Recoveredcracrackhead Pt2
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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Recoveredcracrackhead Pt2
Look at ((((Larry))) go!Not again
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Thank You Amy,
And I have a long way to go, so......
Thank You Dee,
I am humbled by, well everything. hard to believe, well everything. But first and foremost that I don't smoke crack and just to be more precise that I don't buy it. Not that I would consider smoking it if it was free, but I truly believe it was that whole compulsion with the money thing. I also am grateful for Soberrecovery, as my commitment to journaling is lacking. So the incentive (in the beginning) to come back and reply, some may say argue, has really been beneficial. I regret the first part will find it's way into the abyss as the changes expressed may have been helpful to those still caught in the cycle. At least that was/is my hope and intention behind this instrumental part of my journey.
I realize that this phase may be nothing more than a "soap opera" for some to keep tabs on. But if you are new to the forum and this thread please know that I was once a hopeless crackhead that spiraled down into hell. I am now One year from the compulsion to buy crack, meaning I do carry money without the thought of using. For transparency sake I did use in January, but for that story you have to read part 1. This is a learning process, with growth and change happening every day, sometimes more if you let it.
I hope I can live up to MY expectations and surpass those of others while pleasing the Lord.
Thanks again,
Larry
And I have a long way to go, so......
Thank You Dee,
I am humbled by, well everything. hard to believe, well everything. But first and foremost that I don't smoke crack and just to be more precise that I don't buy it. Not that I would consider smoking it if it was free, but I truly believe it was that whole compulsion with the money thing. I also am grateful for Soberrecovery, as my commitment to journaling is lacking. So the incentive (in the beginning) to come back and reply, some may say argue, has really been beneficial. I regret the first part will find it's way into the abyss as the changes expressed may have been helpful to those still caught in the cycle. At least that was/is my hope and intention behind this instrumental part of my journey.
I realize that this phase may be nothing more than a "soap opera" for some to keep tabs on. But if you are new to the forum and this thread please know that I was once a hopeless crackhead that spiraled down into hell. I am now One year from the compulsion to buy crack, meaning I do carry money without the thought of using. For transparency sake I did use in January, but for that story you have to read part 1. This is a learning process, with growth and change happening every day, sometimes more if you let it.
I hope I can live up to MY expectations and surpass those of others while pleasing the Lord.
Thanks again,
Larry
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Larry))) - trust me, your old posts won't go into the abyss. There are MANY of us around here, who have been with you since day one, and I wouldn't say you "argued" as much as were hard-headed - we have that in common
I've had new people tell me they've gone through my old posts (and I have a LOT, mouthy me) to see what brought me here, and I'm sure there are those who will do the same with you. Heck I ought to go back and read some of those old posts from Mr.-I-can't-have-money-and-not-smoke-crack...reminds me of all the "I cant's I said and am doing them today.
Don't it feel good to have money in your pocket and your LAST thought is crack?
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
I've had new people tell me they've gone through my old posts (and I have a LOT, mouthy me) to see what brought me here, and I'm sure there are those who will do the same with you. Heck I ought to go back and read some of those old posts from Mr.-I-can't-have-money-and-not-smoke-crack...reminds me of all the "I cant's I said and am doing them today.
Don't it feel good to have money in your pocket and your LAST thought is crack?
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
Larry it has been extremely wonderful growing in recovery with you! I am so happy to finally be with people who are working a wonderful journey in recovery and it's not their whole life and we're doing so good! *HUGS* Proud of ya man!
On the drug dream thing, funny I should read that part of your thread! Last night I dreamt that I was smoking.... POT! Weed of all things and I was totally weirded out because they were HUGE blunts! I mean, bigger than my hand and I knew that it was a dream in the dream so I was like F-it and just went to town. Thing is, I don't really care for pot. I smoked it at parties, back in the day, with friends and stuff, but it's not my "bag" so to speak.
It is a wonderful feeling to have money and not be counting what goes where so you can dole out more than enough for crack. I've got 2 grand sitting on me for a shed for my bird business. It brings tears to my eyes that I can have that kind of money in cold, hard, cash, and not be getting the urge to get the warm, nasty, disgusting, rocks. That is just a sweet feeling.
