TheReader

I am new to this forum, but have been "reading posts" for about two weeks.
I have seen myself in many of your stories and found you all to be so inspirational with your honesty, struggles and support. I have struggled with RX narcotics for years and am 30 days clean after a few relapses in 2010.
Has anyone else been involved in purchasing pills on the Internet? Soma from US; Codeine from UK? As a 50 something professional, married 30 years, it was by the grace of God that I did not get in legal trouble, especially with the importing contolled substances via USPO.

I know many you started with legitimate prescriptions and moved to buying on the streets. On old lady like me would have no idea how to buy on the streets, so I went to the Internet. It always helps to know you are not alone in your "story" and would like to hear from others if they went this route. I read a story about another codeine addict today on one of threads who was a 2wk on and 2 wk off user due to her supply and this is how it was for me waiting for that international package to arrive - anytime from 10 days to 30 days after order.

FT

Hi there,
I'm a 59 year old lady that got herself into trouble with legitimate prescriptions, oxycodone to be precise, after having legitimate reasons to use the drug when I had two total knee replacements in 2009, not so much after a hysterectomy in 2010. My story is on the "oxycodone withdrawal help" thread.

At my highest use, I was doctor and pharmacy hopping, and was not about to go to the street. I feared the internet purchases for a different reason. Yes, I feared getting caught, but I also feared what was INSIDE those pills. If you buy pills on the internet, you don't really know if you are getting what you think you are. It may be the drug you want, there may be no drug in it at all, or there may be dangerous substances put in as fillers, like arsenic, striychnine, talc, cornstarch, or whatever looks like a powdery substance that can be formed into a pill or put into a capsule.

I'm glad you're clean now. Post here, and you will get help if you need it.

Onewithwings

My DoC is available over the internet, in pure powder form, so you can snort it or shoot it. I never did resort to that, although it was tempting, I just took the pills. I can't believe some of the stuff you can get on the internet. It remains a struggle for me. I also live close to Mexico, where you can bring abn old prescription bottle to a pharmacy and they will fill it up for you if you've got the money-- however much you want!

I want so badly to be done using (4 months clean, go to NA, working the steps with a sponsor, read the literature, etc) but still that temptation is there! However, I know I can not use successfully, so I just remind myself of that when I am tempted by easy drugs.

FT

I would still warn anyone who is tempted to use drugs that are not regulated, you may have lucked out so far, but you have no guarantee whatsoever of the purity of the substance you are receiving. Even from Mexico. Even if the label "says" it is from a legitimate pharmaceutical company. There are known deaths from people shooting up what they thought was their "usual" drug, either by overdosing because the potency was not was they expected it to be, or by poisoning from something not intended to be ingested by the human body.

BEWARE.

Plus, you can get arrested for mail fraud or drug trafficking. Either way, it isn't a good idea. Of course, being an addict isn't a good idea either.

TheReader

Thanks for the support. I have read both of your threads over the past two weeks visiting SR site and found so much support in your stories. I am 57, so FailedTaper, we are close in situation and age. Sometimes I cannot believe I have been on this journey so long. I was well educated with a great job and started down this road due to the stress of living with my spouse who was an alcoholic for 25 yrs ( he has been sober/recovered last 5). I was angry and stressed and turned to pills. We owned a pharmacy in the late 1980s as that is how I discovered codeine, Percodan, Vicoden, etc. Spouse is a retired pharmacist, but never touched one single narcotic, just beer and lots of it. I had been a social drinker in college (no drugs), but the first time I took a pain pill, I was on "cloud nine" - nothing like it. You know some of my friends cannot stand the way it makes them feel. It is weird how those of us who love pain pills crave that high!

