Hello Everyone, Update Time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: East Texas
Posts: 2
Hello Everyone, Update Time.
Hi everyone, I first came here in March of 2009. You can find my original thread under Hurrcan3M0th with the subject Hycodan/Hydrocodone Addiction in the Substance Abuse forum from March 2009.
I was in such a bad place, a ridiculously bad place at the time of that posting. I want to thank everyone who replied to that post and gave me such amazing advice. I couldn't remember my old password or e-mail address, so I had to create a new account.
Things kind of spiraled down for me after that, not even a month later, I had the most horrible weekend of my life, some things happened with people whom my family thought were our friends and that led to an extremely painful situation. This was on Friday, the next day, I was involved in a car accident just hours after my mother had her accident, in fact, I was on the way home from taking her to get her rental car. I know now, if I had not been on the medication I was on, my senses wouldn't have been dull enough to let me miss the warning signs before that accident. Luckily, my son was not in the car with me or there is a good chance with his penchant for wiggling out of his seatbelt, that he could have been seriously hurt or even worse.
That weekend was a massive wake-up call for me, and I began to question why I was doing this to myself, my family. My car was fixable, although it is still not completely repaired. I wound up messing my knee up pretty bad. It didn't happen overnight, there was still a few more months of Hell. It took the straight talk of my osteo surgeon to put me back on track. He told me. "You are probably going to have problems for the rest of your life, I can put you on steroids, anti inflammatories, or any other manner of medication, and it's not going to be enough sometimes." "You will need something stronger." I was scared of that. Would I be able to take a narcotic pain medication without abusing it? I told my surgeon that I would tough it out for then. It was at that point that I began to work toward being healthy. Once my knee was healed enough for me get around again, although still with crippling pain sometimes, I began to realize little by little that I was strong enough to be on medication and take the right way.
During my addiction at it's height, I was taking up to 30 -40mg of hydrocodone a day and still craving for more. After my wreck and my knee injury, I went months completely off of it determined to have a clear head. The pain got to the point where I finally couldn't deal with it alone. I had a heart to heart with my doctor and he prescribed Vicodin for me with weekly check-ups. He told me that if I had any feelings of wanting to take it when I wasn't in pain to call him and he would pull me off of it immediately. I was terrified I would fall off into addiction again. I was wrong. In the months and months I was off of it, I realized I didn't NEED it to be happy, I didn't NEED it to make my life worthwhile. Even when things were rough, I didn't crave for it, I simply took a deep breath, stepped back, reminded myself I was strong and capable and asked myself, "Ok, what can I do to make this situation better." I never once relapsed. Today, I have a monthly prescription of 30, I take it only when I am in severe pain, and most of the time it is 3-4 months between refills. I was able to come away from my addiction and be the person I am supposed to be. Not the person I was when my life was dictated by a chemical.
Today however, I am 26, and Healthy. My husband and I just celebrated our 8th anniversary, and my son his 6th birthday. I am a college student, took up playing the bass, and am happier that I've been in a long time!
I was in such a bad place, a ridiculously bad place at the time of that posting. I want to thank everyone who replied to that post and gave me such amazing advice. I couldn't remember my old password or e-mail address, so I had to create a new account.
Things kind of spiraled down for me after that, not even a month later, I had the most horrible weekend of my life, some things happened with people whom my family thought were our friends and that led to an extremely painful situation. This was on Friday, the next day, I was involved in a car accident just hours after my mother had her accident, in fact, I was on the way home from taking her to get her rental car. I know now, if I had not been on the medication I was on, my senses wouldn't have been dull enough to let me miss the warning signs before that accident. Luckily, my son was not in the car with me or there is a good chance with his penchant for wiggling out of his seatbelt, that he could have been seriously hurt or even worse.
That weekend was a massive wake-up call for me, and I began to question why I was doing this to myself, my family. My car was fixable, although it is still not completely repaired. I wound up messing my knee up pretty bad. It didn't happen overnight, there was still a few more months of Hell. It took the straight talk of my osteo surgeon to put me back on track. He told me. "You are probably going to have problems for the rest of your life, I can put you on steroids, anti inflammatories, or any other manner of medication, and it's not going to be enough sometimes." "You will need something stronger." I was scared of that. Would I be able to take a narcotic pain medication without abusing it? I told my surgeon that I would tough it out for then. It was at that point that I began to work toward being healthy. Once my knee was healed enough for me get around again, although still with crippling pain sometimes, I began to realize little by little that I was strong enough to be on medication and take the right way.
During my addiction at it's height, I was taking up to 30 -40mg of hydrocodone a day and still craving for more. After my wreck and my knee injury, I went months completely off of it determined to have a clear head. The pain got to the point where I finally couldn't deal with it alone. I had a heart to heart with my doctor and he prescribed Vicodin for me with weekly check-ups. He told me that if I had any feelings of wanting to take it when I wasn't in pain to call him and he would pull me off of it immediately. I was terrified I would fall off into addiction again. I was wrong. In the months and months I was off of it, I realized I didn't NEED it to be happy, I didn't NEED it to make my life worthwhile. Even when things were rough, I didn't crave for it, I simply took a deep breath, stepped back, reminded myself I was strong and capable and asked myself, "Ok, what can I do to make this situation better." I never once relapsed. Today, I have a monthly prescription of 30, I take it only when I am in severe pain, and most of the time it is 3-4 months between refills. I was able to come away from my addiction and be the person I am supposed to be. Not the person I was when my life was dictated by a chemical.
