Please write to my DD about using weed...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Please write to my DD about using weed...
Hi all -
You know how it is -- Moms don't know anything! My 17 year old daughter has some pretty serious depression and other mental health issues and has been smoking weed to "cope". Hey, I understand how it is, but I so desperately want her to learn how to "cope" without the self-medication. She's not abusing it -- yet -- but I know how it could turn out. I know it could ruin her life because it just about ruined her brother's! He threw away a free ticket to college for it...now he works his a** off hauling junk for $1100/month. But he's got his weed!
Anyway -- if any of you have any words of wisdom or real experiences you'd like to share, please do so. I'll print out the thread and ask her to read it someday when she's ready to hear the Truth.
Thanks to any and all who are willing to share. (((Hugs)))
You know how it is -- Moms don't know anything! My 17 year old daughter has some pretty serious depression and other mental health issues and has been smoking weed to "cope". Hey, I understand how it is, but I so desperately want her to learn how to "cope" without the self-medication. She's not abusing it -- yet -- but I know how it could turn out. I know it could ruin her life because it just about ruined her brother's! He threw away a free ticket to college for it...now he works his a** off hauling junk for $1100/month. But he's got his weed!
Anyway -- if any of you have any words of wisdom or real experiences you'd like to share, please do so. I'll print out the thread and ask her to read it someday when she's ready to hear the Truth.
Thanks to any and all who are willing to share. (((Hugs)))
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I smoked daily for nearly 20 years.
I believed that it was a good drug - hey it was natural, everyone did it and it benefitted me, it added to my reality...I never felt bad from it.
but that was my addiction talking...any addiction will seek to justify itself....and anything that feels good we'll be drawn to.
The truth was tho - it zapped my motivation, it stole my ambition, and it came to rule my life.
Eventually I was smoking not to feel good but to just feel normal.
I broke up relationships and friendships, I lost jobs, and I missed appointments and I let people down again and again because they came between me and my weed
I started smoking at 17 or so...I used to look at the neighbourhood stoners...you know those guys with red eyes and rumbling coughs, and dirty clothes and hair...
I'd think man I'll never be like them...but I was.
And the scary thing is it happened so slowly I didn't even realise it.
I no longer think I can ever change anyone's mind, but I can tell you I wish I'd never picked up that first joint.
D
I believed that it was a good drug - hey it was natural, everyone did it and it benefitted me, it added to my reality...I never felt bad from it.
but that was my addiction talking...any addiction will seek to justify itself....and anything that feels good we'll be drawn to.
The truth was tho - it zapped my motivation, it stole my ambition, and it came to rule my life.
Eventually I was smoking not to feel good but to just feel normal.
I broke up relationships and friendships, I lost jobs, and I missed appointments and I let people down again and again because they came between me and my weed
I started smoking at 17 or so...I used to look at the neighbourhood stoners...you know those guys with red eyes and rumbling coughs, and dirty clothes and hair...
I'd think man I'll never be like them...but I was.
And the scary thing is it happened so slowly I didn't even realise it.
I no longer think I can ever change anyone's mind, but I can tell you I wish I'd never picked up that first joint.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 212
I don't have much to add on this subject, as I don't smoke weed. However, it stays in your system much longer than anything else. 90 days is a long time to go when you need a new job or etc. Also, I don't let anyone ride in my car if they have weed on them. If we get pulled over for a stupid reason, you aren't going to be getting rid of that. You can't just take an ounce of weed and smother it with ketchup and eat it...lol. It's bulky, a waste of $ and the high isn't worth the risk (NO high is worth the risk!).
There isn't any known W/D symptoms that I know of and there are so many things in life that it's use dulls.
There isn't any known W/D symptoms that I know of and there are so many things in life that it's use dulls.
Stopping the Train...
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sevierville, TN - in the valley of the Great Smoky Mountains
Posts: 978
Smoking weed was one of my first drugs. I was young and invisible never thinking of any consequences. Used it almost everyday from the 7th grade til high school. High school I never knew a day without. Started when I was 10 (4th grade). I went from a straight A student in the 4th grade to graduating with a D average out of high school - and I had to go to night courses just to get my credits up to do even that.
