daisyhellride

never thought i would come on this forum and have two categories i could post in with some knowledge. New to this sight but here goes....
i am bipolar I and have fought it most of my life (37) i have been unmedicated more of my life than i was. (stable now...welbutrin & lamictal a tolerable coctail) my husband of almost 11 years is a full blown black-out alcoholic.

forgive me for the long story but i gotta get this out

i met him when i was 13 and he was the "bad boy" he was 16 and he drank and smoked pot and played guitar and drove a camaro. needledd to say in 1986 i was totally in love. move forward to 16...we actually started dating, i thought my life was complete....move to 18 after watching him with multiple girls, he spent the night of my 18th birthday with me. he left the next day with the promise of a phone call and i didnt see or hear from him for the next 6 years...move to 24...run back into him and was married and 5 months pregnant. AUKWARD...MOVE TO 27... i was the "other" woman and he was the "other" man. they overlapped by 2 1/2 YEARS. left first husband and moved in with current husband with only one night alone between the two.

little did i know that when i left husband one i was pregnant with #2's baby. i asked him if he wanted it and he said no so i chose (hangs head) an abortion...

a few weeks later i was thrilled because i got what i always wanted...#2 for my very own...all mine...still in a band...still driving a camaro...still has long black hair...yay me!

over the next 2 years i had 3 miscarriages. told congratulations you are pregnant...your due date is...when i had the 1st miscarriage he was out celebrating his friends birthday and was too drunk to come get me, would i be alright? could i drive my self home? he asked...i did

2002 our daughter was born. the preceeding pregnancy was absolutely horrible. he drank and drank and told me when i would ask for something "get over it you asked for this" they he started doing coke. coke led to crack with his older brother and our family began to spiral the drain. i dealt and let him not work while i managed a large furniture store. a guy caught my eye and he then proceeded to lure me away. i was so frustrated with my current situation i split. looking back now i was also in a manic phase. i left my kids, spent all my money, and took my stuff and left...i LOVE MY KIDS please dont judge...

i went home. life was horrible he was violent and controlling and demanding but i took it to get my kids back. my daughters have seen my husband punch me in the face. i was caught in the abusive wives cycle.

2010. decided i really just may need meds for the whole bipolar thing. found a new psychotherapist who is wonderful. the longer i was on the meds the clearer my head became. while he continues to get so drunk he would black out and call me wverything but a white woman. and the next day i would always get..."you cant be mad at me for that, i dont remember last night" always the same thing...

this past saturday night...it was my daughters 15th birthday. my husband's son (that we havent seen in about a year and a half) called and asked me to come get him...he is 17..when i got there he was 10 shades of messed up. he finally told me he had taken 12 robotussin cold pills...then our dog got run over and killed, then my husband got sloppy drunk and started yelling at me then started in on his son...his son proceeded to attack his father within 5 feet of my youngest daughter. that was the last straw...

sunday morning when i got home i proceeded to tell him everything i have ever wanted to say to him, all the rage and pent up frustration...so much resentment. he hasnt worked in 3 years, i work 50 hours a week. i cant even come home a get a clean glass from the cupboard or a clean towel to shower.

i told him to leave. didnt care where he went he just had to get out of my house. he found out quickly that he has ailenated everyone to the point that his own mom wont take him in..he asked me if i wouldnt divorce him long enough to use my health insurance and get healthy and clean.

i put him in one of the best rehabs in out state.

do you think he will get clean for the right reasons or do you think he has become so co-depent of me that he will do anything to not loose his life?

we are all he has...no money, no job, no friends....

all opinions welcome

nandm

Thanks for sharing.

I see you are fairly new here at SR and wanted to tell you welcome to SR and that we are glad you are here.

I am bipolar have PTSD and chronic anxiety. I am in a continual battle to find the right combination of meds and therapy. Right now I am in another transition period with that. But enough about me.

I really do not have any insight to share about your situation but I am sure someone will be along soon who can share some experience with you.

Take care and again welcome to the mental health forum