thatfeel

I'm on day 6 off benzos, codeine and tramadol, and starting to get annoyed with myself.

"Why can't I have a beer?"
"Why can't I have two beers?"
"What is my goal here?"
"Can I join NA if I still plan a beer or two on weekends?"
"Should I plan a beer or two on weekends?"
"Why am I so irritable? Is this 'fully sober' thing adding to my anxiety?"

Needless to say I had a beer last night. IT WAS THE BEST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE. (sarcasm alert.)

Oy vey.

Onewithwings

I felt the same way when I first started. I wanted to know why I couldn't drink. So I drank. It was nothing special. So I tried again, more this time. It was okay. Well, if one drink was a bust, but two or three was better, I'd better just get a 5th of rum and.... Oh. Damn.

whiskerkissed

The only requirement for membership in NA is the desire to stop using drugs. Alcohol IS a drug in NA literature. It's a mind/mood altering substance. Sure you can still drink? So could I. Like wings said - I will drink one, then two the next night - but I hate beer - so Jack Black is my next stop...and then we lead back into mixing the pill/whiskey cocktails. The beer maintenance program would not work for me.

Kjell

Hi Thatfeel-

You know. You already know, but I don't blame you at all for wondering or wishing.

Kjell

thatfeel

Thanks for your replies.

It's easy to come off as "making excuses" in this community. Let's see how this one flies: I really enjoy beer. I mean really. It's like a gourmet food to me. I've written nearly 50 page-length reviews on the subtleties of Cascade hops and barrel aged stouts. I used to browse beeradvocate near daily just to see what new brews were coming out. I LOVE(d?) BEER.

So how does that strike you? As a hobby? A long-term rationalization of alcohol use? (I.e. subconsciously seducing oneself into "enjoying" the taste of a drug?)

I ask on the SA forum because alcohol has never been my drug of choice. The toxic effect from getting really ripped on it is too unpleasant for me to drink daily or throughout the day, or excessively. Yet I feel I will be shunned if I don't adopt a no substance policy (or goal) before attending meetings.

I know its my decision in the end. I guess I'm just reflecting, or nostalgic. Or craving a replacement anxiolytic medication...

Maybe I don't know. Either way, thanks for the help. At least I haven't touched the benz or opis in a week.

Onewithwings

Give it a shot. Try some controlled drinking. Preferably over a period of time, at least a few months. See how it goes. I enjoy beer, too. I don't drink the crappy stuff. I preferred beers that have a real flavor to them. I, too, was a connoisseur of sorts. But in the end, the justifications outweighed the pleasure and appreciation of a good beer, and my addiction showed how manipulative it can really be. Alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful, that is for sure. I have heard of addicts who can moderate their drinking, but they are few and far between, IME. Best way to find out is to try. However, you don't NEED to try. No real NEED to make sure. I encourage you to assume you need not drink to have a fulfilling life. But if you honestly believe you can drink beer occasionally and responsibly for its own sake, go ahead and try.

thejuiceman

all depends on the individual. I personally do not have an addictive personality and opiates were the only thing I have ever become dependent on. Now that I am off them, I go out with my friends and have some beers on Saturday nights and have a really good time. I don't drink any other day of the week and look forward to my saturdays.
If you are prone to addiction, then stay away from all drugs including alcohol.

TheReader

I am no expert on the subject, but do believe a small majority of us are strictly one drug addicts. In full honestly, I never had a problem with alcohol - I could take it or leave it. In fact, I really never liked its affect on me, but I never liked Xanax or Valium either and never touched a cigarette (which I am told is pretty strange for an older long-term addict). I am 57 yrs old and have been on the opiod roller-coaster over 20 years and that is my DOC - no question. My history is codeine, percocet, darvocet, vicodin, soma. Having said all this, I want to be 100% clean going forward. I love Coca-Cola Zero probably like you love beer. Tomorrow if I found out CZ contained a controlled substance or alcohol, I would stop drinking it (the caffeine is bad enough). That is my commitment to recovery. So far, 65 days.

thejuiceman

Yeah, I've never touched a cigarette or had issues with any other drugs. I have always drank recreationally and never had an issue with alcohol. I can go a month without having a drink with no prob, or I can have some every Saturday. I enjoy social drinking with friends on Saturday nights now though, since I don't use opioids any more!

kiki5711

Nawww! I don't miss any of it. My view on drinking is "what's the point in having a drink if I don't get buzzed on it". So I got buzzed a lot.

My husband use to say (he's never been a drinker) "I don't like drinking something that alters my mood and mind."

