I need to vent
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: little rock, ar
Posts: 151
I need to vent
just bear with me please.
My mother is my trigger. I have known this for quite a while. She isn't, abusive or anything, it's just as clear as day she doesn't give a **** about me and it hurts. Right now, she can't even let me sleep an in extra bed, i'm sleeping on the floor like a dog. But I don't complain it's better than the streets.
Im 27. at 19, my mom kicked me out the house, clean as can be, hadn't even started rinking yet, becuase i did not want to go to college like she wanted me to, i wanted to start my own business and I did, and held firm. She told me to get out. Went through my growing pains like alot of small business owners do, she wanted nothing to do with me. did not even envite me to holiday meals. No love. I was outkasted. Then our fourtnes started to turn around, I move into the good part of the city, I am driving a lexus, now she wants to spend time with me and now she's so proud of me.
When that went south, still.. no drugs.,.. at all. and things started to happen, here comes the college trip again. not like, you now i think this is what is best for you, but like, if you don't do this, don' bother talking to me. Even with that said, everyone around me tells me man, you can't not talk to your mom it's your mom, i'm like you are right. mom needs something here I come being the good son. she needs 1500 dollars, bam, give me 2 hours here you go, pay me back when you can. you need a few dollars, here you go, you need me to come over and hook up something here i come. whatever. I try, i really try.
I am an athiest. she is extremely religious. she pushes church on me, i say no, she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. soon after i started using drugs.
I went and got clean, no good job, no nothing. here i am over her house, and while I am thankful she let me come here, I didn't have to come, but then again i'd probably be high right now. Treated like a second rate human being. I'm 27 years old, "hiding" food from me like i'm a 13 year old, if you don't want me to eat something just say so. I clean up afte ryou and my sister, i am the only person here who washes the dog
the bitches at me for **** she doesn't understand. today she asks me go pic the dog up from the vet. At the time it was 4pm. I 'm cooking myself dinner, and I eat dinner at 5pm on the dot everyday, i dont' eat anything after 5pm. she knows this. That, and I am waiting on a p h one call from a client about a website (which she never bothered to ask about). mind you, she isn't doing anything. now I am watching horse racing in the background, but that's no different than you watching TV while you are typing an email or whatever, doesn't mean I am not waiting on the phone call, so I had to hear it. Yet, let me not talk to that client, not get paid and not be able to give her money, i'd stil hear it. she calls me lazy. but when I try to get her car to to the gym every morning she won't let me, which is it? am i jus lazy when I don't do anything you want? I took off half a day 3 weeks ago to drive 150 miles to go pick up her new car, i wasn't lazy then, but i'm lazy now. i get up at 4am everyday, lazy people don't do that.
i can't take her anymore. seriously, i came damn close to just walking out. i dont' give a damn anymore, if that means i ahve to live on the streets **** it.
I don't understand how you could treat your son, anyonme like she treats me. Even with that said i'm very respectful i'm not an ******* child or anthing. yes ma'am no ma'am.
I found one of those big flame lighters in a door while cleaning up and I lit it, and i could just imagine me turning the pipe and getting all this out my head. be 90 days sunday.
keep me in your thoughts, I just had to get this out my hair. I plan to hopefully move in the next week and a half, definatly before the first, and never talk to the woman again, screw this. blood is supposed to be thiuck but it works both ways. I get sick and tired, of throwing my helping hand out to them, my dad got kicked out by his wife when he got caught cheating, who does he come stay with, me of course.. wont' even return my damn phone calls when I want to come spend the night or something, he"doesn't have room".
I used all that as a crutch for along time.. that's my 4th step. but no more. i'm not going to use in spite of damnit. I refuse to let them rent anymore space in my head. I just need to focus on turning everything around.
The good news is now t hat i'm not high half the week lol, business is really picking up and within a few weeks I can do whatever it is I want. as long as Im not high I will make money, so I am good there.
thanks for listening, wish me the best.
My mother is my trigger. I have known this for quite a while. She isn't, abusive or anything, it's just as clear as day she doesn't give a **** about me and it hurts. Right now, she can't even let me sleep an in extra bed, i'm sleeping on the floor like a dog. But I don't complain it's better than the streets.
Im 27. at 19, my mom kicked me out the house, clean as can be, hadn't even started rinking yet, becuase i did not want to go to college like she wanted me to, i wanted to start my own business and I did, and held firm. She told me to get out. Went through my growing pains like alot of small business owners do, she wanted nothing to do with me. did not even envite me to holiday meals. No love. I was outkasted. Then our fourtnes started to turn around, I move into the good part of the city, I am driving a lexus, now she wants to spend time with me and now she's so proud of me.
