No more accountability!!
"SMART" Recoveree
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 15
No more accountability!!
Hey all.
Just wanted to drop a thread and hope to get some feedback on it to see what everyone thinks.
I just got done with a Drug Court Treatment program here in Wisconsin which was 9 months of drug testing, check ins, court reviews, etc. It ended up being more like 11 months because I continued to relapse and fail UAs and end up in jail for a couple nights. But now I have completed and I feel like all of that accountability to stay clean is gone. In return for me completing this program, the felony OC charge was dismissed!! Yeyy!
So I guess I have to take the good with the bad. I think that the legal trouble was probably a good portion of the motivation that I had to stay clean. I'm glad that I got a good chunk on consistent sobriety in before it ended because I'm starting to really see the benefits of staying sober. I guess the million dollar question is: is it enough? Since I completed (yesterday) of course the addict part of my brain continues to remind me that I can use without any immediate consequences. I feel pretty confident that I will not touch opiates ever again in my life because I've seen what it's done to me. I tend to have to urge to use alcohol and marijuana because although I may not have gotten as much done, there wasn't any serious consequences that arose from those substances. But at the same time, I truly understand that consequences that may go unseen in the near future - will make a huge difference in how I am living my life 2-5-10 years down the road.
Just to be clear, I don't feel as if I am in danger of using or drinking anytime soon. I just want to be prepared for the future. Good things are happening in my life right now but I don't feel as if I have as much fun as I used to. It's really ****** up that I've been doing this for so long that using was my only way to have real "fun". And I'm starting to meet people and I do get out - but I guess it's not like I used to. Okay - now I'm going off on a tangent. But I think you guys get it - how can I enjoy my life and keep the motivation to stay sober in the long run?
Just wanted to drop a thread and hope to get some feedback on it to see what everyone thinks.
I just got done with a Drug Court Treatment program here in Wisconsin which was 9 months of drug testing, check ins, court reviews, etc. It ended up being more like 11 months because I continued to relapse and fail UAs and end up in jail for a couple nights. But now I have completed and I feel like all of that accountability to stay clean is gone. In return for me completing this program, the felony OC charge was dismissed!! Yeyy!
So I guess I have to take the good with the bad. I think that the legal trouble was probably a good portion of the motivation that I had to stay clean. I'm glad that I got a good chunk on consistent sobriety in before it ended because I'm starting to really see the benefits of staying sober. I guess the million dollar question is: is it enough? Since I completed (yesterday) of course the addict part of my brain continues to remind me that I can use without any immediate consequences. I feel pretty confident that I will not touch opiates ever again in my life because I've seen what it's done to me. I tend to have to urge to use alcohol and marijuana because although I may not have gotten as much done, there wasn't any serious consequences that arose from those substances. But at the same time, I truly understand that consequences that may go unseen in the near future - will make a huge difference in how I am living my life 2-5-10 years down the road.
Just to be clear, I don't feel as if I am in danger of using or drinking anytime soon. I just want to be prepared for the future. Good things are happening in my life right now but I don't feel as if I have as much fun as I used to. It's really ****** up that I've been doing this for so long that using was my only way to have real "fun". And I'm starting to meet people and I do get out - but I guess it's not like I used to. Okay - now I'm going off on a tangent. But I think you guys get it - how can I enjoy my life and keep the motivation to stay sober in the long run?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 650
I struggle with the 'fun' thing, too. I used to get high to have fun. It's especially hard because I'm home all day (looking for a job but haven't found one yet) while my husband works and my son is at (CPS mandated) daycare. Trying to find good ways to have fun in sobriety!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I have to say, the further away I get from the party days the less it looks like fun to me.
I really believe life is what you make it - if you're missing fun, if your life is lacking something...look for that missing element.
I always used to forget I had fun, years of fun, before I found drink and drugs.
D
I really believe life is what you make it - if you're missing fun, if your life is lacking something...look for that missing element.
I always used to forget I had fun, years of fun, before I found drink and drugs.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I have to say I have found two kinds of sober people...those who "whistle in the dark" and those who find the Joy we can have.
Sometimes we start the journey out of fear. We see the devistation and the concequences and fight to stay sober. Some people stay their forever...and it is better than drinking or using, but far from what we can have.
