Day 1 Oxy withdrawal..(again)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 218
Day 1 Oxy withdrawal..(again)
The depression is the worst part for me. My husband leaves for work in a couple of hours and I will be alone. I dread it. I chose today to begin withdrawal because my ex has our kids for the next three days but now I'm thinking that may have been a mistake. I am not experiencing much in the way of physical withdrawal yet ( no sweating/freezing, RLS etc, just some diarrhea) only the mental crap; depression, everything seems surreal,DEPRESSION, feeling dead inside. I'm pretty sure the Gabapentin ( Neurotonin) I take at night for nerve pain is helping keep the physical withdrawal crap at bay. But I hate this empty shell no energy depressed feeling. And the loneliness.
A little background; yesterday was my last day on Oxycodone. This is my fourth attempt in 7 months to get off. I lasted 30 days one time however Depression led me back into Oxy hell...
A little background; yesterday was my last day on Oxycodone. This is my fourth attempt in 7 months to get off. I lasted 30 days one time however Depression led me back into Oxy hell...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi Ggeo,
I answered another of your posts a minute ago. So I won't repeat the whole thing here.
Hey. Get real. Why are you thinking it may have been a mistake to stop while your ex has the kids for the next 3 days? The OXY LIE (your "addict brain") will convince you that there is NO BEST TIME to quit.
The depression that goes with withdrawal is a recovery killer much much worse than the physical part.
A lot of us found oxys to be a great mood lifter. It will destroy your life and make your depression worse, given enough time. Your "addict brain" has all the time in the world. It will be waiting to take you down, to try to get you using again, especially in the early days when you feel like holy crap AND are depressed, and you KNOW the oxys would make all that go away.
For a minute. Not much longer.
I hope you keep going. Your month off oxys did not give you enough time to really understand how much better you will feel after you are no longer chained to the pills.
FT
I answered another of your posts a minute ago. So I won't repeat the whole thing here.
Hey. Get real. Why are you thinking it may have been a mistake to stop while your ex has the kids for the next 3 days? The OXY LIE (your "addict brain") will convince you that there is NO BEST TIME to quit.
The depression that goes with withdrawal is a recovery killer much much worse than the physical part.
A lot of us found oxys to be a great mood lifter. It will destroy your life and make your depression worse, given enough time. Your "addict brain" has all the time in the world. It will be waiting to take you down, to try to get you using again, especially in the early days when you feel like holy crap AND are depressed, and you KNOW the oxys would make all that go away.
For a minute. Not much longer.
I hope you keep going. Your month off oxys did not give you enough time to really understand how much better you will feel after you are no longer chained to the pills.
FT
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
welcome to SR Ggeo 
I don't think there's a good time for anyone to quit, regardless of your drug of choice.
I'm really pleased for you that you've decided to try again tho - it really can be the start of getting our lives back
have you any support besides SR?
D
I don't think there's a good time for anyone to quit, regardless of your drug of choice.
I'm really pleased for you that you've decided to try again tho - it really can be the start of getting our lives back
have you any support besides SR?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 218
Hi FT, yes I read your other post. Thank you. And yes believe me I know everything you say is true. I began using Oxy as a way to deal with the depression brought on by having cancer and being in chemo. I started on Oxycontin/Oxycodone back in April of 2010. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and within a week had my entire uterus removed and bang! Right into chemo. They started me on Oxycontin for the pain from the Hysterectomy. Well I was no stranger to opiates as I had dabbled a bit with them in the past so the addict in me knew what they could do for me. They erased the depression and a lot of the sickness from the chemo. I was actually somewhat happy and active during much of the chemo time because I was high on Oxy. I told my Drs I was in pain from the cancer and chemo. No one questions a cancer patient.
When they made Oxycontin no longer chewable I made sure they switched me to Oxycodone.
My last chemotherapy was early Nov 2010. It is now 8 months and I am still on Oxycodone. I know my Dr knows I'm an addict. He has given me the stink eye when I go for my refill but that's about it. Anyway, as I mentioned before this will be my fourth attempt at getting and staying clean. My refill of 120 Oxycodone was filled on 6/29 and today is 7/13. In 15 days I took 120 pills! WTF! How ****** up is that? Of course when I refilled my plan was to taper. Riiight...see how well that worked for me?
