I am new to this forum. I am not sober yet but hopefully soon.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 9
I am new to this forum. I am not sober yet but hopefully soon.
Hi Everyone. My name is Nicole, I just joined today and have read a few people's stories and I must say I feel for alot of people and it is nice to find somewhere where there is others that are going through or have gone through similar situations about the obsticles and grief we have brought upon ourselfs and loved ones due to addictions, whatever they may be. I have had friends and family telling me for years to get some sort of help for my problems but in my head I didn't have a problem. I thought I was above this and had everything under control, I couldn't even admit it to myself that I actually am an addict. The word just seemed so beneath me. I would hear stories of addicts and watch intervention and say too myself "What is wrong with these people? Can't they see how much they are hurting their families? Why don't they just quit?" When all along I was in the same boat and was in such denial. Up until a few weeks ago I finally came to terms with this addiction and finally said "I'm ready, I need help" I guess this is my story.
I have always had social anxiety ever since I can remember. I was extremely shy and could barely talk to people. It was like this all through school, I couldn't even open up to my closest friends or family. At one point during high school I told my mother I wanted to get help for my shyness and since my entire family is very outgoing and open they didn't understand just told me I needed to talk more and that I had control over it. I was constantly made fun of at school for being so quiet that I didn't even want to go to school anymore. I worked hard to graduate early just so I could get away from this.
When I was 15 I went to live with my dad and I drank alcohol for the first time with my best friend. The feeling was great and I felt more outgoing and talkative. My dad was an alcoholic so he always had booze in the house so occasionally me and my friends would sneak liquor and get drunk. When I was 16 I smoked pot for the first time and hated the feeling, and didn't touch the stuff for years. When I was 17 I had my wisdom teeth removed and was put on vicodin. I was instantly hooked, I would go to doctors and get prescriptions. I didn't use it too much then, maybe 2-3 pills a day tops, and alot of days I wouldn't use at all. I really didn't know that this was an addictive drug at the time and didn't have any idea I was abusing it.
After Highschool I came out of my shell a little bit. I started hanging out with some people from work and we would go to college parties all the time and I would be drinking probably 5-6 days a week. My mom expressed her concern but I convinced her I was fine. At this time I first tried cocaine and I was using this almost everytime I would go out and drink. One day I went to a party and the people handed everyone these thick straws and there was just coke everywhere. I just started snorting like mad, soon after I began convulsing and foaming at the mouth. My friends called an ambulence but by the time they got there I had came too and refused treatment and went back to friends and just slept it off. After that incident I didn't use coke as much and decided to be more careful.
Shortly after I got my first real boyfriend and everything was going great. I never said anything about using coke or vicodin. I told him I had tried that stuff but since he experimented with a few drugs himself he just figured I was doing the same thing and didn't think much of it. For about 2 years I was clean kinda. I didn't use painkillers or coke at all. I would drink occasionally and smoked pot again but nothing that would raise any red flags.
Well when I was 21 I got into a pretty bad car wreck and was prescribed oxycontin. Since then I have been using that to get high. I kept it a secret though and no one really suspected any problems. Well in december of 2009 I was going through a rough patch. My boyfriend and I had been living together for about a year and we hit a snag in our relationship. He was spending so much time with his coworkers, a female one in particular. He told me it was nothing to worry about and that they were just friends but I made it clear that it was upsetting me but he still continued to hang out with this girl. It was Sunday, December 13th, 2009. Two days before I was going to turn 23. I knew I was going to be working nights the entire week so I wouldn't see my boyfriend too much on my birthday. I decided to make a nice meal and clean the house and put up x-mas decorations that day (even though it was my freaking birthday, I should be the one getting spoiled) I told him before he went to work that I was making a nice dinner and to save some room. Well he called me at about 2 that afternoon and said he was going to come home afterwork and submit a paper that was due in one of his classes and then go out to eat and drink with his coworkers. I started crying and he said he would just eat my food later. I got so angry I took 4 oxycontin, and some xanax too calm down and then I remember taking a few shots of rumplemintz. I don't remember a thing after that but when I came too I was lying in the apartment's laundry room on a pile of my clothes with nothing but my underwear and a t shirt on. A young woman woke me up and I started acting hysterical and I was crying and noticed that my legs and feet were cut up pretty bad and there was blood all over the clothes and laundry room. The girl called an ambulance and walked me back up to my apartment. When we got up there I saw that the place was just destroyed. There was broken glasses all over the kitchen and a trail of blood leading to the bathroom. The shower curtain had been ripped down and there was blood all over the place. I don't really remember too much but that is what she told me afterwards. When I got to the hospital my BAC was .39 and I later found out that I had taken my entire bottle of oxys which was about 19 or 20 at the time and my entire bottle of xanax which was only about 10 1mg pills in there at the time. They kept me at the hospital on suicide watch for 72 hours even though I told them I wasn't suicial. I'm not exactly sure what was going on in my mind when I took all those substances but the doctors told me they had no idea how I managed to survive and I should be very lucky. I knew then I would have to come clean with my family and bf since the cat was out of the bag now and everyone knew. I told them it was an accident and I got carried away. They tried to talk me into getting some sort of help but I refused. I continued to use but I was much more secretive about it and managed to hide it from everyone until recently.
