Cocaine and The False Date To Quit
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1
Cocaine and The False Date To Quit
Hi,
I've read a lot of the posts on here about people wanting to quit and trying to quit. I guess I'm no different from the countless posts asking questions, but I do feel different. I know that I want to quit, but I keep failing. My life is not in shambles, but my relationship is starting to suffer because my girlfriend is becoming frustrated with my promises to quit. For the record, I've been using about three years.
My thing is that I feel like I want to quit, yet I give in so easily and it seems like I"m not even trying. I've noticed a pattern with myself. For whatever reason, I'll go on a everyday/every other day binge for a week and start to feel like a loser and tell myself I want to quit. My problem is actually taking a stand to quit. I always seem to tell myself that I"m going to quit on Monday regardless of the day I feel I'm done with this crap. I have a one friend who I get high with and I told him just last night, that we've said this is going to be our last day at least 1000 times it feels like. In the end we're back to the same old routine. I've always been a strong willed person and can't figure out why I seem to be defenseless with this stuff.
I've read a lot of the posts on here about people wanting to quit and trying to quit. I guess I'm no different from the countless posts asking questions, but I do feel different. I know that I want to quit, but I keep failing. My life is not in shambles, but my relationship is starting to suffer because my girlfriend is becoming frustrated with my promises to quit. For the record, I've been using about three years.
My thing is that I feel like I want to quit, yet I give in so easily and it seems like I"m not even trying. I've noticed a pattern with myself. For whatever reason, I'll go on a everyday/every other day binge for a week and start to feel like a loser and tell myself I want to quit. My problem is actually taking a stand to quit. I always seem to tell myself that I"m going to quit on Monday regardless of the day I feel I'm done with this crap. I have a one friend who I get high with and I told him just last night, that we've said this is going to be our last day at least 1000 times it feels like. In the end we're back to the same old routine. I've always been a strong willed person and can't figure out why I seem to be defenseless with this stuff.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
Realizing that we are all the same is a huge step forward. Once it hit me that there are countless other people dealing with the same **** as me, I felt much better, and my addiction problems became more clear to me and treatable. The Substance Abuse forum is a great resource, IMO the best forum on the site.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!! My DOC (drug of choice) was crack, and it literally brought me to my knees. I never really considered getting clean, just thought of stuff that I'd deal with "when I get clean". Got locked up, stayed clean for a while, relapsed and lost what little I'd gained in that year, and finally said "enough".
When my mind would try to convince me "just one more time..then you can quit again", I'd tell myself "not an option..next" and "next" meant distract myself. Probably did that a zillion times a day, at first. I also vividly recalled my relapse at the same time...I was miserable, even getting high...guilty about the pain I'd caused my family, AGAIN, etc.
In time, I would find myself doing something (distracting) before I ever realized the thought had entered my mind.
You may not be at the same point I was, but you're already having problems with your gf, and I guarantee...keep doing the coke, and things are going to get worse.
SR has been a huge part of my recovery. I also have people in my life who are still A's (addicts) and read through the Friends & Family forum. Reading about all the pain we cause those who love us was heartbreaking. We don't use in a bubble...it really does affect our loved ones and people who care about us.
FWIW, I couldn't just pick a day to be clean. I still wanted to use, a LOT, when I quit. I knew, without a doubt, that once I used, I was just going to want to use more. We don't have physical withdrawals, but the mental ones are pretty bad. You CAN get through this, you just have to want recovery as if your life depends on it, because it truly does.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
When my mind would try to convince me "just one more time..then you can quit again", I'd tell myself "not an option..next" and "next" meant distract myself. Probably did that a zillion times a day, at first. I also vividly recalled my relapse at the same time...I was miserable, even getting high...guilty about the pain I'd caused my family, AGAIN, etc.
In time, I would find myself doing something (distracting) before I ever realized the thought had entered my mind.
You may not be at the same point I was, but you're already having problems with your gf, and I guarantee...keep doing the coke, and things are going to get worse.
SR has been a huge part of my recovery. I also have people in my life who are still A's (addicts) and read through the Friends & Family forum. Reading about all the pain we cause those who love us was heartbreaking. We don't use in a bubble...it really does affect our loved ones and people who care about us.
