Can a recovering crack addict drink?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 6
Can a recovering crack addict drink?
After watching the documentary "There is Something Wrong with Aunt Diane," and reliving my own childhood driving with my drunk father, I am concerned about my brother in law taking the kids in the car anywhere (this is the case where the woman killed 8 people in the minivan driving the wrong way on the Taconic two years ago---blood alcohol level was 9 drinks but nobody thought she had a drinking problem). My brother in law is a recovering crack addict. He went to a treatment center for a week, left and got high the entire trip home. He goes to a drug counselor (sometimes) who says he can drink alcohol. This sounds very odd to me as a daughter of an alcohaulic but maybe things have changed? Or is crack different and not cross addictive?
He has young children and there are lots of nieces and nephews. I can't help feeling suspicious he is still using and worrying about his judgment with the kids. But I feel powerless to "prove" it because his wife refuses to look at his addiction and thinks it was not a big deal. They have definitely circled the wagons and she refuses to talk about it: she says this is not her problem, it is her husbands problem and if I have an issue with it discuss it with him. So I have and then well, I am told I don't know what I am talking about, the new treatment says it is fine for him to drink. There are days he is jittery. There are days he sleeps all day. There are times he disappears to play golf and turns out he isn't playing golf. He disappears on bike rides and the bike is in the garage. I am treated like the mean sister for being suspicious. How do you ever stop being suspicious. Do you ever trust a recovered crack addict again? And do you trust them to take your kids in the car anywhere again? And do you serve them the wine/gin and tonic they ask for or is this not my problem? And what do I say to my sister? Nothing? She gets angry and says it is not my business. I can't face overlapping on a vacation with them this summer and feeling nervous for my children and his sobriety around my young kids
He has young children and there are lots of nieces and nephews. I can't help feeling suspicious he is still using and worrying about his judgment with the kids. But I feel powerless to "prove" it because his wife refuses to look at his addiction and thinks it was not a big deal. They have definitely circled the wagons and she refuses to talk about it: she says this is not her problem, it is her husbands problem and if I have an issue with it discuss it with him. So I have and then well, I am told I don't know what I am talking about, the new treatment says it is fine for him to drink. There are days he is jittery. There are days he sleeps all day. There are times he disappears to play golf and turns out he isn't playing golf. He disappears on bike rides and the bike is in the garage. I am treated like the mean sister for being suspicious. How do you ever stop being suspicious. Do you ever trust a recovered crack addict again? And do you trust them to take your kids in the car anywhere again? And do you serve them the wine/gin and tonic they ask for or is this not my problem? And what do I say to my sister? Nothing? She gets angry and says it is not my business. I can't face overlapping on a vacation with them this summer and feeling nervous for my children and his sobriety around my young kids
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
My guess, although I'd certainly put my trust in a licensed professional first!--is that it depends on the person and the situation.
The only substance I've ever been addicted to was alcohol. Tobacco is also an addictive substance, but I can enjoy an occasional trip to the hookah bar without any issues, and I certainly don't consider those experiences as relapses.
OTT
The only substance I've ever been addicted to was alcohol. Tobacco is also an addictive substance, but I can enjoy an occasional trip to the hookah bar without any issues, and I certainly don't consider those experiences as relapses.
OTT
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
You may never know.
My job as a Mom is to keep my children safe so when I suspect that someone is not safe I keep judgement out of it, don't confront and watch their actions.
If you are in doubt of his ability to drive safely, don't allow your children in his vehicle. That is the part you can control.
My job as a Mom is to keep my children safe so when I suspect that someone is not safe I keep judgement out of it, don't confront and watch their actions.
If you are in doubt of his ability to drive safely, don't allow your children in his vehicle. That is the part you can control.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 594
drug counselor said he can still drink?
I find it hard to believe a licensed professional would suggest that, as drinking is probably the fastest way there is back to crack.
Some people can have the odd drink here and there, but very very few.
I find it hard to believe a licensed professional would suggest that, as drinking is probably the fastest way there is back to crack.
Some people can have the odd drink here and there, but very very few.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I am a recovering crack addict and all that missing wioth the bike in the garage and all that sounds like excuses and getting high. But dont take my word for it because I am not there. I dont know the guy, But it sure does sound familiar.
True it isnt really your business as far as what he does with his recovery, but it is your business when ti affects you and especially the welfare of your children.
