fs101

So after a few months here and in my own recovery, I have formulated a question.

Why did I blame a pill for my own issues?

I was given Oxy (and other opiates) to deal with pain and complications from my Parkinsons. After a few months like many others I began to use more of the medication then I was told to and fell into addiction.

When I came off the medication, I was very quick to blame my Dr. and the Purdue for making and giving me this medication, I jumped on the bandwagon that I was not to blame but this little pill was. In hindsight I feel like this was childish.

It was not them who had me take more of the medication then I needed, it was MY choice.

It seems to me that the mentality of blaming others is quick to come to those of us who have become addicted to "legal" drugs. Maybe this is because of their status however, I was the one who took more than told and who sought the high from the drugs, not my Dr.

I am not "powerless" over a little pill, I chose to start and I chose to stop, it was always my choice.

I feel bad for those who are having trouble leaving this medication (and all drugs) behind because the pull is so strong. This is not the drugs fault but my own failing, and I feel in order to move forward I have to take responsibility for that. What does it say about me if I spend the rest of my life obsessing over these pills, it is time to move forward. I want to thank so many people on here for all their help and some great discussion, it has been a crazy ride. I think this thread will be my last and look forwrd to a bit of dicussion here before I humblely take my leave.

So when you think over your own DoC, do you blame others? do you blame the Dr?

Do you think the prescribing of these drugs is reckless or endangering people?

I don't think so, as humans who are so advanced (trying not laugh here), didn't you make the choice?

FS

Impurrfect

(((FS))) - I wasn't in the same position, as I did abuse opiates but didn't get them from my dr., and the drug that brought me to my knees was crack.

However, I did go through trying to blame the guy who introduced me to it, the drug, etc. It didn't take long, though, before I realized what you did...I chose to abuse what I did, no one held a gun to my head and made me use.

It was actually a good feeling when I realized it was my choice...because I also realized that I had the choice NOT to use.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

fs101

Thanks Amy,
I know it took some time for me to realize this, it's such a deep hell that you put yourself into, it can be hard to point all those fingers inward.

It is through the people here (in both positive and negative ways) that I have learned what I think i know*.

You and all the Hens are such a positive group, and I thank you all for the friendship, it has meant the world... I will post more on that in there.

Will

Smile123

Like you I was prescribed medications by doctors for physical problems, but I took it upon MYSELF to abuse them which only compounded and added to the problems they were meant to treat. I was in a constant state of terror and anguish toward the end and it carried over into every doctor's appt. I went to. I don't remember ever feeling like I had to lie to get the medications I needed. I honestly felt that bad physically and mentally to justify every script. That is the nightmare of addiction. The absolute living hell.

My point is I blame myself for what I put myself and my family through. It frankly disgusts me that I have a master's degree, but I was stupid enough to misuse dangerous substances and almost lose my life. When I went to see my doctor after 3 years of being clean she cried with me and thanked me for letting her be a part of the miracle that has happened for me.

With your health challenges you have completed your degree, served your country and raised a wonderful family. You put their needs before your own and are an inspiration for others in recovery. I hope you keep posting.

slugger9787

Usually when I am pointing my finger at someone or something with blame, there are three fingers pointing back at me and one thumb at God.

fs101

Thanks Coco, that was very nice. I think it is a good shock for the system, when we are finally sober and can see all the positive things we almost lost. I am in awe of the others who post here, and I always think that no matter what I may have overcome there are many out there who have done more.

We are all equal in our battles, and have come so far. thank you for your support and for sharing your own story.

Slugger, sometimes those little sayings are so very true!