I lost my focus, motivation, and care for what I did with my life. I had ambitions, but the smoke took all my ambition away. I am not a stupid person and if I applied myself I could have gotten a full ride through college. Instead I became a young addict. Weed turned into speed at the age of 12, but weed was still easier to get. If I couldn't get the speed I always had the weed. Always. I woke up with it and I went to sleep with it. I never missed going to school - it's where the drugs were. I often left school, but I always got there.
I used it at first to "fit in" and deal with my own insecurities. My own depression. My own anxieties. It turned into 35 yrs of using anything I could. My life passed me by. My kids' lives passed me by. I didn't get clean until after my grandson was born when I was trying to watch him on heavy painkiller use.
Docs and detox have tried me on mood stabilizers - but it all comes down to learning how to deal with those feelings and coping with them in a healthier way.
Not only do I attend NA meetings, but I see a shrink for the deeper issues. I am med free, drug free. But it all started with weed.
I lost my focus, motivation, and care for what I did with my life. I had ambitions, but the smoke took all my ambition away. I am not a stupid person and if I applied myself I could have gotten a full ride through college. Instead I became a young addict. Weed turned into speed at the age of 12, but weed was still easier to get. If I couldn't get the speed I always had the weed. Always. I woke up with it and I went to sleep with it. I never missed going to school - it's where the drugs were. I often left school, but I always got there.
I used it at first to "fit in" and deal with my own insecurities. My own depression. My own anxieties. It turned into 35 yrs of using anything I could. My life passed me by. My kids' lives passed me by. I didn't get clean until after my grandson was born when I was trying to watch him on heavy painkiller use.
Docs and detox have tried me on mood stabilizers - but it all comes down to learning how to deal with those feelings and coping with them in a healthier way.
Not only do I attend NA meetings, but I see a shrink for the deeper issues. I am med free, drug free. But it all started with weed.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 36
I've smoked weed heavily since I was 17. I'm 24.
Weed does not help you "cope." What it does is take away the need to learn how to.
After 7 years I'm just starting to realize that my ability to interact with the world has hardly changed since I was 16.
If you want to help your daughter, offer to pay for therapy for her. Don't force it. Don't transpose your own emotions onto hers. This is her struggle, not yours. But if she wants to see a real doctor, offer to support her. That my parents would not do this or take me seriously when I brought it up is one of my biggest resentments.
Good luck.
Weed does not help you "cope." What it does is take away the need to learn how to.
After 7 years I'm just starting to realize that my ability to interact with the world has hardly changed since I was 16.
If you want to help your daughter, offer to pay for therapy for her. Don't force it. Don't transpose your own emotions onto hers. This is her struggle, not yours. But if she wants to see a real doctor, offer to support her. That my parents would not do this or take me seriously when I brought it up is one of my biggest resentments.
Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by thatfeel 
If you want to help your daughter, offer to pay for therapy for her. Don't force it. Don't transpose your own emotions onto hers. This is her struggle, not yours. But if she wants to see a real doctor, offer to support her. That my parents would not do this or take me seriously when I brought it up is one of my biggest resentments.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bali, Indonesia
Posts: 645
Howdy 
I smoked weed every day from the age of 14-29...initially just on weekends, but it didnt take long until I found an excuse to use it every day. My world seemed so depressing, it was easier to find a reason to smoke, than to stay straight and deal with my emotions and constant hassles from my parents - The more they pushed me to give up, the more I wanted to smoke.
Ive been clean almost 4 months now, and its hard to refrain from feeling sad about the years I lost due to my weed abuse.
Thats MY truth
I smoked weed every day from the age of 14-29...initially just on weekends, but it didnt take long until I found an excuse to use it every day. My world seemed so depressing, it was easier to find a reason to smoke, than to stay straight and deal with my emotions and constant hassles from my parents - The more they pushed me to give up, the more I wanted to smoke.
Ive been clean almost 4 months now, and its hard to refrain from feeling sad about the years I lost due to my weed abuse.
Thats MY truth
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi Tjp613:
I grew my own pot when I was in my early 20's in the 70's, took "whites" when they were called that, not to mention acid and mescaline. Those were the "hard drugs" then, and pot was "cool."
