Helpless, Guilty, Zero
skinnypuppy
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 9
Helpless, Guilty, Zero
This is a repost of my intro in the "newcomers forum". It was suggested that I check out this forum since my problem is "a substance".
Hello everyone. I have been reading on this forum for about a week or 2. Obviously I am an addict, hydrocodone. I sobered up from alcohol in 2001, although I have drank a few times in the last 2 months because I thought it might ease hydro withdrawalls, it did not. Luckily it was unpleasant enough that I did not develop a craving for it. I has 44 hours clean untill a half hour ago when I popped 8 5/500 hydros. I have no will power and CT is unbearable. I need to try the taper method. I was up to 90mg daily usually taken all at once with either 5/500`s or 10`325 hydros. My family deserves a real man, one who is not a druggie. I have a great wife and beautiful lil` son who is almost a year old. I feel guilty all the time and I want badly to stop this madness. I bought a bunch of herbs and lopramide to help with cold turkey but I couldnt hack it. This forum has provided great support though in the last couple weeks. Thanks to all who have been posting.
Hello everyone. I have been reading on this forum for about a week or 2. Obviously I am an addict, hydrocodone. I sobered up from alcohol in 2001, although I have drank a few times in the last 2 months because I thought it might ease hydro withdrawalls, it did not. Luckily it was unpleasant enough that I did not develop a craving for it. I has 44 hours clean untill a half hour ago when I popped 8 5/500 hydros. I have no will power and CT is unbearable. I need to try the taper method. I was up to 90mg daily usually taken all at once with either 5/500`s or 10`325 hydros. My family deserves a real man, one who is not a druggie. I have a great wife and beautiful lil` son who is almost a year old. I feel guilty all the time and I want badly to stop this madness. I bought a bunch of herbs and lopramide to help with cold turkey but I couldnt hack it. This forum has provided great support though in the last couple weeks. Thanks to all who have been posting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi skinnypuppy, and welcome to this forum!
Tapering sounds easier than CT, but I could not do it, even under medical supervision. I did a 4 day "taper" and then just stopped.
Yes, you will be sick, and it will feel unbearable. If you are not prepared for that, your efforts will be destroyed every time. Even people who taper, usually get some length of time feeling sick in withdrawals after their last dose. So why prolong the agony?
You don't sound like you have made the decision to stop. If you have a great wife and kid, and I don't want to lay a guilt trip on you, but how they would feel to find you dead. The doses you are describing are dangerous. You are maxing out on the tylenol part of those pills alone at those doses, which is toxic after 4 grams total in 24 hours.
My best advice if you are not ready to CT is to find a doctor to dose you off. No one will tox you out on tylenol either like you are doing now.
Get your wife on board with your recovery, and hit an NA meeting and find some folks who are doing recovery with support. Support is the most important thing you can have if you really want off opiates.
Good luck
Tapering sounds easier than CT, but I could not do it, even under medical supervision. I did a 4 day "taper" and then just stopped.
Yes, you will be sick, and it will feel unbearable. If you are not prepared for that, your efforts will be destroyed every time. Even people who taper, usually get some length of time feeling sick in withdrawals after their last dose. So why prolong the agony?
You don't sound like you have made the decision to stop. If you have a great wife and kid, and I don't want to lay a guilt trip on you, but how they would feel to find you dead. The doses you are describing are dangerous. You are maxing out on the tylenol part of those pills alone at those doses, which is toxic after 4 grams total in 24 hours.
My best advice if you are not ready to CT is to find a doctor to dose you off. No one will tox you out on tylenol either like you are doing now.
Get your wife on board with your recovery, and hit an NA meeting and find some folks who are doing recovery with support. Support is the most important thing you can have if you really want off opiates.
Good luck
skinnypuppy
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by failedtaper 
Hi skinnypuppy, and welcome to this forum!
Tapering sounds easier than CT, but I could not do it, even under medical supervision. I did a 4 day "taper" and then just stopped.
Yes, you will be sick, and it will feel unbearable. If you are not prepared for that, your efforts will be destroyed every time. Even people who taper, usually get some length of time feeling sick in withdrawals after their last dose. So why prolong the agony?
You don't sound like you have made the decision to stop. If you have a great wife and kid, and I don't want to lay a guilt trip on you, but how they would feel to find you dead. The doses you are describing are dangerous. You are maxing out on the tylenol part of those pills alone at those doses, which is toxic after 4 grams total in 24 hours.
My best advice if you are not ready to CT is to find a doctor to dose you off. No one will tox you out on tylenol either like you are doing now.
Get your wife on board with your recovery, and hit an NA meeting and find some folks who are doing recovery with support. Support is the most important thing you can have if you really want off opiates.
Good luck
Tapering sounds easier than CT, but I could not do it, even under medical supervision. I did a 4 day "taper" and then just stopped.