For me, the fear of drinking is never enough to keep me sober. The joy of life without the use of drugs and alchohol is what allows me to be sober.
Fear of concequences may keep me sober/clean for a while...sometimes for a long while. But to really do this deal, I have to discover the awsome things that life has to give...and accept that sometimes there is a tad bit of pain envolved as well...but that it is worth the price.
Right now, my dog is barking like a crazy dog...and pssing me off LOL, On the other hand...he often snuggles and gives great joy to my life. That sounds stupid, but thats sorta what I have to learn about to stay sober....
Sometimes we start the journey out of fear. We see the devistation and the concequences and fight to stay sober. Some people stay their forever...and it is better than drinking or using, but far from what we can have.
For me, the fear of drinking is never enough to keep me sober. The joy of life without the use of drugs and alchohol is what allows me to be sober.
Fear of concequences may keep me sober/clean for a while...sometimes for a long while. But to really do this deal, I have to discover the awsome things that life has to give...and accept that sometimes there is a tad bit of pain envolved as well...but that it is worth the price.
Right now, my dog is barking like a crazy dog...and pssing me off LOL, On the other hand...he often snuggles and gives great joy to my life. That sounds stupid, but thats sorta what I have to learn about to stay sober....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 59
Hitting rock bottom again won't be very much fun. Neither would the whole withdrawal thing and associated depression. You have 9 months invested in this.
I too found myself thinking way ahead many times and learned a lesson. Don't.
I too found myself thinking way ahead many times and learned a lesson. Don't.
Garden Variety Addict
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Lambertville, NJ
Posts: 310
I believe it's good to question your resolve and commitment. I think it's good to ask, what is your motivation to stay clean? You can't help but finally come to these questions. Especially when no jail cell is calling your name. When the situation changes from being forced to stay clean to choosing sobriety, you are suddenly in an open field without chains. That can be a heady, intoxicating and danagerous moment. It's only natural one might feel ambivalence or the, "well what now?" feeling.
Self-doubt is often the seed of self-confidence. I, as an addict, with more than my share of relapses, always remember that the moment I felt I had this thing down pat, I was suddenly doing drugs again. I much prefer the feeling of being under "self-watch", even if no authority is watching. I think these are good, healthy signs for one's recovery. I also believe that when one has months of clean time, we need not look too far down the road at years of sobriety.
Self-doubt is often the seed of self-confidence. I, as an addict, with more than my share of relapses, always remember that the moment I felt I had this thing down pat, I was suddenly doing drugs again. I much prefer the feeling of being under "self-watch", even if no authority is watching. I think these are good, healthy signs for one's recovery. I also believe that when one has months of clean time, we need not look too far down the road at years of sobriety.
Ozone Ranger
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dazed and confused
Posts: 138
I think it a misnomer [a term which suggests an interpretation that is known to be untrue] to state "No more accountability". I have found that accountability dogs me like a shadow. I'll have it with a job, my finances, my legal situations and standings. When I try to buy a house or get into an apartment. My accountability will effect my quality of life as far as where I can live, where I can work, how much money I will earn. Who will tolerate my presence around their family and possessions.
Accountability should be more than a list of excuses, justifications, rationalizations. Our lives should be more than apologies for who and what we are. Unless we do something responsible about arresting our addictions, thats really what lies ahead for us. As far as assuring the future, all we can really do is gain every bit of strength, develop the best support network we can today, to meet the days ahead.
I don't know that we ever evade accountability. Whether it be family, reputation, self worth or our health, we will be accountable. Maybe from that viewpoint, effort should be put into strengthening our method of recovery, so that consequences and negative accountability are things of our past.
Accountability should be more than a list of excuses, justifications, rationalizations. Our lives should be more than apologies for who and what we are. Unless we do something responsible about arresting our addictions, thats really what lies ahead for us. As far as assuring the future, all we can really do is gain every bit of strength, develop the best support network we can today, to meet the days ahead.
I don't know that we ever evade accountability. Whether it be family, reputation, self worth or our health, we will be accountable. Maybe from that viewpoint, effort should be put into strengthening our method of recovery, so that consequences and negative accountability are things of our past.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
