New here...on day 11
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 43
New here...on day 11
Hi everyone,
I am on 10 days sober from weed. I have been addicted for 10 years, but have used it off/on since a teen. I LOVE it, i love being high and not thinking. Not thinking or worrying or caring about anything. But it took over my life. I am/was officially a 'Pothead'. I have smoked an ounce a week for the better part of 8 years. I have tried quiting in the past, several times. The longest being 2 months. So until i am past 2 months i guess i wont feel like it stuck this time. In the past 10 days i have still been depressed and down but i dont have the strong urges i had in the past trying to quit. I do not know why this time is different but it is. I just decided i was tired of dealing with dealers, and chasing it, spending $100 a week of my families money, staying locked in my room staying high and doing NOTHING. I have dealt with so much shame over this addiction. Its just pot right? Just put it down or only smoke once a day..well i couldnt. If i had it i smoked it till it was gone then the hunt to find more. To be totally honest the day i decided to quit was more to show my current dealer i was pissed off cause he kept putting me off and would call when he got around to it. Sounds stupid doesnt it, lol.. but it was the start. Then i pcked up some momentum after day 3 and i was OK. I mean i was really ok, not freaking out. I was out of bed and doing things! I feel like this could be it, the real deal. My greatest fear is one day (maybe a week/month etc from now) i will crave it so bad i will give in and find some. I do nt hang out with people who smoke so i dont have to deal with the influences. I am a grown married women with children and felt like a teenager hiding out smoking a joint. I called it my antidepressent. I would tell people that i used weed instead of presc meds to mellow me. But the truth is the weed took over. I just wanted to share my back story. I know my addiction is not as bad as alot of the people here, but its ruining my life as much. I have abused other drugs in the past (benzo's, pain meds, alcohol) but nothing that became everyday or that i felt i couldnt live without. If anyone has anyting they would like to share with me about what to expect on this journey i welcome it =)
I am on 10 days sober from weed. I have been addicted for 10 years, but have used it off/on since a teen. I LOVE it, i love being high and not thinking. Not thinking or worrying or caring about anything. But it took over my life. I am/was officially a 'Pothead'. I have smoked an ounce a week for the better part of 8 years. I have tried quiting in the past, several times. The longest being 2 months. So until i am past 2 months i guess i wont feel like it stuck this time. In the past 10 days i have still been depressed and down but i dont have the strong urges i had in the past trying to quit. I do not know why this time is different but it is. I just decided i was tired of dealing with dealers, and chasing it, spending $100 a week of my families money, staying locked in my room staying high and doing NOTHING. I have dealt with so much shame over this addiction. Its just pot right? Just put it down or only smoke once a day..well i couldnt. If i had it i smoked it till it was gone then the hunt to find more. To be totally honest the day i decided to quit was more to show my current dealer i was pissed off cause he kept putting me off and would call when he got around to it. Sounds stupid doesnt it, lol.. but it was the start. Then i pcked up some momentum after day 3 and i was OK. I mean i was really ok, not freaking out. I was out of bed and doing things! I feel like this could be it, the real deal. My greatest fear is one day (maybe a week/month etc from now) i will crave it so bad i will give in and find some. I do nt hang out with people who smoke so i dont have to deal with the influences. I am a grown married women with children and felt like a teenager hiding out smoking a joint. I called it my antidepressent. I would tell people that i used weed instead of presc meds to mellow me. But the truth is the weed took over. I just wanted to share my back story. I know my addiction is not as bad as alot of the people here, but its ruining my life as much. I have abused other drugs in the past (benzo's, pain meds, alcohol) but nothing that became everyday or that i felt i couldnt live without. If anyone has anyting they would like to share with me about what to expect on this journey i welcome it =)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 432
Pup...I understand your constant obsession. I am 6 1/2 months sober and I think every day about using but so far I have not. I take one day at a time. You need to give your head and body some time to clear. It's about changing your ways, your friends, the way you live. It's about living and not living in a drug fog.
