2 weeks!
What would Captain America do?
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 83
2 weeks!
Today marks 2 weeks, feeling pretty good about that. The battle has been won (I know some of you will think I'm full of it, but if you knew me, you'd believe it). I'm finally feeling like my old self again. I spoke with my Sergeant Major last night, we drank, we fought, we made our ancestors proud, he told me 1SG/E8 (promotion) is in the not too distant future for me (I'm only 30) could be making history here! Guess I'll be changing my name to 1SGAmerica!! I wouldn't be where I'm at if I hadn't been where I'd been. I'm NOT going to look at the period of my life as a dark/terrible time. I'm going to chalk it up as a learning experience and I know that it has helped me become a better man, husband, and leader in the US Army. With that said... I'm going to the gym, not going to get back up to 215 LBS sitting around on a computer 
Servant of God
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 214
Glad you are well man...
We have the same day which is cool. For me, it has come with little fanfare. It's almost like "oh yeah? 2 weeks?". It's great but it's just not that important to me. Don't know if that's important or not.
215 ehh? Once you start sleeping right and hitting multiple REM cycles every night you should grow like crazy. I have also been reading a lot that opiates are one of the worst when it comes to supressing natural testosterone production, so you should get a boost there too. I'm trying to get down to 210. I'm at around 223 @ 12% b/f. I came fom 280 two years ago. I put on the weight when my wife was pregnant...lol. It's all diet at this point and I hate eating like a rabbit. I swear I workout to eat.
One thing I have noticed is that my workouts have totally sucked in comparison to them on opiates. They were like nitro fuel for me. I'm not getting the HR as high and not lasting as long without them. Hopefully it gets better with time. If not I will make the best of it without.
We have the same day which is cool. For me, it has come with little fanfare. It's almost like "oh yeah? 2 weeks?". It's great but it's just not that important to me. Don't know if that's important or not.
215 ehh? Once you start sleeping right and hitting multiple REM cycles every night you should grow like crazy. I have also been reading a lot that opiates are one of the worst when it comes to supressing natural testosterone production, so you should get a boost there too. I'm trying to get down to 210. I'm at around 223 @ 12% b/f. I came fom 280 two years ago. I put on the weight when my wife was pregnant...lol. It's all diet at this point and I hate eating like a rabbit. I swear I workout to eat.
One thing I have noticed is that my workouts have totally sucked in comparison to them on opiates. They were like nitro fuel for me. I'm not getting the HR as high and not lasting as long without them. Hopefully it gets better with time. If not I will make the best of it without.
What would Captain America do?
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 83
FNB, like you don't really care about the days, I know I'm done forever, just wanted to post. Funny that you had to read that it lowers your TEST, how about the fact that you have ZERO interest in sex!!! Crazy that we would choose a pill over that! I get real skinny when I take pills/ don't work out, already gained 6 lbs in 2 weeks. 3500 cal / 300g protein a day helps I've already felt like a monster in the gym and I know it's only going to get better. Currently 6'1" 200 lbs, know idea BF %, not concerned about that right now!
I've already felt like a monster in the gym and I know it's only going to get better. Currently 6'1" 200 lbs, know idea BF %, not concerned about that right now!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
SgtFCAmerica and FNB3:
Hey, I am an old bag so you wouldn't relate to me much except maybe as your mom. In fact I even have two sons your age.
2 weeks clean is EXCELLENT! Keep up the good job, guys.
At 2 weeks, you are barely past physical detox, and now you have damage control to do. I was told by an addiction expect that one of the "dangers signs" of potential for opiate addiction is the fact that you get "energized" instead of "somnolent" on them. Same thing happened to me. I felt like I could do ANYTHING when I first started taking them. But, as you know, the good stuff turns bad when you become first drug tolerant and then toxic on them.
The good news is that the physical recovery gets better and better and better. You will regain your strength, your energy, and also the Testosterone stuff. It's the psych crap that will get you if you don't prepare yourself for that.
You guys are doing fantastic.
FT
Hey, I am an old bag so you wouldn't relate to me much except maybe as your mom. In fact I even have two sons your age.
2 weeks clean is EXCELLENT! Keep up the good job, guys.
At 2 weeks, you are barely past physical detox, and now you have damage control to do. I was told by an addiction expect that one of the "dangers signs" of potential for opiate addiction is the fact that you get "energized" instead of "somnolent" on them. Same thing happened to me. I felt like I could do ANYTHING when I first started taking them. But, as you know, the good stuff turns bad when you become first drug tolerant and then toxic on them.
The good news is that the physical recovery gets better and better and better. You will regain your strength, your energy, and also the Testosterone stuff. It's the psych crap that will get you if you don't prepare yourself for that.
You guys are doing fantastic.
FT
What would Captain America do?
