Day 1 - Looking for help and support (Please Help)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 8
Day 1 - Looking for help and support (Please Help)
I am 23 years old suffering from roxy addiction. Just typing this sentence alone makes we want to break down. I have gone through several relapses and have become tired of being helpless and dependent on a little blue pill. I have gone through this many times before but actually look to change my life around today by quitting this evil substance and gaining control of my life. However I realize that i cant do this without the help of others. There are only two people that know of my illness which is me and my dealer, i haven't told ANYONE including my girlfriend of three years who I am incredibly close with. I just feel so alone right now and hope to hear from some people offering support and advice. I know what to expect from this detox and am already feeling the pain physically and mentally. Luckily i have only been on about 3 30mg roxy's for near 4 months. I detoxed for 4 days nearly a month and a half ago and began feeling better going to back to the gym and running but quickly fell back into old habits. Currently I am work feeling like **** and have no choice but to suffer through detox at work. Incredibly sad right now and just want someone who know what im going through to offer some support.
-Much love
-Much love
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 40
Redeye,
I also just went thru oxy detox starting last week and am currently 10 days clean. We all know the WDs suck-physically and emotionally. I have also been in your shoes where I told no one about my addiction and tried numerous times to quit on my own, only to relapse later. This time I am attending NA meetings which really help. I came clean to all my family and friends. While at first it was uncomfortable, they have really been a source of support for me. My only regret was not being honest with them sooner and wasting the time using instead (and did I mention wasting tons of money too??).
Since you have been through WDs before, you know what to expect and how long it lasts. You have made it before and you can make it again this time. I suggest figuring out what will be different this time from the other times you have quit. After all, we have a bad habit and with the time we are not using we need to fill that void. I think that is the biggest challenge for me-I was sooo used to doing everything while using that small tasks seem odd to perform clean. But I'm doing it-just for today. Not worrying about tom or next week-just today. And that's what gets me through the day.
The NA meetings also really help. It's nice to talk open with other addicts without fear of being judged. I suggest trying to attend some in your area. You don't have to speak, you can just listen and perhaps you can learn something or gain strength from it. My thought was-hey, it can't hurt, right?
Keep strong and remember to take it easy, you didn't become addicted in a day and this addiction won't go away in a day either. Unfortunately, being clean takes work but if you put it in, you will get great results. Good luck!!
I also just went thru oxy detox starting last week and am currently 10 days clean. We all know the WDs suck-physically and emotionally. I have also been in your shoes where I told no one about my addiction and tried numerous times to quit on my own, only to relapse later. This time I am attending NA meetings which really help. I came clean to all my family and friends. While at first it was uncomfortable, they have really been a source of support for me. My only regret was not being honest with them sooner and wasting the time using instead (and did I mention wasting tons of money too??).
Since you have been through WDs before, you know what to expect and how long it lasts. You have made it before and you can make it again this time. I suggest figuring out what will be different this time from the other times you have quit. After all, we have a bad habit and with the time we are not using we need to fill that void. I think that is the biggest challenge for me-I was sooo used to doing everything while using that small tasks seem odd to perform clean. But I'm doing it-just for today. Not worrying about tom or next week-just today. And that's what gets me through the day.
The NA meetings also really help. It's nice to talk open with other addicts without fear of being judged. I suggest trying to attend some in your area. You don't have to speak, you can just listen and perhaps you can learn something or gain strength from it. My thought was-hey, it can't hurt, right?
