Core Issues Emmerging
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Core Issues Emmerging
Hi yall,
Reading all the postings on ACOA forum is really bringing some core issues to the forefront.
I am really starting to "get it" that most of my codie issues stem from life-long dysfunctions that I have aquired living in an alcoholic/dysfunctional home.
I realize how far I have removed myself from myself...quit feeling, doubted any decisions that I have made, feeling worthless to a point of pouring all of my attention and energy into other people's needs.
I am also beginning to stay with my emotions and feel them. When I attend CODA meetings (since ACOA is not available anywhere close), it always starts with identifying feelings. This is still difficult for me, but I am actually beginning to identify feelings I didn't know existed within me.
For instance: yesterday my 2 adult sons came over. They are both unemployed and live together in a nearby city, living off of student loans.
Their transportation broke down and I almost didn't attend my meeting b/c I was ready to rescue them. They didn't even ask to be resuced! I had to fight (and I mean fight) the urge to sit around, fretting and miss my meeting. The merry-go-round of dysfunction was so enticing and familiar.
I sat in this "uncomfort" for a couple of minutes and thought, I'm feeling my own abandonment issues as a child. Even though the action of near-rescuing is an adult codie behavior, the core issue is from within and my little child is screaming for someone to rescue her.
There is also some guilt about taking care of myself and leaving my adult children behind. I need to explore that also.
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for posting...it helps me feel some stuff that I had long ago buried.
Huggs to my SR family
Reading all the postings on ACOA forum is really bringing some core issues to the forefront.
I am really starting to "get it" that most of my codie issues stem from life-long dysfunctions that I have aquired living in an alcoholic/dysfunctional home.
I realize how far I have removed myself from myself...quit feeling, doubted any decisions that I have made, feeling worthless to a point of pouring all of my attention and energy into other people's needs.
I am also beginning to stay with my emotions and feel them. When I attend CODA meetings (since ACOA is not available anywhere close), it always starts with identifying feelings. This is still difficult for me, but I am actually beginning to identify feelings I didn't know existed within me.
For instance: yesterday my 2 adult sons came over. They are both unemployed and live together in a nearby city, living off of student loans.
Their transportation broke down and I almost didn't attend my meeting b/c I was ready to rescue them. They didn't even ask to be resuced! I had to fight (and I mean fight) the urge to sit around, fretting and miss my meeting. The merry-go-round of dysfunction was so enticing and familiar.
I sat in this "uncomfort" for a couple of minutes and thought, I'm feeling my own abandonment issues as a child. Even though the action of near-rescuing is an adult codie behavior, the core issue is from within and my little child is screaming for someone to rescue her.
There is also some guilt about taking care of myself and leaving my adult children behind. I need to explore that also.
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for posting...it helps me feel some stuff that I had long ago buried.
Huggs to my SR family
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 101
That is great you went on with your meeting as planned.
And as you stated your sons were together and both grown men.
Working through that wanting to help and yet knowing your needs
is tough.
On many posts on this forum one of the first things the more experienced posters will ask right off the bat as we post about others is
'and what are you doing for you?'.
You come first.
Interesting point:
Would going to your meeting and having them wait until it was over and then helping have been acceptable.
The codie in me is wondering about that.
At least in your instance they were not asking for any help.
And as you stated your sons were together and both grown men.
Working through that wanting to help and yet knowing your needs
is tough.
On many posts on this forum one of the first things the more experienced posters will ask right off the bat as we post about others is
'and what are you doing for you?'.
You come first.
Interesting point:
Would going to your meeting and having them wait until it was over and then helping have been acceptable.
The codie in me is wondering about that.
At least in your instance they were not asking for any help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Hungary
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by MMkM 
You come first.
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