Lonely isolating and still using/drinking
Finally Honest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 301
Lonely isolating and still using/drinking
Hey all,
I haven't been on here in a long time but an soo glad this site is still here. Same ol story abusing norco's when I can get them which sad to say hasn't been that tuff and drinking when I can't get them 1.5 years ago I had just gotten nine months. I had recently moved to a new city had lots of hope, but loss of a relationship and the plans for my ex and my daughter to move here has left me lonely isolated and using off and on since that time.
Since I relapsed I haven't been able to get more than 30 days. been back in the program 2 times 2 different sponsors and just couldn't seem to get it.
So back at day one today determined to keep it simple, I will be back on here looking for lots of support and advice(or suggestions) I am so tired of feeling like this and I know using and drinking is keeping me from achieiving things in my life.
So sad that I've been on this merry go round for 8 years and haven't gotten more than 9 months, I have to get it this time.
I haven't been on here in a long time but an soo glad this site is still here. Same ol story abusing norco's when I can get them which sad to say hasn't been that tuff and drinking when I can't get them 1.5 years ago I had just gotten nine months. I had recently moved to a new city had lots of hope, but loss of a relationship and the plans for my ex and my daughter to move here has left me lonely isolated and using off and on since that time.
Since I relapsed I haven't been able to get more than 30 days. been back in the program 2 times 2 different sponsors and just couldn't seem to get it.
So back at day one today determined to keep it simple, I will be back on here looking for lots of support and advice(or suggestions) I am so tired of feeling like this and I know using and drinking is keeping me from achieiving things in my life.
So sad that I've been on this merry go round for 8 years and haven't gotten more than 9 months, I have to get it this time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
I hear you, I was on and off, mostly on for 45 years. Takes me awhile to figure nothing changes when nothing changes. 9 months was my longest then I got bored, complacent and wreckless--I'm old no one's accused me of being smart. This time around I'm in with both feet, my heart, my head and everyother body piece. It sounds like you've got a good handle on what's going on, its the long term follow through thats the bugger. Whatever support systems and tools you're using that work, use them. Explore what else is out there and try it on for fit. I think if we put as much effort and passion into our recovery as we did our drugs and alcohol half the battle would be won. I know it can be done because others have done it. What others have done I can do. My best to you in your efforts.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi wantingit,
Hey, this is my third recovery. I seem to crash and burn about every 10 years. I can't do this again in another ten years. The second recovery followed an almost total demise. This one, the third one, comes on the heels of almost ruining my life AGAIN.
Think about -- maybe even journal -- what happened to you the other times you tried, struggled, triumphed, only to fall down again. I am a firm believer in learning from experience.
Hey mycoolfitz -- being old isn't so bad, eh? At least it gives you an an excuse for irritating nearly everyone around you! But then, maybe I should speak for myself. Ha!
FT
Hey, this is my third recovery. I seem to crash and burn about every 10 years. I can't do this again in another ten years. The second recovery followed an almost total demise. This one, the third one, comes on the heels of almost ruining my life AGAIN.
Think about -- maybe even journal -- what happened to you the other times you tried, struggled, triumphed, only to fall down again. I am a firm believer in learning from experience.
Hey mycoolfitz -- being old isn't so bad, eh? At least it gives you an an excuse for irritating nearly everyone around you! But then, maybe I should speak for myself. Ha!
FT
Finally Honest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 301
Thanks guys,
I went to a meeting and got a sponsor. I know for me I it's my ego and that thought that maybe I can use one more time. As the book says I have to smash the idea that I can every drink/use again and admit to my inner most self that I am truely powerless over alcohol and drugs. My life is completely unmanageable and has been for 8 years. I need to do the work and take the suggestions I get here and out in the recovery community and one big thing I need to do right now is stop isolating. Servcice and making sober friends and taking and active part in my life and in sobriety is a step in the right direction right out of the gate.
Thanks for responding!! Good luck onyour continued sobriety!!
I went to a meeting and got a sponsor. I know for me I it's my ego and that thought that maybe I can use one more time. As the book says I have to smash the idea that I can every drink/use again and admit to my inner most self that I am truely powerless over alcohol and drugs. My life is completely unmanageable and has been for 8 years. I need to do the work and take the suggestions I get here and out in the recovery community and one big thing I need to do right now is stop isolating. Servcice and making sober friends and taking and active part in my life and in sobriety is a step in the right direction right out of the gate.
Thanks for responding!! Good luck onyour continued sobriety!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Laguna Niguel
Posts: 135
Norcos were my drug of choice and I know the pull they have over you, I can only say don't start on DRT it only prolongs the pain, taper down and knock it off already "
Stay strong and get to some meetings, really I know how hard it is to break the cycle.
Stay strong and get to some meetings, really I know how hard it is to break the cycle.
Finally Honest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 301
Zak,
I actually haven't taken any since tuesday morning and despite some mild withdrawl I actually feel good this morning. I took the day off of work just to give an extra day to feel totally better but am going to use this time to dive into big book like my sponsor asked and call him and hopefully meet up with him. Also go to a few meetings today. Thanks for responding to my post!!