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 83
I do not and will not have any psychological effects, I have no emotional attachment to them. I think of it as something I just used to do. I haven't had a single craving or missed it for a second. I know I am not the norm, but it is the truth.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Psych effects
Originally Posted by SgtFCAmerica 
I do not and will not have any psychological effects, I have no emotional attachment to them. I think of it as something I just used to do. I haven't had a single craving or missed it for a second. I know I am not the norm, but it is the truth.
I get it, though. You have accepted the challenge of stopping this poison and have risen to the challenge by deciding this is what you are going to do. I was not implying you were weak in some way.
The psyche is far more than "emotions." I apologize for butting into your thread.
FT
Servant of God
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 214
FT...I look at these as all our threads...people wouldn't post unless the wanted responses.
I still have a learned reaction to think about pills when I'm about to do certain activities and I don't like that. When I'm ready to go to the gym, a sporting event, a movie...etc...
It's like there is something telling me that I need to pair those activities with the preparation of pills. It's just a fleeting thought but it's still there. I don't have any desire to use again but my brain is just still used to old habits I think. Even getting in my car where I usually hid the pills is a big trigger. Again, certain rituals are producing these fleeting thoughts.
My body is JUST starting to feel a bit better after two weeks. I will never forget these last two weeks and the withdrawals.
I was emotionally attached to these things and felt the need to med-up to be alive for most of my daily agenda. I know the road ahead will have many challenges and I'm not looking for or needing a Hollywood ending to my story. I just want to be able to exist, be a stand-up dad and spouse, figure out a few things about myself and what I like to do.
I'm not expecting some joy-filled nirvana of sobriety and maybe that is selling myself short but I just don't think that's too realistic. It may sound nuts to some but I really just want to be OK for most of the time. I want to be able to have a positive outlook most of the time and I want to be able to find some enjoyment in some things that bored me or things I thought I had to be high to do.
The rollercoaster of drugs gave me a lot of highs and lows and ultimately what got me to quit was the highs weren't so high anymore and the lows got a lot lower and more frequent. I got to a point where I had to ask myself "can I keep doing this at this rate forever? Until I die?" and honestly, if I could have made a case for answering "yes" then I would have never quit.
I've thought a lot about the fact that I've traded the rollercoaster for a flat road, so to speak, and that is sometimes a depressing thought. I guess that's why so many addicts relapse when they get to the tough parts. The honeymoon period for many is so filled with drama and attention that it keeps the rollercoaster going in a way. It's that flat road that gives everyone fits. They have no program, no plan for it and in my opinion no chance. They are waiting for that next undulation to come and when it doesn't they create it. I did it.
You know when I was young I swear I was at Disney or Universal several times a year, my parents fought all the time, there was always a lot of drama and a lot of sensory overload. That high-lo trip laid the foundation for unhealthy behavior and unreasonable expectations.
Now I just want to be able to have a great workout and be happy about that. I want to be able to find the best in the small stuff.
I still have a learned reaction to think about pills when I'm about to do certain activities and I don't like that. When I'm ready to go to the gym, a sporting event, a movie...etc...
It's like there is something telling me that I need to pair those activities with the preparation of pills. It's just a fleeting thought but it's still there. I don't have any desire to use again but my brain is just still used to old habits I think. Even getting in my car where I usually hid the pills is a big trigger. Again, certain rituals are producing these fleeting thoughts.
My body is JUST starting to feel a bit better after two weeks. I will never forget these last two weeks and the withdrawals.
I was emotionally attached to these things and felt the need to med-up to be alive for most of my daily agenda. I know the road ahead will have many challenges and I'm not looking for or needing a Hollywood ending to my story. I just want to be able to exist, be a stand-up dad and spouse, figure out a few things about myself and what I like to do.
I'm not expecting some joy-filled nirvana of sobriety and maybe that is selling myself short but I just don't think that's too realistic. It may sound nuts to some but I really just want to be OK for most of the time. I want to be able to have a positive outlook most of the time and I want to be able to find some enjoyment in some things that bored me or things I thought I had to be high to do.
The rollercoaster of drugs gave me a lot of highs and lows and ultimately what got me to quit was the highs weren't so high anymore and the lows got a lot lower and more frequent. I got to a point where I had to ask myself "can I keep doing this at this rate forever? Until I die?" and honestly, if I could have made a case for answering "yes" then I would have never quit.
I've thought a lot about the fact that I've traded the rollercoaster for a flat road, so to speak, and that is sometimes a depressing thought. I guess that's why so many addicts relapse when they get to the tough parts. The honeymoon period for many is so filled with drama and attention that it keeps the rollercoaster going in a way. It's that flat road that gives everyone fits. They have no program, no plan for it and in my opinion no chance. They are waiting for that next undulation to come and when it doesn't they create it. I did it.