Being suspicious just angers addicts and pushes them further away. But when it comes down to the safety and well being of you and your family. Then its time to distance that IMO. You dont have to bein his business with that he does to himself. He is going to do that regardless. And you cant do anything about it anyway. But you can do something about what his actions do to affect you and your family.
I wouldnt make a big deal out fo it until there is proven reason to. Like he is clearly sing and incapable of functioning around your children or operating a vehicle. Things like that. You dont want to be rockin boats out of oure suspicion without anythign to back it up.
That for an addict can be very disheartening, especially if they really are trying and it is nothing.
But this is just what I would do.
and for somone who has been in and out of every possible recovery program imaginable, I find it very hard to believe that anyone in the recovery community would say it was fine to drink alcohol. That just doesnt sound right.
They say..A drug is a drug is a drug....
True it isnt really your business as far as what he does with his recovery, but it is your business when ti affects you and especially the welfare of your children.
Being suspicious just angers addicts and pushes them further away. But when it comes down to the safety and well being of you and your family. Then its time to distance that IMO. You dont have to bein his business with that he does to himself. He is going to do that regardless. And you cant do anything about it anyway. But you can do something about what his actions do to affect you and your family.
I wouldnt make a big deal out fo it until there is proven reason to. Like he is clearly sing and incapable of functioning around your children or operating a vehicle. Things like that. You dont want to be rockin boats out of oure suspicion without anythign to back it up.
That for an addict can be very disheartening, especially if they really are trying and it is nothing.
But this is just what I would do.
and for somone who has been in and out of every possible recovery program imaginable, I find it very hard to believe that anyone in the recovery community would say it was fine to drink alcohol. That just doesnt sound right.
They say..A drug is a drug is a drug....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 6
So during the holidays.....do I serve him drinks? Do I refuse to serve? Do I pretend to just miss it or is it none of my business? I worry about my niece and nephew....so it isn't just about the addict and his recovery. There are young children involved. I don't really want to be around him and yet my sister has decided that she would rather live with him even getting high rather than to try to raise the kids alone.
Do I confront him when he disappears or is this again, none of my business with his recovery?
Do I ask point blank....or state point blank.....I think you are using?
Do I state point blank....I have never heard of a drug treatment that says alcohol is O.K. (because I had never heard that before).
I am a straightforward person and have little patience for lies and deceptions (I grew up with an alcoholic father so I am kind of over it)
Thanks for all your thoughtful responses
Do I confront him when he disappears or is this again, none of my business with his recovery?
Do I ask point blank....or state point blank.....I think you are using?
Do I state point blank....I have never heard of a drug treatment that says alcohol is O.K. (because I had never heard that before).
I am a straightforward person and have little patience for lies and deceptions (I grew up with an alcoholic father so I am kind of over it)
Thanks for all your thoughtful responses
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
We have a Family and Friends forum too Greenwood - you may also get something out of the experiences of people who've been though similar things
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Welcome to SR
D
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Welcome to SR
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
It all goes back to the reality that the only person's behavior you have any control over is your own and that of your minor children.
Why not have dry holidays? If you don't think that is possible, then I would say you shouldn't serve anything to anybody. Set up a self serve table with non alcoholic beverages clearly designated that way. That way you don't contribute. I wouldn't confront him. You can't control him, but you don't have to facilitate him either.
It is unfortunate for your sister's children, because what she is doing is teaching them co-dependence in a very strong way. That may carry with them to the place where that is their only "normal", and it will be what they seek. Really too bad.
We model proper behavior to our children, or not. What they see is normal to them. If they are raised in a drug home, that becomes their "normal". You can't control your sister's behavior either, but you don't have to facilitate her, much in the same way you don't facilitate her husband. If your own boundaries are clear, you should have no trouble planning, but first and foremost must be the protection of your children from his influence.
Good luck.
FT
Why not have dry holidays? If you don't think that is possible, then I would say you shouldn't serve anything to anybody. Set up a self serve table with non alcoholic beverages clearly designated that way. That way you don't contribute. I wouldn't confront him. You can't control him, but you don't have to facilitate him either.
It is unfortunate for your sister's children, because what she is doing is teaching them co-dependence in a very strong way. That may carry with them to the place where that is their only "normal", and it will be what they seek. Really too bad.
