Wolf_22

I hate to admit it, but it's perfectly understandable why people commit suicide anymore. You can pick your poison as being the derivative: they hate their jobs, they hate their society or culture, they hate their reality, they hate their family, they have no control over anything, they wake up each day feeling hopeless, having no money... The list goes on and on.

We all realize that it's wrong, this suicidal practice our world seems to watch each day. We read about so-and-so killing themselves and take about 1 second to mourn their loss, but then we move on because we all realize that it's out of power to change. But can you really blame these people for taking their lives? Again, I know it's wrong to do, but we all think about it on occasion when things get rough. Unfortunately, I think about it all the time. I'll never do it, but it doesn't stop me from thinking about it.

I had an interview this past week at my Alma Mater for an IT-specific job that involves programming. About 1 month before that, I had another job interview that was mostly geared toward web design and the visual aspects of a preexisting website that they needed someone to manage and do some stuff with.

During the first interview, I had a business instructor express a desire for someone gifted in graphic design (which is something I consider myself well-versed with). They ended up hiring someone who is your proverbial equivalent to an old-school programmer you might find on some documentary about the rise of Microsoft and their use of the Assembly language. I've seen the guy's website, and it's a joke, but yet, he somehow managed to get the job... Rumor had it that this guy was friends with someone on the hiring committee, so I'm sure this had something to do with it, too.

Fast-forward to this interview I just had this past week, and it's the exact opposite type of job: It's more of a hard-core programmer role managing antiquated systems and such and judging from everything I've heard about this position, it's more geared toward someone who would be your old-school programmer geek. Something I can do a bit of, but prefer avoiding because it's not a strength of mine.

The irony here is that the first position needed someone with visual aesthetic skill while this other one needs someone overly analytical, but yet, I've made it farther with this geek opportunity than the one I felt more qualified for in the design realm of things whereas they wound up hiring someone who was more geeky for the design job! In other words, I feel as if the employers should have swapped candidates!

It's this kind of stuff--this belligerent, obviousness of irrational logic--that causes people to lose all semblance of sanity. God only knows I'm feeling it right now because part of me will be relieved if I find out this week that I didn't get the job.

What a mess.

nandm

I have to disagree with you here as these are situational type things and for me my suicidal thoughts are not centered on situational things. It is something that hits me like a ton of bricks out of the blue. It is something that hits my head as a first thought first thing in the morning a voice saying "put a gun to your head". My logical brain even knows that there is no reason for me to be feeling that way as my life really is not bad. Yes, there are struggles, ups and downs, but over all I am fortunate. I have people that love me, a home to live in, food on the table, and most of my wants are fulfilled as well as my needs.

I never know when that voice will hit but when it does it is there like an undercurrent every minute of every day until for whatever reason it decides to go away once again into the shadows waiting and watching for the next opportunity to sneak in. I do not keep a gun in my home and will not buy one because this voice can be so strong that I am afraid I will follow through and listen to the voice (not literal, like hearing by the way, just more like a thought racing through my head). I wish I could associate this voice with events, disappointments, betrayals, pains, aches, heartbreaks, etc... but I can not, there is literally no rhyme or reason to the voice.

I don't know if that makes any sense and it is just my own personal experience.

I do hope your job situation changes soon as I do understand how tiring it can be to be unemployed and this economy is definitely not helping. Do hang in there during these tough times as the saying goes "this too shall pass". Change is the only constant in this world. Take care.

suki44883

But, it would be a job. It's always easier to find a job if you already have a job. Maybe it's not what you feel is the ideal position for you, but it would be steady income, and while you don't feel like you know as much about it as you should, working with it will give you more experience.

Progress usually comes in small steps. It's rare that we get exactly what we want when we want it. As long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, chances are you will eventually find yourself pretty much where you want to be. Good luck!

kilt

Techies, artists, musicians and that kind of thing tend to take these kind of setbacks deeper to heart. The thing is you are trying to find work in one of the crappiest job markets in US history. Your inability to find the job you want is normal these days and eventually you will find something. Even if you are just volunteering for alot of businesses or whatever to keep your hand in the game you will be keeping busy and making yourself attractive to other employers. I think of suicide alot. I think we both have to remember that our depression is situational. Some years we are up and other years we are down. Hold on for the up because if you bite it now you will be missing out.

Payne

I actually had one of those days yesterday, I was at my job when suddenly the voice jumped in and started to harrass me. I have been getting healthier and learning to focus on me and releasing a lot of the past, the "voice" took hold of that and I heard, "Good you know they don't need you anymore, they will live without you. Now is the time to do it. Today might be fine but tomorrow won't it's been you're whole life just finish it now, don't build a life, friends a family, because if you go any further you'll just have to hurt them. But right now you're selfish and their all okay do it."
I'm well trained in it hitting out of the blue and wanting to take over. I have learned some simple but effective steps. I immediately tell someone I trust that this thought is in my head, then decide how serious it is, is it in the background, foreground, or taking over. I then plan my day accordingly. If it's in the background I'll generally spend the night relaxing and keeping my mind seperate from the issue. If it is in the foreground I immediately make plans for the night with people but with zero intention of "obsessing" about this issue because it rarely lasts more than a day or two. If I feel it taking over, I call in a friend favor and don't allow myself to be alone. Prevention is huge in my repetoire against this, not owning a gun or more than a bottle of advil at any given time is one of those steps.

As far as understanding why people do it, I have certainly heard reasons and been able to think "I can see that" but, I always remember that the one who commits suicide is done, but the people they left behind are just beginning their pain.