vico14

i relapsed yesterday. after all of the therapy and groups and coping methods i learned...still not enough to keep me clean. i really wonder if i am capable of staying sober. i feel like i always need that 'escape'. i need to escape my crazy racing mind. i workout, hang out with people and write, but i still find myself always wanting to take pills. nothing compares to that feeling i get. nothing gets my mind to slow down and function 'normally' like pills can. still, i cant believe i relapsed after over 2 months clean. makes me feel pretty pathetic and hopeless.. is being clean worth all this struggle?

Sugah

Have you been to an NA meeting, vico14? You're posting in the NA Step 1 sub-forum:

"We admitted we were powerless over our addiction--that our lives had become unmanageable."

It's not just, as popular culture would have us believe, "admitting we have a problem." it names the problem (addiction) and the result (an unmanageable life). If you haven't been to an NA meeting yet, why not try that and listen to others who are where you'd like to be--beyond the grip of active addiction.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

ACole

Wow havent been here in awhile.

First off dont beat yourself up over a relapse. You cant change the past so now you need to pick up the pieces and move foward. If you don't go to meetings and work steps, it would be a good idea to try to. NA doesnt work for everyone but it works for me and im sure many people here will tell you it works for them also.

Take it easy man. Relapses happen. Identify why you relapsed and try to take a different approach this time around.

Gmoney

Vico14 hasn't posted since March.

neonxpolkaxdots

Have you tried, not picking up no matter what. Dont use even if your ass falls off, if it does, pick it up and bring it to a meeting. Try that along with meetings, getting a sponsor and most importantly work steps. Compleetly throw yourself into NA. Chase recovery like you chase the drug and the dealer.

Theres no way in hell I would even consider being clean without having worked the steps. Without drugs I felt like a scream without a mouth or like a dog on a 10ft leash and everything I wanted was 12 feet away. That feelings gone because I work steps and practice what I learn in my daily life.

No one said it would be easy, but everyone who's got some time and worked the steps will assure you it's more than worth it. Good luck, doll. Recovery and happiness are possible.

neonxpolkaxdots

Haha didn't notice that :P

jennybeth

Hi vico14, Is it worth it? I understand about the pills, I'm fighting the same demon, just becoming willing to string clean days together in a row is a great big deal for me, so I understand. But is it worth it? Well here's my response: anything's got to be better than this craziness. Including and I don't know how this happened but I've burned my entire address book, every relationship in my life has suffered from my pill popping though no one knows about it!!

Anyway vico14 I wish you the best, sorry for your relapse, I'll tell you though Narcotics Anonymous is always good for an attitude adjustment for junkies like us! Have you hit any meetings up lately? Good luck!