compliant on my meds and they are helping. I had a bout of mania in TX but thank you Carl my family helped.

I'm here.

I'm clean.

I'm crabby.

But I'M HERE AND 7 WEEKS CLEAN OF THAT LYING FOKING OX!!!!!!

GO ME!

FT

Hi NVR!

Yes, GO YOU! YOU GO GIRL! (I hate that phrase!)(Ha!)

It's almost aggravating to KNOW you could go get pills if you REALLY wanted to. Lordy, lordy, do I know that feeling. My last pain doc who THOUGHT I was tapering, gave me carte blanche to have "emergency" oxycodone lying around, for "those weekends" when I just want to sit through a movie without pain. HIS WORDS. His suggestion was that I just go off oxys for 3 months and then come back to him and get my emergency supply. Geez.

Do you know what I would DO with an emergency supply? Lordy, I would be back at daily oxycodone within a week. I know myself by now, wouldn't ya think? And yet I know in the back of my head that I ALWAYS have this doctor who would take me back in a flash and supply me with oxys in a heartbeat.

I almost wish I had gotten them illegally. Maybe not. I don't have dealers calling me to tempt me. I just have ME inside my own head, knowing what I could do if I wanted to. Of course, with that would probably come a divorce if my husband caught me -- and how could he NOT catch me, he can tell when I am using, even though I thought I was hiding it "real good". Plus, I would shift back into a totally abnormal routine of daybreak wakening, cold sick sweats, grasping for my pills in the dark, sitting sipping coffee while waiting for the drug to take effect.

Lordy, can I make my own triggers or what? I remember I ALMOST enjoyed that brief moment of feeling sick in the morning because of the sudden contrast of feeling the oxys flooding into my bloodstream. Except when NO oxys were available, at least at the dose I wanted because I had run myself dry as usual, that sick feeling would NOT go away all day long. Sick sick sick.

So, my dear. Whenever you feel temptation creeping up on you, think back hard on what made you stop. That sickness, that awfulness, of oxy addiction. We do tend to remember the "good" stuff and not the bad so much.

Don't forget. I can see that you are not.

FT