When that went south, still.. no drugs.,.. at all. and things started to happen, here comes the college trip again. not like, you now i think this is what is best for you, but like, if you don't do this, don' bother talking to me. Even with that said, everyone around me tells me man, you can't not talk to your mom it's your mom, i'm like you are right. mom needs something here I come being the good son. she needs 1500 dollars, bam, give me 2 hours here you go, pay me back when you can. you need a few dollars, here you go, you need me to come over and hook up something here i come. whatever. I try, i really try.
I am an athiest. she is extremely religious. she pushes church on me, i say no, she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. soon after i started using drugs.
I went and got clean, no good job, no nothing. here i am over her house, and while I am thankful she let me come here, I didn't have to come, but then again i'd probably be high right now. Treated like a second rate human being. I'm 27 years old, "hiding" food from me like i'm a 13 year old, if you don't want me to eat something just say so. I clean up afte ryou and my sister, i am the only person here who washes the dog
the bitches at me for **** she doesn't understand. today she asks me go pic the dog up from the vet. At the time it was 4pm. I 'm cooking myself dinner, and I eat dinner at 5pm on the dot everyday, i dont' eat anything after 5pm. she knows this. That, and I am waiting on a p h one call from a client about a website (which she never bothered to ask about). mind you, she isn't doing anything. now I am watching horse racing in the background, but that's no different than you watching TV while you are typing an email or whatever, doesn't mean I am not waiting on the phone call, so I had to hear it. Yet, let me not talk to that client, not get paid and not be able to give her money, i'd stil hear it. she calls me lazy. but when I try to get her car to to the gym every morning she won't let me, which is it? am i jus lazy when I don't do anything you want? I took off half a day 3 weeks ago to drive 150 miles to go pick up her new car, i wasn't lazy then, but i'm lazy now. i get up at 4am everyday, lazy people don't do that.
i can't take her anymore. seriously, i came damn close to just walking out. i dont' give a damn anymore, if that means i ahve to live on the streets **** it.
I don't understand how you could treat your son, anyonme like she treats me. Even with that said i'm very respectful i'm not an ******* child or anthing. yes ma'am no ma'am.
I found one of those big flame lighters in a door while cleaning up and I lit it, and i could just imagine me turning the pipe and getting all this out my head. be 90 days sunday.
keep me in your thoughts, I just had to get this out my hair. I plan to hopefully move in the next week and a half, definatly before the first, and never talk to the woman again, screw this. blood is supposed to be thiuck but it works both ways. I get sick and tired, of throwing my helping hand out to them, my dad got kicked out by his wife when he got caught cheating, who does he come stay with, me of course.. wont' even return my damn phone calls when I want to come spend the night or something, he"doesn't have room".
I used all that as a crutch for along time.. that's my 4th step. but no more. i'm not going to use in spite of damnit. I refuse to let them rent anymore space in my head. I just need to focus on turning everything around.
The good news is now t hat i'm not high half the week lol, business is really picking up and within a few weeks I can do whatever it is I want. as long as Im not high I will make money, so I am good there.
thanks for listening, wish me the best.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Sounds like a bad scene....I'm glad you're planning to move - if you can't move any sooner - hang tough til then - try and remember your recovery is about you, not your mom or anyone else.
You can do this.
Stay strong
D
You can do this.
Stay strong
D
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: england
Posts: 356
hi just wanted to say vent all you like.. After all isn't that what here is for ..good days and bad ones too.. I am 2 weeks behind you on cleantime and appreciate all you mention... My mum took such a hard line she can't go back on it now even tho she wants to and me ...well..i've had to take a hardline myself and thats to protect my recovery ..self preservation is absolute.. I've had to accept the things i cannot change... I'm not religious but that works for me right now.. Keep up posting xxx take care xx karma
Garden Variety Addict
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Lambertville, NJ
Posts: 310
We all have buttons, and we all have people that know how to push them. I would encourage you to guard your buttons; that's the only real way to control yourself, which is the only person you can control anyway.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 587
hang in there. I think a lot of people have isssues with their mom, me being definitly one. I completly undersatnd where you are coming fro. However you do not need to live with them. Soon you can move out and leave them behind, start a new life. focus on this and let go. They do the best they can do as they are right now. Obviously it is not what you need, but this is all they can give. Accept it and move on
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