You can do this and give up marijuana. You are too early in recovery to make good decisions. You need to talk to others. Go to meetings, come here ask for help in making those decisions. Stay sober. Get that head clear. Obsessing about using is part of our disease and we have to learn to deal with those obsessions.
You can do this and give up marijuana. You are too early in recovery to make good decisions. You need to talk to others. Go to meetings, come here ask for help in making those decisions. Stay sober. Get that head clear. Obsessing about using is part of our disease and we have to learn to deal with those obsessions.
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I've removed some posts from this thread and other posts that referenced it.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 43
i'm guessing i should be glad i didnt see the deleted posts. =\
Thank you Likehappiness, i agree its too early to think clearly. If one more person says you dont get addicted to pot i'm gonna scream 'come live my life!' What is a struggle for some might not be for others but it doesnt diminish the problem for that one person. I am still feeling strong in my decision. My biggest problem is replacing the habit. I think i was addicted to the ritual as the high. I am extremely bored with myself now...I am thinking of ways to stay busy but walks and books are not cutting it..so i guess thats my biggest struggle right now. Hope that made sense =)
Thank you Likehappiness, i agree its too early to think clearly. If one more person says you dont get addicted to pot i'm gonna scream 'come live my life!' What is a struggle for some might not be for others but it doesnt diminish the problem for that one person. I am still feeling strong in my decision. My biggest problem is replacing the habit. I think i was addicted to the ritual as the high. I am extremely bored with myself now...I am thinking of ways to stay busy but walks and books are not cutting it..so i guess thats my biggest struggle right now. Hope that made sense =)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 27
I can totally relate to being addicted to the ritual. I spent a LOT of time and energy focusing on the process of using- searching, obtaining, preparing, using, experiencing- and I found that filling that empty time during my early sobriety was almost more difficult than fighting the urge to use. During that routine time that I would START my day by obtaining my drug, I found I didn't know what to do with myself. Even if I did not crave the drug, I would feel my body/mind want to automatically begin that process every day. Weird, isn't it? More proof that our brain chemistry is definitely altered by addiction.
I can appreciate that you have to especially struggle against the stigma of pot not being considered "addictive." Each person uses and abuses in their own way. As you said, the fact that others can recreationally use and not feel affected adversely does not diminish your experience or struggles in any way. Similarly, some folks can drink a glass of wine once a month and not consider alcohol addictive to them PERSONALLY, but that does not mean that the substance cannot be deadly addictive to another person. If using took over your life, brought about negative consequences, and you were unable to easily stop your use- that's addiction. Don't let anyone make you feel weak or small for that, and don't let that affect your sobriety.
I don't know all the answers for breaking the cycle of your ritual. I still struggle with that. I try to plan my days so as not to give myself that idle time where I would normally use. I try to go to meetings when I have free time that I cannot fill with productive activities. I try to distract myself in positive ways. One thing I found early in recovery was that I was successfully distracting myself, but began to see negative patterns within those behaviors (for instance, I began obsessively shopping online for certain items, or obsessively researching/reading certain topics and going completely overboard.) It came to my attention that I was at risk for replacing one addiction for another. Keep your time filled with healthy activity. Surround yourself with others in recovery- you will find great fellowship in the community.
I can appreciate that you have to especially struggle against the stigma of pot not being considered "addictive." Each person uses and abuses in their own way. As you said, the fact that others can recreationally use and not feel affected adversely does not diminish your experience or struggles in any way. Similarly, some folks can drink a glass of wine once a month and not consider alcohol addictive to them PERSONALLY, but that does not mean that the substance cannot be deadly addictive to another person. If using took over your life, brought about negative consequences, and you were unable to easily stop your use- that's addiction. Don't let anyone make you feel weak or small for that, and don't let that affect your sobriety.
