northernlight29

Hello everyone, new here. Just thought I would post my story now since I will be trying to stop this horrible habit in the next couple of weeks and know what hell I will be going through. I know I will need a place to vent and get support. The good thing is that I have asked my doctors and mother for help getting off the crap. So I will have help at home. Which I assume will be a godsend. Anyway...here goes...

5 years ago i was an extremely active person, I was racing sport bikes as an amateur. At a practice day, I had a extremely bad accident which ended my racing "career". At that time, I was going places. I was sponsored by major companies (Monster energy, etc). Then my crash. I had crashed numerous times before this as crashing is part of the game. But never did I sustain more then a sprained ankle and some nice road rash. This time, I wound up landing on my neck and rolling my body over it, herniating a couple discs in the process.

The next couple of months, it began...I was sent for MRI's and CT Scans, confirming my injury, and my doctor began treatment with pain meds and other nerve meds. For 2-3 years I was alright sticking to the schedule for the most part, only taking more when I was in horrible pain. Little did I know I was on the road to disaster. I did so many things in the past couple years, tests, surgery, epidurals, discograms, chiro, disc nucleoplasty, etc etc. My oxy fix began and soon I was taking the meds continually just to avoid the withdrawals. I couldnt live the active life I lived without my pills. I couldnt do the things i loved to do if i hadnt taken my pills. As is common, my dose began increasing by self medication. I was soon running out quickly, and began finding other sources to enable me to live my life and do my work as a masonry contractor. fast forward to now, and I still get my rx from my neurosurgeon, and the extra from other sources. In the past couple months, it had gotten bad (in my mind). I was crushing OC 30's n snorting, and also swallowing them to feel normal and function day to day. at this point, I still am. I can take up to 100-180 MG a day just to function. The problem is, I have surgery scheduled in 4 weeks for a double fusion of my neck with titanium cages and plates. Im not sure what to do. I am scared ******** that i am going to be in excruciating pain afterwards considering my tolerance is so high. I am trying to start a taper so that i can try to lower my tolerance before my surgery so that they can control my post op pain. Is this possible with a taper in 4 weeks? or am i screwed? I KNOW i am going to have to be on pain meds after this surgery as it is apperently very painful afterwards. Im not scared of the pain. I am scared of the meds. I dont want to have to continue taking them after my recovery. I have heard of too many people who have this surgery and live on oxy for the years following. I have been on it for too long already....that I want to stop it. Its ruining my life and I never thought this would happen to me (like everyone here). This isnt me. Before this addiction, i never did a thing aside from smoking pot every blue moon. Now, im a chronic pain inflicted drug addict. I dont blame my injury, i blame myself. Im just scared that this will be a never ending vicious circle if i continue to be in pain after this surgery. As they think im managing on 10/325 percs....and thats just not the case since they dont work anymore. I have taken them for too long. Anyway, im sure im going on and on....bottom line is....how do you other chronic pain patients deal with this? Have you stopped? and if so, how? Is your pain still there? if it is, how do you live day to day?

Today I have only taken 30 mgs. and plan to only take 30-60 tonight just to be comfortable and be able to sleep. Should I try just 30 mg tomorrow split in half and see if i can make it through the day....and then 15-20 the next day........and stay on that dose if not less (if i can manage) until my surgery? or should I just try and stop now?

Thanks for reading and listening, I will be here every day. thats for sure.

FT

Hey dude. Just quickly, but I'll write more later when I get back.

I had two orthopedic surgeries back to back in 2009. 2 total knee replacements for severe osteoarthritis. After my first one, they made me stop the oxys before they would do my second surgery, because they said they would not be able to control my pain if I was on high doses before surgery. So I stopped for a week before my second surgery. I had already become addicted to the oxys, so I was sick. But I did it. Even then, they still had trouble controlling my postop pain after the second knee. You can get knocked out okay, but it is the postop pain control that is at issue. You've got to get your dose down before you go back under the knife.

