SJTChiSox

Hello everybody, its me again. I made a thread in regards to my first step experience and now I have decided to do the same.

Now first of all, I am working on my relationship with my higher power everyday. At the base, I always have the group. It is something bigger than me and can restore me to sanity. My addictive behavior was insane (same thing over and over and expecting different results) and by halting my addiction I can address my addictive behavior.

I do believe in something more, but lets just say its in the works. My sponsor has me pray every morning and night. Which I do. Its very foreign to me to get on my knees, but I am trying. Again, what do I know? Obviously I could not manage my life and my substance use.

I believe in a spiritual conscious, basically that voice in my head that seeks me to make the correct and healthy choices. Its that driving force that tells me to go to a meeting when I do not feel about it. That tells me that going and having a drink is not a good idea etc.

I have a loving HP, I do not feel that it "challenges" me. It doesn't place obstacles in my way. In fact it removes them.

I am working on this everyday. I just need to keep at it.

SJTChiSox

Have to be honest, I have had two horrible meetings. The first one was my home group, the lead was triggering me really really bad. He talked more about how much fun the drugs were then getting clean. I will admit that I did have fun at first, but I don't need to here an intense discussion of cutting ketamine into lines. There were also several unmedicated mentally ill people. One of which ranted for over five minutes.

Last night the subject turned to people not wanting to go to meetings. Just not what I wanted to hear.

Anyways I am getting down on my knees and praying, but to be honest it really isn't me. I do it because my sponsor tells me too, but its just not something I see myself doing for the long term. I am a spiritual person, but the whole "on your knees" type of stuff feels very christiany to me.

Just needed to vent.

keithj

Not what anybody needs to hear in an AA meeting.

I was going to just PM you with a consideration to look for a different home group, but maybe discussing it publicly serves a purpose.

SJT, maybe it's worth considering finding a home group that sticks to our common solution? Sometimes it can be difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff in AA. It can also be awkward at times for a group to shut down that kind of nonsense.

I've seen people get really ticked when they are cut off by the chairperson after rambling about their kids or dog or tar on the road for 5 minutes. They've gotten up and left the meeting and talked crap about the group for weeks afterward.

But it's OK. Because the meeting stayed and AA meeting and the message got carried to those willing to hear it.. That group cared enough about the carrying the message to risk offending someone who is not being part of the solution. Even if it were me, I hope my group would shut me down when I start blathering my self-involved BS instead of carrying the message.

My point is, those groups that are serious about carrying that message are serious for a reason. They know the message and the power it contains, and they know how to hook you up with the solution.

It's like a night and day different experience of AA to get involved in that kind of group.

Just a thought.

tomvlll

There was much heated discussion about this when writing the BB.
It was decided to leave out praying on one's knees pretty much for the reason you state. Too Christian; Jews do not pray on their knees.

The way I see it your sponsor is doing what I think a good sponsor should -tell you what worked for him.

You are doing what I think a good sponsee should do;subjugating your self-will and listening.

DayTrader

Sometimes crappy meetings serve a purpose......you learn what NOT to do at meetings. Ppl who show up to talk about how a drug is a drug, or how their day at work was, or how they just go to meetings and don't drink......etc etc etc. It's confusing as hell to someone in their first year.

To whom do you listen to? What's the REAL deal here? One guy says pray, another says just go to meetings. It's confusing when ppl don't respect the program and feel it's perfectly OK to share "their" message rather than the AA message.

Stick close to your sponsor and he'll keep you on the straight and narrow.

It took me over a year to find one really good meeting......they're out there......you just have to look. Try asking some of the ppl you really like where their favorite meetings are and give those a shot. My original homegroup has a lot of good ppl and not tooooo much BS....but not everyone is on the same page. I still go but I have different expectations than my Saturday meeting (which is a good one).

Looking back, I remember hearing all those mixed messages and figured I better get that book out to find out who's full of it and who's really working the AA program. At least that way I knew who to listen to and who to take with a grain of salt.

SJTChiSox

First and foremost, thank you as always for the replies. I very much appreciate it.

I am sticking close to my sponsor. He is currently having me memorize the third step prayer along with the other stuff. I say the third step prayer everyday, but I have to sit down and commit it to memory.


In regards to the lead that talked about cutting lines into Ketamine. The guy was a guest speaker and our lead did not know his story or how he was going to present it. The guy was actually a semi big figure in the Chicago Rave scene. I had my time in that scene as well, and I guess it was just brining back memories. That stuff is fun when you are 18 to 22, not 27.

I do really like this meeting and will keep going. Its my sponsors home group and is mine. I was pretty upset when I wrote that last post. I do realize that its all up to me in who I listen to. I think the guy who gave that lead still has a long way to go. Its almost like he's not ready to give it all up.

As for the second meeting where people were talking about not wanting to go to meetings. Well they were just being pouty. I know that right now I have to go to meetings and that is all that matters.

Led a meeting last night in my community (I am the Senior Member and will be here for a few months). The topic was "how have you changed?" and "How important is it?". I told my story and how the two questions applied to me. I do like leading meetings. I am in a "professionals" programs filled with very very successful people. Its kinda funny that some guy in his late 20s leads a meeting full of wealthy businessmen, doctors etc.

DayTrader

p17 - We are people who normally would not mix.



I've been thinking about that open talk / lead you mentioned. A couple things came to mind: 1. that it's reeeeally important that the chairperson (or whomever does it) takes the responsibility of choosing the lead speaker carefully. 2. hopefully that kid's sponsor spoke to him about war stories and set him straight. 3. Sox - it was a good learning experience for you to see where war-stories don't have much place in an open talk 4. Sox - it's really cool and very mature (for being relatively new) to pick up on the fact that it was YOUR issue - our troubles we think are of our own making.