:e choked me and i couldnt breathe.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 87
:e choked me and i couldnt breathe.
He claims it was self-defense because I lunged at him and tried to fight him but that's not how I remember it. I was yelling because I was mad at something he did, and he went for my throat. When he got violent, I tried to push him away and said "that's it I'm leaving you". That just got him madder. He wrestled me down and started choking me and saying stuff like "do you want to die tonight?" He let go when I said please stop. But still, I think it was way over the top. Even if it HAD been self defense which it wasn't because I never touched him first, the proper way would be to restrain the wrists, legs, whatever. But not the throat.
I'm so mad and upset right now that I don't know what to do. I love him and don't want to leave. His dad saw me on the ground crying and said "you better not be hurting her" and I didn't say anything because I didn't want to get him in trouble. Things calmed down when I told him I wasn't going to leave, and I took like 4 Klonopin (1mg) and passed out. Next morning he keeps apologizing for it and saying he feels awful about what he did and said. He just didn't want me to leave. I don't know...I want to know what you guys think. Please don't tell me to leave him though. I have nothing else going for me in my life besides him. We've been together for a long time.
I'm so mad and upset right now that I don't know what to do. I love him and don't want to leave. His dad saw me on the ground crying and said "you better not be hurting her" and I didn't say anything because I didn't want to get him in trouble. Things calmed down when I told him I wasn't going to leave, and I took like 4 Klonopin (1mg) and passed out. Next morning he keeps apologizing for it and saying he feels awful about what he did and said. He just didn't want me to leave. I don't know...I want to know what you guys think. Please don't tell me to leave him though. I have nothing else going for me in my life besides him. We've been together for a long time.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello tooshy,
What a horror to have to live through. No one deserves to be abused, no matter what.
I'm not going to tell you to stay or go, but I do hope you might consider consulting your local domestic violence shelter for guidance, advice, assistance, and even a place to stay if needed.
Hugs and prayers, HG
What a horror to have to live through. No one deserves to be abused, no matter what.
I'm not going to tell you to stay or go, but I do hope you might consider consulting your local domestic violence shelter for guidance, advice, assistance, and even a place to stay if needed.
National Domestic Violence/Abuse Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE
1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224
1-800-799-SAFE
1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Geez tooshy!! I wonder how sorry he's gonna be next time and the time after that and the time after that.........Your post made me so mad I can't think straight.
Why would you think so little of yourself to put up with this? You would be better off alone in a shelter than putting up with this abuse. It will NEVER get better. What are you gonna take next time this happens? More drugs to dull the pain, maybe overdose? I'm sorry, but this is not love! I don't know what kind of advice you want other than leaving.
Stay and make sure you never make him mad....walk on eggshells, flinch when he raises his hand. Fear for your life, be his doormat? Never, ever, get angry with him about anything?
Sell your soul for this wonderful loving man?
Please get some counseling. You deserve a peaceful life, filled with love and understanding. Your worth so much more. You just don't know it yet. I hope you can get some help before its too late.
Best Wishes To You!
Why would you think so little of yourself to put up with this? You would be better off alone in a shelter than putting up with this abuse. It will NEVER get better. What are you gonna take next time this happens? More drugs to dull the pain, maybe overdose? I'm sorry, but this is not love! I don't know what kind of advice you want other than leaving.
Stay and make sure you never make him mad....walk on eggshells, flinch when he raises his hand. Fear for your life, be his doormat? Never, ever, get angry with him about anything?
Sell your soul for this wonderful loving man?
Please get some counseling. You deserve a peaceful life, filled with love and understanding. Your worth so much more. You just don't know it yet. I hope you can get some help before its too late.
Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Tooshy))) - you do NOT deserve to be abused, and if they do it once, they will do it again, and it will escalate.
I also want to caution you about the Klonopin. I self-medicated my codie issues (mine was verbal abuse, not physical) right into my own addiction.
A little over 4 years ago, I got clean and started working on my codie issues. Not saying that is what is going to happen to you, but just giving you some ES&H of what happened to me.
Please take care of yourself. Love is not going to fix this.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I also want to caution you about the Klonopin. I self-medicated my codie issues (mine was verbal abuse, not physical) right into my own addiction.