Be HONEST with your docs about your current dose. Let them help you get your dose down. If they don't know, you are going to be in horrific pain postop, especially right after you wake up from surgery. Ask for a spinal block, or regional block of the area, that stays in for a couple of days after surgery.

After surgery, get OFF this crap. Ask the docs to give you pain patches instead of pills, and ask them to see you a couple times a week for a few weeks to taper you off. Don't get pills, man. And don't buy any more off the street. Get a handle on this before your surgery, and PLAN. You have to tell the docs your story.

This is coming from someone who got addicted for 2 F'ing YEARS after orthopedic surgery. I never planned on that. Wrecked my life the past couple of years. I've been clean since December 15.

I can answer any questions later, if you have them. Hey man, you CAN beat this sh!t.

northernlight29

hey failed, I read some of your posts before joining and know your in the medical field, i am as well, although volunteer. So i know and understand a lot about medicine and pharmacology. anyway... glad to meet you!

I told my doc that the current dosage of perc isn't working anymore, and they increased my dose, then upon my next refill, the one doc became concerned with controlling my post op pain. so she refilled it with 1 every 6-8 hours. In my mind, that's still a lot to be taking up until surgery, considering my tolerance. Even if i JUST stick to that exact dosage and don't take/get more. Im 4 weeks away, and im trying to come up with a plan like you said. I'm going to start tapering my dose today. like i said i took 30 mg this morning at 9, its now 1 o'clock and i haven't taken more. I took it with my lyrica and zoloft. I also take xanax since they know im freaking out about the surgery (amongst other things including this problem)

I know that with the help of the lyrica and xanax, i can taper my dose and get back on tramadol in the next couple weeks...hows that sound? I will write down and keep a schedule and "diary" of what i take....and i can show it to my doc during my pre-op visit so she knows whats been going on.....they know i asked for help getting off the pain meds, they just don't know that meant im taking more then prescribed to control my pain, even though it doesn't anymore even if i take 60mg at a clip. so that's how i know im physically addicted and dependent on this drug.

northernlight29

and also, do you really think tapering down is going to lower my tolerance? Or should I try to get off them all together before this and try and manage it with tramadol until the surgery?

TivoAteMyBaby

I have been reading stories and it sounds like you and I are in kind of the same boat..I had extensive surgery after losing a lot of weight..And my body went into shock. I've been on pain meds non stop for over a year trying to stop the constant muscle pain I've been in. I've cycled on and off tramadol, & percoset..codeine and have been on oxycodone for the last 6 months with increases with every other month because it just stops working..
Well I've decided I want off..I know I'm addicted. It's all I can think about and that's just not what I want or need in my life anymore. They tell me that I have fibro or myofascial pain syndrome..But trying cymbalta and lyrica took away none of the pain and Im back to square one..Muscle relaxers don't do anything either..so I'm taking pills just to take them..
I am seeing my doctor tomorrow and I'm going to tell him that I've been doubling doses and I'm ready to taper down with his help..Or send my ass to rehab..I think I'd rather live with pain than be a slave to a bottle.. I too am scheduled for another round of surgery in a few weeks and just don't know if I should try and taper down before hand..or just wait..

Best of luck on your journey..I'll be around =)

FT

Hey Northern and Tivo:

The best thing to do is to come totally clean to the medical people -- I mean really tell them how much and what you have been taking. They will help you plan out how much to taper down to before surgery.

The main deal is that if they don't know your tolerance level at the TIME of surgery, they won't know how to dose you postop. For example, I was on a dilaudid PCA pump after my second surgery, and I was in excruciating pain for about 12 hours after my second knee replacement. I could NOT keep up with my pain by using the pump on my own. I would fall asleep with a dose and wake up in extreme pain before I realized I needed my next dose.