We model proper behavior to our children, or not. What they see is normal to them. If they are raised in a drug home, that becomes their "normal". You can't control your sister's behavior either, but you don't have to facilitate her, much in the same way you don't facilitate her husband. If your own boundaries are clear, you should have no trouble planning, but first and foremost must be the protection of your children from his influence.
Good luck.
FT
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
We can pussyfoot around this all we want. In the end the ones who will suffer are the children.
Your sister is in denial about her fathers alcoholism and she is in denial about her husbands using.
Your BIL is NOT a "recovering crack addict" as you declared. His words do not match his actions and he is clearly manipulating what his counsellor has told him. No certified addictions counsellor is going to tell a "recovering crack addict" it is okay for them to drink and any that do need to have their permit revoked and think about another line of work.
There may have been a few dubious instances where some substance abusers have been able to resume moderate drinking but telling a crack addict he can drink alcohol is like telling a child to play ball in a china shop as long as he's careful.
Thank God someone in the family is pedalling in the right direction.
Your sister is in denial about her fathers alcoholism and she is in denial about her husbands using.
Your BIL is NOT a "recovering crack addict" as you declared. His words do not match his actions and he is clearly manipulating what his counsellor has told him. No certified addictions counsellor is going to tell a "recovering crack addict" it is okay for them to drink and any that do need to have their permit revoked and think about another line of work.
There may have been a few dubious instances where some substance abusers have been able to resume moderate drinking but telling a crack addict he can drink alcohol is like telling a child to play ball in a china shop as long as he's careful.
Thank God someone in the family is pedalling in the right direction.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 6
I called my stepdad and told him to stop serving drinks to my BIL. If he wants to get his own drink....fine....let him get up and go get it and drink it in front of everyone. But why should we partake in this charade and add to his addiction when it is hurting those kids
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
If this were me, and it were happening in my house around my children and it were causing a problem. It wouldnt be going down. And if whoever didnt like it, Well stay home then. You dont have to come to my house. Problem solved. But then thats just me.
Like already said, You cant control anything or anyone except you and yours.
Like already said, You cant control anything or anyone except you and yours.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
Back in the 70's and early 80's some treatment places did say it was okay to drink alcohol if drugs were their primary problem. I think a few still follow this model, however, they are in the minority.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
I think it would be like telling an alcoholic it was okay to smoke crack/marijuana.... anything that alters your reality or weakens your "power" can only cause troubles....it can open you up to relapse.....
I smoked crack a few times, fortunately I never became addicted...alcohol was my vice...and I know there is no way that I would feel okay doing any mind altering substances in recovery....
I smoked crack a few times, fortunately I never became addicted...alcohol was my vice...and I know there is no way that I would feel okay doing any mind altering substances in recovery....
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
I have been in recovery for about fifteen years (AA/NA). I have met addicts, dozens of them who thought they could drink "normally"......many of them admitted to relapsing shortly after resuming alcohol.....many of them never returned to meetings so I cannot actually say if they relapsed or not (go figure)..... at least one I know was shot and killed by another addict.....
So...., if I had to offer up a response to the enigmatic question: "Can a recovering crack addict drink?"
(and by drinking I assume you mean, responsibly and without relapsing)
..... based on my own observations ....my answer would have to be no....
So...., if I had to offer up a response to the enigmatic question: "Can a recovering crack addict drink?"
(and by drinking I assume you mean, responsibly and without relapsing)
..... based on my own observations ....my answer would have to be no....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 432
I became a major drug addict but drank for years and years. While I was told I may have "bordered" on alchoholism my evaluation didn't put me in that category. I put me there because an addict is..an addict....is an addict. I am addicted to all sorts of things. I was addicted to my job at one point, addicted to spending money, addicted to drugs and addicted to alcohol. I just went through treatment and NONE of my counselors would tell me it's okay to go out and drink. They have the belief that it's just one step back into addiction. Lot's of people have cross addictions and are fooling themselves. I have witnessed people give up alcohol and then move straight into drugs. Nowadays it is very common for people to have cross addictions.
While you can't control the person, you can control what goes on in your home. Good luck and I hope it works out for the best.
While you can't control the person, you can control what goes on in your home. Good luck and I hope it works out for the best.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: NYC, NY
Posts: 151
You can't control your BIL. What you can control is in keeping your kids away from him. Your kids don't have to drive with him and you don't have to take family vacations with him. You're not going to change him and until he gets honest all you can do is protect your own from his behavior.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
