How did you feel about the people that enabled you during your addiction?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
While I agree with hobu777, I am angry about a few things. I was exposed to oxycodone by necessity - orthopedic surgery x 2. But I have to take responsibility for choosing to continue to take it after I no longer needed it, and then becoming addicted.
What angers me is how the pain clinic doc never "called me out" on what I was doing. If one of my original docs -- not the ones I used later that only wanted my money in exchange for a prescription -- if just ONE of them had said to me, "hey, you are exhibiting addictive behavior," I might have tried to stop taking oxys before my dose got so high.
Later, the pill mill docs who just wanted my money? I think all those guys should be put in jail. Yes, I did it to myself. But, no, they didn't need to make it so easy for me, because I am someone who would have never taken my addiction to the streets, at least in the early stages of my addiction.
What angers me is how the pain clinic doc never "called me out" on what I was doing. If one of my original docs -- not the ones I used later that only wanted my money in exchange for a prescription -- if just ONE of them had said to me, "hey, you are exhibiting addictive behavior," I might have tried to stop taking oxys before my dose got so high.
Later, the pill mill docs who just wanted my money? I think all those guys should be put in jail. Yes, I did it to myself. But, no, they didn't need to make it so easy for me, because I am someone who would have never taken my addiction to the streets, at least in the early stages of my addiction.
Beat Opiates on my OWN!
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Rochester, New York
Posts: 246
My best friend was doing opiates with me and I hold no hard feelings towards him. I stay away from the people that weren't really my friends and just were in the scene. The one source of mine laughed at me and said "yeah see you in two days" when I said I was quitting, so he can go F himself. Lol. Long two days...haha
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,486
The only time I felt contempt for them is when I wanted to hold them responsible for my problem.
I am responsible ...my problem is me!
Once I accepted responsibilty...I could stay clean.
NA helped me.
Peace,
Missy
I am responsible ...my problem is me!
Once I accepted responsibilty...I could stay clean.
NA helped me.
Peace,
Missy
Beat Opiates on my OWN!
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Rochester, New York
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by Missybuns 
The only time I felt contempt for them is when I wanted to hold them responsible for my problem.
I am responsible ...my problem is me!
Once I accepted responsibilty...I could stay clean.
NA helped me.
Peace,
Missy
I am responsible ...my problem is me!
Once I accepted responsibilty...I could stay clean.
NA helped me.
Peace,
Missy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
I think that leaves out the people who get addicted who never started out seeking opiates for recreation.
My beef is with the medical people who look the other way when they see addictive behavior going on. That is implicit "approval" for an "addict brain" looking for a "good" excuse to take pills they don't need. I talked to the nurse at my ortho doctor's office, and she told me that many postop patients get "dependent," and then are not told they will go into withdrawals that they don't understand are from the drug. Most of them just accept feeling sick and assume they have the flu (according to her), and she is frustrated that the doctors don't warn the patients.
Then there are the ones like me who LOVE the feeling of taking oxys and are VERY convincing in persuading the docs to keep prescribing when they should not.
I think that all these ortho docs should have a talk about addiction with their patients and ASK the patient if they have had a problem with pills in the past. And offer to help people who want it. I actually DID ask to be tapered off and requested help. They just kept giving me the same thing, and I happily kept on going.
Yes, it is my fault. I accept that. But the fact is that prescription drug abuse is becoming a worse and worse problem in our society, and if more of the prescribers who are NOT in it for the money paid attention to their contribution to the problem, just MAYBE some of the patients who might otherwise tend to get addicted will be deterred. Not ALL, certainly, but some.
My beef is with the medical people who look the other way when they see addictive behavior going on. That is implicit "approval" for an "addict brain" looking for a "good" excuse to take pills they don't need. I talked to the nurse at my ortho doctor's office, and she told me that many postop patients get "dependent," and then are not told they will go into withdrawals that they don't understand are from the drug. Most of them just accept feeling sick and assume they have the flu (according to her), and she is frustrated that the doctors don't warn the patients.
Then there are the ones like me who LOVE the feeling of taking oxys and are VERY convincing in persuading the docs to keep prescribing when they should not.
I think that all these ortho docs should have a talk about addiction with their patients and ASK the patient if they have had a problem with pills in the past. And offer to help people who want it. I actually DID ask to be tapered off and requested help. They just kept giving me the same thing, and I happily kept on going.
Yes, it is my fault. I accept that. But the fact is that prescription drug abuse is becoming a worse and worse problem in our society, and if more of the prescribers who are NOT in it for the money paid attention to their contribution to the problem, just MAYBE some of the patients who might otherwise tend to get addicted will be deterred. Not ALL, certainly, but some.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 336
The only people who enabled me didn't know they were doing it. It was my manipulation, lies and stealing that caused the people I love to be involved. They didn't even have a choice. See my addiction was so cunning, nobody knew about it but me. It was exhausting and so lonely.