Clean for 30 days this recent spell and about 30 days before my last order arrived in early Dec. I just could not throw them away like I should have. The codeine pills I got online were from the UK and some of the sharers I have noticed live in the UK, Canada, etc. where these are OTC. I only ordered from UK - never from India, Far East, etc., but you are right in that who knows the content. What we addicts will do to get our fix is crazy.

dreamscape

not sure I understand, you are clean because you're waiting for your codeine or you are clean because you're tired of being addicted?

btw, I live in Canada and can buy codeine here whenever i want, but i chose to stay clean now (3+ weeks)
I dont want addiction in my life anymore.

TheReader

Tired of being addicted. I thought I was done with these orders and one showed up in early December. I relapsed.
I feel much stronger now with help from this board and also go to NA Meetings.
Like you I don't want it in my life anymore.
Today, I laughed at several different things and realized that while using I rarely laughed to that extent. You know I rarely cried either and when I was younger, I cried at movies, over lost loves, etc. It is like the flood water are open and all emotions have returned.
I just cannot believe I did not find SR before now. Maybe it was just time. I think I could have stayed cleaned years ago with the support out here and knowing that others are just like me. I thought I was alone for years and no one was as weak and stupid as me to cave to this particular addiction. NA Meetings help, too, but have only been going for past few months and having a hard time finding the right one when I can attend due to work schedule.

Impurrfect

(((Reader))) - so glad you are here!

I once thought about getting pills over the internet, but was too scared of what they actually were, and of getting caught. I also, unfortunately, had easily manipulatable doctors and easy access.

Funny, though, when I was totally addicted to crack, I didn't give a thought about what could have been in THAT! That's what addiction takes us to.

It sounds like you are doing really well. SR has been my main source of support, though I do have some f2f people, too.

The emotions DO seem to come at us, from all sides, when we first get clean, but they do level out. I think there were days when I went through every single emotion, there is, in a day..probalby sometimes in an hour

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dee74

I would never buy meds over the net.

One, I was a really *chronic* internet doctor - I had a lot of knowledge...I knew a lot of facts but I see now really lacked the perspective, the experience and the objectivity to put them into best practice. I think I'm much better off these days under a doctor's care.

Second, you never know quite you're getting. It might be good - or it might be talcum powder and baking soda...or worse.

Third - if the meds, or the dosage, or the way it's put together is illegal in your country...you can find yourself in a whole mess of trouble.

Sometimes I think the best thing that could happen is you get ripped off and nothing turns up.

D

TheReader

Thanks all for the feedback. Of course, while using, the addict in me told me that how could this be worse than the crack and herion addicts who buy off the streets and have no idea what they get. At least my internet drugs "looked" l like they were correct, nicely packaged, etc. and I stayed with same supplier and same product on and off for a few years. Funny thing is that I have had medical insurance all these years, but stayed away from doctors except for minor issues. I knew the legal risks regarding Internet, but could keep it "secret", which was more important to me in my world of addiction to keep up my facade of my life. I guess if I had been arrested, the secret would really have been up! I am so glad you all responded as you did as this will even keep me stronger in the future. I have admitted my addiction before to others, but never this mode of securing pills. Feels good the secret is out.

glitter

YES.

Back in early 2004 is when it all began for me. I too am a professional and was researching a medication online for my job when I came accross a huge website/forum that was literally packed with reviews, recommendations, and tips about how to buy narcotics online. If you signed up for the website and paid a small fee to be a "VIP" they actually provided discounts and coupons for online pharmacies and gave you access to a special area of the website just for VIPs! I haven't looked, but I do believe that website is still up and running.

Before the first time I purchased online I already had tendencies to use. I enjoyed getting legitimate perscriptions for vicodin from my dentist or doctor but when a perscription ran out, that was it. No problem. Life went on.

When I first ordered online I was so skeptical. I ordered 30 vicodin (5/500) to be delivered COD. I simply filled in a medical questionaire and hit submit. Within hours I had a UPS tracking number and the vicodin arrived the next day. I think I paid $120something for those 30 tabs.