Last year in 2010 I got arrested twice, once for a DUI and the second for possession of marijuana, heroin and prescription pills that I didn't have a prescription for. This caused major financial issues and I got so depressed I just continued to use more and more. I went to several different doctors and now currently get 180 klonopin pills each month, 90 vicodin 5mg, 60 xanax 1mg, 60 oxycontins, 30 adderalls and I still cannot make it through the month without running out. I usually can make it about 2 weeks until I completly run out of everything. I end up then either stealing pills from other people or turning to heroin. I managed to stay out of the hospital in 2010 but since january I have been in about 3 times. Once because I started to withdrawl and had a seizer, another time because I was so messed up I fell down the stairs and broke my hand and another time for ODing on heroin. This year has just been horrible for me. I lost my job early January, broke up with my bf, wrecked my car, and had to move back in with my mother. This entire year has just been basically a blur. I can't remember half the things I do or say and I just spend all my time drunk or high on something. If I absolutly cannot get my hands on something I take sleeping pills or my sister's ambien to fall asleep because I simply cannot deal with reality anymore. I get unemployment and I work about 2 nights a week as a shotgirl so I can support my habits. I finally went to my mother and sister a few weeks ago after being in the hospital because of the withdrawl seizure and told them I needed help. I am going to be going to rehab in about a month because thats when my insurance kicks in. I was looking forward to it but yesterday I had a complete break down in front of my ex. I mean, what if this doesn't work? What if I am sick for the rest of my life? What if I can never be happy again without the help of drugs? I am soooooo scared but I just can't live like this anymore. I simply cannot function sober anymore. Since January I have gone from 130 pounds down to 100. Some days I can't eat, I can't sleep. People are telling me that my speech has changed as well and I take a long time to process what I am going to say. I'm not the same person I used to be. I guess bottom line I want to get better but at the same time I am terrified. I just wanted to share my story. Thanks for all of you that have actually read the whole thing, lol. I would love to hear about what to expect with this recovery.
I have always had social anxiety ever since I can remember. I was extremely shy and could barely talk to people. It was like this all through school, I couldn't even open up to my closest friends or family. At one point during high school I told my mother I wanted to get help for my shyness and since my entire family is very outgoing and open they didn't understand just told me I needed to talk more and that I had control over it. I was constantly made fun of at school for being so quiet that I didn't even want to go to school anymore. I worked hard to graduate early just so I could get away from this.
When I was 15 I went to live with my dad and I drank alcohol for the first time with my best friend. The feeling was great and I felt more outgoing and talkative. My dad was an alcoholic so he always had booze in the house so occasionally me and my friends would sneak liquor and get drunk. When I was 16 I smoked pot for the first time and hated the feeling, and didn't touch the stuff for years. When I was 17 I had my wisdom teeth removed and was put on vicodin. I was instantly hooked, I would go to doctors and get prescriptions. I didn't use it too much then, maybe 2-3 pills a day tops, and alot of days I wouldn't use at all. I really didn't know that this was an addictive drug at the time and didn't have any idea I was abusing it.
