step 4 deconstructed is
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
step 4 deconstructed is
an exercise in removing resentment.
would you concur
would be interested to hear stories of how you did step 4. please don't ask me to get a sponsor i'm asking here. I do own a BB and have read the chapter how it works.
ive done some googles and suchlike and there seem to be many workbooks for doing step 4.
i have a question though. in doing a step 4 must we ALWAYS find personal fault for each resentment?
would you concur
would be interested to hear stories of how you did step 4. please don't ask me to get a sponsor i'm asking here. I do own a BB and have read the chapter how it works.
ive done some googles and suchlike and there seem to be many workbooks for doing step 4.
i have a question though. in doing a step 4 must we ALWAYS find personal fault for each resentment?
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: WI
Posts: 228
I did mine exactly as instructed in the book, thats been the format I have used for previous inventories and am currently using for my current inventory.
As far as finding personal fault... In my experience, absolutely. However like the book says, "A solitary self appraisal is rarely sufficient." Thus, as much as you do want to hear it... too bad... get a sponsor or other spiritual advisor who can help you with this part. On more than one occasion I have needed help and guidance in seeing were I was in regards to that fourth column of my inventory, where had I been selfish, self-centered, dishonest, fearful, etc.
As far as finding personal fault... In my experience, absolutely. However like the book says, "A solitary self appraisal is rarely sufficient." Thus, as much as you do want to hear it... too bad... get a sponsor or other spiritual advisor who can help you with this part. On more than one occasion I have needed help and guidance in seeing were I was in regards to that fourth column of my inventory, where had I been selfish, self-centered, dishonest, fearful, etc.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: WI
Posts: 228
sounds like you're on the right track, I can't urge you strongly enough though, find someone you trust to do the fifth step with. My experience has been that having another set of eyes, another's experience, has made a huge difference in how I view these situations.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I wouldn't call it an exercise in removing resentments. If you or I had the power/ability to remove resentments we'd probably have the power to remove our alcoholism too, yanno?
I like the example in the BB....it's a fact finding mission......a search to discover the truth about the stock in trade (ie - what, in all areas, do I bring to the table in relationships, work, my personal life, etc). It goes on to say the object is to disclose and be rid of unsalable goods but the 4th step is just a listing out of what those goods are....
I like the example in the BB....it's a fact finding mission......a search to discover the truth about the stock in trade (ie - what, in all areas, do I bring to the table in relationships, work, my personal life, etc). It goes on to say the object is to disclose and be rid of unsalable goods but the 4th step is just a listing out of what those goods are....
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
It's almost funny.......when I think back to what the steps meant to me early on vs. what they mean to me now. I'm sure, in 5yrs......10yrs.......15yrs......I'll be looking back on today and laughing at my current understanding. 
I was able, kinda, to grasp the first 3 columns......once I learned that resentment isn't necessarily just the ppl we're mad at. The 4th column wasn't "taught" to me....I was told to write "my part." Now, I've learned that I put where I was at fault......ever.....with that other person, institution, or whatever it is I'm resenting. It's the 3rd column, for me.......lately.......where I've really gotten the most insight. I've started doing the "extended 3rd columns" that Mark H. / Joe H. talk about in their BB "talks" (avail on XA Speakers) and it's made a BIG difference to my inventories......even more-so than the 4th column. That 3rd column......well......it reeeeally gives me a look into MY stock in trade - something I don't think I've even seen at such a deep level ever before.
FWIW, there's an old thread from here that discusses it: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-65-66-bb.html
If anyone's interested, I've got the "worksheet" that will help you through the 3rd column......it's wonderful.
I was able, kinda, to grasp the first 3 columns......once I learned that resentment isn't necessarily just the ppl we're mad at. The 4th column wasn't "taught" to me....I was told to write "my part." Now, I've learned that I put where I was at fault......ever.....with that other person, institution, or whatever it is I'm resenting. It's the 3rd column, for me.......lately.......where I've really gotten the most insight. I've started doing the "extended 3rd columns" that Mark H. / Joe H. talk about in their BB "talks" (avail on XA Speakers) and it's made a BIG difference to my inventories......even more-so than the 4th column. That 3rd column......well......it reeeeally gives me a look into MY stock in trade - something I don't think I've even seen at such a deep level ever before.
FWIW, there's an old thread from here that discusses it: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-65-66-bb.html
If anyone's interested, I've got the "worksheet" that will help you through the 3rd column......it's wonderful.
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