billsaintjames

The last week I have had a difficult time motivating myself to stay sober from weed (the fact that today is 4/20 had nothing to do with it initially, although it has certainly been a trigger today).

I've been marijuana-free for 102 days now, and I've smoked 8 or 9 times in the last 365 days. I started smoking infrequently when when I was 19, and I am now 24. When I was a smoker, there were two heavy periods (~3 months each) where I smoked 15-25 times per week, and much of the use was self-medicating to treat my alcohol abuse. On average, I smoked 5-10 times per week when I was a regular user.

The last several days have been the toughest since I got sober. I have found myself searching the internet, looking for horror stories from life-long marijuana users. I always come away thinking "Hmm, that's not too bad", as opposed to some of the more dramatically tragic tales of "harder" drugs. I also have been reading tons of information about health-related problems marijuana can cause, and likewise come away unmoved.

I know that loneliness is playing a huge factor. When I was a smoker, I almost always had someone I could call up and hang out/smoke with. After I quit drinking, I disassociated with my closest friend here, because all we ever did was go out to the bars together. The rest of the people I either can't communicate with due to the language barrier (I live in Spain and barely speak Spanish) or I'm just not interested in spending time with.

Anyway, I figured I would post here and get some thoughts rather than seek out even more information as to why it is OK for me to start smoking pot again.

Stride34

Hey Bill. As sober time builds, the allure of the drug generally increases and our bad memories fade...but in reality nothing has changed, other than your perspective. I'd suggest thinking back to why you quit in the first place. What were you feeling at the time? Was the weed helping or hurting your life? Whatever the answer is is still true today if you smoke again. Googling horror stories as a reminder may help, but what will keep you sober and clean long-term is feeling it within yourself and remembering what motivated you in those early days. And though it doesn't sound like you will be smoking pot today, please don't let something as lame as 4/20 throw you off track. You're a strong, mature person for quitting, and much better for it. Let that person shine through everyday, and keep yourself busy and productive.

Francismcan

Bill, have you ever thought about coming into the chat rooms and talking in there live to other addicts.
Also do you go to any support group meetings?

billsaintjames

Thanks for the responses. You know, the tough thing for me is, I quit drinking and I thought, "Well, I guess I might as well quit smoking weed too." I never really made a firm commitment to quitting, or examined the reasons why I wanted to quit, or anything else. I guess now would be a good time to do that, huh?

All of the bad memories I might have from weed I would consider caused by my alcohol abuse. The minority of moments that I spent with friends just smoking weed without alcohol I would consider "good times", but maybe this is just an exhibition of what you put very well as "bad memories fading". Those bad memories fading caused alcohol relapses for me in the past, that is for certain.

What weed did help me with was dealing with social anxiety, but I've wondered if that method may have caused more problems than it solved, i.e. creating a unhealthy habit of dealing with the issue. I've always wondered what would happen if I decided to talk to a doctor about my anxiety. I'm wary of using pills, but the short amount of therapy I've had in the past was very beneficial, and maybe there is some medicine out there than can help me. I don't know.

There aren't any support groups here, but it's definitely something I want to do when I return to the USA in June, thank you for the suggestion!

Francismcan

Bill, I have a list of about fifty support groups in Spain that speak English.

billsaintjames

Thanks Francis, I am sending you a PM right now!