I've been in a mood of sorts lately, myself. Just breathed it out on another thread. Feeling better. I do not like to be confrontational or mean for no good reason and though these ladies were being rude from the get go, I still should not have sank to their level. It's really bothering me as you can see, that I did that. Mostly because I knew I was and didn't stop. Need to learn to stop.
Anyway, Larry, keep up the good work. I enjoy your more poetic and inspirational writing these days, but heck, you made for a sometimes wild, fun, and insightful ride back in the day as well. hahahahahaha.. Just jabbing at ya.
On the drug dream thing, funny I should read that part of your thread! Last night I dreamt that I was smoking.... POT! Weed of all things and I was totally weirded out because they were HUGE blunts! I mean, bigger than my hand and I knew that it was a dream in the dream so I was like F-it and just went to town. Thing is, I don't really care for pot. I smoked it at parties, back in the day, with friends and stuff, but it's not my "bag" so to speak.
It is a wonderful feeling to have money and not be counting what goes where so you can dole out more than enough for crack. I've got 2 grand sitting on me for a shed for my bird business. It brings tears to my eyes that I can have that kind of money in cold, hard, cash, and not be getting the urge to get the warm, nasty, disgusting, rocks.
That is just a sweet feeling.I've been in a mood of sorts lately, myself. Just breathed it out on another thread. Feeling better. I do not like to be confrontational or mean for no good reason and though these ladies were being rude from the get go, I still should not have sank to their level. It's really bothering me as you can see, that I did that. Mostly because I knew I was and didn't stop. Need to learn to stop.
Anyway, Larry, keep up the good work. I enjoy your more poetic and inspirational writing these days, but heck, you made for a sometimes wild, fun, and insightful ride back in the day as well. hahahahahaha.. Just jabbing at ya.
Not again
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Tried to post this yesterday and lost my connection........
One day shy of MY anniversary (loss of compulsion) and I chaired the usual Tuesday Speaker Meeting and guess who didn't show up, the speaker. So guess who spoke, the chairperson, ya with me? And guess who came with me, yup MK...and Catherine with her fiancé, who just moved into the half-way house around the corner. We all ate dinner here, went to the meeting and then took the ladies tanning. So I am sitting in the living room with the girls, we're all in our jammies watching "The Voice" and I am loving life.
Now I have to find out if john Stamos is married to Racheal Raye???? Friggin girls
Be well, live well and love life.
Larry
One day shy of MY anniversary (loss of compulsion) and I chaired the usual Tuesday Speaker Meeting and guess who didn't show up, the speaker. So guess who spoke, the chairperson, ya with me? And guess who came with me, yup MK...and Catherine with her fiancé, who just moved into the half-way house around the corner. We all ate dinner here, went to the meeting and then took the ladies tanning. So I am sitting in the living room with the girls, we're all in our jammies watching "The Voice" and I am loving life.
Now I have to find out if john Stamos is married to Racheal Raye???? Friggin girls
Be well, live well and love life.
Larry
Not again
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Life...where can I get some more?
The possibilities are endless and I just want to try them all. So it seems that school is fading into the distance as I make my way throught his training program. It is not the true objective of the program that has captivated me, but the facilitators and thier wisdom. They have come on agreement with "the Father Young Program" and a subsidary "Altmont Inc." Both are recovery/re-entry programs and perhaps may be my destiny, at least on my way to bigger and better things. Time will tell.
Larry
The possibilities are endless and I just want to try them all. So it seems that school is fading into the distance as I make my way throught his training program. It is not the true objective of the program that has captivated me, but the facilitators and thier wisdom. They have come on agreement with "the Father Young Program" and a subsidary "Altmont Inc." Both are recovery/re-entry programs and perhaps may be my destiny, at least on my way to bigger and better things. Time will tell.
Larry
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Larry))) - glad things are working out for the training. Sometimes we think we want something, but end up on another, and better path. I just keep trusting that God has a plan, and follow that.
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Not again
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
As the saga continues, I rest in the arms of the Lord.
(That still sounds strange coming out of my head, but I like it.)
I completed O.P. yesterday, kinda caught me off gaurd actually. I thought I had a few weeks left or at least to the end of the month.