Yes, you will be sick, and it will feel unbearable. If you are not prepared for that, your efforts will be destroyed every time. Even people who taper, usually get some length of time feeling sick in withdrawals after their last dose. So why prolong the agony?
You don't sound like you have made the decision to stop. If you have a great wife and kid, and I don't want to lay a guilt trip on you, but how they would feel to find you dead. The doses you are describing are dangerous. You are maxing out on the tylenol part of those pills alone at those doses, which is toxic after 4 grams total in 24 hours.
My best advice if you are not ready to CT is to find a doctor to dose you off. No one will tox you out on tylenol either like you are doing now.
Get your wife on board with your recovery, and hit an NA meeting and find some folks who are doing recovery with support. Support is the most important thing you can have if you really want off opiates.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Where do people get such a large quantity of
prescription drugs all at one time? It simply
blows me away to read how people have
access to so much drugs. And the cost. Doesnt
it cost alot of money to pay for all these drugs?
My drug of choice was alcohol and even for that
it was expensive.
prescription drugs all at one time? It simply
blows me away to read how people have
access to so much drugs. And the cost. Doesnt
it cost alot of money to pay for all these drugs?
My drug of choice was alcohol and even for that
it was expensive.
skinnypuppy
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by aasharon90
Where do people get such a large quantity of
prescription drugs all at one time? It simply
blows me away to read how people have
access to so much drugs. And the cost. Doesnt
it cost alot of money to pay for all these drugs?
My drug of choice was alcohol and even for that
it was expensive.
prescription drugs all at one time? It simply
blows me away to read how people have
access to so much drugs. And the cost. Doesnt
it cost alot of money to pay for all these drugs?
My drug of choice was alcohol and even for that
it was expensive.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Lovin' to be wrong
Originally Posted by skinnypuppy
Thanks for your reply. Your wrong about 1 thing, I AM ready to stop. I couldnt get through 48 hours CT so whats wrong with attempting the taper method? I am so sick of being controlled by this stuff and feeling worthless. Like I said I took 8 5/500`s yesterday to kill the withdrawalls. My plan is to do 1 less each day till I get down to 2. Then take that dose for 3-4 days, then down to one for 3-4 days and then jump off the curb. I was tempted to take more when I got off work before bed but I was able to resist. I think after trying CT and knowing what its gonna feel like I am resolved to make the taper work. I realize it will still hurt, but hopefully not as bad. Dont assume that because I failed CT I dont really want to quit. I wouldnt be here asking for help if I wasnt ready. I am just weak and couldnt hack CT.
This is one place I LOVE to be proven wrong!
The problem with tapering is that you either have to have someone holding your stash that will NOT let you have more pills when you feel like holy crap, or you have to have the resolve to do it yourself. Very few can do that.
That's why methadone clinics make you come in EVERY DAY for your dose, because they are fully aware that almost NO ONE would give themselves measured doses when they hit the peak crappiness of withdrawal. I couldn't, and I even had a doctor trying to direct my dosing. Did not work.
It's either CT (no pills in the house AT ALL), or what I described above. The reason I said you don't sound ready is that you did not do either one of those things.
My intention is not to insult you but to help you. I really want you to succeed.
FT
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Eastern Pennsylvania
Posts: 62
Tapering might work for some people, but for most it does not, and here's my opinion why...
Tapering ultimately takes longer than just doing it cold turkey. I tried to taper more times than I could count on my fingers and toes and it never worked. For me, I set up a plan to go an arbitrary period, lets say a month of gradually winding down. It worked for two weeks, and then my mindset was that "my tolerance to pills is definitely down, what's one night of getting high?" And after that I would ramp back up... That's just me but i'm sure some people here can relate.
I'm 6 months clean today, and I went CT. Yeah it sucks, but the physical stuff is over in a week or so. While the w/d might be alot more intense, it gives you less time to mess up. The more time that you're using, even if it is less and less, gives you more of an opportunity to go on a binge. Just an opinion from a newborn in the recovery process.
Everyone is different. I wish you the best, but I'm just going from experience and what worked from me. Good luck, and we're all here for you.
Tapering ultimately takes longer than just doing it cold turkey. I tried to taper more times than I could count on my fingers and toes and it never worked. For me, I set up a plan to go an arbitrary period, lets say a month of gradually winding down. It worked for two weeks, and then my mindset was that "my tolerance to pills is definitely down, what's one night of getting high?" And after that I would ramp back up... That's just me but i'm sure some people here can relate.
I'm 6 months clean today, and I went CT. Yeah it sucks, but the physical stuff is over in a week or so. While the w/d might be alot more intense, it gives you less time to mess up. The more time that you're using, even if it is less and less, gives you more of an opportunity to go on a binge. Just an opinion from a newborn in the recovery process.
Everyone is different. I wish you the best, but I'm just going from experience and what worked from me. Good luck, and we're all here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 242
Originally Posted by aasharon90
Where do people get such a large quantity of
prescription drugs all at one time? It simply
blows me away to read how people have
access to so much drugs. And the cost. Doesnt
it cost alot of money to pay for all these drugs?