I already had some trouble after my first surgery with not having enough pain coverage in the immediate postop period, so I asked them to do a regional block that wouldn't wear off for at least 12 hours. They FORGOT. There are ways to make sure you are not in pain. I expected pain, but this was ridiculous. If I EVER have surgery again, I want to make sure that never happens again.

If your docs know you have been at high doses this close to surgery, they will probably want you as close to OFF meds as possible before your surgery. They may even delay it to give you time. But this is one time when you really have to be honest with them. There are other people besides addicts who have trouble with getting enough pain coverage, and they know, or should know, what to do.

Then postop. AH.... postop. If I ever have to do this again, knowing I got addicted last time I had major surgery, I plan to work with my surgeons and REAL pain docs (the anesthesiologists) to keep me out of bad pain but avoid my getting addicted again. I NEVER want to go through withdrawals from oxycodone again.

As to your plan, it sounds like you have a clear idea of what to do, and it sounds like what I would do. Anything clearer than that would be considered medical advice on this forum.

I will put you on my contacts list in case you want to PM me with questions you don't prefer to put on this forum.

I'm here a lot. I'll check back on both of you guys.

FT

fs101

Hey everyone, FT said it right, talk to your docs about your tolerance, they will understand. Be clear about what you want to accomplish. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the negatives of the pain medication, but it does have a purpose; sometimes I lose sight of that.

The tapering will help your tolerance, short term, but that conversation with your dr. is what will help to get you on the right path.

Impurrfect

I agree with talking with your doctor and being honest. I was an RN for several years, and I've had some back pain due to a previous herniated disc, but I told my dr., from day one "I abused the he!! out of opiates, then was brought to my knees with crack..I do NOT want to go down that road again".

I've seen people in a LOT of pain because they weren't honest about what they were using before surgery, or trauma, and I've seen people terrified of taking pain meds because "they'll become addicted" (non addicts). If your dr. doesn't know exactly what the situation is, they're not nearly as able to help you.

In addition, I'd keep reading and posting here. Support is vital when you're trying to get off of anything.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

northernlight29

Thanks everyone. I should of joined this site years ago and maybe i wouldnt be in the position im in. It really means a lot to me to have people to talk to. and more importantly, people who UNDERSTAND what im going through.

I will be honest with all of you....like i had said i took 30mg this morning at 9 am....and didnt take anything again until 6 pm....being 60 mg...and i just took 60 more so i can finally get a full nights sleep, cause i need that. i will begin to taper tomorrow...i promise

I just dont know what to tell my doc....I am so nervous of being labeled or looked at differently. I dont mind telling them ive been taking a higher dose then prescribed because one 10/325 perc wasnt cutting it anymore every 4-6 or 6-8 hours. I would tell them on really bad days after working hard (im a mason) i would take 2 and when that wouldnt offer relief i would take 3-4 at a time, always staying below the ceiling of acetaminophen per day. and then other days when i wasnt bad i would just manage on 1 every 4-6 hours so i didnt run out so early until my next refill. See, i wouldnt mind telling them THAT...I just dont want to tell them i was buying off the street to control my pain. Especially my one doc, he would fire me as a patient in a heart beat. even my neurosurgeons office (who is controlling my pain meds now) will ONLY prescribe their patients 10/325 percs. That is the strongest they RX, no exceptions. So Im sure if they found out, they would flag me as an addict or abuser in a heartbeat. This has ruined my life enough, i dont need that too. My mother knows im physically dependant, as ive told her about the withdrawals i go through and apologized for acting like i have the past 5 years think that is a good way to go about telling the docs?

Tivo, I suggest you try and taper down NOW like im doing. What is your daily intake of oxy? if you want, we can do this together....honestly. through email or here, or phone...whatever you need. I think it would help both of us to know that we have someone to talk to when we need and know that the other person is going through the exact same thing. what do you think?

FT

I would suggest you start "small" by telling your doc that you have a medical malady called an "adverse reaction" to opiates.