A little over 4 years ago, I got clean and started working on my codie issues. Not saying that is what is going to happen to you, but just giving you some ES&H of what happened to me.
Please take care of yourself. Love is not going to fix this.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
Tooshy,
I am sorry for what you are dealing with, that is not fair to YOU. You do not deserve this crap from anyone, ever! I'm not going to tell you to leave either but I was in a physically abusive relationship years ago. It started with insults and ended with him beating me to a bloody pulp.
You deserve better than this and I hope you see this one day soon. It isn't going to get better - only worse.
(hugs)
-Jess
I am sorry for what you are dealing with, that is not fair to YOU. You do not deserve this crap from anyone, ever! I'm not going to tell you to leave either but I was in a physically abusive relationship years ago. It started with insults and ended with him beating me to a bloody pulp.
You deserve better than this and I hope you see this one day soon. It isn't going to get better - only worse.
(hugs)
-Jess
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 101
Did he leave any marks on your throat?
Sounds like that was a more serious act, not an open handed slap, or a shove (both illegal where I live), or jerking your arm.
Going after your throat and where he could easily cut off your breathing is alarming.
Please just call and talk with a counselor that Hydrogirl furnished with all the phone numbers.
If you cannot deal with leaving just yet, at least talk to one of these experienced domestic violence phone counselors on your options.
Tell them you are attached so much you have not thought of other interests, etc...
Also, of concern, taking that many tranquilizers at one time when you did nothing - but certainly understand you were upset.
Please just call a hotline and get some advice on what to do.
Sounds like that was a more serious act, not an open handed slap, or a shove (both illegal where I live), or jerking your arm.
Going after your throat and where he could easily cut off your breathing is alarming.
Please just call and talk with a counselor that Hydrogirl furnished with all the phone numbers.
If you cannot deal with leaving just yet, at least talk to one of these experienced domestic violence phone counselors on your options.
Tell them you are attached so much you have not thought of other interests, etc...
Also, of concern, taking that many tranquilizers at one time when you did nothing - but certainly understand you were upset.
Please just call a hotline and get some advice on what to do.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Please please do call that hotline number to talk, if nothing else.
I was terrified to leave my abusive EXAH for a long time. I had no self-esteem, and believed I didn't deserve any better.
I was choked, hit in the back of the head, had a knife held to my side, body-slammed to the floor, and it just continued to escalate over the years.
My EXAH always said he was sorry too. Sometimes he even cried. The beatings never stopped.
I was more terrified of being alone that I was of staying with him.
It's a horrible, sad, degrading way to live.
I was lucky to get out alive.
Please take care of yourself.
I was terrified to leave my abusive EXAH for a long time. I had no self-esteem, and believed I didn't deserve any better.
I was choked, hit in the back of the head, had a knife held to my side, body-slammed to the floor, and it just continued to escalate over the years.
My EXAH always said he was sorry too. Sometimes he even cried. The beatings never stopped.
I was more terrified of being alone that I was of staying with him.
It's a horrible, sad, degrading way to live.
I was lucky to get out alive.
Please take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Hillsboro, Or
Posts: 11
Tooshytoscream,
I'm sorry you went thru that. I have been married for 23-years, and my husband has never put his hands on me! Then last year I was in inpatient for a couple weeks and met someone. Needless to say, long story short, this other person (not my husband), put his hands around my neck and choked me till I passed out. It was one of the most terrifying things I've been thru. I still have horrible dreamz about him doing that to me. I can still remember the look of pure evil in his eyes when he was choking me. I truly thought I was going to die. Afterwards he kept saying how sorry he was and that I had made him mad. I was in shock and didn't want to say the wrong thing in case he attacked me again. I left and have not seen him since this happened November 2010. I was in Outpatient Treatment at the time, and I broke down the next day in Group...Ended up telling them what happened and they wanted me to file charges on him, but I just couldn't do that. I can only pray that one day I will no longer have nightmares about this.
Good luck to you. I agree with another post that said you should see someone in domestic violence, or at least tell a Dr. or therapist...but thats me. I think he needs help to not ever do this again, as once it has happened it is highly likely it will happen again. Be careful.