I have also agreed to chair the meeting at a local I.P. rehab., It's a speaker meeting, the one I have spoken at twice these past few months.
Training ends this week and I at least restart the school process. Although I have already been asked to help with three seminars coming up this summer, who knows where that will lead.
MK seems to be doing well, but I must admit to simply awaiting the next turn on the rollercoaster she calls life.
I hope your journey finds you headed in the right direction.
Larry
(That still sounds strange coming out of my head, but I like it.)
I completed O.P. yesterday, kinda caught me off gaurd actually. I thought I had a few weeks left or at least to the end of the month.
I have also agreed to chair the meeting at a local I.P. rehab., It's a speaker meeting, the one I have spoken at twice these past few months.
Training ends this week and I at least restart the school process. Although I have already been asked to help with three seminars coming up this summer, who knows where that will lead.
MK seems to be doing well, but I must admit to simply awaiting the next turn on the rollercoaster she calls life.
I hope your journey finds you headed in the right direction.
Larry
Not again
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Oh no it's Monday.....
And now back to the real world, where to go, what to do.
Chaired the meeting Friday night, that went well. But I really need to learn to look up at the people instead of staring at the floor.
MK spent the weekend, just her and I which just reminds me of why I love her so. I think we could spend eternity isolated from everyone and everything and be happy. We even went to church together for the first time. And after we took communion, (that's eating the bread) we were silently praying and when we looked at each other we both had tears in our eyes, strange this world of ours.
So now I must get off my formely lazy butte and take the world by storm.
Unfortunately I am sitting in the rec cntr and have discovered I didn't pay my dues, Argh
So onward and upward,
Remember, Pray to the Lord but row away from the rocks.
Larry
PS. Scroll #1 says: "Today I will form good habits and become a slave to them"
And now back to the real world, where to go, what to do.
Chaired the meeting Friday night, that went well. But I really need to learn to look up at the people instead of staring at the floor.
MK spent the weekend, just her and I which just reminds me of why I love her so. I think we could spend eternity isolated from everyone and everything and be happy. We even went to church together for the first time. And after we took communion, (that's eating the bread) we were silently praying and when we looked at each other we both had tears in our eyes, strange this world of ours.
So now I must get off my formely lazy butte and take the world by storm.
Unfortunately I am sitting in the rec cntr and have discovered I didn't pay my dues, Argh
So onward and upward,
Remember, Pray to the Lord but row away from the rocks.
Larry
PS. Scroll #1 says: "Today I will form good habits and become a slave to them"
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 775
Dude you sound so good. You have really turned things around since you first started coming here. You are a shining example of the doing the next right thing and reaping the rewards of recovery. All newcomer crackheads should read your thread from the beginning to see HOW IT WORKS and THAT IT WORKS................... Good Job Man
Not again
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
I must admit it feels good to hear you all say such things, thank you. But I have a long way to go and fear I may have to see a doctor to relieve my BIG HEAD if this keeps up
So I am at the rec cntr, just got done working out the old fashioned way, calistenics. Can't afford the dues, I am going camping this weekend and need to replace some long lost equipment. So push-ups and squat thrust will have to hold me over til next month.
remember to form good habits and become a slave to them.
Larry
So I am at the rec cntr, just got done working out the old fashioned way, calistenics. Can't afford the dues, I am going camping this weekend and need to replace some long lost equipment. So push-ups and squat thrust will have to hold me over til next month.
remember to form good habits and become a slave to them.
Larry
Not again
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Dang it, back in the real world.
What a marvelous weekend. Got rained on, eaten by black flies and mosqiutoes, broke my ax and my girl burned her hand. I can't wait to go back, I hate cement and asphalt.
Larry
What a marvelous weekend. Got rained on, eaten by black flies and mosqiutoes, broke my ax and my girl burned her hand. I can't wait to go back, I hate cement and asphalt.
Larry
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Wow, I am so happy to see this. Its been a minute since I have visited your thread. Because I have been lost in my own madness again for awhile.
What a chnage from a year ago. Amazing. Truly amazing. You are another miracle my friend. Keep it up.
What a chnage from a year ago. Amazing. Truly amazing. You are another miracle my friend. Keep it up.
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