You know when I was young I swear I was at Disney or Universal several times a year, my parents fought all the time, there was always a lot of drama and a lot of sensory overload. That high-lo trip laid the foundation for unhealthy behavior and unreasonable expectations.
Now I just want to be able to have a great workout and be happy about that. I want to be able to find the best in the small stuff.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Thanks FNB3.
You stated the issue well. This opiate thing is a whole blend of issues, and if you stay on them long enough, there will a psychological price to pay. The "body" part at 2 weeks still sucked for me also, and at 5 months for me now, I can now say I feel nearly normal again, although I lack the energy and stamina I had before the opiates. The young guys here including you, should bounce back faster than us ancients, but you still do have the "damage control" to do.
A lot of us come from dysfunctional families. We aren't really supposed to suffer the emotional highs and lows to the extremes you describe in your family, but we did, we survived it, but now we have to learn to cope as adults. I never knew whether I would get hugged or beat by a belt when my dad came home. It's not fun to live life as a terrified child.
You have the opportunity not to repeat the bad parentlng you had. Maybe I'm reading too much into the little bid you said.
The flat road you describe will be better for awhile than the opiate hell ride you were on before it. It doesn't have to be dismal, though. There are healthier ways to stimulate the dopamine receptors. Our bodies and brains are just not designed to run on "high octane" like we put them through with the drugs. Why do we like that feeling? I don't know, but once you've been there, you will never experience it again, even on the drugs after awhile. As you well put, the highs are not as high any more, and the low points too frequent to the place where they dominate the landscape.
Enough said. Thank you for making my responses feel welcomed. I know some of the folks who come here can't relate as much to me as they can to others, so I try to stay off threads I know nothing about.
I think you will find you have your great workout back again in a few months. Maybe less, maybe more. I'm older than you, and I was deconditioned from getting two new knees followed by opiate addiction, and yet I am still finding physical activity to be a good endorphins release. Actually, I have been an avid mountain biker, and tennis player before the bad knees.
So hang in there, it can happen for you. Just not at two weeks out for most of us.
FT
You stated the issue well. This opiate thing is a whole blend of issues, and if you stay on them long enough, there will a psychological price to pay. The "body" part at 2 weeks still sucked for me also, and at 5 months for me now, I can now say I feel nearly normal again, although I lack the energy and stamina I had before the opiates. The young guys here including you, should bounce back faster than us ancients, but you still do have the "damage control" to do.
A lot of us come from dysfunctional families. We aren't really supposed to suffer the emotional highs and lows to the extremes you describe in your family, but we did, we survived it, but now we have to learn to cope as adults. I never knew whether I would get hugged or beat by a belt when my dad came home. It's not fun to live life as a terrified child.
You have the opportunity not to repeat the bad parentlng you had. Maybe I'm reading too much into the little bid you said.
The flat road you describe will be better for awhile than the opiate hell ride you were on before it. It doesn't have to be dismal, though. There are healthier ways to stimulate the dopamine receptors. Our bodies and brains are just not designed to run on "high octane" like we put them through with the drugs. Why do we like that feeling? I don't know, but once you've been there, you will never experience it again, even on the drugs after awhile. As you well put, the highs are not as high any more, and the low points too frequent to the place where they dominate the landscape.
Enough said. Thank you for making my responses feel welcomed. I know some of the folks who come here can't relate as much to me as they can to others, so I try to stay off threads I know nothing about.
I think you will find you have your great workout back again in a few months. Maybe less, maybe more. I'm older than you, and I was deconditioned from getting two new knees followed by opiate addiction, and yet I am still finding physical activity to be a good endorphins release. Actually, I have been an avid mountain biker, and tennis player before the bad knees.
So hang in there, it can happen for you. Just not at two weeks out for most of us.
FT
Servant of God
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 214
Thanks FT...
My parents were ok and I really think they did the best with what they had. My Dad was a DR and my mom was the typical good looking woman that did nothing! They just realized they were not compatible and verbally fought often. And I mentioned the Disney and Universal trips because they always felt the need to entertain us with these extreme sensory rush vacations. You put that together with the fear and down of the parents fighting and you start learning patterns of behavior. I know for me that the drug and alcohol rollercoaster was all too familiar and comfortable behavior to me. And my parents didn't even drink. This stuff is passed down many generations I think.
My parents were ok and I really think they did the best with what they had. My Dad was a DR and my mom was the typical good looking woman that did nothing! They just realized they were not compatible and verbally fought often. And I mentioned the Disney and Universal trips because they always felt the need to entertain us with these extreme sensory rush vacations. You put that together with the fear and down of the parents fighting and you start learning patterns of behavior. I know for me that the drug and alcohol rollercoaster was all too familiar and comfortable behavior to me. And my parents didn't even drink. This stuff is passed down many generations I think.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
FNB3:
Yes, my dad was a picture of restrained violence. He did not drink a drop EVER that I saw, and I never smelled any on him. His dad, my grandfather, drank Ouzo (sort of a licorice stuff, strong liqueur) and was violent with my grandmother. My mother's father was an alcoholic who sexually abused his daughters and beat up his wife.