When I stopped oxys, I was faced with a physical exam I needed anyway. I was terrified about what my kidney and liver function would show since I had been addicted for 2 years. By the time I went to my appt, I was off oxys for only a short time, and I was still sick (withdrawal sick).

At this visit, I knew I was taking a risk to tell my doc that I had been abusing opiates, because I am in the health care field, and for me to have that on my medical record could be a job killer in the future. But I knew I had to do it. If I couldn't level with my doc, she wouldn't know what to look for, see what damage I might have done, nor understand my reasons for requesting to be put on non opiates where possible.

I have heard of doctors "firing" their patients for opiate use, so I won't tell you it's unheard of. But it is highly unethical. Usually I have heard of it in the sense where people are still actively drug seeking and risking the physician's license by NOT coming clean to them. For example, if the docs I was going to knew I was going to two or three other docs just like them, and they were ALL prescribing oxys to me at the same time -- I can't image that any one of them would continue prescribing for me.

This is why you have to be firm in your resolve to get clean and stay clean. When you have decided to do that -- maybe you have, so I'm not pointing any fingers here, pleez! -- anyway, when you have made that decision, you will be less apprehensive about telling your doctors the truth. Tell your main doc, and share your fears about how you will be perceived. That's exactly what I did. Before I came clean to my doc, I told her that I wanted to share some very private information with her that I did NOT want in my medical record. AFTER she agreed she could do that, ONLY then did I tell her EVERYTHING. Medical records are electronic in the medical system I go to, and she did not enter my addiction history into the record. But, she could proceed with my exam and my labs, and know how to treat me as a patient.

You've got to put these personal fears aside if you want to be the recipient of good health care, the kind of health care you deserve and need to have an a surgical patient. A good neurosurgeon would, or should anyway, be very very happy to have been informed about a SIGNFICANT DRUG HISTORY in a patient before operating on them. Think about it -- is it fair to your surgeons for you to withhold this kind of vital information? Being a surgical patient was a HUGE leap of faith for me. I am NOT used to being the patient. Having been one now -- man, does that make me a better health care provider. And I would want to know about ANY significant medical history in my patient. ESPECIALLY a drug history.

This can be done and still protect your privacy at the same time. Hey man, you want to provide health care. Think about what that means and what you would need to know.

By the way, I am now "allergic" to opiates. Ha!

fs101

NL29, I can agree it is a tough situation to be in. The street buying is not good, and should be a good indicator to you that something isn't working right in your brain (just like mine).

I think I like what FT says about honesty, and truly coming clean with your doc, she makes some very valid points. Only you can decide what is best for you, but there is alot of truth to the statement of - your Dr. can only help you correctly if they know everything - if they are treating you based on 50% of the info you may be 50% of the help you need or you may even make your situation worse.

I will say that I am sure it is nothing your Dr has not seen before, there is a reason why they won't go higher than 10/325, because of that. be honest and move forward, those consequences will be a pale shadow of what could happen if you continue how you are going...

Sorry i should like a little B I T * & lecturing you, so I will stop. I think from your post you know what you need to do, and it's ok to be worried. I think you may feel better getting it all out to a professional that really can help.

Good luck and keep us updated

FS

northernlight29

Thank you guys once again for replying, i appreciate it. TONS!!!

However, while i do agree with 90% of your post, I just don't think its fair to say that if and only if i'm serious about staying clean, I will tell the doc the entire story. I think I have been taking steps that months ago i wasn't even thinking about. At that point I was focused on the other side of my life, plowing snow (what a crazy winter we had) getting jobs for my business in the spring (which im not working on prior to my surgery), and personal stuff. Anyway....fast forward to today, Ive realized its a huge problem, Ive asked the doctors for help once i recover from this surgery, and my mother was present while i spoke to them about it. I also then spoke to my mother during dinner one night about it in detail. I have also today began tapering my dose down. I am going to keep a diary and I will show it to my surgeon during my pre-op apt. and bring it to the surgery so the doctors present for my surgery will know my exact medication history for the past 4 weeks so they can treat me properly.
I will obviously tell her again in my pre-op apt that I was obviously taking more then prescribed because it was not controlling my pain anymore, and when i spoke to my other doctor about it months ago he said that we may have to just take it more often, or try something else, and then the other doc during my next refill spoke about post op pain, which is why i began a taper at home, so she could more easily control my post op pain. And I will then speak once again to her about a plan to help me post op after im fully recovered and no longer require the medication, since i have found it difficult to near impossible to stop it myself. I fear that I am physically addicted to it, and I would like them to help me.

