blackcat123

new here. had three yrs sobriety from pain pills. but lately been slowly relapsing. Im 28 have a great husband and baby bboy and getting my BA. but as you know none of that matters when you are an addict. I dont understand why the urges have coem back so strong they become obsessions and thoughts that will not slow down. do these urges ever go away?

Im an addict and i wnat to get better....never admitted that before

Tiredofdrugs

Welcome BC123:

I'm a little confused on your post. Are you taking pills again or are you just having urges?

I myself, being a 22 year retired Army veteran have on and off usage of the opiates. I've had a multitude of injuries and surgries.

We all have urges. You just have to find/figure out what's causing them. Search within yourself when the urges come up as to what is happening at this time to cause you to want to take a pill That's the best advice I can give.

If you have three years clean and have recently started taking them again. I'd stop now. You know as well as I do where it can lead you. I've been taking these things since 1985.

They just aren't worth going back to if you don't have a medical reason for taking them. They ruin lives and relationships.

Best wishes Dear,

TOD

blackcat123

yes, i just started again and a small amount (not that matters) but ive taken since the beg. of jan about 7-8 pills. but its the desire to use that has flared up. and today is day two of a new start no pills. It just scares me how I went three yrs and then suddenly one pill ignites such a fire of urge. but i know that, how the story goes. one is toomany and a hundred is never enough. thats so true for me. but i dont want to go down that path agaion. it does destroy lifes. andi have no reason to use the pills. no real medical problem. it helps being on here knowing i have somewhere to turn to and not feel alone. thanks for your kind words. and good luck on your journey as well.

EntreNous

The chemoreceptors in the brain are awakening from the first pill. I fear this happening to me. I know I'll be in your shoes one day so I'd be really interested on how this plays out for you. Remain positive and work it out.

karma35

hi and welcome - i relapsed after 5 yrs so i know how you feel bout that 'power' - the diff is that you are the one who holds power over your situation - no-one else... i wish you all the best...
xxkarma

blackcat123

yes!! that really makes sense. its like you take that one pill and it opens up a flood of emotions...the high you left behind becomes alive in seconds and your brain instantly wants more. I didnt know it would be so baf like that. Today was hard i had the urge all day. but i didnt use. but im upset that i was even thinking about it. Its hard

Going2Change

stick to it Blackcat123..I'm up and out of bed because I'm so wound up from tapering off OxyContin. My story is similar to most everyone here. All similar, but all the different too...like you said 1 is too many and 100 is not enough...that is so true. We are here for you. This is a great place to land...I just wish I could sleep, I've dropped 140mgs in almost a week and tomorrow will be even more. I've had all the symptoms of WD's and never want to go through this again. I too had been sober for a few years until last year...anyway just want you thank you and wish you the best in recovery too.

MelissaNoDrugs

There are days when the one thing that gets me through is that great feeling to wake up the next morning knowing I didn't use.

I never once woke up and felt good about doing drugs the day before.

Marshgirl

Amen MelissaNoDrugs!

blackcat123

that is so true Melissa!!! that is the worse feeling the next morning when all the regret and shame come over u for using. but nothing netter then waking up knowing you didnt use. I will keep this thought close. thank you

MelissaNoDrugs

Actually, for me there was no "waking up" and feeling bad, towards the end there was no sleeping. I had to face my regret when the drugs ran out, which usually involved all-nighters.

Going2Change

For me, it wasn't feeling bad when I woke up, it was more a realization I have x amount of pills left and I have to make it to x day to get more from the pain dr. I would pop a pill as soon as I got up and moving and then I felt good about things, but bad about taking this crap. It's all a contradiction and a catch 22. Feel good, to feel bad...More than anything I've been so mad, upset, etc with myself for being addicted to this and wondering when is going to be the last CT time, or the last time going through WD's. I don't wish that upon anyone. In the last week I tapered, I lost 12lbs, If that doesn't tell you enough about how this stuff stops up your system and makes you bloated. I felt bad about not having any Bowel Movements for a week because the medicine had slowed down my metabolism so much that I maybe crapped once a week, and I certainly ate everyday...it's all just gross...good luck to everyone...

karma35

hi blackcat
i only know i hadn't prepared properly all those other times i stopped an then relapsed...this time i realise just how hard i have to work to stay clean... its not easy but it is do-able - deal with one thing at a time and appreciate the lessons however hard... i used to get impatient about my recovery - now i realise all that self conditioning thinking has to change.... i again wish u the very best - keep us posted
xx karma

lajay13

well for me going to na and aa meetings often and working with other addicts and of course my HP,is the only way i stay clean today,if ur like me the only one who understands my sick mind is another addict,,,,,try some meetings and ask for help,u want too stop or u wouldnt have posted......sometimes a relaspe is what we need,,it takes courage too come back after a relasp but dont beat urself up about it just move on into the solution,