So last night I told my husband this was it. Refill time isn't for another 17 days or something so here I am c/ting it and feeling good about my decision. He's been through this before with me. I am a little weirded out that I'm not having my usual symptoms yet tho. Kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop you know? I haven't had any Oxy in..let's see...21 hours? Is that right? It's 4pm now and I haven't had any since 7pm last night. Usually by now I'm in the throes of w/d. I'm just feeling weirdly surreal and depressed. Ok, let's see how this plays out. I will be glued to this board though. That's a given.
When they made Oxycontin no longer chewable I made sure they switched me to Oxycodone.
My last chemotherapy was early Nov 2010. It is now 8 months and I am still on Oxycodone. I know my Dr knows I'm an addict. He has given me the stink eye when I go for my refill but that's about it. Anyway, as I mentioned before this will be my fourth attempt at getting and staying clean. My refill of 120 Oxycodone was filled on 6/29 and today is 7/13. In 15 days I took 120 pills! WTF! How ****** up is that? Of course when I refilled my plan was to taper. Riiight...see how well that worked for me?
So last night I told my husband this was it. Refill time isn't for another 17 days or something so here I am c/ting it and feeling good about my decision. He's been through this before with me. I am a little weirded out that I'm not having my usual symptoms yet tho. Kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop you know? I haven't had any Oxy in..let's see...21 hours? Is that right? It's 4pm now and I haven't had any since 7pm last night. Usually by now I'm in the throes of w/d. I'm just feeling weirdly surreal and depressed. Ok, let's see how this plays out. I will be glued to this board though. That's a given.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 218
Hi Dee, sorry your post snuck in while I was posting. Yes I have my husband. He's great. Very patient. I've been completely honest with him all the way. But he works nights and I admit the depression and loneliness can get to me when I don't have my kids. I thought I'd be having all that terrible physical stuff tonight and I wouldn't even be able to get out of bed so I planned my ct around my nights off from my children. Well, last time I quit I used this Neurotonin to help with the physical symptoms I was thrown right past the physical stuff and into the mental so I guess it's happening again. Believe me I will be happy to bypass all that horrible physical **** but the mental anguish kills me.
I was a lonely depressed person long before opiates so, I, like many others I imagine, dread life sober again. This does NOT mean I want to continue using. I don't. I know Oxy is making things much much worse. I was no longer able to get high from them. I have read that statement so many times on all these forums! I never believed it would happen to me but it finally did and I'm glad it did! Taking them just to be normal? That was my breaking point I guess. So here goes....
Thanks for listening. This, and other forums have been my lifeline.
I was a lonely depressed person long before opiates so, I, like many others I imagine, dread life sober again. This does NOT mean I want to continue using. I don't. I know Oxy is making things much much worse. I was no longer able to get high from them. I have read that statement so many times on all these forums! I never believed it would happen to me but it finally did and I'm glad it did! Taking them just to be normal? That was my breaking point I guess. So here goes....
Thanks for listening. This, and other forums have been my lifeline.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi Ggeo,
I'm sorry about your diagnosis. That's pretty tough, and you had a legitimate reason to take pain pills.
The crappy thing about oxycodone is that even though it works REALLY GREAT at first, the "miracle drug" turns on you and starts poisoning your body and brain, and it makes you just sick. Sick. I can't believe how sick I felt at the end of my oxy run.
But I think you know that.
Right now, you probably haven't hit the insomnia and crazy racing thoughts part yet, but you likely will, and with the depression that is going to be NOT FUN. If you expect it, plan for it, pack in the fluids, figure on a week to stick it out, you can do it.
I felt so mentally weak on oxys, and so dependent on a DRUG. It took a few months to really understand I was doing that, feeling that bad. It's the OXY LIE that I talk a lot about. Amazing that I would ever WANT to take a drug like that. So insidious.
Well, I am here a lot. I am happy to hear you out as you go. There are a bunch of other people here who will likely chime in to help, too.
I hope you kick this beast. It's a b!tch. Truly.
FT
I'm sorry about your diagnosis. That's pretty tough, and you had a legitimate reason to take pain pills.
The crappy thing about oxycodone is that even though it works REALLY GREAT at first, the "miracle drug" turns on you and starts poisoning your body and brain, and it makes you just sick. Sick. I can't believe how sick I felt at the end of my oxy run.
But I think you know that.
Right now, you probably haven't hit the insomnia and crazy racing thoughts part yet, but you likely will, and with the depression that is going to be NOT FUN. If you expect it, plan for it, pack in the fluids, figure on a week to stick it out, you can do it.
