Step One
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 362
Step One
I have admitted that I am an addict. It was tough because my experience did not match up with that of most others who would call themselves addicted. Now I am struggling with the concept of powerlessness and a life which has become unmanagable. Has my life become unmanagable? It has in the past, yes; definitely, and much of it had to do with my drug of choice. However, I don't know if that is how I would describe my recent life and experience with the drug.
Powerlessness is a tricky one too, but more realistic to me than unmanagability. Even as I write this though I can see that my life HAS been somewhat unmanagable, but it did not seem to be directly related to the drug. Thinking further into it though, that might have something to do with the other behaviors I have adopted which ARE the reason for my poor life management skills thus far. So it is at least indirectly related.
I guess I am thinking of powerlessness in terms of the power I felt that the drug did give to me. By accepting this power, I disempowered myself and weakened my knowledge of my internal strength and my natural ability to rely on it.
Any thoughts on my thoughts or on the first step in general? I want to make sure I really wrap my head around this first one before carrying on.
Powerlessness is a tricky one too, but more realistic to me than unmanagability. Even as I write this though I can see that my life HAS been somewhat unmanagable, but it did not seem to be directly related to the drug. Thinking further into it though, that might have something to do with the other behaviors I have adopted which ARE the reason for my poor life management skills thus far. So it is at least indirectly related.
I guess I am thinking of powerlessness in terms of the power I felt that the drug did give to me. By accepting this power, I disempowered myself and weakened my knowledge of my internal strength and my natural ability to rely on it.
Any thoughts on my thoughts or on the first step in general? I want to make sure I really wrap my head around this first one before carrying on.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I don't do AA but I was always one to compare myself to someone else...I wasn't as bad a drinker as he was, I didn't smoke as much dope as that guy...
That may have been true, but I used it to obscure my problem.
When I looked at my life - noone elses - and I looked at how much my life had shrunk over the years, and how much drink and drugs had become my central focus, and how I kept going back to getting wasted time and again - even tho common sense told me I needed to get sober and stay that way...
damn right I was powerless & my life was unmanageable.
I proved that every time I drank again.
D
That may have been true, but I used it to obscure my problem.
When I looked at my life - noone elses - and I looked at how much my life had shrunk over the years, and how much drink and drugs had become my central focus, and how I kept going back to getting wasted time and again - even tho common sense told me I needed to get sober and stay that way...
damn right I was powerless & my life was unmanageable.
I proved that every time I drank again.
D
College Graduate
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 127
Not a stepper here and always had issues with the powerless thing. The truth behind it (as my limited view sees it) is that there are reason why I used. These reasons, issues, handicaps are what made me powerless not any substance or man-made thing.
I had to look at what made me tick, what the hell was I hiding from and why was I using to cover it up. Those are the things that took my power, when I dealt with those, I became a powerful S.O.B.
Sooo I can't help you step, and I am a little off your topic of this step until the next, but hey its the internet and unsolicited advice is a cornerstone of internet forums.
I wish you luck in figuring out what is best for you!
I had to look at what made me tick, what the hell was I hiding from and why was I using to cover it up. Those are the things that took my power, when I dealt with those, I became a powerful S.O.B.
Sooo I can't help you step, and I am a little off your topic of this step until the next, but hey its the internet and unsolicited advice is a cornerstone of internet forums.
I wish you luck in figuring out what is best for you!
lillyknitting
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Loughton, Essex, England
Posts: 638
Whenever I take alcohol into my system then I immediately lose the power. I am powerless over the CHOICE to drink or not because I have to take the next drink/drug. In that way I perceive the powerlessness. The unmanageability of when I drink is I cannot run my life in the way I want to, I can't wash, brush my teeth, do my duties, or anything that I enjoy doing because I am so ill/incapable, therefore I have rendered myself incapable. That to me is the unmanageability. This for me is step 1: Powerlessness after taking the first drink/drug, unmanageability because the drink/drug has rendered me so ill and incapable.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 336
Step one: We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction , that our lives had become unmanageable.
I knew I was powerless over my addiction long before I got sober. My thoughts were absolutely consumed and obsessed with using - 24/7/365. No matter how hard I tried, it was impossible for me to stop. I literally shut down if I did not have my drug or got close to running out. My obsession to use was in the drivers seat....I was powerless to change this fact. Only another addict can understand how all consuming this is.
