opmloser

Hi Everybody,
I just found this forum today and I'm glad I did. I never joined one before nor have I really reached out to anyone ever. Until today.
Briefly, I have been using /misusing/abusing opiates, specifically poppy pod tea, for about 10 yrs now. I started to taper off about 4 months ago and stopped entirely about 9 days .... ughhh.
I had read about kratom and its use in aiding the w/d's and it does actually help, I wouldn't have gotten to this point without it and some xanax, but I really don't want to use anything ANYMORE.
My biggest woe has been the no-sleep stuff. I wake up without fail every morning at about 4am and the anxiety, fright, sweats, wanting to put my head thru the wall stuff is so overpowering. I have been trying otc sleepers and they don't work, it's like my body knows the precise time at which to torture me. I have a few xanax left so I use them sparingly. I'm broke, unemployed at the moment, and I am so down and disgusted with myself that I can't look in a mirror without wanting to puke.
I'm too old to be this much of a loser and I hope someone out there says hello to me. This is the first time I'm admitting this stuff to anyone. I am so ashamed of myself and wish I could be normal again.
Thanks for listening.

24hrsAday

welcome, opmloser! good having you with Us here at SR!

opmloser

Thanks, I am glad to be since I definitely see myself in so much of what I've read so far.

ongoing

OPM,

I know how you feel. I am on day 10 of no opiates. Honestly, I know it seems impossible but you should be proud of yourself for getting this far in spite of all the challenges (finances, withdrawal symptoms, etc). I truly know that it is hard, but you can get through it. Don't be so hard on yourself. Opiates are addictive as hell, and you certainly aren't the first person who has abused them, I can guarantee you that. Keep posting with how you are doing!

DOTHEDAMNTHING

Congratulations on your 10 days clean...Its the toughest thing to go through and it will test your will but you need to keep fighting threw it because it will be worth as you start to feel better and are able to realize it. Keep posting to let out all of your feelings because it will help to know that there are people going through the same thing as you.

newwings

Congratulations, and welcome!! Day 6 off alcohol for me. Feeling better slowly. SR peeps are the best out there. There's always someone with a kindly word or a hello, not to mention support when you need it most. Keep posting, keep talking, keep reading. SR is always here

opmloser

This is more time that I've spent on the internet in the past couple of weeks altogether. Just reading and learning and relating to the posts on sheer misery are helping me. To focus, for one as I haven't been able to watch a show for more than 7 minutes, read a book, or do much of anything.
I just have such a hatred for myself and I can't forgive myself for this mess I've been in. I'm 46 yrs old and feel 100. The nearest NA meeting is about 9 miles away and I can barely drive to the closest store, so this board is my life-link at the moment and I'm grateful I found it.

ongoing

OPM,

You have to forgive yourself at some point, or else that guilt may just push you back into opiate use. People from all backgrounds, religions, financial levels, etc have gotten hooked on opiates, so just take comfort in the fact that you aren't the only one (it helps me). I know it seems impossible right now, but it will get better. The energy will come back too. I know that on day 10 currently I am nowhere near full energy, but it is coming back. Yours will too I am sure. Hang in there, 9 days is awesome!

sickgirl2

first off how old are you, i am 55, and have c/t off of opiates since the end of march, i am not having much fun either right now i can tell that. here is my w/ds experience, lots of muscle tension in shoulders,neck,head, and i cannot be alone or go anywhere by myself right now, feel like im losing my mind, and this shakiness all over. But on a brighter note, this will pass with time, its just not fast enough is it? hang in there ok cause this really stinks, but the lord and time will see us thru

sickgirl2

oh i forgot i cant read at all right now, its those darn receptors trying to come back. cant be still more than 10min ,just wanted to add this You Are NOt Alone my friend. I will tell you this in parting It Sucks to be us right now lol keep fluids going, and pray

sickgirl2

opm-i guess you figued out i was talking to you forgot to put your name on my post!! anyway see you are not alone. good to have you here

Latte

Welcome, I am so glad you are here.

One of my most favorite people once said, "you will eventually sleep." They were right. I did eventually start sleeping again. I know that getting outside helped so much. Sun, and long walks (both free) and a lot of water helped me so much. It is nothing like the sedating effects of opiates but the more and longer you do those things, the better you will feel.

opmloser

Oh how I wish I could go around the horn and ask everyone how they coped with the no-sleep/anxiety pangs/wanna bang my head on the wall 25 times/kill me please routine......I swear, every night without fail for the past couple of weeks it's been the same old thing....up at 3:30-4am no matter what. Sweating, heart racing, terrified.
I did taper the quantity over a long period of time (for me anyway); I said about 4 months, actually closer to 6 months, so when the day came, last Friday, I just had a touch of my long-time stuff and that was that. The physical w/d's have been minimized thx to the xanax and kratom. But the sleep, oh please somebody, clue me in as to WHEN WHEN WHEN will I ever sleep thru a night again???

opmloser

Thanks for talking to me...the CT method would never have worked for me like it has for you. Why? Cause I am a weakling and a dummy.

I'm sitting at home instead of at work b/c of this and I am so ashamed of myself, not to mention, broke financially and spiritually.

I really wish you well as well and since you say you cut off at the end of March, well, you're doing great!

FT

I hesitated to answer because I don't know anything at all about poppy pod tea. If it is anything similar to opiates, you might read some of the threads about oxycodone, vicodin, oxycontin withdrawal. That's where I found help when I was in withdrawal a few days and panicking. I am 4+ months clean now, and my sleep has still not returned to normal. It's a lot better, though. The first 2 weeks I don't think I slept more than about 20 minutes at a time. Now I can fall asleep but can't stay asleep for the whole night.

The morning sweats, panics, etc. were a part of withdrawal for me. That is gone now. That went away at about 2-3 weeks.

SR usually recommends you ask a doc if you have specific health concerns. For the run of the mill withdrawal, you don't sound unusual. I don't know if this helps, but I thought a few posters all together might give you the encouragement that YES you can do this. You should be proud of your progress so far, and don't give up!

FT

opmloser

Hi FT-
Poppy pods...it's where they get the opium from to make into all sorts of great drugs....it's a nasty combo of morphine, nubaine, and various other alkaloids. I found that a long time ago and researched it. They're legal to purchase here but it's not legal to consume it (oops). It's one of those shades of gray things.
I have read the threads re the op w/d's and I am so grateful I found you this morning. I really have been on this site most of the day and am trying hard.

iliveforyou

OPM - I responded on another thread but I want to say hello and welcome again Glad you are here with us. Keep posting as much as necessary and we'll be here for you!
-Jess