I feel that i am taking responsibility for my actions with this course of action. I know myself that i am ready to stop this awful stuff, as it went from a harmless way to control my pain, to something i cant seem to live or function without (and im going to tell her just that) considering I have been taking it for 5 years. obviously, the doctors knew that I would become tolerant, and while I knew what this drug can do (as ive stated i am in the health field as well and have treated NUMEROUS overdose patients, for OD'ing on the very drug that allowed me to continue to do that work) i was not ever aware of the tolerance issue and why people always had to take more then needed up until the past year when i experienced it first hand. So...in closing, I dont feel the need to tell my doctor i was participating in an illegal activity, aside from coming clean with the fact that i was taking a lot more then originally prescribed. I dont think (and of course i may be wrong) that it has anything to do with whether or not I truly want to stop taking this junk. I am being truthful about the dose and frequency, however, like i already said considering how much of my life this has already taken from me, I dont want to be labeled. Because regardless of privacy, and asking them to keep what i tell them to themselves and private, by law they are required to report it. And while i know ive takin this risk by my own choice (and I accept that and know i have done wrong) i do not want to take that risk which could be a career ending choice for myself.

I may be totally wrong here. so please reply and tell me if i am. I am trying to do the right thing, but obviously i have a problem and need guidance, hence why i am here....and have come entirely clean and open with you guys.

FT

Hi Northern:

First off, I want to apologize if I came across as somehow "holier than thou." That's why I put my little "disclaimer" in the part where I told you that WHEN you are ready....

I don't think the docs need to know you were doing anything illegal. As far as I know, docs are not required by law to report you, EXCEPT if you have committed a violent act, or are threatening to do that, and also if you are threatening self harm. Just telling them you were using street drugs is not a reportable thing. Docs are required to report some other stuff. Some STD's are reportable, for instance, but only for getting someone treated and not arrested. It really doesn't work like that.

I hope you also go back and read what I wrote about my own fears of being labeled, and not wanting any of this in my medical chart. You can ask for things not to be put in writing in your chart. This is really common with gays and lesbians who have the right to keep that information out of their medical chart. Drug abuse is a social issue, not just a medical one, and docs are not the cops and do not have a relationship with the cops. An exception might be the ER. Probably hospital in general.

So, I don't disagree with you.

The thing about being forthcoming with your doc, however far you take it, goes farther than being a medically responsible patient. Suddenly, you are accountable to someone other than yourself, your friends, and your family. It can be off the record, but you have still made that leap, and that is huge.

I think you are doing fantastic things, and they are things that work for you. I can come across kind of strong sometimes, but it is only out of "love" for the addict. The only reason I talked about "when you are ready you will tell all," is that I was not ready to tell my docs about my abuse for a long time. The main reason was I didn't want my access cut off. So why would I tell them anything that would threaten my access to the drug?

So, that is where I was going with that. As well as the part where I strongly encouraged you to inform the surgeons that you are drug tolerant.

Please do not put too much faith in your belief that, "....obviously, the doctors knew I would become tolerant." No, they don't. Surgeons are busy guys who do not have time to think about your drug tolerance. I was awakened to that in a very rude way when I went in for my postop visit and pain was NOT on the table as much as how my prosthesis looked on x-rays. They are very technical minded and leave the drugs to the medicine people. Surgeons don't want to deal with postop pain. I had to bring it up, and they flat out told me that, and then referred me to the pain clinic next door.

