a break up in the middle of depression....how do i survive this?
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
a break up in the middle of depression....how do i survive this?
8 days since we've seen each other and she has basically stopped all contact with me at this point. I went 2 days without texting her, but only b/c i was able to force myself to some spring cleaning (with use of several types of energy drinks, etc).
i had such beatiful dreams of our future together. we would have been together 10 months this coming wednesday.
she knows the hardest thing ever for me is to feel ignored....and yet she won't even text me to tell me it's over for her or a goodbye or even when she wants to get her things.
i'm breaking...and thoughts going to harmful places for me....
i'm a live-in caregiver and can only leave for short periods of time....so i can't even go run out with some friends and party or anything. i feel trapped in my isolation and lonilness.
it is dibilitating, to say the least.
She was the love of my life....no one has EVER loved me like she did....and no one has ever made me laugh or smile so much. She was my home, my everything.
i had such beatiful dreams of our future together. we would have been together 10 months this coming wednesday.
she knows the hardest thing ever for me is to feel ignored....and yet she won't even text me to tell me it's over for her or a goodbye or even when she wants to get her things.
i'm breaking...and thoughts going to harmful places for me....
i'm a live-in caregiver and can only leave for short periods of time....so i can't even go run out with some friends and party or anything. i feel trapped in my isolation and lonilness.
it is dibilitating, to say the least.
She was the love of my life....no one has EVER loved me like she did....and no one has ever made me laugh or smile so much. She was my home, my everything.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I wish there was something I could say to make this better. I am sorry you are going through this and know it feels like a part of your life has been ripped from you heart. Just wanted to say you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
Love them anyway...
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eugene OR
Posts: 115
shutterbug~
I have experienced a similar situation...I went through a divorce while I was terribly depressed. You will make it through this situation, no matter what the outcome is, just one moment at a time. Leave room for miracles. Focus your energy on whats in front of you, dishes, showering, taking care of yourself and let things come as they will. Its not easy but its doable and you can keep your sanity if you focus on what you CAN control which is what you focus on. I wish you the best, my heart is with you.
~namaste
I have experienced a similar situation...I went through a divorce while I was terribly depressed. You will make it through this situation, no matter what the outcome is, just one moment at a time. Leave room for miracles. Focus your energy on whats in front of you, dishes, showering, taking care of yourself and let things come as they will. Its not easy but its doable and you can keep your sanity if you focus on what you CAN control which is what you focus on. I wish you the best, my heart is with you.
~namaste
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 317
It is hard when the person you love the most abandons you when you need them. I have been there. You have to focus on yourself and lean on whatever support system you have even if its only SR. You have to believe that you are complete no matter what happens with her in the future. Know your worth. Just focus on getting through the day. She may or may not come around but that's not in your control. Focus on the things that you can control. I wish you strength and courage to love yourself.
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
thanks everyone. the hardest part is not constantly thinking about her or wanting to text her (as we have texted each other most every day of our relationship...from waking to going to sleep....hell, even when with each other we'd text silliness from another room or even while right next to each other).
thought stopping -- doesn't work for me. i either forget to tell myself to stop....or when i do, a few seconds later i drift back to the thoughts of her and then get frustrated after 15 minutes of constantly trying to tell my stupid head to stop.
the part that hurts the most is that it "seems" so easy for her. we've stopped talking/broken up a few times in the past and she can easily stop communicating with me. if we've done this before why am i so hurt this time? well....this time is different and in 10 months we have NEVER gone this long without seeing each other and her barely speaking to me (thru text mostly as that's my prefered).
anyway....with our breakup/sorta-get-back-together history....it feels very cruel that she won't so much as tell me she is done, never wants to see me again or even a goodbye or ANYTHING!
the only thing sorta close is thursday night she said, "i want you just to chill out and back off. goodnight"
when i asked if she wanted me to start seeing other people to help me be able to move on she said, "Do whatever you want. It's your life. Don't depend on me for your decisions."
i then asked her to just tell me if she isn't in love with me anymore or something...that i need some kind of closure.
her response was, "Just leave me alone. I don't need the drama. night."
so cold!
and i've asked several times over the past week when she wants to get her things (and how) and instead of answering she responded with a totally non-related question.
i know i hurt her, i know she cares (even loves me, just probably not in love with me) so i know this can't be the easiest thing in the world for her....even tho that's the way it appears that way.
the last time, when i thought we were really done for good....we both lost nearly 10 pounds in 4-5 days b/c of it.
this time....this time is different. she's never NOT told me goodbye or said we are done or anything like this.
i think that's part of why i'm struggling differently this time.....there still feels like maybe she's just taking some time or something....maybe she knows she's strung me along out of her fears of commitment and fearing being vulnerable to anyone....so maybe she is trying to figure out if she could ever truely commit and open herself up to me.
i doubt it....but no closure from her has me feeling like i'm left totally hanging....and waiting for her to decide or tell me what she wants.
and she likes having power/upper-hand....so that totally fits her too. The sad part about that tho is....in the first few months of the relationship...she was much more into me and i could have held onto that upperhand for the first time ever in my life. but it's not me....so i showed her all my cards and feelings and thoughts....like i always do.
sorry for the essay.
thought stopping -- doesn't work for me. i either forget to tell myself to stop....or when i do, a few seconds later i drift back to the thoughts of her and then get frustrated after 15 minutes of constantly trying to tell my stupid head to stop.
the part that hurts the most is that it "seems" so easy for her. we've stopped talking/broken up a few times in the past and she can easily stop communicating with me. if we've done this before why am i so hurt this time? well....this time is different and in 10 months we have NEVER gone this long without seeing each other and her barely speaking to me (thru text mostly as that's my prefered).