Seems that pot is no longer the puppy dog it once was and has now grown up to be a pit bull. I didn't see it until it ruined 20 years of my oldest son's life. He's only 35 now, but he p!ssed off a degree in music 15 years ago to stay stoned, and he is just now finding his way in life. He is clean now, and he has deep guilt about his pot use and is very very sad about where he could be in life now if he hadn't done that. It breaks my heart to see him, at 35, feel like he has missed his best shot in life.
Look, I'm one of those who thinks it should be legalized, more so it can be controlled and taxed like anything else, so it would contribute to the economy. But that doesn't mean I think people should abuse it. And daily use is abusing it, and is still illegal in most places.
I grew my own pot when I was in my early 20's in the 70's, took "whites" when they were called that, not to mention acid and mescaline. Those were the "hard drugs" then, and pot was "cool."
Seems that pot is no longer the puppy dog it once was and has now grown up to be a pit bull. I didn't see it until it ruined 20 years of my oldest son's life. He's only 35 now, but he p!ssed off a degree in music 15 years ago to stay stoned, and he is just now finding his way in life. He is clean now, and he has deep guilt about his pot use and is very very sad about where he could be in life now if he hadn't done that. It breaks my heart to see him, at 35, feel like he has missed his best shot in life.
Look, I'm one of those who thinks it should be legalized, more so it can be controlled and taxed like anything else, so it would contribute to the economy. But that doesn't mean I think people should abuse it. And daily use is abusing it, and is still illegal in most places.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I started on the road to drug addiction by smoking pot and hash. I'm not saying pot is a gateway drug. But after smoking pot, liking it, and deciding it wasn't as bad as everyone said, I figured they were probably wrong about everything else. So I tried everything else...Ten years later and having survived two overdoses, I was asking myself, where did my life go?
I didn't get my life back until I quit. By the way, pot was one of the hardest to quit because it works so well as a self medication.
I didn't get my life back until I quit. By the way, pot was one of the hardest to quit because it works so well as a self medication.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: London, England
Posts: 211
I quit weed 9months ago. Wish I had never got into it, the progression of more and more, driving stoned, getting in debt buying it, freaking out if there isn't any, total slave to it. Was more addicted to that than I ever got to cocaine or alcohol because it seemed to help, it didn't help it just suspended me and stopped me getting better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
Dee: I smoked daily for nearly 20 years.
Honestly, I can't say I don't have some good memories from back in the day. Most of the times I got the giggles and my stomach hurt from laughing so much.
Oh, but that was a long time ago.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by kiki5711
Honestly, I can't say I don't have some good memories from back in the day. Most of the times I got the giggles and my stomach hurt from laughing so much.
The scary thing about weed is how slowly and subtly addiction kicks in. For the first few years, you're just "cool," exploring new mental states or having fun with friends.
Soon after, you become a "pothead," smoking more and more but basically getting your s*** done and hanging out exclusively with other potheads.
Continue on this path and you become an addict. A shut-in, socially inept and unable to get the same high that weed once gave you. And yet, YOU STILL SMOKE IT. It begins to make you feel uncomfortable and moronic, it interferes with your social life and ability to deal with the world. And yet YOU USE IT.
Marijuana addiction is just recently becoming acknowledged as a "real" problem by the medical community. The most prevalent comparison to its incredibly long-term withdrawal effects is that of heroin.
Marijuana is a drug and a powerful one at that. Your daughter needs to be very careful and come to terms with what its doing to her. She needs a therapist who understands the dangers and that she can trust and be honest.
Keep being a good mom, the world needs more parents like you. Cheers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 177
I smoked weed/hash for serveral years...
I suffer from anxiety and while i was smoking, all was well. When i stoped taking everything for around 65days and then smoked a joint i was FREAKED out. I became severly paroniod. Smoking that one joint after i was clean made me realise how much damage it actully does to your body and mind.
