pinkgurl87

Wow I went to an NA meeting and it was close to downtown and I was thinking about going downtown and trying to get high and then I went to the NA meeting instead and then at the end of the meeting I got a text, I didn't check it till I got home but it said I am here downtown alone and drinking. I know if I checked the text i might have actually gone downtown and drank with him, so it was a good thing I didn't check it until I got home. It's scary how close of call it was.

JustAYak

Glad you didn't. You made the right choice.

BHF

This may not have been the context of the text you recieved, but.....
If someone sent me a text at this time, after having quit drinking, saying "I'm downtown drinking" they had better be asking me for a sober ride home. Only friends/family text me. None of my family/friends try to convince me to drink with them. They remember the a**hole that I turned into when drinking.

FT

You will get fewer of those "close calls" if you block the damn number of old "friends" who are using and obviously do not care if you stay clean.

pinkgurl87

Well I ended up screwing up today ended up getting drunk. I wanted drugs but I've been away from the scene so long that when I tried to find people they weren't there, so I stuck for my back up plan which was alcohol. So ya.

JustAYak

Why'd you do that? Next time, come here instead and find the support you are actually seeking, whether you know it or not. You won't find it in alcohol or drugs.

CarolD

Please remember you also have 2 threads on going in Alcoholism...and have replies there too....

pinkgurl87

ya sorry I didn't mean to make so many threads. I'm sorry.

CarolD

I was not fussing about how many threads...I was pointing out others have replied to you in another Forum.

Perhaps a member there said something useful to you...so please go read.
Thanks.....

pinkgurl87

I'm going crazy now my therapist convinced my parents to take my laptop so now I can only go on the computer on my moms laptop I am going crazy it's making me craving all the more because I have nothing to do with my time. I hate everyone and I'm so mad. I can;t get into chat on my mom's computer , This is stupid, I just wanta disappear.

Aysha

Yea, I agree with Anvil. I def need to keep myself occupied somehow. I will feel sorry for myself for a day or so but then usually I get really tired of that and then see that I tired once. I can try again. I have recovery bi polar. I will be so depressed from screwing up, then 2 days later be so determined and motivated.
Just pick yourself up and form some kind of plan.

pinkgurl87

I know I just so bothered right now. Like my parents let me use their computer sometimes but won't let me use my own and I don't know how I'm going to survive tonight I always go on the computer for hours. There taking my only coping method away , how am i suppose to stay clean when they take what's helping me stay clean away I just don't get I'm so pissed off. They are treating me like a 10 year old I hate it.

billsaintjames

You could always look at this situation as even more motivation to stay sober...

Tool311

Hey pink, keep your head up girl!

I detoxed on my own at my own apartment, so I didn't get treated like a 10 year old. But while I was addicted, I know I definitely acted like a 10 year old.

I was selfish, didn't care about anyone other than myself, had ridiculous mood swings, and lost many good friends.

I agree 100% with bill about using this as motivation.

I also agree 100% with anvil and aysha. You have to keep yourself occupied. Sitting around dwelling about the mess you're in will only make you more anxious and depressed as well as make the days drag on forever.

Watch a funny movie, listen to some music, read a book if you physically cannot do anything. Think of something you used to enjoy before you started using, for me it was crossword puzzles. I did about 1000 crossword puzzles the first week i was detoxing.

You've got this pink, you're stronger than this. You'll learn more about yourself and how strong you really are as a person by getting through this.

Hope to hear from you soon girl,
311

pinkgurl87

Ya I guess. IT's so hard like We were driving in the car around downtown and we hit a red light and I was so tempted to jump out of the car and run away. I didn't but that's how strong it is right now. I keep trying to sheme up plans in my mind on how I can get away from my parents but not much works they watch me like a hawk. I know they are trying to help but it is driving me crazy. I feel a little bit better had a walk and ate some food. Idk ... I have to go.

Tool311

keep fighting those urges girl!

Every time you make the right choice is a small step towards recovery. You'll look back on this experience and appreciate it one day, trust me.

Much love,
311

pinkgurl87

You know what was cool one of the girls from CR came and talked with me like went for a little drive. It really helped me feel better. <3

pinkgurl87

Geat they won't even let me go to the online meeting tonight. I'm so pissed. I was like what would you rather I use, but they didn't like that to much , I'm so tempted to go out and use or drink just to prove to them that this internet thing is not helping but only making stuff worse, but I don't wanta mess up my trip.

FT

Hi PinkGurl:

The only thing you need to do right now is remember that the ONLY people's behavior you have ANY control over is you. People can take whatever they want away from you, and you will still have your intelligence, your will, and your own well being in mind. Doing stuff to make other people feel bad is just proving to them that you can't control yourself. You WIN by proving to them that you DO have control of yourself. Making good decisions is something ONLY you can do for yourself. They can try to force good behavior out of you, but only YOU have control over it in the long run.

Don't self destruct just because you have some people exerting control over the physical part of you. You have control over the mental part, so USE IT WISELY.

Seriously.

pinkgurl87

I'm so mad at my parents , I got in an arguement with my mom because she wanted to take my money she already takes my bank card and she threatened me if I didn't so I have her my money in a check. I hate this. They took my laptop they said if I keep talking to this guy they will take my cellphone. I just wanta scream I dont' know how they are helping me they are just making me more mad making me wanta run away and use. I hate them. I hate everything. I just wanta disappear. Now my mom's upset and crying, because I said I didn't trust her with my money, give me a break why does she have to be upset she's being so mean to me. I hate this I hate this all.