I did as much as I could to help mom.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,941
I did as much as I could to help mom.
Went down to help my sisters care for my 96 yr old mom. From the instant I was down there I began to have uncontrollable anxiety and unmanageable mood swings.
, I tried to get her up from the bed, a bed she now sleeps in 20 hours of the day. I was so nervous that I locked up, forgetting everything my sister told me to do being unable to get her into in her wheelchair to breakfast.
I wasn't sleeping well the whole time I was there, constantly in a numb haze, confused and loopy.
My emotions were all over the place from lamenting when my mom was more attentive and more independent to my lack of having the skills to help my sister with mom.
I tried my best and had some limited success with my ability to presently get mom going on the daily tasks of the day.
All in all I needed more preparation to care for a mother that believed in me when I was active addiction, the to see her now half to nothing function that just a 18 months a go, she was alert and somewhat active,
I stayed for 3 days, pushed myself to be as much service as I could see
fit. Washing, sweeping, cleaning, some minor repair work and then more cleaning. I became useful even tho internally I was troubled.
Well I can return to R Beach and continue my attempts of care for mom. I believe I will return in just a few more days. The shock of moms current condition is wearing off from me. I do want to help.
Through this experience my anxiety and depression was shutting my body down. I was having real trouble remember what was being said to me by my sister, Along with that I was having a very difficult time understanding what was said.\ from all others.
All in I was confused, unable to find a course of direction to follow. Jumbled as how to expertize even he simplest things and lethargic...lots being half awake, illegally asleep, prodding my way about for the sake of being active ...Not conduce to my moms healing when I pursing half way of being half usefulness,
, I tried to get her up from the bed, a bed she now sleeps in 20 hours of the day. I was so nervous that I locked up, forgetting everything my sister told me to do being unable to get her into in her wheelchair to breakfast.
I wasn't sleeping well the whole time I was there, constantly in a numb haze, confused and loopy.
My emotions were all over the place from lamenting when my mom was more attentive and more independent to my lack of having the skills to help my sister with mom.
I tried my best and had some limited success with my ability to presently get mom going on the daily tasks of the day.
All in all I needed more preparation to care for a mother that believed in me when I was active addiction, the to see her now half to nothing function that just a 18 months a go, she was alert and somewhat active,
I stayed for 3 days, pushed myself to be as much service as I could see
fit. Washing, sweeping, cleaning, some minor repair work and then more cleaning. I became useful even tho internally I was troubled.
Well I can return to R Beach and continue my attempts of care for mom. I believe I will return in just a few more days. The shock of moms current condition is wearing off from me. I do want to help.
Through this experience my anxiety and depression was shutting my body down. I was having real trouble remember what was being said to me by my sister, Along with that I was having a very difficult time understanding what was said.\ from all others.
All in I was confused, unable to find a course of direction to follow. Jumbled as how to expertize even he simplest things and lethargic...lots being half awake, illegally asleep, prodding my way about for the sake of being active ...Not conduce to my moms healing when I pursing half way of being half usefulness,
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I looked for a hugging smilie to send your way but of all the smilies we have in the forum there is none for a hug. So here is a hug since it sounds like you could use one ((((((((((((((((((((Zencat)))))))))))))))))))))))) )))))))
I am so sorry to hear what a rough time you are facing right now. It sounds to me like you have done all you can. There are times when our best is all we can do even though it may not feel like it is enough. We can not give more than we have.
From my perspective it sounds like you need to do some self care before going back down to help out. Without self care it is hard to help others when we can not help ourselves.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
On a side note, I have always appreciated your posts. They many times help me see things from a different perspective or give me good food for thought. Take care.
I am so sorry to hear what a rough time you are facing right now. It sounds to me like you have done all you can. There are times when our best is all we can do even though it may not feel like it is enough. We can not give more than we have.
From my perspective it sounds like you need to do some self care before going back down to help out. Without self care it is hard to help others when we can not help ourselves.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
On a side note, I have always appreciated your posts. They many times help me see things from a different perspective or give me good food for thought. Take care.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
ZenCat....that is a trying situation for everyone. I've been there, and it is extremely difficult to deal with all those circumstances. But I absolutely understand that you want to be there and to help.
Everyone has their own unique gifts, and have different experiences that they can bring to the situation.
Me; I get quite queasy and light-headed when it comes to medical conditions, but that was exactly the type of care my mother required. I experience a ringing in my ears and got a faint feeling like I'm going to pass out; so I had to learn to let others who are more adept at handling things like this take over and get myself out of the room before I became part of the problem. Over time, I got a thicker skin and was able to handle those things by myself for my mother without experiencing those same sensations. I did that through observing the people who were treating her, and I learned how to do things directly related to her care while I was actually desensitizing myself to the trauma of it all. It will work out.
That being said, there are so many ways to be helpful in times like this. A simple conversation when they are awake; holding their hand; preparing meals for the primary caretakers, doing laundry, handling correspondence and the visitor inquiries - these are all necessary in the care process. You're on the right track, and you're being helpful.
When you go back, make sure you pack your recovery toolbox first - they will get you through what you need to get through. Understand for yourself that this is traumatic, and as recovery teaches us, we are all doing that best we can do at any one particular point in time.
Many blessings, and good wishes going out to you.....
Everyone has their own unique gifts, and have different experiences that they can bring to the situation.
Me; I get quite queasy and light-headed when it comes to medical conditions, but that was exactly the type of care my mother required. I experience a ringing in my ears and got a faint feeling like I'm going to pass out; so I had to learn to let others who are more adept at handling things like this take over and get myself out of the room before I became part of the problem. Over time, I got a thicker skin and was able to handle those things by myself for my mother without experiencing those same sensations. I did that through observing the people who were treating her, and I learned how to do things directly related to her care while I was actually desensitizing myself to the trauma of it all. It will work out.
That being said, there are so many ways to be helpful in times like this. A simple conversation when they are awake; holding their hand; preparing meals for the primary caretakers, doing laundry, handling correspondence and the visitor inquiries - these are all necessary in the care process. You're on the right track, and you're being helpful.
When you go back, make sure you pack your recovery toolbox first - they will get you through what you need to get through. Understand for yourself that this is traumatic, and as recovery teaches us, we are all doing that best we can do at any one particular point in time.
Many blessings, and good wishes going out to you.....
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
(((ZenCat))) So sorry you were overwhelmed with those feelings... Good for you for hanging in there and doing your best! I can completely understand how you felt. I've had to be by my mom's hospital bed as she was helpless and dying. Not knowing what to do or how to do it. It's hard in medical environments... To see someone you love going downhill... Absolutely overwhelming emotions surface. I hyperventilated several times. Just do the best you can in that situation... People do understand.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I can't even imagine the emotions of going through what you did, hon! (((ZenCat)))
What you accomplished for your mother is wonderful, and you pushed forward to get it done.
Know that I am thinking of you. Lots of gentle hugs from Kansas!
What you accomplished for your mother is wonderful, and you pushed forward to get it done.
Know that I am thinking of you. Lots of gentle hugs from Kansas!
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,941
Thanks everyone, feeling much more grounded today. Its hard to for me to accept that I have may more limitations on what work I can perform.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by Zencat 
Thanks everyone, feeling much more grounded today. Its hard to for me to accept that I have may more limitations on what work I can perform.
*hugs*
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