I don't know all the answers for breaking the cycle of your ritual. I still struggle with that. I try to plan my days so as not to give myself that idle time where I would normally use. I try to go to meetings when I have free time that I cannot fill with productive activities. I try to distract myself in positive ways. One thing I found early in recovery was that I was successfully distracting myself, but began to see negative patterns within those behaviors (for instance, I began obsessively shopping online for certain items, or obsessively researching/reading certain topics and going completely overboard.) It came to my attention that I was at risk for replacing one addiction for another. Keep your time filled with healthy activity. Surround yourself with others in recovery- you will find great fellowship in the community.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
Good posts.....
I don't place much emphasis on the substance or the behavior....if it has a negative impact on your life, then it needs to stop...no?
Two things come to mind when I think about addiction, and they both refer back to my inpatient rehabilitation when I went to to battle alcoholism.
The first is that while I was in there, we had nightly AA or NA meetings in the common room. Occassionally, we had speakers come from Gamblers Anonymous; why? Because often we tend to substitute our drug of choice with another, or through potentially troublesome behaviors, if we don't stop that addictive mindset.
I have a neighbor who was diagnosed with cirrhosis two years ago. She HAD to quit drinking - her liver is distended and it is visible. She white knuckled through stopping drinking, but she smokes weed to beat the band now. I make no judgements - only say it to prove a point. Did she put addiction to bed? I feel for her because everything in her life sucks, everyone is trying to "screw" her, every aspect of her life is tinged with negativity; yet she is a caring, generous person that would give you the shirt off of her back. I pray one day she will care for herself as much as she cares for others.
The second thought that comes to mind from rehab is an exercise we did in a group setting. The counselor had straight up alcoholics stand on one side of the room, and people addicted to drugs stand on the other). We had to respond to questions asked pertaining to our perception of addiction, feelings, "bottoms", etc by a show of hands. Our hands all went up at the same time, no matter which side of the room we were on. It was surprising to me at the time, because I had this snobbish attitude at the time that "at least I didn't do drugs". Yet it was the impact of the addiction, no matter the drug of choice, that gave us commonality in the struggle. I didn't feel as superior anymore, ya know?
So, don't listen to those who say weed isn't addictive. Their judgement probably comes from the perspective of "it isn't as bad as". If it has a negative impact on your life; get rid of it and replace it with something empowering.
I don't place much emphasis on the substance or the behavior....if it has a negative impact on your life, then it needs to stop...no?
Two things come to mind when I think about addiction, and they both refer back to my inpatient rehabilitation when I went to to battle alcoholism.
The first is that while I was in there, we had nightly AA or NA meetings in the common room. Occassionally, we had speakers come from Gamblers Anonymous; why? Because often we tend to substitute our drug of choice with another, or through potentially troublesome behaviors, if we don't stop that addictive mindset.
I have a neighbor who was diagnosed with cirrhosis two years ago. She HAD to quit drinking - her liver is distended and it is visible. She white knuckled through stopping drinking, but she smokes weed to beat the band now. I make no judgements - only say it to prove a point. Did she put addiction to bed? I feel for her because everything in her life sucks, everyone is trying to "screw" her, every aspect of her life is tinged with negativity; yet she is a caring, generous person that would give you the shirt off of her back. I pray one day she will care for herself as much as she cares for others.
The second thought that comes to mind from rehab is an exercise we did in a group setting. The counselor had straight up alcoholics stand on one side of the room, and people addicted to drugs stand on the other). We had to respond to questions asked pertaining to our perception of addiction, feelings, "bottoms", etc by a show of hands. Our hands all went up at the same time, no matter which side of the room we were on. It was surprising to me at the time, because I had this snobbish attitude at the time that "at least I didn't do drugs". Yet it was the impact of the addiction, no matter the drug of choice, that gave us commonality in the struggle. I didn't feel as superior anymore, ya know?
So, don't listen to those who say weed isn't addictive. Their judgement probably comes from the perspective of "it isn't as bad as". If it has a negative impact on your life; get rid of it and replace it with something empowering.
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