I felt so mentally weak on oxys, and so dependent on a DRUG. It took a few months to really understand I was doing that, feeling that bad. It's the OXY LIE that I talk a lot about. Amazing that I would ever WANT to take a drug like that. So insidious.
Well, I am here a lot. I am happy to hear you out as you go. There are a bunch of other people here who will likely chime in to help, too.
I hope you kick this beast. It's a b!tch. Truly.
FT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 218
Hi, well I know the insomnia well however I won't have it this time as I'm taking Gabapentin ( Neurotonin) at night and it knocks me out big time. It also helps a lot with Oxy w/d symptoms. I wake up feeling very spacey and weird but I will take that any day over the sweating, RLS and insomnia. It catapults you past the physical and right into the mental. I mean I did two loads of laundry today. That would have been impossible before cting without Gaba. I would have a good 5 days of lying in bed with crawling to the bathroom my only activity.
That being said I don't look forward to tonight at all. I might be able to get my daughter tonight even though it's my ex's night but this would involve driving to get her. Not sure if I can drive. When I go outside I feel like I'm in a cartoon. Anyone else ever have that symptom? Anyway, I don't want to be alone tonight but if I have to so be it. In less than two hours it will be 24 hours since I took any Oxy.
That being said I don't look forward to tonight at all. I might be able to get my daughter tonight even though it's my ex's night but this would involve driving to get her. Not sure if I can drive. When I go outside I feel like I'm in a cartoon. Anyone else ever have that symptom? Anyway, I don't want to be alone tonight but if I have to so be it. In less than two hours it will be 24 hours since I took any Oxy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 218
GABA was given to me for the neuropathy in my hands that chemo has left me with. I don't just have neuropathy though. I have something else that they can't figure out. My fingers now pop out of joint when I use them. It feels as if someone took the tendons and ligaments in my hands and cut them and put them back together too short. Anyway the Gabapentin, aka Neurontin hasn't really worked for my weird hand thing but last time I was searching the net frantically for help getting through w/d I found a few posts mentioning it for helping opiate w/d. Well my ears really perked up. I hadn't really used the Gaba and I didn't even know if it was the same thing I had in my medicine cabinet. I went through all the drugs they gave me during chemo ( ridiculous!) and it was in the back. I tried some that night. I can't remember what day of w/d I was on but I remember about 2 hours after taking it feeling kind of weird then passing out. The next day I woke up like today, feeling strung out but all physical opiate w/d symptoms were non existent. Weird! So, I have taken it on and off for sleep but not often. But last night I took it and sure enough, same thing. No physical symptoms.
And no, I won't get hooked on Gabapentin, I promise!
Anyway my plan is to take it only at night, for sleep. I cannot imagine taking this stuff during the day. It really knocks me out! And it def takes a long time to kick in.
Well there's my take on Gabapentin. Not sure how it works. Read conflicting info ( no! Not on the Internet!) and I seem to have a difficult time absorbing and remembering information now.
So, my husband left for work and I'm alone. Well with my dog anyway. I'm not feeling too bad right now, and frankly, I almost feel like if I used some mind over matter I could almost feel normal. But all there is to do here is clean. And I don't want to do that! Waiting for that time of day when my "normal" depression sinks in. Around dusk...
One more thing, has anyone noticed not wanting to smoke ( cigs) when quitting Oxy? I don't know if it's quitting opiates or the Neuontin but cigarettes taste nasty to me. I think I remember this last time too...
Thank you for listening..you have no idea what it means to me right now.
And no, I won't get hooked on Gabapentin, I promise!
Anyway my plan is to take it only at night, for sleep. I cannot imagine taking this stuff during the day. It really knocks me out! And it def takes a long time to kick in.
Well there's my take on Gabapentin. Not sure how it works. Read conflicting info ( no! Not on the Internet!) and I seem to have a difficult time absorbing and remembering information now.
So, my husband left for work and I'm alone. Well with my dog anyway. I'm not feeling too bad right now, and frankly, I almost feel like if I used some mind over matter I could almost feel normal. But all there is to do here is clean. And I don't want to do that! Waiting for that time of day when my "normal" depression sinks in. Around dusk...
One more thing, has anyone noticed not wanting to smoke ( cigs) when quitting Oxy? I don't know if it's quitting opiates or the Neuontin but cigarettes taste nasty to me. I think I remember this last time too...
