Dopafiend

After 28 days off of Oxy I was in the hospital for surgery. After getting out of surgery, and taken to my room, they had me hooked to a pain pump, loaded with Dilaudid.

It was quite surreal to be intravenously hooked to a doc, on doctors orders, of course. on the first day, I was okay with it, and only used it as I felt pain. I took everything the program had given me and used it. On the second day my brain told me I was getting one for free since the doctor prescribed it, and technically I was in pain. I still tried to only use it when I was in pain. On the morning of day 3 though, I found myself planning so that I could maximize my doses before they took the dumb thing off. Gotta love the addict Thank god they relased me early Saturday. That was a not to comfortable place to be at that point.

Anyway the dose was super low, and I would have needed to take the entire supply (tube) at least 3 times to get a high, but I still wanted to write something about it, because I know that I'm only as sick as my secrets, and more importantly,I do not want it messing with my head.

I know that I'm an addict, and I know that the program of recovery offers an alternative to this insidious disease. Where I want to be today is soberity. This episode was a reminder of that. I got home Saturday night, and was at a meeting first thing Sunday morning. I even took a coffee commitment at the meeting.

Being broken is an interesting paramdigm. You can either pick up the tools of the program, and work on fixing yourself, or you can use drugs and alcohol to fill the void, and hopelessly fix yourself.... Just a thought.

Impurrfect

(((Dopafiend))) - I know what you went through. I used abuse the heck out of some major opiates, before I got hooked on crack. I was in the hospital a couple times and was put on IV Morphine, though not on the pump. It was enough of a dose to remind me of "oh yeah, I LIKE this stuff", but was also in pain, and I couldn't get the dose but as scheduled.

I'd told them, from the get-go that I was a recovering addict (and no longer a nurse, because of that, because they know what we nurses have access to). I was rapidly weaned off and sent home with Motrin...kinda ticked me off for about a minute, then I got grateful again.

I think you did great. I'm really glad that crack is illegal, and there's no way I have to deal with it if I don't want to (and I DON'T), but I still have respect for other stuff that alters me, in any kind of way.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dopafiend

Yeah that little vial really messed with me. I was ready to stay for a few extra days, "just to be sure" I was well enough to leave. Addiction is such a monster. It is just such an absolute in so many ways. It will absoultely find a way into my physche if i'm not careful. It will absolutely spend every waking moment trying to convince me that "just one" is okay. It will absolutely tell me that putting poision in my body is okay, if only to feel "good" for an hour. Nuts, straight up insanity. Thank's god for this lovely little disease. I can't thank you enough I'm sure some day I will mean what I said about god, but today it blows!

Oh well, off to a meeting to share about it. I will be sober today because that is the only answer I have today.

doggonecarl

I had a root canal this past Spring and the dentist prescribed 20 vicodin. I should have spoken right up then and said no or at least reduce the script to 5, but he's the dentist and knows best, right?

Took two that night for the "pain," real or imagined. A couple days later, on a Friday, I used cold water extraction on 3 or 4 more and took it with alcohol. Same thing the next night. I couldn't use the excuse of tooth pain. More like the pain of my soul, the pain of being an addict.