My long trip .. Getting clean again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 11
My long trip .. Getting clean again
Ill try to keep this short ..
I have always taken things to the limit. I have done amazing things in my life and considered myself one of the lucky ones. Well I have been humbled considerably.
About 4 years ago i drove down to Panama on a surf trip and became very close to the inexpensive cocaine in San Jose, Costa Rica .. I had about 250 g's in the bank and was surfing, partying and living the life of a rock star. I know that I almost died 5 or 6 times.
I returned home and began abusing Roxicet and whatever else i could find. A girl broke my heart and i decided to move to CA where I knew people who had Heroin and OC's (this was more important than the waves).
After 2 years of Mind games, treating my body like a pin cushion, lying to my friends and family, blowing all the money i had worked so hard for, homelessness, and the constant state of detox .. well here i am. Day 7.
I decided to come clean to everyone in my life, bite the bullet and move across to my family's ranch in the mountains. Here i have no car, no connections .. family support and no where to run but up a steep foresty mountain that has become my life.
I know withdrawal as most of you do. All I can say to anyone suffering is that if I can do it .. anyone can ..
I have always taken things to the limit. I have done amazing things in my life and considered myself one of the lucky ones. Well I have been humbled considerably.
About 4 years ago i drove down to Panama on a surf trip and became very close to the inexpensive cocaine in San Jose, Costa Rica .. I had about 250 g's in the bank and was surfing, partying and living the life of a rock star. I know that I almost died 5 or 6 times.
I returned home and began abusing Roxicet and whatever else i could find. A girl broke my heart and i decided to move to CA where I knew people who had Heroin and OC's (this was more important than the waves).
After 2 years of Mind games, treating my body like a pin cushion, lying to my friends and family, blowing all the money i had worked so hard for, homelessness, and the constant state of detox .. well here i am. Day 7.
I decided to come clean to everyone in my life, bite the bullet and move across to my family's ranch in the mountains. Here i have no car, no connections .. family support and no where to run but up a steep foresty mountain that has become my life.
I know withdrawal as most of you do. All I can say to anyone suffering is that if I can do it .. anyone can ..
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
Well, if nothing else, that sounds like an pretty decent place to detox (assuming you get along well with your family). Something I take away from the "good times/life of the rock star" partying days is that I know for sure I can never reproduce those experiences, and any attempt to do so is just a waste of time/money/health.
It seems like you have got a good perspective on yourself and your using. It definitely takes a lot to suck it up and go to your folks for help, you should be very proud of yourself for doing that.
It seems like you have got a good perspective on yourself and your using. It definitely takes a lot to suck it up and go to your folks for help, you should be very proud of yourself for doing that.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 11
Money .. computer field .. I had the world by the balls and f'ed it up. Had i kept working I might have been set for life. Although I regret nothing.
Dealing with the family is a work in process. But i am blessed that they are here. Having full withdrawals in front of your mom and dad and them looking at you is a tough pill to swallow.
It is crazy the actual "real" feelings i am having. I haven't slept in 5 days which is taking its toll .. But here in good ole Appalacia I have no choice. At first my mind was scheming ways to get something. But i am not listening to that part of me anymore. I am resigned to the decision i have made. I was just too miserable.
Trying to keep it real now ..
Dealing with the family is a work in process. But i am blessed that they are here. Having full withdrawals in front of your mom and dad and them looking at you is a tough pill to swallow.
It is crazy the actual "real" feelings i am having. I haven't slept in 5 days which is taking its toll .. But here in good ole Appalacia I have no choice. At first my mind was scheming ways to get something. But i am not listening to that part of me anymore. I am resigned to the decision i have made. I was just too miserable.
Trying to keep it real now ..
Servant of God
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 214
Welcome brother,
My best advice to you is to never forget the low of the withdrawal. It can save your butt one day when you are feeling better. The mind naturally tries to forget pain so don't let it. Don't get hung up on it but don't forget it. Use a journal. These posts stay around for a while so they can somewhat function as a journal. Recording your struggles can be a great tool for later use and can teach you a lot about your specific patterned behavior. You can then use statistics an predict probabilities and have the weapon of insight at your disposal. Every time you may think "it wasn't that bad" you can reread your story.
My best advice to you is to never forget the low of the withdrawal. It can save your butt one day when you are feeling better. The mind naturally tries to forget pain so don't let it. Don't get hung up on it but don't forget it. Use a journal. These posts stay around for a while so they can somewhat function as a journal. Recording your struggles can be a great tool for later use and can teach you a lot about your specific patterned behavior. You can then use statistics an predict probabilities and have the weapon of insight at your disposal. Every time you may think "it wasn't that bad" you can reread your story.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 11
Day 8 .. got 5 hours sleep last night, although broken up into segments of no-sleep. The mornings are tough. This was always my exciting "first fix" of the day. I feel sluggish and low low energy. I do have a good attitude though.
I am really enjoying this site. Thanks for the support.
I am really enjoying this site. Thanks for the support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 11
Day 10 - Had nightmare migraine last night .. 4 hours sleep. Last night i went to and AA meeting and started reading the Big Book. Amazingly even after the hell night I woke up and made my parents breakfast. No more selfishness.
I also worked out hard and did a couple hours landscaping ...
Things feel like they are turning around.
I also worked out hard and did a couple hours landscaping ...
Things feel like they are turning around.
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