After Highschool I came out of my shell a little bit. I started hanging out with some people from work and we would go to college parties all the time and I would be drinking probably 5-6 days a week. My mom expressed her concern but I convinced her I was fine. At this time I first tried cocaine and I was using this almost everytime I would go out and drink. One day I went to a party and the people handed everyone these thick straws and there was just coke everywhere. I just started snorting like mad, soon after I began convulsing and foaming at the mouth. My friends called an ambulence but by the time they got there I had came too and refused treatment and went back to friends and just slept it off. After that incident I didn't use coke as much and decided to be more careful.
Shortly after I got my first real boyfriend and everything was going great. I never said anything about using coke or vicodin. I told him I had tried that stuff but since he experimented with a few drugs himself he just figured I was doing the same thing and didn't think much of it. For about 2 years I was clean kinda. I didn't use painkillers or coke at all. I would drink occasionally and smoked pot again but nothing that would raise any red flags.
Well when I was 21 I got into a pretty bad car wreck and was prescribed oxycontin. Since then I have been using that to get high. I kept it a secret though and no one really suspected any problems. Well in december of 2009 I was going through a rough patch. My boyfriend and I had been living together for about a year and we hit a snag in our relationship. He was spending so much time with his coworkers, a female one in particular. He told me it was nothing to worry about and that they were just friends but I made it clear that it was upsetting me but he still continued to hang out with this girl. It was Sunday, December 13th, 2009. Two days before I was going to turn 23. I knew I was going to be working nights the entire week so I wouldn't see my boyfriend too much on my birthday. I decided to make a nice meal and clean the house and put up x-mas decorations that day (even though it was my freaking birthday, I should be the one getting spoiled) I told him before he went to work that I was making a nice dinner and to save some room. Well he called me at about 2 that afternoon and said he was going to come home afterwork and submit a paper that was due in one of his classes and then go out to eat and drink with his coworkers. I started crying and he said he would just eat my food later. I got so angry I took 4 oxycontin, and some xanax too calm down and then I remember taking a few shots of rumplemintz. I don't remember a thing after that but when I came too I was lying in the apartment's laundry room on a pile of my clothes with nothing but my underwear and a t shirt on. A young woman woke me up and I started acting hysterical and I was crying and noticed that my legs and feet were cut up pretty bad and there was blood all over the clothes and laundry room. The girl called an ambulance and walked me back up to my apartment. When we got up there I saw that the place was just destroyed. There was broken glasses all over the kitchen and a trail of blood leading to the bathroom. The shower curtain had been ripped down and there was blood all over the place. I don't really remember too much but that is what she told me afterwards. When I got to the hospital my BAC was .39 and I later found out that I had taken my entire bottle of oxys which was about 19 or 20 at the time and my entire bottle of xanax which was only about 10 1mg pills in there at the time. They kept me at the hospital on suicide watch for 72 hours even though I told them I wasn't suicial. I'm not exactly sure what was going on in my mind when I took all those substances but the doctors told me they had no idea how I managed to survive and I should be very lucky. I knew then I would have to come clean with my family and bf since the cat was out of the bag now and everyone knew. I told them it was an accident and I got carried away. They tried to talk me into getting some sort of help but I refused. I continued to use but I was much more secretive about it and managed to hide it from everyone until recently.
Last year in 2010 I got arrested twice, once for a DUI and the second for possession of marijuana, heroin and prescription pills that I didn't have a prescription for. This caused major financial issues and I got so depressed I just continued to use more and more. I went to several different doctors and now currently get 180 klonopin pills each month, 90 vicodin 5mg, 60 xanax 1mg, 60 oxycontins, 30 adderalls and I still cannot make it through the month without running out. I usually can make it about 2 weeks until I completly run out of everything. I end up then either stealing pills from other people or turning to heroin. I managed to stay out of the hospital in 2010 but since january I have been in about 3 times. Once because I started to withdrawl and had a seizer, another time because I was so messed up I fell down the stairs and broke my hand and another time for ODing on heroin. This year has just been horrible for me. I lost my job early January, broke up with my bf, wrecked my car, and had to move back in with my mother. This entire year has just been basically a blur. I can't remember half the things I do or say and I just spend all my time drunk or high on something. If I absolutly cannot get my hands on something I take sleeping pills or my sister's ambien to fall asleep because I simply cannot deal with reality anymore. I get unemployment and I work about 2 nights a week as a shotgirl so I can support my habits. I finally went to my mother and sister a few weeks ago after being in the hospital because of the withdrawl seizure and told them I needed help. I am going to be going to rehab in about a month because thats when my insurance kicks in. I was looking forward to it but yesterday I had a complete break down in front of my ex. I mean, what if this doesn't work? What if I am sick for the rest of my life? What if I can never be happy again without the help of drugs? I am soooooo scared but I just can't live like this anymore. I simply cannot function sober anymore. Since January I have gone from 130 pounds down to 100. Some days I can't eat, I can't sleep. People are telling me that my speech has changed as well and I take a long time to process what I am going to say. I'm not the same person I used to be. I guess bottom line I want to get better but at the same time I am terrified. I just wanted to share my story. Thanks for all of you that have actually read the whole thing, lol. I would love to hear about what to expect with this recovery.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Neekolio 
Thanks for all of you that have actually read the whole thing, lol. I would love to hear about what to expect with this recovery.
