100 days sober today but struggling w/heroin cravings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2
100 days sober today but struggling w/heroin cravings
hi all..I am 100 days sober today, only through God and the program's help I am able to sit here sober. Today I am struggling with cravings and romanticizing my past use. Ill give you a little history, I never drank or tried any drugs until I was 18 years old. I loved drinking right away and then started using drugs around the same time as well.. when the drinking didnt work anymore for me I started using all sorts of drugs.. my identity according to all around me was a druggie.. I mostly used ecstacy, acid, marijuana and then I started to feel anxious without the drugs so i started taking xanax.. then my xanax dealer introduced me to painkillers and I loved those, they took all my worries away.. when that got to expensive it turned into heroin and I was using painkillers and heroin for almost the last 2 years. I got sober on march 8, 2011.
I went to treatment and am currently going to meetings everyday.. but I am struggling with the fact that I can never use drugs again, I partied alot with all sorts of friends.. and I can say i did have fun in my eyes at least, There were really fun times back then, and i miss them alot. Its like im mourning something.. I went to raves or festivals every weekend and I just loved that culture but I cant do that anymore and that just sucks!
The last week I have been having some cravings also pertaining specifically to my drug of choice, heroin. They were plentiful in the begining but I was living at my parents house and now im back at my apartment near my college and on my own and near my old dealers place.. I just keep imagining how i would feel if i just did it once more.. i am imagining the good parts of it i know.. and I know I should play the tape and think it through of what will happen.. I could die. I know all these things but I just feel like... right now I could feel so much better,
Anyone have any advice on what actions i could physically take to help me?
I went to treatment and am currently going to meetings everyday.. but I am struggling with the fact that I can never use drugs again, I partied alot with all sorts of friends.. and I can say i did have fun in my eyes at least, There were really fun times back then, and i miss them alot. Its like im mourning something.. I went to raves or festivals every weekend and I just loved that culture but I cant do that anymore and that just sucks!
The last week I have been having some cravings also pertaining specifically to my drug of choice, heroin. They were plentiful in the begining but I was living at my parents house and now im back at my apartment near my college and on my own and near my old dealers place.. I just keep imagining how i would feel if i just did it once more.. i am imagining the good parts of it i know.. and I know I should play the tape and think it through of what will happen.. I could die. I know all these things but I just feel like... right now I could feel so much better,
Anyone have any advice on what actions i could physically take to help me?
Do or do not. There is no try.
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
All of us have at one time or another wrestled with the same thoughts. Check out one of my favorite paragraphs from AA big book...Go ahead and replace alcohol with heroin, ex, weed, whatever. Its all the same on an emotional level.
FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt-and one more failure.
FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt-and one more failure.
Do or do not. There is no try.
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Anyways grats on 100 days, keep doing what you are doing, meetings daily, and those cravings will one day be gone completely. You can recover from that obsession, I have seen it happen first hand.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2
thank you so much for that reply and excerpt from the big book.. i really liked that.. and it does make sense.. in the end it wasnt really fun at all.. it was horrible.. i woke up everyday feeling very ****** and in order to feel normal.. not necessarily good.. i had to use.. insanity
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
BlueSI had to smile when I read your post cause I haven't used in a little over 7 years and sometimes I still think wow its been that long what a hell of a buzz I would get.
The scary part though is some addicts who return to H after stopping for awhile end up dying cause they take way to much, they forget they can't do as much as they were when they quit.
I had two friends that did this and it is so sad.
Congrats on 100 days but you also have to remember you are still really new and your body and mind is still going through a huge demoltion process.
You said you were going to NA meetings do you have a sponsor, and homegroup? Are you doing any kind of service work? These help keep the mind busy and help addicts to stay on the positive side of recovery.
Keep coming back it will get better but we have to work for it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi blueshelly
congratulations on the 100 days- thats great
Do you have a sponsor? I'd talk to them - and others in the programme who you admire and who's opinions you'd trust.
When we're vulnerable is the time to reach out I think - share your troubles and nip this thing in the bud before it gets too big to handle
D
congratulations on the 100 days- thats great
Do you have a sponsor? I'd talk to them - and others in the programme who you admire and who's opinions you'd trust.
When we're vulnerable is the time to reach out I think - share your troubles and nip this thing in the bud before it gets too big to handle
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Posts: 49
Sorry for the late post - I'm just now catching up.
Shelly, I've done (more than) my share of drugs - all kinds of 'em. For some reason, they were easy for me to walk away from. Although coke got me pretty quickly, it only lasted a few months, and the physical withdrawals were a walk in the park. One day I decided I was done, and walked away from it - never really wanted to use it after that. But I never really liked opiates, so I figured I was safe.
Then one day, last September, I was visiting a friend - whom for some reason I felt I had to impress by what a badass I was. He was using heroin and I knew it - I watched him use it for months, and I saw that what it did to him was ugly. Very ugly. However, I caved in and used it one time with him. Just once - and it grabbed me so hard - I could have gone to some really dark places - places I knew I'd never get out of.
Fortunately, I was able to recognize the potential damage I could have caused myself and others if I continued. Someone must have been looking after me, I'm sure of it because I was able to stop. That was 8 months ago and I still crave that high. That ugly, killer high. But I can't go there again. I'm a 51-year-old mom and a grandma. I can't even imagine what a horrible thing it would have been for my daughters to have to explain to their kids, my grandkids, why grandma is sick, dead or in jail.
I'm not a "stepper" - but I know AA/NA helps many people - so if that's what works for you - keep it up. One hundred days is awesome! Congrats.
Shelly, I've done (more than) my share of drugs - all kinds of 'em. For some reason, they were easy for me to walk away from. Although coke got me pretty quickly, it only lasted a few months, and the physical withdrawals were a walk in the park. One day I decided I was done, and walked away from it - never really wanted to use it after that. But I never really liked opiates, so I figured I was safe.
Then one day, last September, I was visiting a friend - whom for some reason I felt I had to impress by what a badass I was. He was using heroin and I knew it - I watched him use it for months, and I saw that what it did to him was ugly. Very ugly. However, I caved in and used it one time with him. Just once - and it grabbed me so hard - I could have gone to some really dark places - places I knew I'd never get out of.
Fortunately, I was able to recognize the potential damage I could have caused myself and others if I continued. Someone must have been looking after me, I'm sure of it because I was able to stop. That was 8 months ago and I still crave that high. That ugly, killer high. But I can't go there again. I'm a 51-year-old mom and a grandma. I can't even imagine what a horrible thing it would have been for my daughters to have to explain to their kids, my grandkids, why grandma is sick, dead or in jail.
I'm not a "stepper" - but I know AA/NA helps many people - so if that's what works for you - keep it up. One hundred days is awesome! Congrats.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 69
Congrads on the 100 days! And thanks for sharing. I been having horrible cravings I been sober 10 months. My drug of choice was oxy and its been so been I can taste it in the back of my throat. I don't do Na/AA... its scaring the hell out of me bc I don't know how much longer I can fight this!
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