Thank you for listening..you have no idea what it means to me right now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
No advice here
Originally Posted by Ggeo 
Hmmm....I just read one of the forum rules about advocating drug use. I hope my posts are not interpreted as such. I'm just posting my experience. I am not telling people to do what I do!
No, I don't think you gave medical advice. I just have some experience with that medication I thought you might want to know. None of it bad.
You might Google "Crazy Meds" and read their segment on it. It might require a PM for me to discuss it at length.
FT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 218
Everything is making me cry. Reading old posts of people who only post a few times then disappear, they are the worst. They make me feel empty. Even those little sayings people have at the bottom of their posts are getting to me! I cannot wait for the sadness to end. I know I'm lucky being able to bypass the physical crap ( so far?) don't get me wrong but I hate being a weepy mess.
I decided not to take my daughter tonight. I wanted her but she has a riding lesson at 9am and another at 4pm tomorrow and I really doubt I will be up for trailering her horses. No way...making the ex do it for once. I own a horse too so I always do it. I have no idea what kind of shape I will be in tomorrow. I really don't. So I'm alone.
I decided not to take my daughter tonight. I wanted her but she has a riding lesson at 9am and another at 4pm tomorrow and I really doubt I will be up for trailering her horses. No way...making the ex do it for once. I own a horse too so I always do it. I have no idea what kind of shape I will be in tomorrow. I really don't. So I'm alone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi Ggeo,
I am also a weepy, emotional mess when things are not going perfectly. I kind of look at it like the pressure gauge at the top of a pressure cooker. I sputter and spurt, and if I didn't, the whole thing will blow!
I'd stay away from music tonight. One shrink once told me to watch a pile of Bruce Willis movies (that was when he was doing the series of tough guy stuff) to give myself something to focus on.
Being alone? Maybe not a good idea, but it is what it is.
I'm on here for another couple of hours, then I'll be checking back in the morning.
I hope you sleep tonight. Rest is hard won in withdrawal, sometimes even with help.
FT
I am also a weepy, emotional mess when things are not going perfectly. I kind of look at it like the pressure gauge at the top of a pressure cooker. I sputter and spurt, and if I didn't, the whole thing will blow!
I'd stay away from music tonight. One shrink once told me to watch a pile of Bruce Willis movies (that was when he was doing the series of tough guy stuff) to give myself something to focus on.
Being alone? Maybe not a good idea, but it is what it is.
I'm on here for another couple of hours, then I'll be checking back in the morning.
I hope you sleep tonight. Rest is hard won in withdrawal, sometimes even with help.
FT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 218
Yes I remember reading Crazy Meds stories on Gaba, and on Erowid too. I have loads of time to freak myself out reading "information" on everything and anything! So I read lots of good, bad and in between stuff. I would love a PM from you re: Neurontin or anything, yes. Of course I don't know how to initiate one.
I will be glued to this site all night I'm sure
I will be glued to this site all night I'm sure
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 218
Oh man I agree! No to music. Almost all seems to have memories attached that I'm not willing to face! Others love music at this time. You're the first one I have met who thinks it's a no-no as well. I'm afraid it's going to be a long time until I can listen to music. My husband was watching a movie earlier and it had a bunch of really old songs in it. He's 17 years younger than me so I doubt he has any attachment to them like I do...started with John Prine's "Illegal Smile" then ended with one really sad one from The Band, "You will be released" I think..ugh..they were killing me!
For me I have to watch something really stupid and benign. Or an HBO series like Nurse
Jackie. I'm a chick all the way.
Please PM me FT.....I need all the info I can get believe me!
Thank you..
For me I have to watch something really stupid and benign. Or an HBO series like Nurse
Jackie. I'm a chick all the way.
Please PM me FT.....I need all the info I can get believe me!
Thank you..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 218
FT I have no plans to use the Gaba except for 300mgs before bed. I know people say they use a lot more for w/d but I have not found it to be necessary. Also I have never had to increase my dosage, even after last time when I stayed clean a month. I used it for two weeks then quit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 218
MySecret, thank you. It means a lot to me. I know there are others suffering far worse than I am. Trying to take my mind off things by watching really stupid TV on Netflix. Seems to be working somewhat thankfully....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 218
So hour 24 has passed. Still no real physical symptoms but I'm crying watching Teen Mom so yeah, I'm messed up! I would NEVER watch crap TV like this so I must be detoxing! Had a glass of wine. No idea if it helped. Still feel the same. The board is very quiet. I'm hoping that's a good thing...?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