Do or do not. There is no try.
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Hello Nicole, and welcome to SR. Your story sounds a lot like mine, a perfect example of the progression of the disease of addiction. It always gets worse, never better. I am around your age and also live near Chicago. Your story really hit me on an emotional level, I remember the pain and the hopelessness before I found recovery. The good news is, there is hope, and you dont ever have to use again. That happiness can come back. But it will take some work, some willingness to allow change to take place in your life. My suggestion to you, try out a meeting of AA/NA. Now. Don't wait until after rehab. Its free, and helped me recover from the same hopelessness that you are going through. Feel free to message me if you are interested in meetings in your area, I can reccomend several all over chicagoland and the burbs. Hang in there, this can get better if you want it to!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 212
Nicole...wow...that's a story... You've hit bottom, but are scared you cannot get back up? Don't be. You will reach normality again, just as so many others here have done. Yes, it's not something to look forward to, as detox is hell. However, you're going to be under the care of a rehab facility...so that should make this much easier for you. You obviously know you cannot continue going down the path that you are. That's a beginning...
I'm worried, however, that you seem to have another "free month" ahead of you. What are your plans for the next 30 days? I feel as though this is going to be harder on you since you know rehab is just around the corner and might treat this as a "last hurrah" for your drug and alcohol abuse.
You have to want to change. Rehab isn't a magic wand that will take the cravings away. The want to escape reality and be numb to the world. But you seem to have reached that point, so I am hopeful you keep control of yourself for the next 30 days. Try to taper off of the oxys... Remember that the lower you can get your dosage on each of your habits, the easier the detox will be.
Here's a helpful website that Failedtaper shared with me when I came here..
Withdrawal Survival Guide | Withdrawal-Ease
Just ignore all the vitamin ads and read the PDF there. Very good information/guide as to what to expect from the withdraws... However, a good amount of the information won't actually pertain to you, as you will be receiving clinical help with your detox (which you need due to the benzo addiction). I'm glad to see that you are seeking help, as you are pretty far down the rabbit hole at this point.
Keep posting! Good or bad, it helps to put it out there...just to get it out. You won't just be chronicling your journey, but you might just help a few people out with their own struggles to get clean.
I'm worried, however, that you seem to have another "free month" ahead of you. What are your plans for the next 30 days? I feel as though this is going to be harder on you since you know rehab is just around the corner and might treat this as a "last hurrah" for your drug and alcohol abuse.
You have to want to change. Rehab isn't a magic wand that will take the cravings away. The want to escape reality and be numb to the world. But you seem to have reached that point, so I am hopeful you keep control of yourself for the next 30 days. Try to taper off of the oxys... Remember that the lower you can get your dosage on each of your habits, the easier the detox will be.
Here's a helpful website that Failedtaper shared with me when I came here..
Withdrawal Survival Guide | Withdrawal-Ease
Just ignore all the vitamin ads and read the PDF there. Very good information/guide as to what to expect from the withdraws... However, a good amount of the information won't actually pertain to you, as you will be receiving clinical help with your detox (which you need due to the benzo addiction). I'm glad to see that you are seeking help, as you are pretty far down the rabbit hole at this point.
Keep posting! Good or bad, it helps to put it out there...just to get it out. You won't just be chronicling your journey, but you might just help a few people out with their own struggles to get clean.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Nicole))) - welcome to SR!! I understand the wanting to get clean, but being terrified of it at the same time. Though I abused the heck out of opiates (and alcohol before that), at one time, it was crack that took me to my bottom. I lost my career (RN), was homeless and prostituting. It took getting locked up (again) and this time for almost 6 months to get my head cleared out.