Keep strong and remember to take it easy, you didn't become addicted in a day and this addiction won't go away in a day either. Unfortunately, being clean takes work but if you put it in, you will get great results. Good luck!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 8
First off donewithpills I'd like thank you for your support. I have always looked at this website through my prior withdrawls and finally decided to join and post this time. It's therapeutic to sit here and tell my story as well as hearing everyone elses. As far as your suggestion for coming clean with those around me I just feel it is impossible. I know that if i open up to them they will view me in a different and negative light. Many of them have accused me in the past to which i have vehemently denied. I believe i can use this site to vent and talk to people who are going through and have gone through the same thing i am going through. I just can't help but feel so alone, its so hard to sit here at work when i can barely function just cant wait till the clock strikes 4:30. Its crazy to think of the journey i had. Everytime id go pick up these pills id tell myself it would be the last time. Then i would have some sort of event planned to which i knew i couldnt make it if i was detoxing so i continued to use. it gets to the point when you arent even getting high anymore, just taking pills to feel normal. Its amazing how many people suffer from this illness and how this type of stuff can be legal. Now i realize i must take the ying with the yang and for all the joy and goodness i felt will now be pain. I started doing the Thomas recipe today hoping it will help, i would suggest the same to you if possible. Im done throwing all my days and money away and now just want to enjoy my life without pills, but dayumm its hard. Hope everyone reading this will beat this horrible sickness.
-Much Love
-Much Love
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 136
Redeye,
Glad to hear you are taking a step towards recovery. I myself have not had an addiction to any type of substance, but my boyfriend is addicted to and abusing Roxys, and I understand what you are going through. I also can shed some light on your situation from the "girlfriend" point of view.
If I were you, I would come clean with your gf. The hardest part of my relationship is the lack of trust, the betrayal I feel when he lies to me, tries to hide his addiction. After several months of dating, he finally fessed up and told me about his addiction. He came to me and that was a big step for him, and I appreciated that he trusted me enough to tell me what was going on. I'm not sure how I would have felt if I would have discovered his addiction on my own, and I may not have remained in the relationship if he hadn't told me. He tries to hide how much he uses from me (as well as when he shoots up), and every time I discover that he has been lying to me, it breaks my heart. You said you have no support through this, so your gf could be the support you need to get through this. Someone to talk to, support you through your recovery. I think she would appreciate your honesty in this situation, and if you are serious about recovery, she won't bail.
Back to the topic of detox...I don't think detoxing on your own is a very good idea. My bf has tried it several times, and it obviously never worked. Just quitting isn't enough, it's not recovery, and those who go through this alone without following a program, often go back to using again.
Have you looked into Intensive Outpatient Detox? It's day 1 and you are already having trouble detoxing at work, and the wd's are only going to get worse. I would search for some outpatient facilities in your area and make a few phone calls. Many of them have flexible hours (ex. 3pm-6pm, 3-5 days a week) so you won't have to take off of work, and many accept health insurance so you may not have to pay all that much. It's only a suggestion, but at least you would be detoxing under the supervision of medically trained individuals and have a support system.
Well, hope that helped a bit. Keep your head up and stay focused on recovery. You CAN do this.
Glad to hear you are taking a step towards recovery. I myself have not had an addiction to any type of substance, but my boyfriend is addicted to and abusing Roxys, and I understand what you are going through. I also can shed some light on your situation from the "girlfriend" point of view.
If I were you, I would come clean with your gf. The hardest part of my relationship is the lack of trust, the betrayal I feel when he lies to me, tries to hide his addiction. After several months of dating, he finally fessed up and told me about his addiction. He came to me and that was a big step for him, and I appreciated that he trusted me enough to tell me what was going on. I'm not sure how I would have felt if I would have discovered his addiction on my own, and I may not have remained in the relationship if he hadn't told me. He tries to hide how much he uses from me (as well as when he shoots up), and every time I discover that he has been lying to me, it breaks my heart. You said you have no support through this, so your gf could be the support you need to get through this. Someone to talk to, support you through your recovery. I think she would appreciate your honesty in this situation, and if you are serious about recovery, she won't bail.
Back to the topic of detox...I don't think detoxing on your own is a very good idea. My bf has tried it several times, and it obviously never worked. Just quitting isn't enough, it's not recovery, and those who go through this alone without following a program, often go back to using again.
