gottastayclean

So im tryin to quit dope for the second time omfg. this is the first day again ive already quit for a week and i felt soooo good now im back on it and shootin again. i am so tired of being attached to something or having that feeling thats its not enough. i just want to get off this ****. they werent kidding when they said its nearly impossible to get off this cuz i feel like dying and am just ready to pull the trigger on this ****. im not asking or looking for advice unless somebody is trying to input. but just felt that blogging wats on my mind any input.

Marcus

Sorry to hear that man. All I can say is I know where you are at (all too well as a matter of fact). You had a week. That's a start! Why not get back up again and dust yourself off and have another go at sobriety? It was and still is a long slow process for me, but it does get better. Do you have any other outside support to assist in your recovery (i.e. - therapist, NA, AA, etc.)? Desperate times call for desperate measures right?

Timebuster

Welcome to the boards gottastayclean,

I'm sorry to hear that you have relapsed. I can hear the pain in your words. I know, I've been where you are too many times and it's not a nice place to be. I think you have probably beaten yourself up enough. The evil of addiction is always there, lurking in the background, waiting for a weak moment, and that's all it takes, one moment that we put down our guard. I know the fear of withdrawals, it keeps us in our active addiction far longer than we intend. It's always tomorrow, next week, and next thing you know another week, month, year has gone by and the only thing that has happened is our addiction has grown and we lose everything we worked so hard to get back. Don't allow the fear of withdrawal to steal another day from you!

Using does suck and it is very lonely. It is amazing how fast we slide back into it all. I did H for four years with a couple of clean years in between. It fell into my lap and I thought I could just do it once, we have all heard that. I dont know if I ever did it just once. All of us addicts are vulnerable at any time so try not to be too hard on yourself. I can tell you are really pissed, but sooner than you may think you can be back where you want to be.

Quitting H is mean ugly experience, but how you are feeling now all the time is far worse. At least it was for me. There will always be a part of us that does not want to quit. That is the monster of addiction inside of us. Try not to pay it any mind and do what you most want to do.

Now is an excellent time to start hitting some meetings of recovering addicts. NA or AA would make excellent choices for you, IMHO. I would really try to start making a meeting every day if I were you.

Best of luck, and hang in there. I know it seems like every second is a struggle right now (been there) but I promise you it does pass. And you're soon going to be so glad you made this effort.

TB