Even then, I just stopped using...didn't do anything to change my thinking, and I started dabbling with the crack again, eventually relapsed.
That was a little over 4 years ago. Life hasn't exactly been easy...lots of consequences I brought on myself, but I'm happier than I've ever been. For the first time in my life, I'm finding out who I am, and I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was.
SR has been a huge part of my recovery, along with some f2f support. I truly don't believe an A can remain in recovery without SOME type of support. There is no one in my life, right now, that would tolerate me getting f'd up, and I like it that way. They would still LOVE me, but they would let me fall flat on my face again, rather than do something that would allow me to keep using.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Even then, I just stopped using...didn't do anything to change my thinking, and I started dabbling with the crack again, eventually relapsed.
That was a little over 4 years ago. Life hasn't exactly been easy...lots of consequences I brought on myself, but I'm happier than I've ever been. For the first time in my life, I'm finding out who I am, and I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was.
SR has been a huge part of my recovery, along with some f2f support. I truly don't believe an A can remain in recovery without SOME type of support. There is no one in my life, right now, that would tolerate me getting f'd up, and I like it that way. They would still LOVE me, but they would let me fall flat on my face again, rather than do something that would allow me to keep using.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 9
Tryin2recover-
Thanks! I read all these posts and I really appreciate the feedback, it is very comforting to know others out there have been in my shoes and made it out alive and healthy. As lucky as I am to have such a wonderful family, it is really hard to talk to them about how I feel because they cannot relate. I am currently in a court ordered substance abuse program for my prior arrests but I would love to have more information on NA, especially since you are in my area maybe you know of some good ones. Some people in my program said they have been to NA, CA or AA meetings and they said they vary from place to place. I really just don't want people to shove religion down my throat which is what alot of people who have been to these meetings have said they do. But if you have any you would recommend that would be great. So I can start recovery before recovery. :-)
Thanks! I read all these posts and I really appreciate the feedback, it is very comforting to know others out there have been in my shoes and made it out alive and healthy. As lucky as I am to have such a wonderful family, it is really hard to talk to them about how I feel because they cannot relate. I am currently in a court ordered substance abuse program for my prior arrests but I would love to have more information on NA, especially since you are in my area maybe you know of some good ones. Some people in my program said they have been to NA, CA or AA meetings and they said they vary from place to place. I really just don't want people to shove religion down my throat which is what alot of people who have been to these meetings have said they do. But if you have any you would recommend that would be great. So I can start recovery before recovery. :-)
Last edited by Neekolio; 04-07-2011 at 12:05 AM. Reason: forgot to address who I was talking too
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by OutofIdeas75
Nicole...wow...that's a story... You've hit bottom, but are scared you cannot get back up? Don't be. You will reach normality again, just as so many others here have done. Yes, it's not something to look forward to, as detox is hell. However, you're going to be under the care of a rehab facility...so that should make this much easier for you. You obviously know you cannot continue going down the path that you are. That's a beginning...
I'm worried, however, that you seem to have another "free month" ahead of you. What are your plans for the next 30 days? I feel as though this is going to be harder on you since you know rehab is just around the corner and might treat this as a "last hurrah" for your drug and alcohol abuse.
You have to want to change. Rehab isn't a magic wand that will take the cravings away. The want to escape reality and be numb to the world. But you seem to have reached that point, so I am hopeful you keep control of yourself for the next 30 days. Try to taper off of the oxys... Remember that the lower you can get your dosage on each of your habits, the easier the detox will be.
Here's a helpful website that Failedtaper shared with me when I came here..
Just ignore all the vitamin ads and read the PDF there. Very good information/guide as to what to expect from the withdraws... However, a good amount of the information won't actually pertain to you, as you will be receiving clinical help with your detox (which you need due to the benzo addiction). I'm glad to see that you are seeking help, as you are pretty far down the rabbit hole at this point.
Keep posting! Good or bad, it helps to put it out there...just to get it out. You won't just be chronicling your journey, but you might just help a few people out with their own struggles to get clean.