Have you looked into Intensive Outpatient Detox? It's day 1 and you are already having trouble detoxing at work, and the wd's are only going to get worse. I would search for some outpatient facilities in your area and make a few phone calls. Many of them have flexible hours (ex. 3pm-6pm, 3-5 days a week) so you won't have to take off of work, and many accept health insurance so you may not have to pay all that much. It's only a suggestion, but at least you would be detoxing under the supervision of medically trained individuals and have a support system.
Well, hope that helped a bit. Keep your head up and stay focused on recovery. You CAN do this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 8
Artist thanks for your insight from a different perspective. It definitely hurts to face up to the truth but i suppose i should look at it as part of my recovery process. Im not quite sure where this road will take me, but this time i know im in it for the long haul. I have about a half hour left at work before i can return to bed and lay down for a while. Im not quite sure how im going to handle this whole thing with my girlfriend as im afraid she might leave me. I KNOW I couldnt do this without her presence in my life. Throughout the previous detox ive just told her i was sick and she would show up at my house and lay down with me, i suppose tonight she will come over as well. Im not sure im ready to tell her yet though, please dont take this the wrong way artist i value and appreciate your help and care and wish you the best with you and your mate as well. The most difficult part of day 1 is almost over, work. And now i look foward to relaxing at home in my bed, i cant wait till the detox is over im so sick of throwing these days away just lying alone for most of the time instead of being out enjoying my life with my friends. Much love and peace to all thanks for all your support, this site is amazing thanks everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 40
Artist,
I completely agree that telling his girlfriend would be a good idea. If she truly cares about him, she will support him and help him get through this. Yes, it is part of recovery which takes some effort and will be difficult at first.
Redeye,
I didn't use any special diets or recipes. I went to my MD and told him I had a problem and needed help. I was prescribed medications to help with WDs. Not only was that beneficial to me during WDs, but it closed off a source of access for future use. I'm still shocked I will probably never get prescribed narcs again from that office, but I am trying to let it go.
I think you should be honest with your girlfriend. If my husband came to me, I would support him. I truly believe that if she didn't support you then that should tell you something about your relationship. I, personally, wouldn't want to be with someone who bailed on me when the going got tough and I needed support.
I also would continue to use, stating "this is my last time" or I would use some event to prohibit myself from stopping. Then I came to the realization that life would not stand still for me to WD and I basically needed to face the music. And, while WDs have not been fun, I am alive, healthy, and trying to enjoy life as I am. I am looking forward to the future when I feel happy again and the WDs are completely gone. But, like I said earlier, take it easy....one day at a time just like I am. You can do this if you want to; you have been successful in the past!!!
Good luck!!!
I completely agree that telling his girlfriend would be a good idea. If she truly cares about him, she will support him and help him get through this. Yes, it is part of recovery which takes some effort and will be difficult at first.
Redeye,
I didn't use any special diets or recipes. I went to my MD and told him I had a problem and needed help. I was prescribed medications to help with WDs. Not only was that beneficial to me during WDs, but it closed off a source of access for future use. I'm still shocked I will probably never get prescribed narcs again from that office, but I am trying to let it go.
I think you should be honest with your girlfriend. If my husband came to me, I would support him. I truly believe that if she didn't support you then that should tell you something about your relationship. I, personally, wouldn't want to be with someone who bailed on me when the going got tough and I needed support.
I also would continue to use, stating "this is my last time" or I would use some event to prohibit myself from stopping. Then I came to the realization that life would not stand still for me to WD and I basically needed to face the music. And, while WDs have not been fun, I am alive, healthy, and trying to enjoy life as I am. I am looking forward to the future when I feel happy again and the WDs are completely gone. But, like I said earlier, take it easy....one day at a time just like I am. You can do this if you want to; you have been successful in the past!!!
