eaglette

Considering my recent setback at a party, I am debating the concept of removing myself from potential triggers and how far to go with it. I know a lot of people disassociate themselves from their friends who use. I am hoping not to have to go that far with it, but I am finding that it may be necessary. To those who have or have not opted to go this route, what are your feelings on the matter? Has your decision helped or harmed you, and how/why?

FT

Hi eaglette,

When I quit drinking over 20 years ago, I had been a "closet" drinker, so I didn't have any social associations to deal with. But my husband, who quit alcohol with me, loved to play pool and went to the pool hall and drank beer all night with his buds every night, leaving me alone at home to drink on my own. When he quit, he couldn't handle the association of pool and beer, so he left that life behind. He hasn't played pool in over 20 years, since he quit.

It took about 3 years before either one of us quit thinking about drinking CONSTANTLY. We talked ourselves out of drinking on a daily basis for that period of time, and eventually realized we just didn't talk about it or think about it any more. My opiate experiences were different, but also nonsocial. So no social triggers for me. But I thought maybe my husband's drinking experience might shed some light on at least one old guy.

My advice would be to avoid your triggers like cancer. Stay away. You have enough triggers at home with your BF, and if he is supportive of your choices, maybe that won't be so bad for you. But the other triggers you can avoid? Absolutely.

FT

billsaintjames

I'm pretty sure to "quit associating with" and to "disassociate from" are exactly the same thing.

But back to the topic. It all depends on how far you are willing to go in your recovery.

Your life is IMMENSELY dictated by the people you surround yourself with, and there is no shortage of information out there supporting this claim. They significantly impact every aspect of your life, including your recovery.

If you want to give yourself the best opportunity to recover, you should stay away from people who use, IMO.

FT

Disassociate is a transitive verb. Meaning it has both a subject and a direct object that is often reflexive. So you can disassociate yourself from your drug friends. So, yeah, I agree it means pretty much the same thing as "to quit associating with." Maybe darklight can explain what he/she means, because I think I get what he/she is trying to say. Disassociate somehow seems like a strong term akin to rejection, whereas "to quit associating with" sounds a little nicer?

I like word play, and this one is interesting.

Anyway, eaglette, do one of those two things!

FT

Ans

When I got clean I : Changed my phone number, I blocked people from social network sites, and answered my door with a simple " please don't come back here". I have battled addiction for years and it always ended the same way... About a week into withdrawals I would seek out old habits, people, places, ect.. I am about 10 months clean and I still don't go around very many people.. I have major trust issues with old friends who say they are sober, because their actions say different. Most these people we use with aren't really friends at all they are just around because we're all doing the same thing "partying". for a few month I couldn't even go in my basement bc it was such a trigger, (That's where we went to use)..I think that it's helped me too put all that out of my life. I learn the hard way people will do anything for a fix, even turn into a snitch and bring an undercover to your house Sigh. I still get lonely and depressed because of putting so many people out of my life. When I used I always had "friends" around... Now I spend most my time with a few true friend and of course my awesome son. You have to put recovery first! Good luck!

Sugah

I couldn't have remained clean in a using atmosphere. I stayed out of bars, eliminated alcohol from my home, and I didn't participate in any social gathering where others were using drugs. I didn't hang out with folks for whom using was a necessary element of socializing. I sought out people who were living the way I desired to live, so making new friends wasn't hard. Drug users disappeared from my life (except when they expressed a desire to live clean) and social drinkers understood that I wasn't interested in social invitations that revolved around drinking. We did (and do) other things together that don't involve (or revolve around) drinking.

Do these friends socialize without substances? And do they respect your desire to be clean (and sober)? If not, why is it important to you that you not lose their friendship? What else do you have in common with them besides using?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

erikm02

I am going to try to stay away from any using environment as much as possible.

I would use your best judgement about your friends and tell them you are staying sober. If they are truly your friend they will be supportive.

In any social gathering that I can't avoid I drink tea. That's my new "beer" lol. Be strong! Don't shut out everyone in your life because you might need their support too

northernlight29

unfortunately, I have one rather close friend who uses, not just oxy. We share a friendly relationship, along with business relationship. I will not have a problem getting the others who dont help me, out of my life. however I dont think I could cut this one off. We have a lot in common, always helping each other out in our shops when we need to fix equipment, machinery, or trucks. We also share a love for some common sports and activities. We ride together, and work together. HOWEVER, he is aware of my exact current situation, my feelings about it, and what I am trying to do to fix it. I know that once my health becomes a non issue (if that day ever comes) and I am able to get my life back and free of opiates, I can trust him to totally abstain from any talk or mention of opiates or any other substances. BUTTTTT (big but), I will have to work my a$$ off to not be tempted and stay clean. thats for sure. At that point, it will be in my control and I will need the willpower to stay clean. If this becomes a problem, Im sure he will understand if I need to limit our contact. Will it suck? yes. will it create an issue for me to not have help when it comes down to the business aspect of it? most definitely. But if push comes to shove and it comes down to a relationship with someone or a clean life, Im going to have to choose the clean life and either stop all contact or limit it to strictly business.

I believe that the above statement is 150% the absolute TRUTH..."if they are truly your friend they will be supportive." If they dont support your decision and try and keep the drugs completely out of your relationship, they arent really your friend. thats just how it is. I know if a friend asked me to keep it away from him, out of conversation, and completely out of sight and mind from him, I would do it. no question. I think lots of people don't realize that some of the people that theyve associated with since their problem began, are nothing more then a contact who is looking to benefit from your relationship in some way shape or form. whether they look at you as a source, someone to compare themselves to, or someone that they can justify their decisions against, they arent a real friend. You need to distinguish between the differences and make the RIGHT decisions.

BHF

As is often the case with issues posted here, there is no "pat" answer. It will depend on you and your circumstances as to what degree of exposure you can have to your drug of choice. Personally, my "quitting" (as of the current date) was a looooong process, with multiple relapses and setbacks. I did not set any strict guidelines as to who I would or would not associate with, where I would or wouldn't go, etc. Had I done so, I might have been sober long ago.

I don't think so though. I believe that everyone has a certain point at when they have hurt enough to get sober and stay sober. I could have disassociated with people and places and been more successful, I guess...but I wasn't ready.