It didn't take long to see the connection of unmanageability. Similarly to you eaglette, my drug gave me confidence, stamina and the ability to function at an incredibly high level. Or so I thought. The flip side of what I thought was the good stuff (confidence, etc) were the lies, the stealing, the manipulation to get that good stuff. This went against my very integrity both personally and professionally. The compulsion to use took over and no matter what I tried, I couldn't manage it and it deeply harmed the essence of my very being.
I consider myself to be a "high-bottom" addict. Not that it matters, but I didn't have to suffer a low low bottom to accept my addiction and seek help.
I think that many times people misunderstand this simplest of steps. Powerlessness does not equal helplessness.
I knew I was powerless over my addiction long before I got sober. My thoughts were absolutely consumed and obsessed with using - 24/7/365. No matter how hard I tried, it was impossible for me to stop. I literally shut down if I did not have my drug or got close to running out. My obsession to use was in the drivers seat....I was powerless to change this fact. Only another addict can understand how all consuming this is.
It didn't take long to see the connection of unmanageability. Similarly to you eaglette, my drug gave me confidence, stamina and the ability to function at an incredibly high level. Or so I thought. The flip side of what I thought was the good stuff (confidence, etc) were the lies, the stealing, the manipulation to get that good stuff. This went against my very integrity both personally and professionally. The compulsion to use took over and no matter what I tried, I couldn't manage it and it deeply harmed the essence of my very being.
I consider myself to be a "high-bottom" addict. Not that it matters, but I didn't have to suffer a low low bottom to accept my addiction and seek help.
I think that many times people misunderstand this simplest of steps. Powerlessness does not equal helplessness.
Evolving Addict
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Posts: 3,067
The first thing I would ask anyone undertaking step work is whether they have a sponsor guiding them or not. Without a sponsor (or the fellowship) ANY step can be misinterpreted or misunderstood. And because the steps are written in an order for a reason, it's crucial to get a solid understanding of the 1st Step.
Because addiction is a 3-fold disease, it was helpful for me to look at powerlessness and unmanageabilty from that aspect. The mental aspect of addiction is the obsession - the uncontrollable thoughts of getting, using and finding ways and means to get drugs. Most addicts will easily admit that their obsession with drugs was something they had no power over...even during abstinence (you know...that sneaky "what if..." idea). Compulsion is the another aspect of addiction that helps us recognize our powerlessness. Compulsion is the inability to stop using once we get started. It's the old scenario of when we tell ourselves, "I'm only gonna have one!" and continue to use after that one. If we had the "power" to stop after one (or whenever we said we would) we most likely wouldn't be addicts and certainly not powerless. The third aspect is self-centeredness...some call it ego. Self-centeredness is where denial lives and allows us to continue to think we can handle drugs despite all the evidence to the contrary. Self-centeredness is what leads us addicts to think we're unique and doesn't allow us to accept responsibility. Self-centeredness doesn't allow us to admit powerlessness or unmanageability.
I could go on and on...but I'll stop here. Simply put: powerlessness means I have limitations and unmanageability means there are things I cannot control.
Because addiction is a 3-fold disease, it was helpful for me to look at powerlessness and unmanageabilty from that aspect. The mental aspect of addiction is the obsession - the uncontrollable thoughts of getting, using and finding ways and means to get drugs. Most addicts will easily admit that their obsession with drugs was something they had no power over...even during abstinence (you know...that sneaky "what if..." idea). Compulsion is the another aspect of addiction that helps us recognize our powerlessness. Compulsion is the inability to stop using once we get started. It's the old scenario of when we tell ourselves, "I'm only gonna have one!" and continue to use after that one. If we had the "power" to stop after one (or whenever we said we would) we most likely wouldn't be addicts and certainly not powerless. The third aspect is self-centeredness...some call it ego. Self-centeredness is where denial lives and allows us to continue to think we can handle drugs despite all the evidence to the contrary. Self-centeredness is what leads us addicts to think we're unique and doesn't allow us to accept responsibility. Self-centeredness doesn't allow us to admit powerlessness or unmanageability.
I could go on and on...but I'll stop here. Simply put: powerlessness means I have limitations and unmanageability means there are things I cannot control.
Garden Variety Addict
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Lambertville, NJ
Posts: 310
That's a good summary, Gmoney. I would add that ego makes us believe we can control our recovery, just as we felt we could control our addiction.
When I start believing it is I who controls my destiny I am always reminded, often in painful and unpleasant ways, that there is so little I actually do control. So, for example, when the obsession to use began to lift, instead of seeing it as something I alone manufactured, I instead see it as a gift.