Good luck!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 59
I too have a similar story. It's a tough battle, very tough. On again/off again. I thought I could do it alone and have come to find I can't. I don't think anyone can. I am just starting to let a few family members know what's been going on. Little by little. I kept my addiction to myself (I was a funtional addict) and honestly feel ashamed to let people in on it. I tell them my will is ever so strong but the chemical imbalance in my brain is stronger which has led to many relapes. I've said to them it's not like I want to get high, I just want to feel normal. They don't understand at first. They can't. It really helps to talk through it with people on this forum as you will learn over time.
I have finished the physical withdrawal a few months ago only to find the psychological withdrawal is a lot harder. Don't let that turn you off. It's part of the recovery. The battle in my head is horrible. My drug addiction has led me to lose faith a long time ago as well as everything else. The last month I finally got my faith back. That's really important for me and I hope you have some cause you'll need it.
Don't give up. Don't go away. No matter what.
I have finished the physical withdrawal a few months ago only to find the psychological withdrawal is a lot harder. Don't let that turn you off. It's part of the recovery. The battle in my head is horrible. My drug addiction has led me to lose faith a long time ago as well as everything else. The last month I finally got my faith back. That's really important for me and I hope you have some cause you'll need it.
Don't give up. Don't go away. No matter what.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 136
Redeye,
No offense taken at all by your response. Only you can decide when the time is right to tell your girlfriend, and if you aren't ready to tell her right now, that's okay. You'll know when you're ready, and if you have been together for 3 years, she will understand and support you throughout your recovery. It's hard going at it alone, but here you aren't alone. I just joined this site a few weeks ago and I already look at all of the people here as a new family. And anytime I'm having a bad day or feel like I just can't go on, I turn to my soberrecovery family for guidance and support, and you should do the same. If you ever need to talk, just send me a message. I'm always here to listen, listen without judgement as well.
Good luck & stay focused on recovery!
No offense taken at all by your response. Only you can decide when the time is right to tell your girlfriend, and if you aren't ready to tell her right now, that's okay. You'll know when you're ready, and if you have been together for 3 years, she will understand and support you throughout your recovery. It's hard going at it alone, but here you aren't alone. I just joined this site a few weeks ago and I already look at all of the people here as a new family. And anytime I'm having a bad day or feel like I just can't go on, I turn to my soberrecovery family for guidance and support, and you should do the same. If you ever need to talk, just send me a message. I'm always here to listen, listen without judgement as well.
Good luck & stay focused on recovery!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 8
I can't tell you how much all your kind words mean to me. Your right, i definitely would not be able to go through this alone...and thanks to you all now I know i dont have to. Last night was horrible, as i expected, i spend the whole night with that feeling like i want to jump out of my skin, then the runs started around 3:30 A.M. and like an idiot i left my immodium at work so i had to suffer through my stomach pains. Today at work I'm feeling the lack of energy is making everything incredibly difficult so im struggling to make it through. I have decided i definitely need to tell my girlfriend, but think i might wait till the physical withdrawl is over as i feel i dont have the energy physically or mentally to deal with it. I cant wait till this is over, this physical withdrawl and lack of sleep is so difficult to make through. I took your advice and delete my contact with my dealer. I dont really feel the need to go back to these pills. I have however been smoking marijuana keep my mind occupied and appetite. Just so happy you all are here to help me through this...much love.
Servant of God
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 214
Listen, Detox can be dangerous for some. See a reputable Dr if you can but be careful of additional meds. Dr's do get kickbacks from pharm co's and this is all teamed through the pharmacies.
The best thing to do is tell as many people that will listen, within reason, what you are going through and BE HONEST. This puts pressure on yourself to stick to a plan. I think, if medically safe, going through an unassisted detox at home is the best for a lot of reasons. But again, getting advice from a reputable Dr is best and make sure you put it all out for him/her...no reason to lie or hide here.