I also know someone who had a very very bad experience for smoking a joint. He couldnt explain his experience, and for that matter nobody else could. His head started going around in circles and he started making a noice which sounded like a train. He then collapsed to the floor and he had no recollection of what happened. I never even knew that something like that could happen...but it did.
besides that...weed makes you very very lazy. You lose all your motivation and if you become a heavy smoker you will notice that you never have any money as it all goes on your next smoke.
I am happy now as i dont want to smoke it because of the paronioa. I am also so so so much more active now. I used to be a couch potateo !!
Hash/pot and weed are not called drugs for nothing...
I suffer from anxiety and while i was smoking, all was well. When i stoped taking everything for around 65days and then smoked a joint i was FREAKED out. I became severly paroniod. Smoking that one joint after i was clean made me realise how much damage it actully does to your body and mind.
I also know someone who had a very very bad experience for smoking a joint. He couldnt explain his experience, and for that matter nobody else could. His head started going around in circles and he started making a noice which sounded like a train. He then collapsed to the floor and he had no recollection of what happened. I never even knew that something like that could happen...but it did.
besides that...weed makes you very very lazy. You lose all your motivation and if you become a heavy smoker you will notice that you never have any money as it all goes on your next smoke.
I am happy now as i dont want to smoke it because of the paronioa. I am also so so so much more active now. I used to be a couch potateo !!
Hash/pot and weed are not called drugs for nothing...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by failedtaper
tjp613:
I think I can speak for a lot of us that we are very interested in how your daughter does. We are here to support and encourage recovery, and you are always welcome here. Please keep us posted.
I think I can speak for a lot of us that we are very interested in how your daughter does. We are here to support and encourage recovery, and you are always welcome here. Please keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 212
tjp613,
I know the end result you are looking for is to print out this thread to show your daughter...but...I would like to say one thing. Please don't take this the wrong way, as I have the best intentions in mind.
I think your daughter is going to listen to you more than she is going to listen to a group of recovering addicts. I imagine she has a great deal of respect for you and, by coming here to a "strange land on the net" to collect the information you seek, you obviously have a lot of love and commitment to her as well. Thank you for being such a great father!!
Maybe you can take these experiences and advice you are receiving and encompass them into a heart to heart chat with her (you can say you collected this information/advice throughout life?). If she wants a hard reference, then maybe introducing her to this forum would be helpful? I'm sure she would be more than welcome here!
I'm trying to put myself into your place, and imagining my wife in the place of your daughter. The first thing I can imagine her saying is "You shared my personal issues/life with a bunch of strangers?!!". This is probably not reality, and please don't let that scare you off. I'm just trying to be honest with you, Father to Father. I have children, but none old enough to be going through what your daughter is going through. I hope to never be in your position, as I can only imagine how hard it is for you. It would be driving me absolutely insane.
If you would like to chat privately, please feel free to PM me. I don't have near as much experience with recovery as the majority of the folks on this forum, but what I can offer is my time and my understanding of your personal issue. I am a Father and I have coached my 17 year old nephew out of the lifestyle your daughter is currently mixed up in. He's doing great now! I am not claiming some "trophy" for that fact, rather I am crediting HIM with the ability to listen and to overcome his issues.
I hope you haven't taken any of this the wrong way. If you have, then I sincerely apologize and can explain in better detail any portion of my post you disliked.
I know the end result you are looking for is to print out this thread to show your daughter...but...I would like to say one thing. Please don't take this the wrong way, as I have the best intentions in mind.
I think your daughter is going to listen to you more than she is going to listen to a group of recovering addicts. I imagine she has a great deal of respect for you and, by coming here to a "strange land on the net" to collect the information you seek, you obviously have a lot of love and commitment to her as well. Thank you for being such a great father!!
Maybe you can take these experiences and advice you are receiving and encompass them into a heart to heart chat with her (you can say you collected this information/advice throughout life?). If she wants a hard reference, then maybe introducing her to this forum would be helpful? I'm sure she would be more than welcome here!
I'm trying to put myself into your place, and imagining my wife in the place of your daughter. The first thing I can imagine her saying is "You shared my personal issues/life with a bunch of strangers?!!". This is probably not reality, and please don't let that scare you off. I'm just trying to be honest with you, Father to Father. I have children, but none old enough to be going through what your daughter is going through. I hope to never be in your position, as I can only imagine how hard it is for you. It would be driving me absolutely insane.