I actually haven't taken any since tuesday morning and despite some mild withdrawl I actually feel good this morning. I took the day off of work just to give an extra day to feel totally better but am going to use this time to dive into big book like my sponsor asked and call him and hopefully meet up with him. Also go to a few meetings today. Thanks for responding to my post!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 331
Been there/done that Wantingit 
You can do it, look at all of the people on here doing it everyday, we are all in this together. I am also on my 243rd time around but I'm trying my hardest to stay clean and sober.
Do whatever you have to do, this is your life, and using/drinking is definitely NOT LIFE. Go to meetings, share your feelings, come on SR, read books, smash things up (well not ppl of course) and have faith. Listening to music, reading books, and talking to people helps me.
Each person is different and as your quote says, "Nothing ever changes if nothing ever changes" You need to approach your recovery in a new way to get new results, but no matter what, at least you are trying and accepting that you are an addict.
"We lose the peace of years for the rapture of moments"
Good luck to you, we all wish for your happy recovery.
<3 Stacy
You can do it, look at all of the people on here doing it everyday, we are all in this together. I am also on my 243rd time around but I'm trying my hardest to stay clean and sober.
Do whatever you have to do, this is your life, and using/drinking is definitely NOT LIFE. Go to meetings, share your feelings, come on SR, read books, smash things up (well not ppl of course) and have faith. Listening to music, reading books, and talking to people helps me.
Each person is different and as your quote says, "Nothing ever changes if nothing ever changes" You need to approach your recovery in a new way to get new results, but no matter what, at least you are trying and accepting that you are an addict.
"We lose the peace of years for the rapture of moments"
Good luck to you, we all wish for your happy recovery.
<3 Stacy
Finally Honest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 301
Thanks Stacey,
Like I said before I need to down to the very bottom of my being accept that I can never drink or use drugs again one day at a time. Now of course that sounds easy but my ego and pride have sent me back out many times. I need to keep it simple and not want to be 10 years sober tomorrow with my life perfect and managable, lol. I hope you have a great sober day!
Like I said before I need to down to the very bottom of my being accept that I can never drink or use drugs again one day at a time. Now of course that sounds easy but my ego and pride have sent me back out many times. I need to keep it simple and not want to be 10 years sober tomorrow with my life perfect and managable, lol. I hope you have a great sober day!
Finally Honest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 301
Hey all,
I went to a great noon meeting i've never been too and heard an old timer(40 plus years) say something that really hit home he said "AA isn't for people who need it, isn't for people who want it it is for people who DO it." Funny as it sounds I always looked at it as WORKING the program. Now that isn't bad except for me to have to do any extra work more than I already do everyday is just a downer.
Apperently that attitude toward the programs and the steps has been , what I believe a mjor stumbeling block for me. Be interesting to see how I do with the attitude that I am doing the program. We'll see.
I went to a great noon meeting i've never been too and heard an old timer(40 plus years) say something that really hit home he said "AA isn't for people who need it, isn't for people who want it it is for people who DO it." Funny as it sounds I always looked at it as WORKING the program. Now that isn't bad except for me to have to do any extra work more than I already do everyday is just a downer.
Apperently that attitude toward the programs and the steps has been , what I believe a mjor stumbeling block for me. Be interesting to see how I do with the attitude that I am doing the program. We'll see.
Finally Honest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 301
Well up extra early to day day 3!! Overall feeling pretty good except some intestinal issues still. Went to 2 great meetings yesterday. A girl who had 4.5 years went out and almost killed herself over it, it was so good to see back in that meeting. Just strengthend my resolve to make my recovery my foucus of my life cause without it i will die. Have a great sober day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 15
"...determined to keep it simple... I have to get it this time."
Keep saying this over and over again. Being isolated will allow you to keep your head down and ignore all the noise around, but it also leaves motivation as self-inflicted. The good and bad news is that the lack (or failure) of outside support will amplify your inner voice.
Make sure your inner voice is always saying the right things, drowning out the itch and yearning to use. One minute at a time, one day at time. Say it to yourself every moment and take little actions which reinforce it. Write it down, and below make an agenda which will keep you on track every single day. This will soon become new habit.
Using is just ignoring the cancer that will kill you. Getting yourself clean is the cure. Keep it simple and you will get it this time.
Keep saying this over and over again. Being isolated will allow you to keep your head down and ignore all the noise around, but it also leaves motivation as self-inflicted. The good and bad news is that the lack (or failure) of outside support will amplify your inner voice.
Make sure your inner voice is always saying the right things, drowning out the itch and yearning to use. One minute at a time, one day at time. Say it to yourself every moment and take little actions which reinforce it. Write it down, and below make an agenda which will keep you on track every single day. This will soon become new habit.
Using is just ignoring the cancer that will kill you. Getting yourself clean is the cure. Keep it simple and you will get it this time.
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