FWIW, I couldn't just pick a day to be clean. I still wanted to use, a LOT, when I quit. I knew, without a doubt, that once I used, I was just going to want to use more. We don't have physical withdrawals, but the mental ones are pretty bad. You CAN get through this, you just have to want recovery as if your life depends on it, because it truly does.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi Who-
I'm mainly an alcoholic, but I danced with the white lady A LOT and no doubt I was addicted.
I simply had to change who I was or the same me would use again and again and again (especially once I started drinking).
Maybe this is true with you too?
AA changed me and removed the obsession to drink and use. I now have a design for living sober that I sorely needed, then wanted, and now appreciate.
Kjell~
I'm mainly an alcoholic, but I danced with the white lady A LOT and no doubt I was addicted.
I simply had to change who I was or the same me would use again and again and again (especially once I started drinking).
Maybe this is true with you too?
AA changed me and removed the obsession to drink and use. I now have a design for living sober that I sorely needed, then wanted, and now appreciate.
Kjell~
Guest
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 14
I know what you mean, it is "cunning and baffling". It just gets a hold of you, I always felt like I just wasn't through yet, my family had me arrested and jail and rehab were forced on me. I know that sounds bad to say, like I am ungrateful. I know they were trying to help me, before I got arrested for something far worse, all I had at the time of my arrest was a crack pipe. I can relate to what you are saying. It always ends bad for me, the shame, the guilt, the financial woes, frying my brain, trying to go back to work and act "as if " It only gets worse, you know addiction it progressive, I always thought that was too dramatic of a term but it really fits. Amy is right, the distraction method is good technique. I know it is hard not to go back to it. I think most of us have an " I give a damner" and sometimes we addicts, well we just decide to ignore it, and say
f***k it, one more time isn't gonna kill me. But it kills me spiritually, I hate myself afterwards, So try the distraction method, make sure your " I give a damner" is charged up
f***k it, one more time isn't gonna kill me. But it kills me spiritually, I hate myself afterwards, So try the distraction method, make sure your " I give a damner" is charged up
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ottawa Canada
Posts: 1
Reading your post made me feel like I wrote it myself. I have also been giving in to the temptation easily even though I want to quit and have dealt with this addiction for 9 years. I have been on and off, I develop patterns so that I can use whenever. My longest clean streak in the past 9 years has been 6 months, and that’s if you don’t count the marijuana. I have all the knowledge and resources to quit, and I do have the will, but the after effects of cocaine obviously leave you with good memories while you were under the influence even though you felt extreme quilt and depression coming down. I have noticed that taking about my addiction, being honest with certain people I can trust and talk to them about it helps me understand a bit more each time why I do what I do. I am sick of using and I will no longer tolerate this monkey on my back. Today is the day!
Keep on doing what you always do; you will always get what you always got...
Keep on doing what you always do; you will always get what you always got...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: little rock, ar
Posts: 151
i was addicted to crack for about 4.5 years. and for 4 of those years i was "trying" to quit. can't tell ya how many times we ceremonially tossed the pipes and all the whatnots. can't tell ya how many times i dug em back out or just bought new stuff. it was an awful demoralizing sickening cycle.
Not again
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Yup.. to all of it.
Been there done that ain't going back no more.
Give up the money. Find someone to handle your finances and then you can start on your way to a serious recovery. You can ask family, friends or hire a payee/accountant. Or you can do the jails/institutions bit for a little forced clean time, but that didn't work for me, I got high within hours of getting out of jail. Being without available cash on the outside allows us to work on the other issues without the distraction of getting high.
If you are wondering what those issues are, keep it up. Only you can decide the why's and what-for's. Take a long, hard look at yourself and think about where you are going and if you are on the right path to get there. Only when we know our destination can we seek direction and giudance. I wish you well.
Larry
Been there done that ain't going back no more.
Give up the money. Find someone to handle your finances and then you can start on your way to a serious recovery. You can ask family, friends or hire a payee/accountant. Or you can do the jails/institutions bit for a little forced clean time, but that didn't work for me, I got high within hours of getting out of jail. Being without available cash on the outside allows us to work on the other issues without the distraction of getting high.
If you are wondering what those issues are, keep it up. Only you can decide the why's and what-for's. Take a long, hard look at yourself and think about where you are going and if you are on the right path to get there. Only when we know our destination can we seek direction and giudance. I wish you well.
Larry
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