lma249

Hello all,

I'm new to posting, but have been lurking for probably over a year. I decided to post because I'm having a really hard time and can't get to a meeting.

My DOC is Vicodin or Percocet. I last used in April, when I had a script for Ativan, and I have not used anything since.

I began trying to get clean since last year, but relapsed a few times. I haven't used Vicodin since January and am trying so hard to stay away.

I recently found out that my boyfriend's brother is hooked on pills too and I am having really mixed emotions about this. I am doing what I can to help him and get him to clean up and go to meetings. I've learned a lot from talking to him. I'm grateful I had people step in and help me get clean and realize I have a problem. But at the same time, I've really been wanting to use, and knowing that all this time he's had pills is so hard. And he doesn't seem to be doing much to get clean, we thought he wanted to, but now it doesn't look like he will. And as I know too well, you have to want it and be ready, and I just don't think he is. He's in so deep and I'm scared for him. He's doing pills, dope, pot, and drinking on top of it. I'm scared my boyfriend and his family will find him dead. I never did as much as he did, so I can't relate that way, but I know when it all comes down to it, an addict is an addict and it doesn't matter what or how much we use.

I am so afraid that the next time I see him and he's using, he's going to offer some to me. I know that I can't use, but oh, to feel that way again would be amazing...But I can't. I'm struggling so much internally. I just hate this. I want the cravings to go away, I want him to get clean so there's no temptation for me. I just feel so upset and lost.

Thanks for listening.

willowwalt

I am close to the same boat - but only on Day 4 this time around. There is some good info on PAWS on here - post-acute w/d syndrome. It can last up to two years.

Seems like you know where the trigger is coming from, so if an offer comes, be ready for it! Not sure whether or not you should be helping him at such a close proximity to your last use, but others on here can most likely answer that. You have come a long way; don't throw it all away at this point.

opmloser

Hey, seriously, you've been off the Vic's and it sounds like you want to stay off which I've found is just as hard...My DOC was opiates and I've been off since mid-April and yeah, I do miss that feeling, but I know that I cannot go back (none of us can).
I am sorry about the situation at home but you've got to focus on YOU for the moment. The temptation will be there but keep remembering week one of the "coming off of it" nastiness and I think you'll be alright.
I have a nephew back in NY that is hooked on percocet. And I've tried to talk him into telling his doctor and everything I said fell on deaf ears. A person who is abusing their meds who is not willing to stop, well, you can't help them, that is the bottom line.
If he offers you meds, well you know, misery loves company, I'd seriously consider limiting my time hanging around that person.
Best of luck to you!!

bigguyslimm

It might feel good when your on them, but think of how you feel when your not. It might not seem that way off of 1 day. But if you stay clean I'm sure you'll notice a big difference. You'll realize that you don't need them at all. I would stick with it and stay strong. Don't give in to temptation.

lma249

Hey willowalt, thank you for the kind words. Good luck on your journey!

I know I am probably not the best person to help him, but his family just thought since I've been there, maybe I could get through to him on a different level, but no go. He's talked to me a little bit, he claims he wants to get clean, but then he puts himself in a situation where everyone is drinking and doing pills, and I don't see at 3 or 4 days clean you can be in that situation...Especially when he's a follower and does what everyone else does in fear of not looking "cool". I told him I'm here for him, and just left the door open for him...But when I agreed to help, I had no idea it would affect me on this deep a level.

Thanks for sharing, opmloser. Luckily, he lives a few hours from me so I won't be seeing him anytime soon, but possibly in the next few weeks. Its just so hard, because I'm almost sure he will offer...as much as it would feel good...The stakes are too high, I'd lose everything. I can't face another relapse, not now, and hopefully not anytime soon.

Thanks again to you both!!!

lma249

Thanks bigguyslimm. It's been awhile since I've used my doc, and its just crazy to me this situation has come up because internally I had been having some cravings really strong for a few weeks and then my boyfriend tells me about his brother. I thought it was a coincidence but now I feel like maybe its a test, to see if I can get through it.

I'm definitely trying to stay strong. Thanks for your reply!

opmloser

You know, sometimes when we focus on other people's addictions, it makes the resolve in us that much stronger (has a little something to do with 12th step of AA/NA).
You know what really works for me? Don't laugh, there's a show on cable called "Jail". It's like Cops but it centers on the actual booking process. Almost everyone being booked is wasted on something and for me, it's sort of like this out-of-body experience - I say, Jeez, that's what I look like when I'm high-how horrible/I'll never do it again/and so on.
I still can't sleep through the night. I look at other people and wish I could be one of them, anyone but ME.
Please hang in there with us on SR...this board helped me get through the first couple of weeks and I am soooo grateful to everyone on it.

Latte

I ran into something similar with a friend/co worker of my husbands.

To save my sanity I had to step away. DH still helps him but I cannot get sucked into the drama. We have informed him that if he needs a safe place for his child to stay (she's 8 and they live across the street) all he has to do is call or message me (I'm a stay at home Mom). He has my DH snowed but not me. I cannot watch anymore.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. It's so hard to separate our recovery with the needs of others.

lma249

Thanks, opmloser. I'll have to look into that show. It doesn't sound actually to crazy of an idea to me. And that makes sense about our resolve becoming stronger when focusing on someone else's addiction. Its so crazy. I thought I could talk to him without it getting emotional/personal, but I guess I was wrong, maybe I'm not ready to help. But I love my boyfriend and his family, and I really don't want to see his brother dead. His brother is not speaking to me, so I'm guessing he's using again. It makes me sad and scared. I just don't see this ending well. But again, until he's ready, there's nothing we can do.

Thanks, Latte, for sharing. I definitely think I am going to have to step away, especially since I suspect he's using again. If I go to visit, I think I'll have to do everything to make sure I'm not alone in the house with his brother, and make sure there's nothing laying around to tempt me.

I am so glad I decided to post about this, its really helped getting it out there and getting these kind words from all of you. Thank you all again so much. I really appreciate it.