lovely08

I have not been sober for that long but I am continuously struggling when it comes to dealing with life. I love to be active and have those I love around me but everything seems so difficult with my boyfriend in my life. He lives with me..if he didn't he would be homeless (which adds a lot of stress). All he does is consistently work which gives him an excuse to be lazy when he gets home. And when he gets home all he does is play a computer game called RIFT or WoW. If I want to hang out with my cousin's it's a problem because he thinks my cousin is a drunken ***** who wants to get me wasted. She's not like that..

My everyday consists of getting up..struggling to get in the shower..struggling to get out of the shower, worrying if I am going to get my job back, making food when he is hungry...and trying so hard not to take antidepressants.

He knows that I use to abuse antidepressants but he thinks that was before we got together..he has no idea I am recently getting off them again.

I would love to go out and have fun but all of my friends I know are horrible influences and all they talk about is drugs..so I deleted all of my friends numbers out of my phone except for my family members and my boyfriend..I even went as far as shutting off my cell phone when they call and try to sell me Xanax, Valium, ect. I would go out and have fun but I would be doing it by myself and my neighborhood is not a place that you want to be alone in.

I get up early everyday and I have been trying with everything I have to sleep the whole day away..but I can only make it until 9:30 rarely 10. I do see a therapist..he is the only one who will not put me on medication, but sometimes he just doesn't help..I do everything he asks and I still feel so low.

I am so depressed I do not know what to do with myself.

Isola

I have friends who people consider to be a bad influence on me, but that isn't how I see it - I know that I make my own choices. I am very anxious a lot of the time, which is partly the reason I can't get clean and sober, because it's the only way I know right now to deal with it, and the thought of not having it terrifies me.

I have cut out so many people to try and help the situation, and others have cut me out because I was a nightmare to be around. Most days I feel terrible, and just stay indoors.

I can relate to a lot you have said. It's horrible at times, but you'll be ok

Sugah

You're posting in the NA forum, lovely08. Have you been to a meeting, or have you considered going? There, I found others who were living clean--happy, joyous and free lives--and they were able to teach me how.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Gmoney

Welcome to SR lovely08!

This is the NA step 1 forum. Here we discuss the 12 Steps of NA. There are many different forums here where you can discuss a variety of topics on a wide variety of issues. Do yourself a favor and surf the site...I'm sure you'll find an appropriate forum for specific relationship stuff. But since you're here I'll share how the 1st Step of NA has helped me with something similar to what you've mentioned.

NA Step One: "We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and our lives had become unmanageable."

Since the disease of addiction affects every area of my life...including relationships...it helps me to look at how I may be obsessive, compulsive or self-centered in areas other than drug use. Not only am I powerless over my disease, I'm powerless over people as well. I cannot control their thinking or their behavior and whenever I'm in denial of this fact, I make my life unmanageable. Placing unrealistic expectations on myself or others keeps me in a state of anger or resentment...bottom line is that when I see something for what it is (reality), I can either accept it, deny it exists or do something different about myself. Although I may be powerless over other people, I'm not powerless over my decisions. If I stay in a relationship that isn't healthy I need to look at why I stay and what I need to do to make my life better instead of placing fault. Just like I had to get honest with myself about my drug use in the 1st Step...I also have to get honest about my relationships. Through honesty I can surrender to win.

As a result of the 12 steps, I am happy, joyous and free.

Missybuns

yeah...I remember some of those same situations. I got better with the help of NA members. I found as many meetings as I could find and tried them all. ( I still attend regularly)

Taking the steps in the program helped me find freedom from active addiction. There are other benefits too...but the biggie is that I have lost the desire to use drugs and I enjoy feeling love today. Thank you NA!

Welcome, lovely08 and Isola!