My dad tried to give me and my sister love, but he was too volatile and unpredictable for us to trust what he was going to do consistently. Love or the belt? Toss a coin.
I don't need to look far to figure out where the addiction runs in my family. Unfortunately, my husband's parents were also alcoholics, and he had to break up drunken fights between his parents on a daily basis. We both drank for years, but both of us quit drinking over 20 years ago and never started back up. Just me and my opiate addiction. Always with a good "reason" of course, but addiction nonetheless.
So now we break the pattern. We never hit our kids, and at least we modeled "quitting drinking" for our kids. But they both have their problems.
Hang in there in your recovery. I truly believe we can be happy without substances, even feel GOOD without substances. Ultimately, the good feeling that substances give us is fake and fleeting anyway, and the aftermath need not be described here. The naturally "good" feelings we get by living a healthy lifestyle don't go away in a day, but we can destroy them (and I did) with our substances. You never get a hangover or "come down from" the endorphins produced by vigorous physical activity. Look forward to the time when your physical stamina returns and you can achieve that state again. You really can do that. It sure seems far away in withdrawal, though, which is the "addict brain" hook, or one of them. "Just one pill" and you will feel good again. (or 3 or 4 or 20 - ha!)
Ft
Yes, my dad was a picture of restrained violence. He did not drink a drop EVER that I saw, and I never smelled any on him. His dad, my grandfather, drank Ouzo (sort of a licorice stuff, strong liqueur) and was violent with my grandmother. My mother's father was an alcoholic who sexually abused his daughters and beat up his wife.
My dad tried to give me and my sister love, but he was too volatile and unpredictable for us to trust what he was going to do consistently. Love or the belt? Toss a coin.
I don't need to look far to figure out where the addiction runs in my family. Unfortunately, my husband's parents were also alcoholics, and he had to break up drunken fights between his parents on a daily basis. We both drank for years, but both of us quit drinking over 20 years ago and never started back up. Just me and my opiate addiction. Always with a good "reason" of course, but addiction nonetheless.
So now we break the pattern. We never hit our kids, and at least we modeled "quitting drinking" for our kids. But they both have their problems.
Hang in there in your recovery. I truly believe we can be happy without substances, even feel GOOD without substances. Ultimately, the good feeling that substances give us is fake and fleeting anyway, and the aftermath need not be described here. The naturally "good" feelings we get by living a healthy lifestyle don't go away in a day, but we can destroy them (and I did) with our substances. You never get a hangover or "come down from" the endorphins produced by vigorous physical activity. Look forward to the time when your physical stamina returns and you can achieve that state again. You really can do that. It sure seems far away in withdrawal, though, which is the "addict brain" hook, or one of them. "Just one pill" and you will feel good again. (or 3 or 4 or 20 - ha!)
Ft
What would Captain America do?
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 83
Always appreciate everything your write FT!!! You are awesome! Sorry to be Mr Tough Guy. My situation is very different than many... It was a complete physical addiction, didn't know what I was getting myself into. I never felt like "superman" (or the Captain while taking them, just thought it was a little bit of fun. I know that many people's struggles are more difficult than mine and I do not want to make light of it. I have dealt with many emotional/psychological stressers in my life, but have never turned to the pill to deal with those in any way.
You are right about it only being 2 weeks into the "physical detox", I know I still have a way to go and I'm actually excited about that! I had forgot how much I was really capable of. You don't realize that your brain functions completely differently while highly medicated. Each day I'm closer to become the person I was and the person I can't wait to be and I'm enjoying the ride!
while taking them, just thought it was a little bit of fun. I know that many people's struggles are more difficult than mine and I do not want to make light of it. I have dealt with many emotional/psychological stressers in my life, but have never turned to the pill to deal with those in any way. You are right about it only being 2 weeks into the "physical detox", I know I still have a way to go and I'm actually excited about that! I had forgot how much I was really capable of. You don't realize that your brain functions completely differently while highly medicated. Each day I'm closer to become the person I was and the person I can't wait to be and I'm enjoying the ride!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
SgtFCAmerica:
As far as I'm concerned, we need more of your brand of positive, upbeat energy here!
I too enjoy your posts and hope to watch your progress. Yes, you have amazing things ahead of you, and now you have this experience to learn from and put behind you.
You are amazing, and I admire your attitude, strength, and determination!
FT
As far as I'm concerned, we need more of your brand of positive, upbeat energy here!
I too enjoy your posts and hope to watch your progress. Yes, you have amazing things ahead of you, and now you have this experience to learn from and put behind you.
You are amazing, and I admire your attitude, strength, and determination!
FT
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