If you would like to chat privately, please feel free to PM me. I don't have near as much experience with recovery as the majority of the folks on this forum, but what I can offer is my time and my understanding of your personal issue. I am a Father and I have coached my 17 year old nephew out of the lifestyle your daughter is currently mixed up in. He's doing great now! I am not claiming some "trophy" for that fact, rather I am crediting HIM with the ability to listen and to overcome his issues.
I hope you haven't taken any of this the wrong way. If you have, then I sincerely apologize and can explain in better detail any portion of my post you disliked.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Thanks outofideas -- no, of course I haven't taken offense to ANY part of your post! It was a great post and I thank you for your time.
Just to clarify, I'm a single mom (with NO support from her dad other than a monthly CS check) who is scared out of her wits. I'm not scared of the weed, per se. I am coping the best I can with a daughter that has serious mental health issues. She is very susceptible to substance abuse because she suffers great emotional pain. We are in intense therapy to help her to learn concrete coping skills. She is also extremely stubborn and has it in her head (just like my son does) that weed is totally benign.
She and I have a very good relationship. She understands my intentions. She also knows that I have been on this board a long time and don't consider the people here "a bunch of addicts". I have a tremendous respect for anyone facing their addictions, trying to get better, and willing to share their experience with others.
I don't force things on her. That is totally counter-productive. I offer.
She is very, very bright and given good information in a digestible fashion she is sometimes able to come to good and healthy conclusions. Her excellent therapists are instrumental in supporting these skills.
So.....I think you have a better idea of what I'm trying to accomplish here. It may or may not work. She may or may not read. But at least the experiences shared here validate and back up the arguments I have shared with her. I'm prepared to drop the whole subject now with her because I have said what I have to say. It's her life. I understand that.
Just to clarify, I'm a single mom (with NO support from her dad other than a monthly CS check) who is scared out of her wits. I'm not scared of the weed, per se. I am coping the best I can with a daughter that has serious mental health issues. She is very susceptible to substance abuse because she suffers great emotional pain. We are in intense therapy to help her to learn concrete coping skills. She is also extremely stubborn and has it in her head (just like my son does) that weed is totally benign.
She and I have a very good relationship. She understands my intentions. She also knows that I have been on this board a long time and don't consider the people here "a bunch of addicts". I have a tremendous respect for anyone facing their addictions, trying to get better, and willing to share their experience with others.
I don't force things on her. That is totally counter-productive. I offer.
She is very, very bright and given good information in a digestible fashion she is sometimes able to come to good and healthy conclusions. Her excellent therapists are instrumental in supporting these skills.
So.....I think you have a better idea of what I'm trying to accomplish here. It may or may not work. She may or may not read. But at least the experiences shared here validate and back up the arguments I have shared with her. I'm prepared to drop the whole subject now with her because I have said what I have to say. It's her life. I understand that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
tjp
your daughter sounds like she's got a wonderful mom and your support and love will help her in making her own decisions. Lots of young people experiment with smoking pot. I'm not saying it's a good thing, but it's a fact. There's also a lot of drinking everywhere they go.
What I find important is to help my kids develope character to make their own decisions and not be pressured into doing what others do just to be "part of" the crowd.
There's lots more choices to be made for the rest of their life which they will have consequeces to reap from, and this is a good foundation you are making with your daughter.
your daughter sounds like she's got a wonderful mom and your support and love will help her in making her own decisions. Lots of young people experiment with smoking pot. I'm not saying it's a good thing, but it's a fact. There's also a lot of drinking everywhere they go.
What I find important is to help my kids develope character to make their own decisions and not be pressured into doing what others do just to be "part of" the crowd.
There's lots more choices to be made for the rest of their life which they will have consequeces to reap from, and this is a good foundation you are making with your daughter.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,252
Originally Posted by Dee74
I smoked daily for nearly 20 years. ...
The truth was tho - it zapped my motivation, it stole my ambition, and it came to rule my life. ...
D
The truth was tho - it zapped my motivation, it stole my ambition, and it came to rule my life. ...
D
TIME...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