When I was finally able to accept that I was out of control, I was able to muster the courage to seek help and tell my loved ones exactly what had been going on. I was terrified that they would be disappointed with me or judge me. But just the opposite happened - they became my biggest cheerleaders and continue to be so incredibly loving and supportive.
In a huge way, it was their immediate and genuine forgiveness that set me on the road to forgive myself and begin to look at my selfish and unfounded fears. I'm still working on that, but it's much much better.
When I was finally able to accept that I was out of control, I was able to muster the courage to seek help and tell my loved ones exactly what had been going on. I was terrified that they would be disappointed with me or judge me. But just the opposite happened - they became my biggest cheerleaders and continue to be so incredibly loving and supportive.
In a huge way, it was their immediate and genuine forgiveness that set me on the road to forgive myself and begin to look at my selfish and unfounded fears. I'm still working on that, but it's much much better.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Glitter is right. The choices were all mine to make, and I too forced others into enabling me in ways they had no idea I was doing.
I also agree with Glitter that part of recovery is giving the gift of helping you to your loved ones, give them the chance to be part of your recovery. The same thing happened to me with my husband and sons.
I still have a big finger to point, however, at the pill mills running rampant in our cities. Legitimizing our addiction does not make it okay, and there are still a lot of substance abusers out there who really believe that they "need" medication for things that they do not. These doctors are helping these people to death.
I also agree with Glitter that part of recovery is giving the gift of helping you to your loved ones, give them the chance to be part of your recovery. The same thing happened to me with my husband and sons.
I still have a big finger to point, however, at the pill mills running rampant in our cities. Legitimizing our addiction does not make it okay, and there are still a lot of substance abusers out there who really believe that they "need" medication for things that they do not. These doctors are helping these people to death.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
Our first time, and subsequent times were always a choice. Even in active addiction, it was still a choice. A VERY VERY VERY biased choice. It was NEVER anyone else's responsibility to keep us and our drugs away from each other. Who wants to get involved in that anyway? Those people are only human and human thinking is that us junkies are a waste of space. Sad but true. Even with over 2 years clean, when someone learns I am a crack addict, you can see in their eyes that I am nothing to them. This makes me stronger. It only encourages me to prove them wrong, but that is how I think. I may complain about them knocking me down, but deep inside, I like it. 
But people don't want to get themselves involved. Especially people who know they are not strong enough to handle people like us, so they do look the other way. As for the Doctors who continue to prescribe even though you think that you are showing signs of addict behavior, could it be that we are being paranoid in thinking we are when we really are not? Of course, I have an in-your-face Doctor who wasn't afraid to ask if I was addicted to vicodins because I am addicted to crack and I told him "Ya know, no I am not, but let's not take any chances. Let's not prescribe vicodins unless you have to. Is there anything else?" Sometimes I do obsess over prescriptions. I'd count how many pills I have left or I'll go on and on about how proud I am that I take them only as prescribed (and especially proud that I take only two tramadol a day!). I try to catch myself doing that because I think that is addict behavior and I talk with my doctor about that. His belief is that my brain is used to the "counting" when I'd count my crack pieces and he's not worried about tramadols since I take only two a day, but I could shut up about it once in a while. LOL. Like now, because I am going on again... But I have a great doctor who is no fool. The first day I walked in to ask about switching meds he had just kicked out a patient because he was suspicious the person was addicted to vicodins.
And before we go on about whether or not it's a doctor's responsibility to see to it that we get treatment, they CAN hand you all the paperwork or tell you where to go but they cannot make you. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. I don't know if my Dr. gave that patient any avenues to explore in order to get clean. I don't expect him to. One thing I do expect doctors to do is to make money and there are always going to be crooked ones out there, like regular dope dealers, looking to make the money any way they can, but it is still not their responsibility to get us off the drugs. It's ours. If you are having a problem with drugs and want to stop, take charge and ask your doctor for help. Then, his or her decisions on whether or not to help, is their responsibility. Addiction is difficult to deal with and treat, especially given our outstanding records of lying, manipulation, deceipt, treachery, and relapse. So don't expect a doctor to take you on once you ask for help. He or she may refer you to someone who specializes in the kind of sickness you have.
In the end, it's no one else's problem or fault. It is totally our own. Addiction is cunning. Our brains would have us believe it is everyone's fault along with ours just to make us feel better. More comfortable. Let our guard down so our brains can convince us to use, just one more time...