Your SoberRecovery Friend,
Sereniti
I'm sorry you went thru that. I have been married for 23-years, and my husband has never put his hands on me! Then last year I was in inpatient for a couple weeks and met someone. Needless to say, long story short, this other person (not my husband), put his hands around my neck and choked me till I passed out. It was one of the most terrifying things I've been thru. I still have horrible dreamz about him doing that to me. I can still remember the look of pure evil in his eyes when he was choking me. I truly thought I was going to die. Afterwards he kept saying how sorry he was and that I had made him mad. I was in shock and didn't want to say the wrong thing in case he attacked me again. I left and have not seen him since this happened November 2010. I was in Outpatient Treatment at the time, and I broke down the next day in Group...Ended up telling them what happened and they wanted me to file charges on him, but I just couldn't do that. I can only pray that one day I will no longer have nightmares about this.
Good luck to you. I agree with another post that said you should see someone in domestic violence, or at least tell a Dr. or therapist...but thats me. I think he needs help to not ever do this again, as once it has happened it is highly likely it will happen again. Be careful.
Your SoberRecovery Friend,
Sereniti
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 5
The main reason I got sober was to walk away from a relationship I knew was not good for me, but I had not personal power bc of my drug and alcohol dependency.
How can you say you have nothing else going for you? That's because you need to get straight. No mood or mind altering drugs.
Focus on sobriety and make that THE THING you have going for you. You will be amazed before you are half way through.
You give yourself no credit - no hope- no life - no belief in a higher power. You are caught in the abuse/abuser cycle (there must be some verbal abuse in there too I imagine).
It's not going to get better with him, it will get worse.
Love is respect and a mutual admiration....not what you have here...when abusers say "I'm sorry" they mean "I'm sorry that I may get caught." And beleive me, I know how GOOD LOOKING and charming they can be - that's why we stay! We fall for it every time.
Make sobriety your number one thing and don't worry about anything else, all the chips will fall where they may if you focus on your program (and really do the deal - steps, meetings, sponsor - the whole thing!) one day at a time.
How can you say you have nothing else going for you? That's because you need to get straight. No mood or mind altering drugs.
Focus on sobriety and make that THE THING you have going for you. You will be amazed before you are half way through.
You give yourself no credit - no hope- no life - no belief in a higher power. You are caught in the abuse/abuser cycle (there must be some verbal abuse in there too I imagine).
It's not going to get better with him, it will get worse.
Love is respect and a mutual admiration....not what you have here...when abusers say "I'm sorry" they mean "I'm sorry that I may get caught." And beleive me, I know how GOOD LOOKING and charming they can be - that's why we stay! We fall for it every time.
Make sobriety your number one thing and don't worry about anything else, all the chips will fall where they may if you focus on your program (and really do the deal - steps, meetings, sponsor - the whole thing!) one day at a time.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Please call a women's shelter and get yourself safe or at least form a plan so that you can escape in a hurry if you have to.
There is no excuse for abuse, and the apologies and sometimes flowers later is just part of the cycle. Abuse escalates over time and next time he may not stop in time. Abuse kills, but you can become a survivor rather than a victim, just make a call.
This link is from the Family and Friends of Substance Abusers forum, there may be some helpful information there.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sed-woman.html
Keeping you in my prayers.
There is no excuse for abuse, and the apologies and sometimes flowers later is just part of the cycle. Abuse escalates over time and next time he may not stop in time. Abuse kills, but you can become a survivor rather than a victim, just make a call.
This link is from the Family and Friends of Substance Abusers forum, there may be some helpful information there.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sed-woman.html
Keeping you in my prayers.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
I got the flowers, a ring, a statue, money...kind words...until I had to get out for good.
"I love you...I hope you suffer and die"...I heard that in the same conversation.
Sorry, but I must be honest with you..you need help, don't worry about him getting help right now. The chances are it will happen again.
Your local Domestic Violence Center has a wealth of information for you.
Much love and prayers
"I love you...I hope you suffer and die"...I heard that in the same conversation.
Sorry, but I must be honest with you..you need help, don't worry about him getting help right now. The chances are it will happen again.
Your local Domestic Violence Center has a wealth of information for you.
Much love and prayers
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