starlight40

I only found this site recently, but I have been working on the first few steps ( going back and forth) for a while now.
And since I have been on this site, I realized that my coming here is not just about my current AH but its about the lifetime of dysfunction I was born into, and obviously have yet to completely get away from.
I stopped trying to change my AH a year and a half ago, when a friend introduced me to the steps.
My question now is, can you do these steps while still with your AH?

Actually I have one more question....another post mentioned online sponsors. Is there such a thing, and if so would you reccomend it?

I'm currently not in aposition to attend meeting and so forth.
While my AH has heard me say how finding Alanon has helped me cope with his drinking, I try to keep it on the down low around here.

It's for me not him right?

mrschoices

You can do the steps right in the middle of any dysfunction yes.
But remember that this a journey to find God and only He can be our HP. Anything you feel in your heart is getting in the way of God you have the right to let go of.
I do not suggest online sponsors. Face to face is too important. We also need meetings that support the work were doing. And the right kinds if meetings
Where others are also doing the same work. This isn't a term paper, it's a spiritual journey.

TopSecret

Where did you read that only God could be your higher power?

Hanna

This is a really old thread but maybe someone else will come along that has the same questions.

My own opinion:

There are many ways to work the steps and I've heard nothing is mentioned in approved literature about having a sponsor at all.

I'm working over email with another person and while she has much more al-anon experience than me we don't consider it a sponsorship but two people working together toward the same goals. This suits both of us very well.

Each of us here can have a completely unique perspective and description of their Higher Power. Many have an HP they would not describe as "God".

I think it's wonderful to do the steps in whatever capacity you are currently willing and able to do them. Meetings are great for some. Currently I'm not interested in attending them myself. My step work is still a strong and meaningful part of my life and continues to help me to grow.

Being a part of the SR community has also been enriching for me. I participate when I want and step away when I feel it is right for me.

Plenty of people have worked the steps while living with an active addict/alcoholic. It seems to me like a very good thing to help one cope.

Most importantly to me with Al-anon and everything else in life is that I make my own way. Read the literature and do whatever else you can and wish to do. But take what you need and leave the rest.

Soberpotamus

Just wanted to thank you for this post, and your perspective resonates with me... this is exactly where I've found myself... wondering about sponsorship, the steps... without forcing myself into dealing with some local people here who just don't seem to get my perspective and that I don't fit their mold... glad to read someone else who is validating that I don't have to herd myself into a face-to-face with people who are not very understanding of the differences.

Hanna

Thank you SoberJennie!

For me the online relationships are a good way to focus on what's important instead of seeing the differences. Walking into a room you immediately see gender, age, socio-economic stuff and beyond. It can make it harder to relate to one another.

I also like that we can give and get some feedback. I need feedback! It's totally different than a meeting in that way.

The questions in this forum are really awesome, but I use my own head about them. Attending meetings is not the right path for me today, but I know that some would find fault with that. Occasionally a question is geared toward indicating that meetings are the right thing to be doing. That's okay with me and isn't going to change my mind but I'm not throwing out the rest just because I disagree. This is, to me a good example of how each of us needs to be responsible for our own healing and accepting of our own way of doing things. I trust my own instincts and also know that when I feel stalled or lacking in progress I will re-evaluate my methods.

irisgardens

Thanks for the perspective...I have often had these questions and when told something that sounds too black & white...have either resisted or discarded...although sometimes I will come back to it of my own free will.

I call my HP God, but I have been led to believe that we call it a HP because it can be different for anyone...and also...that we have been taught dysfunctional ways of dealing...and that to change is hard...so I do much better when given choice and freedom to do it one of a number of ways...because as an ACOA and person who has had many many ALO's in my life...one of the things I shy away from in any form is controlling and black & white behavior...even when it may be right...but appears to be the 'only' path instead of leaving the path for me to walk.