And if you are going to insist on using weed, try to use it only when the withdrawl is at it's worst, use the least amount possible and set a date to quit that as well. Honestly, you will have no clue how well you and your brain will feel until about a month after having NO chemicals in it.
Eat well and exercise. Good luck.
The best thing to do is tell as many people that will listen, within reason, what you are going through and BE HONEST. This puts pressure on yourself to stick to a plan. I think, if medically safe, going through an unassisted detox at home is the best for a lot of reasons. But again, getting advice from a reputable Dr is best and make sure you put it all out for him/her...no reason to lie or hide here.
And if you are going to insist on using weed, try to use it only when the withdrawl is at it's worst, use the least amount possible and set a date to quit that as well. Honestly, you will have no clue how well you and your brain will feel until about a month after having NO chemicals in it.
Eat well and exercise. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 40
Redeye,
I hope you do tell your girlfriend, and I hope she does support you. I have found having a strong support group has really helped me this time and I hope it's what I need to change the future. That's good that you deleted your dealer contact, for me that wasn't enough; I had to delete the contacts and then change my number so they couldn't call me too. I am almost two weeks clean and while I am not feeling great, I feel better than I did yesterday. The mental part is the worst for me. Just today I got into an argument with my husband and my first thought is to use to help me deal with it. But, I called a friend instead and vented to her. I'm glad you find comfort and understanding in this forum. I really hope you succeed-I know you can...you're stronger than a pill!!!!
I hope you do tell your girlfriend, and I hope she does support you. I have found having a strong support group has really helped me this time and I hope it's what I need to change the future. That's good that you deleted your dealer contact, for me that wasn't enough; I had to delete the contacts and then change my number so they couldn't call me too. I am almost two weeks clean and while I am not feeling great, I feel better than I did yesterday. The mental part is the worst for me. Just today I got into an argument with my husband and my first thought is to use to help me deal with it. But, I called a friend instead and vented to her. I'm glad you find comfort and understanding in this forum. I really hope you succeed-I know you can...you're stronger than a pill!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 8
Hey everyone thanks for your supports and kind words. Work day 2 has been horrific as my stomach pain and lack of ANY energy has me struggling to complete even the most menial tasks. I cant wait until this day is over. As of yet im still the only one who knows about my addiction other than y'all. I was supposed to go with my girlfriend on a date later but told her i how i have no energy to do anything. She understands, such a wonderful person which is why im so afraid of breaking her heart with this. I know she'll support me but i know she'll always have this in the back of her mind. I am supposed to go to a rave this friday in NYC with her, i hope ill have energy to attend. I am also done using molly, coke, etc. Currently the only habit left for me to kick is my marijuana use. Im going to wait for this withdrawl period to end before i attempt to tackle that problem though. Usually at this point id call up my dealer for pills so i wouldnt have to withdrawl through the rave but this time i KNOW im not going back to those f'ing pills. 3 Hours left of work and i CANT wait to get outta her and get back to my bed. Cant imagine doing it without this forum, much love to all of you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 40
Redeye,
Congrats on almost making it through day 2!! You are doing great! I know it's hard, but we all know the first few days/week are the worst physically and you are doing it!!!
I feel the same way you do when I worry about upcoming events and not having pills to use during the events. Sad, but I do think it. I try to tell myself I will not know how I will feel that day, so no use worrying about it now.
Sounds like your GF is supportive. That's good. My husband has been very supportive and this is kind of like the last straw attempt to detox crap he's willing to put up with. I have went through WDs so many times, it's amazing how many people bought my "flu" or "stomach bug" line. In the end, coming clean was difficult but liberating. Not only are my family and friends supportive, but they also help keep me in line by checking up on me. And I suppose I need that.
Hope you can get some rest tonight.
Congrats on almost making it through day 2!! You are doing great! I know it's hard, but we all know the first few days/week are the worst physically and you are doing it!!!
I feel the same way you do when I worry about upcoming events and not having pills to use during the events. Sad, but I do think it. I try to tell myself I will not know how I will feel that day, so no use worrying about it now.