I knew what vicodin looked like (from multiple manufacturers), but I still went online to use a pill identifier. I could not believe it! I just got vicodin with next to no effort on my part. Knowing how wrong what I was doing was, I ordered from several different pharmacies, but never "double dipped" (ordered from more than one pharmacy at a time). My drug of choice became norco (10/325). I would order 120 tabs/month. I think a couple of times I got 200 tabs. They were ridiculously expensive. I never ordered from overseas, but used one Canadian pharmacy for two years.

The DEA eventually cracked down on these online pharmacies and it became really difficult to get the drugs as easily as in the earlier years of my use. I still managed though and I sent personal information about myself to these places. I can't beleive I did that! I have no way of knowing what happened to my information. Stupid. Stupid.

When it got way too hard to get my drug online because of the DEA busts, I began the whole doctor shopping, stealing from family and eventually stealing from work.

Addiction was always in the back of my mind....even the very first time I ordered, but I thought I knew enough about addiction that it couldn't happen to me or if it did happen to me, that I could handle it. WRONG. What an idiot I was.

The very last time I tried to purchase online (January 2010) I sent this place $500 for 30 vicodin! This totally illustrates my insanity. The money was charged to my credit card and the next day when I went to check my order status the website was gone! Gone. My bank couldn't do anything about it.

Thanks for your post. I know there are probably thousands and thousands of us who bought online. I wish I had never stumbled accross that forum back in 2004.

I lost an incredible reputation and and incredible job with an incredible income. I am now in a 3-5 year diversion program with my licensing board. The good news is that today I have 223 days clean and sober. I now know so much more about the disease of addiction.

glitter

Your words describe me....exactly. Except in the end I doctor shopped. I hated doing that. It was so exhausting and that's what led me to steal from work. I knew I was setting myself up to get caught. I needed to get caught....that was my bottom. Thank goodness. At almost 50 years old, I am starting over.

TheReader

Glitter - thanks for your honest and descriptive reply. I agree that there have to be more of us who did this or are still doing it. I don't even remember now how I found the site I used, but it was expensive, too. About $200 for 120 T#3s. I probably spend about $300 to $500 per month on and off.

I am also in my 50s, so we have a similar story. I am go glad I found SR and the support I have received and knowing there are others just like me.

dreamscape

I paid about 10 bucks (at the most) for 200-250 t1's.

T1's have only 8mg codeine , compared to t3's @ 30mg. I got around this buy taking handful after handful of these things, but boy does that make ya sick.
I'd puke on a daily basis and shake like an earthquake.

I think if I'd ever gotten into oxy's or heroin, I'd be dead in no time

I dont miss being addicted one bit!.......not one freaaking bit!

FT

The tylenol component of the Percocet, T1, T3, Vicodin, etc. is really dangerous when people pop multiples of these.

Over 4 grams of Tylenol a day, then your liver struggles to filter the toxin. People who die of a tylenol overdose do not die nicely. They die of acute liver failure, which is a really, really nasty, slow death that occurs over a couple of days. Really bad idea to pop these things like candy.

dreamscape

yep i know. The worse i got was probably 32.5 grams a day (but very rarely) but I knew someone who used to take 100/500 vics a day. Thats 50 grams.

my average was about 18-20 grams a day


insane? - yes!

my doctor had a patient who took way less tylenol (as a suicide attemp) and it took about a week for her to die and it was a horrible death for her.

Onewithwings

yep, I have taken drugs with tylenol by the handful before, it is not fun. The sick pretty much overrides the high, but at the time I'd rather have been high and sick than just sick. I have also taken CCC's with Chlorpheniramine Maleate (CPM) in them, and that made me wicked sick too, and is also pretty dangerous. We do stuff that is not wise in our addiction. Addiction is twisted that way-- it keeps you in denial as long as it can-- a lot of times long enough to kill you.

dreamscape

I try to play the tape to the end as they say...........all the puking and shaking (had a convulsion once from too many t1's), the lonliness of addiction....pain in liver(area)

everything about addiction, blows hardcore.