anyway....with our breakup/sorta-get-back-together history....it feels very cruel that she won't so much as tell me she is done, never wants to see me again or even a goodbye or ANYTHING!
the only thing sorta close is thursday night she said, "i want you just to chill out and back off. goodnight"
when i asked if she wanted me to start seeing other people to help me be able to move on she said, "Do whatever you want. It's your life. Don't depend on me for your decisions."
i then asked her to just tell me if she isn't in love with me anymore or something...that i need some kind of closure.
her response was, "Just leave me alone. I don't need the drama. night."
so cold!
and i've asked several times over the past week when she wants to get her things (and how) and instead of answering she responded with a totally non-related question.
i know i hurt her, i know she cares (even loves me, just probably not in love with me) so i know this can't be the easiest thing in the world for her....even tho that's the way it appears that way.
the last time, when i thought we were really done for good....we both lost nearly 10 pounds in 4-5 days b/c of it.
this time....this time is different. she's never NOT told me goodbye or said we are done or anything like this.
i think that's part of why i'm struggling differently this time.....there still feels like maybe she's just taking some time or something....maybe she knows she's strung me along out of her fears of commitment and fearing being vulnerable to anyone....so maybe she is trying to figure out if she could ever truely commit and open herself up to me.
i doubt it....but no closure from her has me feeling like i'm left totally hanging....and waiting for her to decide or tell me what she wants.
and she likes having power/upper-hand....so that totally fits her too. The sad part about that tho is....in the first few months of the relationship...she was much more into me and i could have held onto that upperhand for the first time ever in my life. but it's not me....so i showed her all my cards and feelings and thoughts....like i always do.
sorry for the essay.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,899
One of the hardest things I had to do during a break-up was respect the wishers of my x-lover. I have to continue to be an example of loving care even tho it is causing me unmanageable heart ache. It was the only way I knew how to show her I still was a loving individual, no matter what her decision was. I wanted to respect her wishes even if it was tearing me up inside.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
>>>>"i want you just to chill out and back off. goodnight"<<<<<<
It sounds like she feels crowded and overwhelmed in the relationship, that you need more than she can give. If you really care for her, give her space for a while. Don't contact her about anything. This also shows her you can respect her boundaries.
It sounds like she feels crowded and overwhelmed in the relationship, that you need more than she can give. If you really care for her, give her space for a while. Don't contact her about anything. This also shows her you can respect her boundaries.
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
still no contact at all from her since 1 text on mothers day.
i've only called her 3 times in the past 18 days, but not texted her at all has been soooooooooooo hard. i went 2 days this week without texting her, but then when i made my decision today that i am quitting my live-in, caregiving job and will be moving to another town (45 min away) i couldn't keep myself from texting her to let her know, etc.
i dunno if she even reads them
i just know she is cruel not to give me any closer or goodbye or anything. hell...i still have her ipod that she was thinkin of selling to me for $150! and she won't even respond to anything about exchanging our things!
she is like my crack. i am addicted to her and today i realized i fit about 98% of what i've read so far about borderline personality disorder so..........i have a lot of work ahead of me to let her go and try to help "fix" me
i've only called her 3 times in the past 18 days, but not texted her at all has been soooooooooooo hard. i went 2 days this week without texting her, but then when i made my decision today that i am quitting my live-in, caregiving job and will be moving to another town (45 min away) i couldn't keep myself from texting her to let her know, etc.
i dunno if she even reads them
i just know she is cruel not to give me any closer or goodbye or anything. hell...i still have her ipod that she was thinkin of selling to me for $150! and she won't even respond to anything about exchanging our things!
she is like my crack. i am addicted to her and today i realized i fit about 98% of what i've read so far about borderline personality disorder so..........i have a lot of work ahead of me to let her go and try to help "fix" me
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Ontario
Posts: 718
Shutterbug a doctor once said to me when I told him I had to fix things. What are you trying to fix? Your heart is telling you the truth no matter how hard it is to face. You need to be there for you, harsh coldness is something that will only aggravate your depression. It so hard to see that the only justification you need is from yourself and those who really care about you will understand.
I am in the middle of another nasty breakup as well. Had too involve police for my and my sons protection. I beat myself up for making the same mistakes with a truth of him, which I continued to ignore because or my desperate desire to be loved by someone. The same mistake and maladaptive coping mechanisms that I have had with other men who turned out to be abusive.
Stop thought is really really hard for me to. I can't sleep without the background noise of radio or tv or I cycle for answers to unaswerable questions or horrid flashbacks even with seroquels to help me sleep. The night terrors back again and some so weird mixing people from present with those long long past. Bolting awake with the sweats and such.
My tv's been cut, phones cut, late on rent and scared to death of being homeless with my son this time next month. My son gives me the strength to never give up. He has his scitzophenia well under control and has been making loads of friends. He is my ray of sunshine in a dark and scary place right now.
Hope we can be a ray of sunshine for you too SB.
I am in the middle of another nasty breakup as well. Had too involve police for my and my sons protection. I beat myself up for making the same mistakes with a truth of him, which I continued to ignore because or my desperate desire to be loved by someone. The same mistake and maladaptive coping mechanisms that I have had with other men who turned out to be abusive.
Stop thought is really really hard for me to. I can't sleep without the background noise of radio or tv or I cycle for answers to unaswerable questions or horrid flashbacks even with seroquels to help me sleep. The night terrors back again and some so weird mixing people from present with those long long past. Bolting awake with the sweats and such.
My tv's been cut, phones cut, late on rent and scared to death of being homeless with my son this time next month. My son gives me the strength to never give up. He has his scitzophenia well under control and has been making loads of friends. He is my ray of sunshine in a dark and scary place right now.
Hope we can be a ray of sunshine for you too SB.
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