My drug of choice was alcohol and even for that
it was expensive.
prescription drugs all at one time? It simply
blows me away to read how people have
access to so much drugs. And the cost. Doesnt
it cost alot of money to pay for all these drugs?
My drug of choice was alcohol and even for that
it was expensive.
My addiction started many years ago when I had access to a family pharmacy. In between, I took my Mother's pain pills as she did not like them, but after she passed 5 years ago, had to find another source and went on-line. In my adult life, I probably have only received 10 or 12 actual prescriptions for myself for any opiate type drug and most of these were dental related or cough medicine. I was the sneaky type of addict. Never went to the streets or to doctors - had too much pride/fear/whatever.
skinnypuppy
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 9
I was really tempted to take more pills than my taper dose again last night. The temptation after the drug is out of your system is SO strong when you have pills. This method is harder than I thought it was going to be, but still if Im weighing it all out the pain of CT is greater than the pain of fighting the urge to take more than the taper dose. 2 songs last night at work really gave me extra strength to resist. "River of Deceipt" by Mad Season, Layne Staley was a heroin addict. Also "Father of Mine" by Everclear evoked strong enough emotions in me that I was able to refuse. It is hardest at night because I take my dose in the morning. Can anyone familiar with the taper method tell me if they took their daily dose all at once or spread it out through the day? I have been taking my tapered dose all at once and not sure thats the correct way, or if there even is a correct way. Today was my second day at 35mg so tomorrow I think Im gonna drop to 30mg. Thanks for the support.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Medical advice
Originally Posted by skinnypuppy
I was really tempted to take more pills than my taper dose again last night. The temptation after the drug is out of your system is SO strong when you have pills. This method is harder than I thought it was going to be, but still if Im weighing it all out the pain of CT is greater than the pain of fighting the urge to take more than the taper dose. 2 songs last night at work really gave me extra strength to resist. "River of Deceipt" by Mad Season, Layne Staley was a heroin addict. Also "Father of Mine" by Everclear evoked strong enough emotions in me that I was able to refuse. It is hardest at night because I take my dose in the morning. Can anyone familiar with the taper method tell me if they took their daily dose all at once or spread it out through the day? I have been taking my tapered dose all at once and not sure thats the correct way, or if there even is a correct way. Today was my second day at 35mg so tomorrow I think Im gonna drop to 30mg. Thanks for the support.
The best way for a taper program to have a chance at working is to get a medical regimen where you are prescribed the tapering doses, that way you know exactly how much to take, according to a medical professional.
The other way is to get someone else to hold your pills who will REFUSE to give you extra ones.
Either way, you are accountable to someone else for your using behaviors, and not reliant solely on your own willpower. Your "addict brain" will scream at you to use more and more, and for many of us that is too much.
Good luck. We want you to succeed, but no one here will be able to tell you how to dose yourself.
FT
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 242
I can only shared what worked for me. This time I tapered over about 10 days with my final supply. I was ordering on-line and it took two to three weeks to receive an order so that did help in knowing I had no more coming to me. I took myself down by a pill a day at the end. I never took them all at one time as I tapered. I took a dose 3 or 4 times a day spread out between 6 a.m. and 6 p.m. It helped that I go to bed no later than 10 p.m. and get up at 5:30 a.m. The last few doses, I took one pill at 6 a.m. and one pill at 2 p.m. I had to spread these out to taper effectively.
I don't know about others, but part of my use and addiction was actually the timing and taking the pills. If I took all at once for a day, I could never have tapered. I needed to count the hours and know I had a pill or two coming to me.
I have quit many times in the past and tapered about 80% of the time on a plan like this and it really helps with the w/d's. I have also done a fast taper, usually not at my doing but when an order was late or missing, or a complete CT, and the w/d's are much worse.
Years ago when I was on Hydrocodone big time taking about 12 to 15 10 mg pills a day, I tapered two months one summer. I never went back to this drug and did stay off about 9 months before being tempted to use my Mother's Darvocets she never touched. Ran out of those when she passed (she got 120 a month) and went online for codeine.
Again, this is what worked for me, but we are all different. Good luck and keep posting.
I don't know about others, but part of my use and addiction was actually the timing and taking the pills. If I took all at once for a day, I could never have tapered. I needed to count the hours and know I had a pill or two coming to me.
I have quit many times in the past and tapered about 80% of the time on a plan like this and it really helps with the w/d's. I have also done a fast taper, usually not at my doing but when an order was late or missing, or a complete CT, and the w/d's are much worse.
Years ago when I was on Hydrocodone big time taking about 12 to 15 10 mg pills a day, I tapered two months one summer. I never went back to this drug and did stay off about 9 months before being tempted to use my Mother's Darvocets she never touched. Ran out of those when she passed (she got 120 a month) and went online for codeine.
Again, this is what worked for me, but we are all different. Good luck and keep posting.
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