I said to him..."Well, that's kind of the POINT!! duhhh". If I wanted to stay in the same mood I wouldn't have a drink.

My husband is one of those that can sip a glass of wine for hours. While he use to sip on the one glass of wine I'd be on my second bottle. While he was still on the first can of beer, I'd already had a six pack.

Just didn't work out for me.

It just

thejuiceman

That's funny. But I have seen that with a lot of people. I can go out on Saturdays and have 2 beers and that's it, or sometimes I will have 7 or 8. Depends on my mood and what I feel like doing. I never feel like I need anything or to get drunk.

Kjell

To they own self be true

thatfeel

Very interesting responses. To those who consider themselves "one-drug addicts," what was your reception at NA meetings or groups etc.?

Thanks for beating me to the wine analogy, haha, I was going to throw that one in today. I think that's a more relatable situation: that is, a wine "connoisseur" being asked to give up wine forever to clean himself off opiates, weed, benzos etc.

Alcohol and cigarettes are not really a problem for me because their toxic effect is so immediate (next day) and acute (vomiting, feelinglikeshit). Benz and opiates (and weed) are so much more subtle with their attack. I was taking benzos at a medium dose daily for about a month - felt fine. This would not happen with beer. It would happen with vicodin. It did happen for six years with pot.

Gmoney

Anyone can do whatever the want to do...and still "join" NA. But since NA is a program/fellowship of abstinence from drugs, you won't have "clean time" because you're not clean. Alcohol is a drug and NA cannot be all things to all people.

SereniTee

I wanted to stop smoking weed at 20, I thought a glass of wine or 2 here or there couldn't hurt, barely drank before, surely I was just joining the masses and becoming a proper member of society right? Growing up right? 2 years later I attended my 1st AA meeting, I didn't go back again for 5 years until I was 27. In that time I had progressed from binge drinking and getting in trouble during blackouts to daily drinking. Oh and by the way, the weed crept back in, back to hitting the bong every morning, drinking every lunch time, coke every weekend and valium all the time to help me through life's little troubles.

And it all started from my innocently wanting to give up weed with no program, no plan in place, no support.

Everyone is different but in my experience the disease of addiction will manifest itself in many places, and people will more often than not return to their drug of choice in the end.

If you are obsessing alot over the beer and whether or not to have one maybe that is an indicator of old behaviours repeating with different chemicals? Maybe it is maybe it isnt but this is all really really important stuff to keep vigilant of as an addict.

You are doing brilliantly to be off of the drugs that were really causing you problems, just be really careful you don't get into others that fu*k you up worse. I was quite a nice person before I started drinking. I am sure my friends and family would have kept me as a stoner given the choice. Now I have something far better than any of it, I would never want to give that up to see if I can have the odd this or a bit of that. I just want LOADS of recovery

Hugs thatfeel

stugotz

I am allergic to beer, it makes me break out in handcuffs. Just sayin...

larrylive

I am a former crackhead who never had a problem with drinking. I am picky about flavor, and refuse drink any beer that goes in the same color it comes out. The only liquor I like is JD and used rum for the occassional mixed drink. I also like red wine with meals, probably because prefer beef over chicken and fish.
My drug of choice is marijauna, nothing like a fat doobie and a pair a headphonies to take me away from this crazy world.
Buuuuut.........
I am a former crackhead and I like the way that sounds. I can carry money through seedy neighborhoods and I know I will make the right desicion. Put a couple Michael Shea's or St.Paulie Girl Dark's in me and I MAY not. Did you notice that big may-not. That's because I might be able to NOT smoke crack after drinking, then again, well I don't even like to think about it.
I look at it this way, is returning to active crack addiction worth a glass of Cabernet with dinner, because I might just have two and of course a cordail with dessert. I learn towards no. There are some fine aromatic blends of coffee in the world, not to mention the wide variety of soft drinks, IBC has some interesting stuff and so does Goya.
As for the weed, well I guess I may always miss that, but I am just not willing to take the chance anymore. My life without crack is precious to me, and I plan on keeping it that way.

Larry

PS It's a reverse logic as to why I go to meetings, I don't believe they keep me clean but if I don't go.......

stugotz

Larry, we are more alike than you know. You just use more words to describe it. Thanks.

thatfeel

I was going to quote that exact same sentence. Alcohol definitely makes it harder to avoid the chemicals you have a "real" problem with. So maybe that qualifies as a problem with alcohol. I don't know. I sure miss craft beer though.

Tryin2Recover

You sure do talk about them saturdays quite often...