Ego isn't inherently bad, but often it wants to take over, just like addiction, and wants credit for everything. My recovery is a combination of so many things and so many people, it would be audacious and self-centered to say that I did this myself, that I am the answer. I'm only part of the answer, my willingness is the best thing I brought to the table.
When I start believing it is I who controls my destiny I am always reminded, often in painful and unpleasant ways, that there is so little I actually do control. So, for example, when the obsession to use began to lift, instead of seeing it as something I alone manufactured, I instead see it as a gift.
Ego isn't inherently bad, but often it wants to take over, just like addiction, and wants credit for everything. My recovery is a combination of so many things and so many people, it would be audacious and self-centered to say that I did this myself, that I am the answer. I'm only part of the answer, my willingness is the best thing I brought to the table.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,486
Step one means to me that I cannot ever use mind or mood altering substances successfully. Period. I am powerless to control it. My life HAD become unmanageable.
When I got a real understanding of the first step, with the help of my sponsor, I was "empowered" to move on in my recovery. I'm powerless over my addiction...not my entire life.
Peace,
Missy
When I got a real understanding of the first step, with the help of my sponsor, I was "empowered" to move on in my recovery. I'm powerless over my addiction...not my entire life.
Peace,
Missy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 594
For me, powerlessness is not being able to take pills as prescribed....... in fact, its the same with any dope, I just can't use in moderation.
I don't have the power within me, not to abuse drugs.
I am powerless in their presents you might say, and I am powerless to stop.
unmanagability? Is me in the back of an ambulance because of drugs, ending up in detox, being pariniod, lonely, crying.. etc.
Thats my step one
I don't have the power within me, not to abuse drugs.
I am powerless in their presents you might say, and I am powerless to stop.
unmanagability? Is me in the back of an ambulance because of drugs, ending up in detox, being pariniod, lonely, crying.. etc.
Thats my step one
Evolving Addict
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Posts: 3,067
I'm STILL powerless and haven't used drugs in a very long time. I'm a real addict.. know it and accept it. I can become addicted to ANYTHING I like. One is too many and a thousand is still never enough.
One game of Hearts? HA! You gotta be joking, right. Sure...I'll tell myself I'm only gonna play a couple of games and before I know it an hour or two have passed. Powerlessness? You better believe it. The unmanageability piece that goes with it is that, because I played longer than I planned, I'll not get enough sleep and go to work feeling like cr@p. If I over-sleep, I'm rushing to get all my other responsibilities taken care of before I go to work. Or, because I didn't get enough sleep (or to eat) some other area of my life suffers.
Yes...the 1st Step is written in past-tense and as a newer member I have to look back at the evidence of my life (specifically my drug usage) to make the 2 admissions of Step One, but because I have a disease that affects EVERY area of my life, the 1st Step still applies to a wide range of things that have nothing to do with drugs.
50 pairs of sneakers? Really? (LOL!!) I just got 3 pairs two days ago. I fought the obsession for a while and told myself I deserve a new pair. Compulsion is getting 3 because I couldn't stop. Self-centereness is written all over the whole deal because it wasn't closely related to a need...just what I want. Ten top coats? Really? I got 3 in December when I only meant to get a black one.
Still powerless and unmanageable....just 100 times less than I was when using drugs.
G
One game of Hearts? HA! You gotta be joking, right. Sure...I'll tell myself I'm only gonna play a couple of games and before I know it an hour or two have passed. Powerlessness? You better believe it. The unmanageability piece that goes with it is that, because I played longer than I planned, I'll not get enough sleep and go to work feeling like cr@p. If I over-sleep, I'm rushing to get all my other responsibilities taken care of before I go to work. Or, because I didn't get enough sleep (or to eat) some other area of my life suffers.
Yes...the 1st Step is written in past-tense and as a newer member I have to look back at the evidence of my life (specifically my drug usage) to make the 2 admissions of Step One, but because I have a disease that affects EVERY area of my life, the 1st Step still applies to a wide range of things that have nothing to do with drugs.
50 pairs of sneakers? Really? (LOL!!) I just got 3 pairs two days ago. I fought the obsession for a while and told myself I deserve a new pair. Compulsion is getting 3 because I couldn't stop. Self-centereness is written all over the whole deal because it wasn't closely related to a need...just what I want. Ten top coats? Really? I got 3 in December when I only meant to get a black one.
Still powerless and unmanageable....just 100 times less than I was when using drugs.
G
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