I'm worried, however, that you seem to have another "free month" ahead of you. What are your plans for the next 30 days? I feel as though this is going to be harder on you since you know rehab is just around the corner and might treat this as a "last hurrah" for your drug and alcohol abuse.
You have to want to change. Rehab isn't a magic wand that will take the cravings away. The want to escape reality and be numb to the world. But you seem to have reached that point, so I am hopeful you keep control of yourself for the next 30 days. Try to taper off of the oxys... Remember that the lower you can get your dosage on each of your habits, the easier the detox will be.
Here's a helpful website that Failedtaper shared with me when I came here..
Just ignore all the vitamin ads and read the PDF there. Very good information/guide as to what to expect from the withdraws... However, a good amount of the information won't actually pertain to you, as you will be receiving clinical help with your detox (which you need due to the benzo addiction). I'm glad to see that you are seeking help, as you are pretty far down the rabbit hole at this point.
Keep posting! Good or bad, it helps to put it out there...just to get it out. You won't just be chronicling your journey, but you might just help a few people out with their own struggles to get clean.
Thank you for the feedback my friend. I was originally thinking of this month as a "Last Hoorah" but the more I thought about it the worse it sounded. Instead I have just decided to cut alcohol out completely since I know that will be the easiest. As far as the pills go, I am really trying to control myself and not take so much. I don't want to go through the withdrawls because they are a living hell but like you said it will be easier for the detox. I really just want my life back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
(((Nicole))) - welcome to SR!! I understand the wanting to get clean, but being terrified of it at the same time. Though I abused the heck out of opiates (and alcohol before that), at one time, it was crack that took me to my bottom. I lost my career (RN), was homeless and prostituting. It took getting locked up (again) and this time for almost 6 months to get my head cleared out.
Even then, I just stopped using...didn't do anything to change my thinking, and I started dabbling with the crack again, eventually relapsed.
That was a little over 4 years ago. Life hasn't exactly been easy...lots of consequences I brought on myself, but I'm happier than I've ever been. For the first time in my life, I'm finding out who I am, and I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was.
SR has been a huge part of my recovery, along with some f2f support. I truly don't believe an A can remain in recovery without SOME type of support. There is no one in my life, right now, that would tolerate me getting f'd up, and I like it that way. They would still LOVE me, but they would let me fall flat on my face again, rather than do something that would allow me to keep using.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Even then, I just stopped using...didn't do anything to change my thinking, and I started dabbling with the crack again, eventually relapsed.
That was a little over 4 years ago. Life hasn't exactly been easy...lots of consequences I brought on myself, but I'm happier than I've ever been. For the first time in my life, I'm finding out who I am, and I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was.
SR has been a huge part of my recovery, along with some f2f support. I truly don't believe an A can remain in recovery without SOME type of support. There is no one in my life, right now, that would tolerate me getting f'd up, and I like it that way. They would still LOVE me, but they would let me fall flat on my face again, rather than do something that would allow me to keep using.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Wow Amy, it sounds like you have been through alot too! Thanks for the feedback. I know what you are saying though about cutting any negative people or situations out of your life that may cause you to relapse. I do have my "friends" that I go out an party with that do the same stuff I do but I am also very fortunate to have other friends and family that really care and hurt to see me in such a situation.
Do or do not. There is no try.
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Thanks for the replies Nicole. Let me start by saying you arent alone, and there are tons of people who can relate to you. I used to feel alone, like nobody could possibly understand what I was going through, until I found recovery.
As far as AA/NA, dont let the God stuff scare you away. I myself am an agnostic, and still use the 12 steps to recover. Its more about having an open mind than being told what to believe in. Yes, there is a deep spiritual foundation, but it has nothing to do with religion. It has to do more with principles of good, that are usually the same principles of "God". Honesty, helping others, reflecting on self, etc.
At the very least, keep coming around here and stay honest with yourself, we want to help you recover!
As far as AA/NA, dont let the God stuff scare you away. I myself am an agnostic, and still use the 12 steps to recover. Its more about having an open mind than being told what to believe in. Yes, there is a deep spiritual foundation, but it has nothing to do with religion. It has to do more with principles of good, that are usually the same principles of "God". Honesty, helping others, reflecting on self, etc.
At the very least, keep coming around here and stay honest with yourself, we want to help you recover!
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