But people don't want to get themselves involved. Especially people who know they are not strong enough to handle people like us, so they do look the other way. As for the Doctors who continue to prescribe even though you think that you are showing signs of addict behavior, could it be that we are being paranoid in thinking we are when we really are not? Of course, I have an in-your-face Doctor who wasn't afraid to ask if I was addicted to vicodins because I am addicted to crack and I told him "Ya know, no I am not, but let's not take any chances. Let's not prescribe vicodins unless you have to. Is there anything else?" Sometimes I do obsess over prescriptions. I'd count how many pills I have left or I'll go on and on about how proud I am that I take them only as prescribed (and especially proud that I take only two tramadol a day!). I try to catch myself doing that because I think that is addict behavior and I talk with my doctor about that. His belief is that my brain is used to the "counting" when I'd count my crack pieces and he's not worried about tramadols since I take only two a day, but I could shut up about it once in a while. LOL. Like now, because I am going on again... But I have a great doctor who is no fool. The first day I walked in to ask about switching meds he had just kicked out a patient because he was suspicious the person was addicted to vicodins.
And before we go on about whether or not it's a doctor's responsibility to see to it that we get treatment, they CAN hand you all the paperwork or tell you where to go but they cannot make you. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. I don't know if my Dr. gave that patient any avenues to explore in order to get clean. I don't expect him to. One thing I do expect doctors to do is to make money and there are always going to be crooked ones out there, like regular dope dealers, looking to make the money any way they can, but it is still not their responsibility to get us off the drugs. It's ours. If you are having a problem with drugs and want to stop, take charge and ask your doctor for help. Then, his or her decisions on whether or not to help, is their responsibility. Addiction is difficult to deal with and treat, especially given our outstanding records of lying, manipulation, deceipt, treachery, and relapse. So don't expect a doctor to take you on once you ask for help. He or she may refer you to someone who specializes in the kind of sickness you have.
In the end, it's no one else's problem or fault. It is totally our own. Addiction is cunning. Our brains would have us believe it is everyone's fault along with ours just to make us feel better. More comfortable. Let our guard down so our brains can convince us to use, just one more time...
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Originally Posted by CrackQuack
But people don't want to get themselves involved. Especially people who know they are not strong enough to handle people like us, so they do look the other way.
If you could tell us what would really help an addict, I think the majority of people would do that. I eventually realised that there was not a single thing I could do to help my AS. If someone with experience can come and tell me I am wrong and what would help, I would jump to do that.
I am also sure I am not the only one who is utterly impressed by any person who can give up drugs. I now have an inkling how hard it must be and I am quietly sitting on the sideline cheering every person on here on. Anyone who can leave that type of lifestyle behind deserves nothing but respect and admiration. I am sorry that you are meeting people who think otherwise.
Beat Opiates on my OWN!
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Rochester, New York
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by Sunshine2
CQ, it is not necessarily a matter of not wanting to get involved. I think for the majority of non-addicts it is simply a matter of not knowing how to help, eventually realising in utter frustration that we are quite helpless.
If you could tell us what would really help an addict, I think the majority of people would do that. I eventually realised that there was not a single thing I could do to help my AS. If someone with experience can come and tell me I am wrong and what would help, I would jump to do that.
I am also sure I am not the only one who is utterly impressed by any person who can give up drugs. I now have an inkling how hard it must be and I am quietly sitting on the sideline cheering every person on here on. Anyone who can leave that type of lifestyle behind deserves nothing but respect and admiration. I am sorry that you are meeting people who think otherwise.
If you could tell us what would really help an addict, I think the majority of people would do that. I eventually realised that there was not a single thing I could do to help my AS. If someone with experience can come and tell me I am wrong and what would help, I would jump to do that.
I am also sure I am not the only one who is utterly impressed by any person who can give up drugs. I now have an inkling how hard it must be and I am quietly sitting on the sideline cheering every person on here on. Anyone who can leave that type of lifestyle behind deserves nothing but respect and admiration. I am sorry that you are meeting people who think otherwise.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Hi... I read your question yesterday and thought that it had been answered well enough... This whole thing, addiction, recovery, all that... is on us... not the innocent bystander.... I thought about it later while on an errand, though.
Where does the enabling start? Love? Misguided, sure... but don't we start out just wanting to make our partner happy? .... And then, as the addiction progresses.... how many people really want to deal with the fact that their partner is a drug addict? pill head? alkie? ... "Couldn't be!!! not my husband, wife..." "he's just had a hard day and needs to blow off steam"... (Denial is equal opportunity my friend....)
And when we get that kind of response... well, you know... it's our ticket to ride...
Asking whether we felt any hatred, anger and ..... contempt .... towards our enablers .... IDK, that just stuck in my craw a little. That question, I think, should go to the partner who didn't get addicted.