Today however, I am 26, and Healthy. My husband and I just celebrated our 8th anniversary, and my son his 6th birthday. I am a college student, took up playing the bass, and am happier that I've been in a long time!
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Hurricane))) - welcome back!!
Sorry about the stuff you went through, but it sounds as if you are doing well. I have the same agreement with my dr., as I sometimes need to take pain meds for my back (history of a ruptured disc) but it's rare, he knows all about my addiction history, and I really don't even WANT to take it unless everything else hasn't worked...maybe 2-3 times a year?
I know some people will disagree, say we're playing with fire, but I work, really hard at my recovery and keeping it as a priority. When I get those feelings of "I want to be numb", instead of thinking about what I can take to MAKE me numb, I now know that I need to figure out what is making me feel that way and deal with it in a healthy way. It's like my brain says "hold up...use your recovery tools".
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Sorry about the stuff you went through, but it sounds as if you are doing well. I have the same agreement with my dr., as I sometimes need to take pain meds for my back (history of a ruptured disc) but it's rare, he knows all about my addiction history, and I really don't even WANT to take it unless everything else hasn't worked...maybe 2-3 times a year?
I know some people will disagree, say we're playing with fire, but I work, really hard at my recovery and keeping it as a priority. When I get those feelings of "I want to be numb", instead of thinking about what I can take to MAKE me numb, I now know that I need to figure out what is making me feel that way and deal with it in a healthy way. It's like my brain says "hold up...use your recovery tools".
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: East Texas
Posts: 2
Thanks Impurrfect. I've had people say the same thing to me. "How can you take it with your history?" What they don't realize is you are not mentally in the same place you were during your addiction. You don't WANT it anymore. There is rarely a week I have to take more than one, and that is only when my knee gets to the point of being intolerable and my husband is begging me to, and even then I will only take half. I don't have the need to be numb anymore. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by HurricaneM 
I am a college student, took up playing the bass, and am happier that I've been in a long time!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 59
I need to develop that discipline about only taking medication when it is absolutely necessary. I have a legitimate medical need for narcotics but I don't have the discipline you have. I admire your being able to have complete control over it.
In the silks, I am free...
Join Date: May 2011
Location: South carolina
Posts: 3
Thanks for you story...
HurricaneM....
Thanks so much for posting your story. I can especially relate, because I am also a struggling mother. I am only thirty, but I have three children, ages seven, four, and almost two. I came upon narcotics after having my third D&C after my son was born. I've had a lot of post pregnancy complications, and after the last one, I had an epidural headache and required the D&C. I was in all kind of pain, and my doctor put me on Tylenol 3. I didn't take me long to realize that it not only took the pain away, but made me feel warm, happy, and calm. For a mother of young children, that's a very tempting feeling. Since then, I've worked my way through all the hydrocodone, tylenol 3, or hycodan I can find. Although I've never taken more than the maximum allowed dose on the container, I am still dependent. I am also a little person...so it only takes a little to give me the high. I've tried to lay off of it...but then I get headaches, restless legs, and I can't sleep. My body is just used to it now. Sometimes, I want to quit, and sometimes I just feel like I need a way to calm down. I feel like I deserve some mental peace after nearly wrestling a toddler all day long. Maybe I need an antidepressant or something...I don't know. I don't want to be searching for opiates for the rest of my life, and I'm not brave enough to find them illegally. I can rarely convince a doc to prescribe them, which might be a blessing. I've just been living off the remnants of prescriptions my family has never used...
I'm probably rambling now. I'm just glad to have found this forum, because I've never discussed this with anyone. It's nice to know I'm not the only one...
Thanks so much for posting your story. I can especially relate, because I am also a struggling mother. I am only thirty, but I have three children, ages seven, four, and almost two. I came upon narcotics after having my third D&C after my son was born. I've had a lot of post pregnancy complications, and after the last one, I had an epidural headache and required the D&C. I was in all kind of pain, and my doctor put me on Tylenol 3. I didn't take me long to realize that it not only took the pain away, but made me feel warm, happy, and calm. For a mother of young children, that's a very tempting feeling. Since then, I've worked my way through all the hydrocodone, tylenol 3, or hycodan I can find. Although I've never taken more than the maximum allowed dose on the container, I am still dependent. I am also a little person...so it only takes a little to give me the high. I've tried to lay off of it...but then I get headaches, restless legs, and I can't sleep. My body is just used to it now. Sometimes, I want to quit, and sometimes I just feel like I need a way to calm down. I feel like I deserve some mental peace after nearly wrestling a toddler all day long. Maybe I need an antidepressant or something...I don't know. I don't want to be searching for opiates for the rest of my life, and I'm not brave enough to find them illegally. I can rarely convince a doc to prescribe them, which might be a blessing. I've just been living off the remnants of prescriptions my family has never used...
I'm probably rambling now. I'm just glad to have found this forum, because I've never discussed this with anyone. It's nice to know I'm not the only one...
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