You are probably already aware of this stuff.

So, yes, I am in the same boat with the privacy issue, the fear of labeling. There is a HUGE stigma attached to addiction int he medical field, and you just do NOT become addicted or show a history of it if you EVER want to be able to practice medicine or nursing, or RT even. You won't be trusted again if you do. So I definitely hear you on that. You can keep your medical record private.

The cool thing about coming here is that you can talk about all this crap, tell people things you would never say anywhere else, get some feedback on issues you don't raise anywhere else.

So, I hope that clears up my point of view. I am interested in others. I only want the best for everyone here, not drive you away. So I apologize if I made you feel bad about where you are in this. I can see clearly that you are on the way OFF this drug, and your motivations, and plans, are on track with that.

TivoAteMyBaby

Spoke to my doctor today..We are on the same page as far as controlling my pain through other means. I begin my taper off today..Since all of my doctors are in the same building, he knew that I was having a surgical consult with my GYN. He told me to tell her exactly what I was doing, and that she would be able to see that I was tapering off meds. Its hard to believe that after my plastic surgery I took nothing more than tylenol..but after I starting having bad trigger points I'm given strong pain meds..I fired my pain management doctor today and boy did it feel good!!
I am staying positive and hoping that tapering works for me..I've given myself a month and my doctor thinks it's a good idea as well...
When I can send out a private message I will..

fs101

Hey NL,
Sorry that I came across like that, my total point was that sometimes if you hide one thing, it can creep up and bite you.

Your choices are going to be right for you, and while we all will jump in and give you our point of view, don't feel bad if you disagree. There is something we can learn from the discussion.

So with that said, I am more interested in how your taper is going? How far away from surgery are you? I tried to taper a bit, but it was tough because you start having some wd symptoms and I would always tell myself "why deal with this, just take another pill" so it didn't work very well. I think it helped a little though.

Also, is this surgery supposed to get you to the point of being pain free or are you expected to remain on some sort of pain control forever?

That is one of the my issues is that I should always be on something, but I don't want to go back to what I just got out of.

I hope you are doing well,

FS101

fs101

Tivo, good on you for firing the PM Dr, sometimes it can be hard to tell why a Dr does what he/she does, I just dumped the internal medicine Dr that was keeping me on pills. I think his intentions were good but he seemed to be frustrated by my disease... it was getting to me.

Keep going!

FS101

Neekolio

Hi NorthernLight! I am also new to this forum. I read your story and I am very sorry to hear you had to go through that. I am in a similar situation with oxys. I was in a car wreck 3 years ago (not as bad as yours sounds though) and got oxycontin and started abusing them right away and still do to this day. I would say try and just cut your dosage down a little bit each day until the surgery so you can avoid those horrible withdrawls. Are you planning on seeking help for this addiction after the surgery? It's a really sticky situation since you are an addict yet you actually are in pain. Maybe look into rehab after the surgery so you can get the help you need and only use painkillers when you absolutly need them. I really hope the best for you and keep me posted.

TivoAteMyBaby

He actually called me last evening. Asking me why I was leaving the practice to stay with my rheumatologist. I was stunned. I told him that since what I had was a muscle problem, he was the best person to help me. I told him I was offered other options to control my pain including a long list of vitamins and supplements..He told me to begin exercise slowly..Something the pain Dr told me to not do..Jackhole..So I'm happy to be done with him..when I did see him all I was offered was injections into my 4 most painful points..and a prescription pad. Over a year and I wonder why I became an addict..
Sorry vent over!

FT

Hi Tivo,

Nice reinforcement that you made the right choice.

Some of the injections used in the joints have steroid in them. While they can work great, the steroids can be hard on the joints after prolonged use. If you choose that option any point, you might want to ask the doctor for the patient insert on the drug before proceeding. You can google most drugs too, as long as you know the name of it.

Great going!

FT

FT

Hey Northern,

How ya doin?