Sounds like your GF is supportive. That's good. My husband has been very supportive and this is kind of like the last straw attempt to detox crap he's willing to put up with. I have went through WDs so many times, it's amazing how many people bought my "flu" or "stomach bug" line. In the end, coming clean was difficult but liberating. Not only are my family and friends supportive, but they also help keep me in line by checking up on me. And I suppose I need that.
Hope you can get some rest tonight.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: land of sunshine and pill mills
Posts: 272
Welcome! You'll find lots of support here.
for the love of Peter Pan how are you even OUT of BED at this point? I can't imagine. I spent almost a week in the depths of hell watching the golf channel and taking hot baths every hour. I cannot even fathom how you are functioning enough to go to work.
As for telling your gf. That's up to you. Telling her now may put undue stress not only on yourself but on HER and it sounds like you need her support right now. When the time is right, you'll know it and tell her. She may stay, she may go. So be it. Your being clean is more important than anything else. ANYTHING. Without it your relationship would be doomed to failure anyway.
Why? Because those damn oxy's lie. And it will only get worse. You are brave to stop it now before it damages any more of your brain and life and relationships.
That lying ox train has got to GO.
I'm almost 6 weeks clean and I can't tell you how much better I feel now. It's true. Every day, every week gets better and better.
You CAN do this.
Block any access to pills that you have so you can't get any when you are weak.
Peace & Blessings to you this day.
thank the Universe!
for the love of Peter Pan how are you even OUT of BED at this point? I can't imagine. I spent almost a week in the depths of hell watching the golf channel and taking hot baths every hour. I cannot even fathom how you are functioning enough to go to work.
As for telling your gf. That's up to you. Telling her now may put undue stress not only on yourself but on HER and it sounds like you need her support right now. When the time is right, you'll know it and tell her. She may stay, she may go. So be it. Your being clean is more important than anything else. ANYTHING. Without it your relationship would be doomed to failure anyway.
Why? Because those damn oxy's lie. And it will only get worse. You are brave to stop it now before it damages any more of your brain and life and relationships.
That lying ox train has got to GO.
I'm almost 6 weeks clean and I can't tell you how much better I feel now. It's true. Every day, every week gets better and better.
You CAN do this.
Block any access to pills that you have so you can't get any when you are weak.
Peace & Blessings to you this day.
thank the Universe!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: nc
Posts: 12
Came across this thread and was just wondering about redeye...hope you're doing well man. Send a reply if you're still out there. I too have been going through w/D's for the past week, will be 7 days clean tonight. I have tried to get clean many times before but am hoping this time will be different. I have since told my gf of 4 years and my family and they have been a great support system. Redeye if you're still coming here let us know how you're doing
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Boca *****
Posts: 211
Do yourself a huge favor. When I was Detoxing... It was far from pleasant, one day was especially bad for me... but write it ALL DOWN, keep a journal (if you vomit, talk about how much, how bad it made your throat feel, ...I don't care if you blew chunks all over your favorite blanket--- WRITE IT DOWN---how painful the tummy cramps were, etc).... GET DETAILED, GET SPECIFIC......journal every nasty aspect of it....
THIS IS WHY:
whip that thing out and read it every time you think about using again. (That is why you need to be so grossly detailed in it, because you'll forget all too much and too easily exactly how uncomfortable it was--- unless you are looking at the experience through YOUR eyes, in YOUR handwriting, describing YOUR symptoms. (It's not the same reading somene elses experience, it just isn't.)
THIS IS WHY:
whip that thing out and read it every time you think about using again. (That is why you need to be so grossly detailed in it, because you'll forget all too much and too easily exactly how uncomfortable it was--- unless you are looking at the experience through YOUR eyes, in YOUR handwriting, describing YOUR symptoms. (It's not the same reading somene elses experience, it just isn't.)
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