KayLK

My mom is an alcoholic who is awaiting a liver transplant. She refuses to acknowledge she has a drinking problem or that it contributed to her end stage liver disease. She blames her liver failure on her hepatits C...which is legit, but her drinking obviously helped her get to where she is now. She has been an alcoholic for as long as i can remember, but a functioning one at that. She drinks wine like its water, but was never the kind to pass out in various places. She would just get very aggressive, mean, loud, and abusive. When i would question her about her drinking she would say "if that was true how do the bills get paid, how do you have all the nice things you have". When i went off to college it got worse (which i didnt know was possible). She said when i left for college i "abandoned her". Which i feel is true, but i couldnt stand to live around that, plus i had to go to college. I am so tired of her affecting my life, i'm not the one with the drinking problem and i'm tired of being the only one to deal with it. I recently graduated college and became an RN. This was one of the hardest things ive ever done and she did nothing the entire 4 years but make it as hard as possible. So many times i wished she would call me the night before a big exam just to say "good luck youll do great i love you", instead i got her on my voicemail calling me every derogatory name there is. She blames everything on everyone else and always has an excuse. She constantly makes up lies about her drinking that are the most ridiculous unbelievable lies EVER. The next day after a fight she acts like nothing ever happened. Back in november she had to be hospitalized for liver failure, in which she then found out she needed a transplant. She quit drinking for 5 months, up until now. Throughout that five months she would still not attribute her failing liver to alcohol. She has lost her house, her car, her retirement, anything she has ever saved up. I dont know what more could happen for her to hit rock bottom and i am afraid she will die before that happens. I try to not take her calls until i know she is sober, but i am so scared that is hurting or is actively dying so i end up picking up the phone, only to be talked to like a piece of dirt on her shoe. I know she loves me because she is so different when she is sober, but its so hard to remember that when shes not. As a nurse, i just see her body giving up, every new ailment is a step closer to her liver completely failing and her dying. I know i cant control her behavior but its so hard to sit back and watch. I wake up everyday wandering if this is the day i'm going to bury my mother. I dont know what to do now that she has started drinking again. I told myself if this ever happened again that would be it for me and her, but i cant let go. I'm all she has and i know she is scared. I dont know what to do.

suki44883

Welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of supportive people here. I'm sorry your mom is still drinking, and I can't believe she would even be considered for a liver transplant under such conditions. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do for her. If she wants to drink, she'll drink.

What are you doing to take care of YOU?

jen928

I'm not at a place to tell you to only think about yourself and that you can't change your mom, bc i am going through something very similar to you. I am trying my best but it's very hard for us ACOA to remove ourselves from their suffering.
I do have one question for you, how is it possible that she is on the transplant waiting list, if she is still drinking? Even before she started drinking again, you said she was only sober for 5 months. I always thought that alcoholics had to be sober a period of time before they could be on the transplant list.

blueblooms14

There might not be anything you can do, except take care of yourself. It makes sense to me that's she's scared that she won't get the transplant. You can't do anything about that. But, no matter how she acts, know that that is her and not you.

KayLK

I dont think the doctors realize the severity of her drinking. Any questions they asked her about it she said she would have a glass or 2 of wine a night but once she found out about all of this she quit all together, which she did for 5 months. Also she has hep C which is a contributing factor for her to have a liver transplant, so the docs think that is the reason her liver is in such bad shape. Once she goes back to the doctor and her labs show she's been drinking she will no longer be a candidate.

justjo

Hi Kayl

Im so sorry you are going through this terrible time with your mum. I lost my sister with liver failure so I really get what you are going through.
The only thing I could say to you is - hang in there, you are a tremendous, courageous, intelligent, beautiful person. I would be proud to have you as a daughter.
Be strong and look after yourself sweetie. JJ

DISdreamer

Kay, I only just found this boards through a friend, so I don't have much to offer. I am so sorry. My Father gets nasty when he's drinking, and in his case *thinks* he functions better with alcohol than without it...He recently got arrested and was "scared" sober...for all of three days...
I guess we can only do so much, and there is only so much we can take.