It wouldn't surprise me if the answer from the enabler was .... "yes! I felt a lot of anger, contempt and hatred... mostly..... towards myself." ... "I blame myself... if only I had.... "
Why this question?
Where does the enabling start? Love? Misguided, sure... but don't we start out just wanting to make our partner happy? .... And then, as the addiction progresses.... how many people really want to deal with the fact that their partner is a drug addict? pill head? alkie? ... "Couldn't be!!! not my husband, wife..." "he's just had a hard day and needs to blow off steam"... (Denial is equal opportunity my friend....)
And when we get that kind of response... well, you know... it's our ticket to ride...
Asking whether we felt any hatred, anger and ..... contempt .... towards our enablers .... IDK, that just stuck in my craw a little. That question, I think, should go to the partner who didn't get addicted.
It wouldn't surprise me if the answer from the enabler was .... "yes! I felt a lot of anger, contempt and hatred... mostly..... towards myself." ... "I blame myself... if only I had.... "
Why this question?
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
JM, I applaud everyone who manages to get sober, whatever means they use. It is such a personal victory that I am surprised to hear that you think jealousy comes into play. Surely if you managed to get sober you are just grateful, regardless of the roadmap you followed?
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
I habor NO feelings of resentment or anger towards anyone who may have enabled me in my addiction over the past 10 years. I take full responsibility, to blame another is to make excuses.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Enablers who KNOW they are enabling.
Originally Posted by Mark75
Hi... I read your question yesterday and thought that it had been answered well enough... This whole thing, addiction, recovery, all that... is on us... not the innocent bystander.... I thought about it later while on an errand, though.
Where does the enabling start? Love? Misguided, sure... but don't we start out just wanting to make our partner happy? .... And then, as the addiction progresses.... how many people really want to deal with the fact that their partner is a drug addict? pill head? alkie? ... "Couldn't be!!! not my husband, wife..." "he's just had a hard day and needs to blow off steam"... (Denial is equal opportunity my friend....)
And when we get that kind of response... well, you know... it's our ticket to ride...
Asking whether we felt any hatred, anger and ..... contempt .... towards our enablers .... IDK, that just stuck in my craw a little. That question, I think, should go to the partner who didn't get addicted.
It wouldn't surprise me if the answer from the enabler was .... "yes! I felt a lot of anger, contempt and hatred... mostly..... towards myself." ... "I blame myself... if only I had.... "
Why this question?
Where does the enabling start? Love? Misguided, sure... but don't we start out just wanting to make our partner happy? .... And then, as the addiction progresses.... how many people really want to deal with the fact that their partner is a drug addict? pill head? alkie? ... "Couldn't be!!! not my husband, wife..." "he's just had a hard day and needs to blow off steam"... (Denial is equal opportunity my friend....)
And when we get that kind of response... well, you know... it's our ticket to ride...
Asking whether we felt any hatred, anger and ..... contempt .... towards our enablers .... IDK, that just stuck in my craw a little. That question, I think, should go to the partner who didn't get addicted.
It wouldn't surprise me if the answer from the enabler was .... "yes! I felt a lot of anger, contempt and hatred... mostly..... towards myself." ... "I blame myself... if only I had.... "
Why this question?
I TOTALLY get the part where we all want to stand up and say, hey it was ME, I am the one who has to take responsibility for MY actions.
Well that's all nice, and it works really great when you are talking about the pain and misery that is SELF-INFLICTED. Fine. Let's leave that alone for a minute.
How about the enabler who KNOWS they are enabling? Well, I have few kinds words for that. Seriously?
How many people out there are ENABLING their beloved drug abuser to kill innocent people while driving impaired, cause damage to the economy by getting sick more often and overutilizing healthcare services, wrecking the work life of everybody by taking too much sick leave, damaging unborn children who while in the womb have no vote in getting addicted or not, and ON AND ON AND ON.
When are some of THOSE enablers going to help stop this crap. You can't keep the bottle out of the alkie's mouth or the needle out of the junkie's arm, or the pills out of the addict's hand, but you CAN help stop some of the damage that is done.
Let's face it, a LOT of the enabling is well known to the enabler, and it may be just easier for them to give up and not even try any more. But, a little tough love can save some lives, some jobs, etc.
Someone close to me abuses alcohol at times. When he does, there are NO KEYS, NO PHONE CALLS TO THE BOSS, nada. I make it as UNCOMFORTABLE for him to abuse his DOC as I possibly can. I risk his friendship by doing that, but I DON'T CARE.
This whole "I am the only one responsible" only works for the addict, and nobody else. Agreeing with THAT phrase is somewhat enabling, in and of itself, because it is an implicit agreement that you will do NOTHING to STOP THEM, to the addict's ears.
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